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TGIF: What a Week!
🕑 Added 2023-07-07 19:32:38 +0000 UTCHello and happy Friday, Patrons! Where do I even begin after a week like this? GOOD LORD. What a fantasy fever dream roller coaster ride. And I think, maybe, the ride just started? Well, here we go. And now you’re on the ride! Ha ha! Pranked ya! I pulled you onto this ride with me! Whether you like it or not! Bahaha! I win! I joke. Honestly, I’m so relieved to have spilled my guts. Along with being scared, and confused, and oh so nervous and all of the other shaky, troublesome feelings, I’m hugely relieved. The last couple weeks I felt like I was spinning on the teacups in the background and every time I showed up to talk to you guys I was wobbling in place working overtime to pretend I wasn’t completely dizzy and you weren’t left wondering wtf is up with her? It gets to a point where it’s too much to pretend everything is normal when it’s not. And, unfortunately, that’s something I’ve always been excellent at. Pretending everything’s okay so I don’t bother anyone. This is going to be an unfathomable journey, and already it’s thrust me into a level of vulnerability I’ve never experienced before in my entire life. Both online and off. I’ve never felt this raw and exposed, and at the same time so supported and seen. I joke a lot about feeling like a robot with mechanical feelings, but this week made me feel so profoundly human. Tender and fragile and emotional and full of hot blood and guts wrapped in soft flesh with nervous hands. The overwhelm of messages I received this week of love and support and strength and information with resources and stories weren’t coming from a barrage of faceless bots, but from humans armed with their human feelings and fueled by their human experiences all charging to help another human. I’m just so floored. Not only do I feel individually ready to take this on, but I feel cradled by a collective energy so encouraging and nurturing I have no choice but to … as I like to imagine they say in the medical field … fuck this cancer up.
*insert a flurry of middle fingers and half assed high kicks*
So, on the ride we go! We loosen our grip and tighten our focus. We let go of the way things once were and we hone in on our health. But as much as I want to raise my “Let’s Fucking Goooooo” flags and storm the cancer castle at dawn, the whole process is a series of delicate steps that have to be managed and handled one at a time. Some mornings I wake up over eager and want to already be thrust into the chaotic chemo process and just get this shit going. It’s like I’m on Double Dare and before Marc Summers can finish asking me a trivia question I scream “I’LL TAKE THE PHYSICAL CHALLENGE”. And then he’s like “that’s not how this works” but it’s too late I’m already elbow deep in that big ass nose finding crusty flags that have been stuck up there since the mid 90s. And other mornings, like today, I’m thankful to sit in this little bit of calm before the storm. To spend the morning in this sweet little airBNB bungalow and read about cold capping and look up port-specific clothing and actually try to ground myself in the reality of what’s to come.
Preparation seems to be an interesting and important factor here. I’ve always had a strained relationship with preparation. Obviously, I understand its usefulness. But realistically, I often get bored or overwhelmed and somehow fall off from following through with it completely. You’ve heard Mamrie and I talk ad nauseam about working on our live shows last minute and I took my fair share of incompletes on final papers in grad school to buy myself a little more time. Maybe it’s my unconscious form of self sabotage, but in this particular instance preparation seems more significant. Though the tension is still there for me. I want to know as much as I can to help make an intense experience more manageable, and at the same time, I don’t want to spook myself with too many of the horrors before I even enter the haunted house. I am … as I like to imagine they say in the medical field … a triple positive pussy, after all. So, at the moment, we’re finding the balance. A little research, a little walk away, order some ginger chews and port numbing cream, watch a little TV. You get it. Even writing this out I know I’ve only dipped my toe into the shallowest end of infinity pool that is cancer forums/groups/research/you name it.
But a big part of the prep, at least for me, is getting and keeping my mind strong amid the constant push and pull of this process. Like I keep saying there’s a consistent tension of opposites at play. I want to share and I want to hide. I feel strong and fragile. I feel young but mature. I want to laugh and cry. I feel present and disassociated. I want to feel all of my beautiful human feelings and then I want to numb out on weed and trash like a human raccoon. Keeping my mind right is about letting myself acknowledge and experience all of these contradictions and potentially discovering the balance in between. I’m a god damn Libra after all, folks! And speaking of astrology, lest we not forget, we're in the middle of CANCER season. Good god. Here's what's happening this Cancer season according to The Cut: Over the next month, you can reconnect with your roots, your loved ones, and your deepest emotions. You can rediscover how fulfilling your rich inner life is. Cancer season invites you to deepen your relationships with the people closest to you — whether that’s your family of origin or your true-blue friends. In other words, while Cancer season may push you to delve into your innermost feelings, you don’t have to do so alone. This is an opportunity to nurture and be nurtured, to make room in your life for all kinds of care.
Well...shit. 🙃
Alright I think that’s about it for this week’s episode of Grace’s internet diary! Thank you for allowing me this internet diary diaper for my internal dialogue diarrhea! And, again, the utmost and sincerest thanks for all of the support this week. I really can’t thank you all enough. I guess I’ll just have to show you my thanks by kicking this cancer’s whole ass. One step at a time. And maybe I'll even dabble with some stretching before we get into the kicking. Oh, look at me go. Thanks, as always, for being here! 💚G
Comments
❤️💪🏼✌🏼🥰 Love and support is what this Patreon is about and I love it!! One kick at time. You don't want to pull a hammy.
grace!! you should totally listen to the episode of “you can sit with us” (try wives podcast) where the try guys producer rachel talks about her experience with cancer, albeit many years ago and with a much less sophisticated treatment plan, but u might resonate with some of the stuff she discusses there. also i love you and think cancers a little bitch who doesn’t take the hint to gtfo!
This lil corner of the Internet is here rooting for you Grace!! You’ve got this. I’m sure you’ve been given zillions of great tips but one thing from when my mom went thru chemo at the start of the year that I thought was so genius is they make these things called “port pillows” that have Velcro on them you can use to attach to a seatbelt if you find that the area where the port is gets tender/irritated when you are riding in a car. Such a small thing but blew my damn mind how they have thought of absolutely everything. Thank you as always for being so open and vulnerable with us that’s no small thing.
Sending positive vibes and love!! Fuck you cancer!!! You’ve got this!
I hope you are proud of yourself first and foremost for not shying away from being so vulnerable with so many people! I can only imagine how fucking hard it must be to open yourself up like that and share something so deeply personal… being vulnerable makes it possible for people in your life to gather around you and lift you up, but it also seems pretty fucking frightening to me… and I really hope you feel the impact of what you did! It not only allows people to share their stories and not feel so alone, it also invites people to learn and grow so that they might not be as frightened if they ever have to face a fight like this… you really have done something big and I hope you feel all the gratitude, positive vibes and energy! You’ve got this!
Grace, you got this! Sending all the positivity and love your way ♥️ it’s terrifying to let yourself feel all of the emotions and to allow vulnerability, but to embrace it in a public setting shows how strong you are. You are loved and supported by many, and all of us support you whole heartedly! Fuck the cancer up! You got this!
once you’re cancer free (!!!!), I beg of you to write a book about any psychology related!! I’ve been watching you navigate adulthood since I was 18 (I’m now 30) and I truly admire your ability to allow yourself to grow, change, and evolve - this is no different. we’re all in your corner ❤️ time to kick some cancer’s metaphorical ass!
Sending all the positive vibes! Also, did you know they made a Catwalk sequel?
I have fought a congenital heart condition my whole life. In the beginning through my teens doctors would give me expiration dates "She'll be lucky to live until 16." That kind of thing. I finally told them to knock that shit off and I am 41 as of last week. Do I need a heart transplant? Yes. Am I letting that slow me down? Not really, I've always been pretty slow. All of this is to say, I've always said it is easy to be brave when you know who is in your corner. I am so glad your people have shown you they are with you. You will need them as support but also at times as a place to focus, the why you are putting up with the suck. You've got this. Your people have you. And cancer doesn't stand a chance.
sending you all the love and strength for this next wacky journey!! and hoping you can just find the trashiest tv shows for all your time during chemo! GO FUCK THIS CANCER UP. ❤️❤️
Grace, in dealing with your vulnerability so openly, I think you encourage everyone to do the same. Unfortunately, you have to experience it in an extreme way, but thank you for being that role model. This is valuable for all of us. It's good that you allow yourself to fully feel all the emotions, to be fully human. With all your reflections about the internet in recent years, especially concerning its darker sides, which are completely valid, I'm glad you now directly experience its more positive aspects with this wave of support coming through it. I'm just a little drop in that wave but I really hope it helps. We're thinking of you, we're rooting for you and we'll be here along the way. Whether you want to share profound insights like this one or whether you just want to get if off your chest how much it sucks. Again, all the emotions. No restrictions, no "shoulds" or "musts". I don't know if this is the kind of thing you need right now but here are some tips for soothing music. While I'm typing this, I'm listening to the new Sigur Rós album. This band packs the whole universe in their music. Julianna Barwick with her album "Nepenthe" would be another artist that makes me feel fully connected to this earth, makes me reconnect with myself. Her music makes me glad to be human. Maybe it helps you, too. All my support to you, Grace!
Sending you love / support /positive vibes ❤️ (while simultaneously sending cancer “f you” vibes)
Sending all my positive thoughts your way. Support,support, support....that's what you need and that's what you have from everyone who knows you and everyone who feels like they know you. Your guys content has always helped pull people out of dark funky places and I'm hoping you feel it reciprocated. 💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚 One thing I remember my dad always complaining about during his chemo and radiation was an insanely dry mouth.....like any dry complaint they make a spray for that 😉
Aslan Albert
Triple positive pussy got me actin unwise fr fr👌🫦😩
🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻
Thank you for emerging from the shadows to remind me that gobsmacked is such a great word! 💪🏻
😎
💓💓
Austin
Grace, I am sending you all my love, and all the healing vibes humanly possible. I have no doubt you are gonna emerge from the halls of cancer castle the victor.
Just wanted to emerge from the shadows like a wee socially awkward goblin and wish you all the best for your journey Grace 💚🍀. You and Mamrie have been a constant source of laughter over the years, and I’m gobsmacked at the audacity of this cancer. Who does she think she is? I can’t wait til she’s gone after you “fuck this cancer up”. Please give it a hefty right hook from the rest of us.
Oh, Grace, you are so wonderful! So much love to you, always. 💜💜
You’re the the best in the biz, Grace Helbig!
Thanks for being here for all of it!
💓
Grace i love you so much! This pod cast has been the most amazing thing for me. Been there for me during break ups, hard times, road trip, to give myself a laugh and everything in between. I am so incredibly sorry this is happening to you but you’ve fucking got this! Let’s gooooo! You’re going to rise above this and get your ass cured! I cannot wait to see what you guys do next and most Importantly take care of your body! Never give up and just breathe! You will do absolutely amazing! All my love -Natalie
i'm quickly learning there's a lot of strength in vulnerability! who knew!? probably no one. I'm almost certain I am the first person to discover this.
Melody Condon
>wrapped in soft flesh with nervous hands< I had to stop and sit with that for a moment. Freaking beautiful.
Thank you, Landry!! And holy shit Mamrie has been a freaking rock from the start. I'm so lucky to have someone like her in all of this!
thank YOU for sharing and being vulnerable. in fact, i was tearing up a little while reading this as my brain went through a decade long montage of all those robot jokes we related to and found comfort in to where we are now. i’m just so god damn proud of you and all the growth that has led you to be the person most ready to take this on!!!💪🏼 ty for being such a slay role model and someone who i’m happy to say has encouraged me to follow in that journey of being more comfortable with vulnerability. sending you so much love and support!! you got this!🫶🏻
Grace, your cancer season might last a little longer than the one on the astrological chart, but I'm positive you'll make it to the other side with all the support you're being shown! Thanks for being a positive source of goofiness and human-ness (despite your robotic tendencies - which I relate so much to, btw!). I've been a mostly silent supporter for what feels like a lifetime, but it feels important to let you know that I am FULLY rooting for you. Also, Mamrie I'm sure this isn't easy for you to see your best friend have to go through (I cried just thinking about it tbh). Know that you also have so much support! ❤️ Ahh, feelings!
*kicking screaming throwing up*
Thank you for sharing this with us❤️ sending you all the love and support 🙌🏻✨
Love you Grace! You are and will always be an ALL STAR!!! Kick that cancer in the bum gurl! ♥️🫶🏻♥️🫶🏻♥️🫶🏻
