Bitter Karella posts
Posts: 632
Files: 77
Midnight Pals: just bad shit
[at a scottish castle]JK Rowling: finally! the frivolouss lawssuit i funded has finally sstripped transs women of all rightssRowling: this callss for a celebrationRowling: [puts on record]Record: ceeeelebrate good times 🎶Rowling: i willRowling: finally i've achieved my goalRowling: total immu...
Midnight Pals: the trans mummy returns
King: hey clive i read online that you were pro trans rightsClive Barker: what an odd thing to sayBarker: why ever would you feel the need to remark on thatBarker: when it's the obvious opinion held by all right-thinking peopleBarker: but yes Clive Barker: ya know, i had an idea to make a trans...
Midnight Pals: The Truth
Kit Power: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the song that makes you tell the truthPower: so there's this songPower: if you hear it, you have to always tell the truthPower: OR DIEPower: after hearing this song, you always have to tell the truthPower: if ...
Midnight Pals: The Divine Flesh
Drew Huff: Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this the tale of the divine fleshHuff: ok so imagine that there's this lovecraftian abomination cosmic horror elder godHuff: but she's also a total thotHuff: this woman has a Lovecraftian god in her bodyHuff: and the god i...
Midnight Pals: O Canada
Poe: so things arePoe: things are pretty crazy these daysPoe: so crazy it's hard to even see the point in getting together with some friendsPoe: around the campfirePoe: to talk and tell stories and forget the world a bitPoe: yeah it sure isPoe: but maybe-King: hey did you hear the president is g...
Midnight Pals: SIGMA
[at the White House]Donald Trump: so as i was saying we're putting tariffs on the moonTrump: i know people like the moonTrump: it's a beautiful moonTrump: but it's not pulling its weightTrump: it's gotta goTrump: some people on the radical left are sayingTrump: the tides! what about ...
Midnight Pals: No Fun Allowed
Margery Lawrence: Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this the tale of how Pan came to little ingleton Lawrence: ok so picture this Lawrence: there's this minister who hates fun King: what, all kinds of fun?Lawrence: all kinds Lawrence: he's a real stick in the mudLawr...
Midnight Pals: JK on Aces
[scottish castle] JK Rowling: [in a darkened room, staring into the dying embers in her fireplace] ssso Rowling: finally it comess to thisss Rowling: julia donaldssson Rowling: it wasss alwaysss going to be julia donaldsssonRowling: how isss it that her power hass sssurpasssed my own JK Rowling'...
Midnight Pals: Gruffaloed
[at a scottish castle] JK Rowling's agent: hey jk i uh have some news Rowling: ahhh cynthia! Rowling: its been a really long time sssince we did a bit with you Rowling: bringing back the classssicsss i ssseeJK Rowling: itsss jusst another fine day of being the mossst beloved writer in the UK [ag...
Midnight Pals: Elon Steps Back
King: Submitted for the King: King: sorry i was expecting to be interrupted Poe: by elon? King: yeah by elon King: that's weird, he hasn't tried to be my friend for over 2 hours now King: i hope... King: no sorry hope's not the right word King: i wonder if he's ok[earlier] Elon Musk:...
Moonflow... the trailer!
It's happening! Moonflowis coming! In case you're unaware (and how could you be? I feel like I've been yammering about this way too much), my trans splatterpunk psychedelic hippiesploitation book MOONFLOWis coming out in September. But it's available for preorderNOW, so why wait? Lis...
Midnight Pals: Weirdgirls
Chloe Johnson: open wide, horror fansJohnson: cuz here's a new sheriff in townJohnson:you've heard of hopepunkJohnson: you've heard of sweetweirdJohnon: you've heard of noblebright and squeecore and nicewaveJohnson: well get read for the hot new horror microgenre that's blowing t...
Midnight Pals: Velvet Night
Silvia Moreno-Garcia: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the velvet nightMoreno-Garcia: i mean the night that is velvetMoreno-Garcia: the night that was velvetMoreno-Garcia: i mean velvet was the nightMoreno-Garcia: yeah that sounds goodMoreno-Garcia: let'...
Midnight Pals: Disruption
Stephen King: Submitted for theElon Musk: [rising from bushes] eyyyyy itsa me, elon!Musk: and ima not here to be your friend Stephano kingMusk: ima here inna my official capacity asa da wallet inspector!King: elon, i'm not just going to give you my walletMusk: eyyyy whatsamattaforyou Stephano ki...
Midnight Pals: Another Row
[mysterious circle of robed figures]JK Rowling: hello childrenRowling: did you all see my tweet?Allison Bailey:Helen Joyce:Kathleen Stock:Rowling: i am sstill tweeting my the wayRowling: don't think you can sstop paying attentionRowling: i really don't undersstand why no one is around to sse...
Midnight Pals: the power of story
Elon Musk: eyyy stephano kingMusk: we besta friends ey?Stephen King: goshdarn it elon leave me alone!Musk: eyyy i aska da grok to draw a picture of us togetherKing:King: maybe i'm looking at this all wrongKing: i mean we're all story tellers, right?King: maybe we could use the awesome power ...
Midnight Pals: Disruption
King: well, things are pretty bad these daysKing: but if there's one up sideKing: it's that elon's really too busy toElon Musk: [rising up out of bushes] eyyyy stephano king!King: goshdarnit why won't elon just leave me alone?King: oh noBarker: HA HA HAKing: stop laughing clive!King:...
Midnight Pals: Da Picts
Grant Allen: Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this the tale of Pallinghurst BarrowAllen: it's about a scientist who's going to a scientist conventionAllen: to talk to scientists about scienceAllen: as you doAllen: of course, this scientistAllen: he's very ration...
Midnight Pals: New Snape
JK Rowling: hello childrenRowling: i have big newssssKing: oh noRowling: it'sss about harry potter!King: oh!King: i didn't expect thatKing: well that sounds just fine then!Poe: careful stevePoe: she's tricked you beforeKing: now come on edgarKing: harry potter is a fun, exciting, apoliti...
Midnight Pals: Kids Lit
Stephen King: hey guys guess what?King: maurice sendak and me are teaming up to tell a bold, original new story!Poe: oh yeah? what's that?King: hansel and gretelPoe:King: i was just fascinated by Maurice's illustrations for hansel and gretelMaurice Sendak: and i'm fascinated by stories w...
Midnight Pals: How'd he do that
Lovecraft: hey everyone i've got exciting news! Lovecraft: i'm gonna be collaborating on a story with harry houdini! King: harry houdini the famous magician and escape artist? Lovecraft: yes! Lovecraft: yes that harry houdini!Lovecraft: and i know what you're all thinking Lovecraft: i wa...
Midnight Pals: Willow Creek
Bobcat Goldthwait: Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this the tale of Willow Creek Stephen King: great! I could do with a laugh! Goldthwait: it's not funny King: ha ha! I'm laughing already! Goldthwait: it's not a comedy!!Goldthwait: this isn't a comedy, it&#...
Midnight Pals: The Machine Fucks
EM Forster: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the machine stopping Forster: imagine, if you can, a future where everyone just posts online all the time while the world crumbles around them King: wow, chillingly prescient King: i don't think i like thisKi...
Midnight Pals: Coffee
[at unicorn fuck club]JRR Tolkien: ugh everyday the news is worse and worse!Tolkien: it seems that certain hunnish practices have taken root in AmericaCS Lewis: oh that sounds badTolkien: quite!CS Lewis: look i know times are bad jrrtLewis: maybe this will cheer you upLewis: travis baldree is going ...
Midnight Pals: Maelstrom
Poe: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the descent into the maelstromPoe: it's about a guy who survives a descent into the maelstromBarker: why'd you just give away the ending?Poe:Poe: look, you already know that he survived the maelstrom because the story of th...
Midnight Pals: Sandwiches
JK Rowling: hello childrenRowling: exciting newsss out of America these daysss!Rowling: we're banning transs women from ssport because of their innate biological advantageRowling: we're also banning ciss women from ssport because really we should all be back in the kitchenRowling: everyone w...
Midnight Pals: Harry Potter series
JK Rowling: hello childrenRowling: i have exciting newssssRowling: there's a new harry potter sseriesss coming out!Rowling: you all ssstill love harry potter, don't you?Rowling: i hope you're all ready for the gloriousss new age of harry potterRowling: now that the falssse tyrannical doc...
Midnight Pals: Rings of Power
[at unicorn fuck club]GRR Martin: hey jrrt we just saw that peter Jackson movieCS Lewis: yeah it was pretty goodJRR Tolkien: blehTolkien: they never make the hobbits hot enoughTolkien: there are entire shots where you can't see their feet at allJRR Tolkien: god why can't anyone make a decent...
Midnight Pals: Wizards
JRR Tolkien: submitted for the approval of unicorn fuck club, i call this the similrianTolkien: i know that you all had a lot of questions about middle earth after LOTRTolkien: so this story will answer all questionsGRR Martin: even questions about the blue wizardsTolkien: no it does not answer ques...
Midnight Pals: Reviews
David A. Truesdale: hey it's me David a truesdale, editor of tangent online, fearless advocate of political INcorrectnessLovecraft: whoa!Truesdale: so watch out, snowflakes!Lovecraft: wow!Truesdale: [rips CENSORED tape from mouth] this ain't your dad's short fiction reviews!Lovecraft: i ...
