Bitter Karella posts
Posts: 632
Files: 77
Midnight Pals: Weapons
Zach Cregger: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the weapons Cregger: it's just out in theaters! Cregger: so if you care about spoilers maybe stop reading Cregger: i mean, seriously Cregger: don't get mad at me Cregger: i'm not even the real zach ...
Midnight Pals: The Kids Ain't Alright
TL Bodine: Submitted for the approval of the Midnight society, I call this the tale of children in perilStephen Gresham: no!John Saul: YES!Saul: i love stories with reckless child endangerment!Barker: yeah that's trueBarker: hard to think of anyone who likes them morePoe: except roaldBarker: yea...
Midnight Pals: Bra Sales
[mysterious circle of robed figures] JK Rowling: hello children Rowling: i jussst found out that there exissstsss a transss sssalesss assssociate in a department ssstore Rowling: apparently ssselling brasss Rowling: i'm real mad about thisssRowling: i heard that thisss transss bra ssaless associ...
Midnight Pals: Concert
Adam Nevill: so these metalheads are all, like, whoa, if we summon a demon, we'll go down in history as the greatest metal band of all time Stephen King: whoa! what an idea! King: do you think that would work for the rock bottom remainders? Nevill: it's worth a shot Poe: no it's notKing:...
Midnight Pals: Ritual
Adam Nevill: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the ritual King: oh man we love that movie! Nevill: yeah well the novel's a little different King: as long as it's still got that cool creature design! Poe: yeah we love that creature! Nevill:King: the c...
Midnight Pals: Dorley
Alyson Greaves: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of dorley hallGreaves: and welcome to itGreaves: it's this university dorm where they force fem youGreaves: they take the worst, shittiest dudesGreaves: and turn them into the best, nicest girlsGreaves: usin...
Midnight Pals: The Three Rs
Angela Carter: see, the way it works is you take an existing myth or legendKing: uh huhCarter: and then you add the 3 RsCarter: you REimagineCarter: REcontextualizeCarter: and REinventKing: and this works for any myth or legend?Carter: any myth or legend!Carter: for example, think of little red ridi...
Midnight Pals: Heinous Losers
[mysterious campfire of robed figures]JK Rowling: hello childrenRowling: i have a new tasssk for youRowling: and thisss isss one that even a gaggle of buffoonsss like you can accomplishRowling: i'm looking at you allissssonAllison Bailey: [sweating, clutching briefcase]Rowling: desspite our iron...
Midnight Pals: Tesla Diner
Stephen King: submitted for the approval of the midElon Musk: [emerging from bushes] eyyyyyy stephano kingClive Barker: hey look it's stephen's friendKing: for the last time, clive, we aren'tKing: sighhhKing: fineKing: elon what do you want this timeMusk: eyyyy i disrupt da hamburgerMusk...
Midnight Pals: Cosmic Horror
HP Lovecraft: what if you you saw a cosmic horror and it made you go crazyAugust Derleth: what if you saw a cosmic horror and HP Lovecraft wrote itRobert W Chambers: what if you saw a really off-putting shade of yellowStephen King: what if you saw a cosmic horror and it was a clownThomas Ligotti: wh...
Midnight Pals: Red Peak
Craig DiLouie: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the children of red peakGuillermo del Toro: ah! you meanDiLouie: noDiLouie: no i don't meanDiLouie: people keep making that mistake but i don't meanDiLouie: this is a story about three survivors of a c...
Midnight Pals: Far From Streets
Michael Griffin: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of being far from streets Griffin: it's about this couple who build a nice relaxing vacation house Griffin: deep in the forest primeval Barker: oh shit yeah that's where you do it ha haGriffin: the guy ...
Midnight Pals: Creepshow
Stephen King: george i hear you're gonna direct my creepshow movie George Romero: yup King: do you think King: do you think i could be in it? Romero: King: see, i've always wanted to be on the screen Romero:Romero: have you ever acted before? King: as a matter of fact King: i was a cemetery ...
Midnight Pals: oh no
Stephen King: guys, i have an announcement King: the epstein file is real King: so is the tooth fairy and santa claus Poe: Barker: Koontz: Lovecraft: Barker: uhhhh is there something we should know aboutBarker: did you mean to tweet that steve Barker: on your public account Barker: to the world King...
Midnight Pals: Anime Wife
Stephen King: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of Elon Musk: [rising from bushes] eyyyyy stephano king Musk: check it out, i maka an anime girlfriend Musk: do you haffa an anime girlfriend stephano king? King: i sleep in a big bed with my wifeElon Musk: eyyy s...
Midnight Pals: Strange Houses
Uketsu: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the strange house Uketsu: i invite you all to look at the floor plan of this house Uketsu: and try to figure out for yourself Uketsu: what's so strange about itUketsu: one of these things is not like the others U...
Midnight Pals: Mormon Space Whales
[space coven]Eric James Stone: submitted for the approval of space coven, I call this the tale of the swalesStone: you might even call itStone: a swale of a taleStone: ha ha haStone: so there's a race of impossibly ancient, impossibly gigantic beings made of pure plasma discovered living in the ...
Midnight Pals: Bones
John Langan: you're telling me EVERYONE has a skeleton inside?Poe: that's rightLangan:Langan: i don't get itDavid Niall Wilson: edgar, let me tryWilson: i think i can explain itLangan: so you're sayin that everyone has a skeleton inside?Wilson: that's rightLangan: okay but likeLa...
Midnight Pals: Mr Gaunt
John Langan: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of Mr Gaunt Langan: so there's this guy who has a weird butler named Mr. Gaunt Langan: and the thing about Mr. Gaunt is that he's really Langan: hmm Langan: well, how can i describe him? Langan: he's re...
Midnight Pals: Grok is a nazi
Stephen King: submitted for the approval of theElon Musk: [rising from bushes] eyyyy stephano kingKoontz: oh! it's elon! elon's back!King:Koontz: elon's back, steve!King: yes dean iKoontz: he's right there!King:King: thank you dean i knowElon Musk: eyyyy stephano king you know i star...
Midnight Pals: Anti-woke campfire
King: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the clown that lived in the sewers Dan Simmons: i've had enough of you and your wokescold cultural marxist oppression King: Simmons: help help i'm being oppressed by your wokescold cultural marxist oppressionSi...
Midnight Pals: The Future
Alan Moore: [appears in a clap of thunder] Behold! The Arch Magus! Poe: The arch magus! King: the arch magus! Barker: the arch magus! Koontz: the arch magus! Lovecraft: the arch magus!Moore: today i bring you a chilling vision of the future! Koontz: oh boy! a vision of the future! Koontz: i hope the...
Midnight Pals: Crossed
Garth Ennis: now i've got a real SHOCKING story for yaEnnis: but this ain't your dad's horror storyEnnis: don't try to hold me back! i'm a mad man!Ennis: i don't care whose toes I step on!Ennis: razor sharp, that's what my satirical wit is!Barker: alright manBarker: you&#...
Midnight Pals: Rapture
Judith Sonnet: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of psych ward bluesSonnet: it's about what if god was an insane monster who hates his creationDean Koontz: nuh uh that's not true, god is niceSonnet:Poe: dean, let her finishSonnet: it's a beautiful d...
Midnight Pals: Variants
King: i'm so tired of elon musk always trying to be my friend King: i can't tell you how tired i am of all the sycophants and hangers-on Richard Chizmar: i know, right? Chizmar: not like us, right, steve? Chizmar: we're best buddies, right, steve? King: that's right, richard, we tota...
Midnight Pals: Unfriended
JK Rowling: i was jusst thinking, maybe we should ssecretly photograph women in public bathroomssRowling: you know, in casse they're transssStephen Fry: so umFry: i don't think we should be friends anymoreRowling: omg that came out of nowhereRowling: you can't do unfriend me over my lega...
Midnight Pals: Dark Tower
Stephen King: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the dark tower King: and here's the crazy thing, guys King: i'm telling this story King: but i'm also IN this story Barker: holy shit steve Barker: you just blew my motherfuckin mindKing: see, the r...
Midnight Pals: Fat Dog
[mysterious circle of robed figures] JK Rowling: hello children Allison Bailey: dark lord, dark lord, help me! Bailey: the vet told me my dog is TOO FAT Rowling: my god Rowling: i can't believe they would attack your gender critical beliefs like that Bailey: that's exactly what I said!Rowlin...
Midnight Pals: Chimera
Bitter Karella: [carrying bindle sack] siiighKarella: ahemKarella: AHEMPoe: oh sorry what's going on?Poe: what's with the bindle sack?Karella: oh THIS bindle sack? this one right here?Karella: funny you should askKarella: last week was my birthdayKarella: and none of you remembered!Karella: ...
Midnight Pals: V O I D
Edward Lee: ok broLee: trust me you're gonna have so much funJordan Shiveley: i bet it won't be as much fun as the v o i d consuming my fleshLee: naw naw i's gonna be lit [shoves cassette tape in slot,'Baby Don't Hurt Me' starts playing]Lee: bro just look at this clubLee: so ...
