Mikasane
patreon
Chapter 27 - Rewards
🕑 Added 2022-12-13 07:14:35 +0000 UTCIf you see any mistakes, feel free to leave a comment here!
UPDATE: I've removed suggestion privileges, but feel free to point out any mistakes in the comments here on Patreon!
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1eQvlzYIzmBXhwPRIcWsYJXrGo8WFFcV-X4CIgaW7E7w/edit?usp=sharing
Comments
Kevin Deane
The part where she privately worries about Error Mavhina getting in trouble and is confused about GC, then vocalizes her thoughts in the next paragraph almost word for word is a bit awkward. I know she lives in her head (I do this too) but it might work better to just say shes confused and worried, then we find out what shes worried about when she asks about it.
Raphael Chantigny
Could you add an empty line between the last point reward and the "new point total". They feel like two different prompts.
