T4bbo
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Heads up what's happening with me...
🕑 Added 2020-10-31 19:05:42 +0000 UTCHi guys,
first of all, thank you very much to all of you who wrote me direct messages and comments to cheer me up, it actually helped me a lot to carry on through this nightmare...
I was thinking a lot whether to share the details about what happened with you all... maybe it will help me to cope with it and maybe there might be just one of you guys whos wife will be struggling in her lifetime and if this post might open your eyes and save her in the future, it's worth the effort.
Imagine your wife looks like Jessica, but besides the looks she's great and caring wife with manners and dignity + she's extraordinary cook as an extra. She smiles/laughs a lot and is total opposite of melancholic person. She supports all family members when they are sad/depressed and she tries to show them positive aspects of their problem (yeah I'm really that lucky fucker).
However, she made a mistake while doing her business, there was filed criminal complaint (no charges yet and most probably no charges ever) regarding it with 3-7 years jail time, but it took her one month to tell me about it and in the meanwhile her brain got seriously fucked up due to inadequate stress response of her body. I saw her behaviour has changed, she wanted to hug a lot, she wanted a puppy, she was silent at times and she didn't argue with me at all... although I've asked her several times what's going on, she didn't tell me. But I thought it's due to the fact that we were trying for a baby and we have already failed once with IFV (In vitro fertilization). So I didn't push her and we've lost precious time...
Once she told me she was shaking so hard that I thought she accidentaly killed someone with a car and left. When I realised it's only business I calmed down... although I had a little ego trip with "I told you so!" cause I was warning her several times in the past regarding her business practices, then I've started to research the law and the case (we are both lawyers) and realised it's not the big deal. For sure she will not go to jail and most probably there will be no charges. We've also visited experienced lawyer, so she can be put in ease. Also her business partners and close friends who are lawyers and knew about the issue were trying to calm her down.
However, only in the end of second month when I told her parents without her consent cause they were worried too (besides wierd behaviour she lost weight and she was scratching her too much) we found out she's totaly paralysed in work and that she's lying to me constantly that everything is ok... I've arranged meeting with her business partners who were keen to help cause they were worried about her too and we handed over all her work to them and she was going for sick leave. The night before this "exit" it was first time I realised she must have delusions cause she was mentioning long jail times and somebody shooting us. However later psychiatrist indicated only adaptation syndrome despite my articulated concerns about the diagnosis. I thought she's suffering from anxiety and panic disorder... and slowly falling into the deep depression later after incident and more research I found out it was probably psychotic depression.
Worst thing is that around this time I've also opened discussion about possibility that she will do some self-harm, but she attacked me how I can even think about it that she would do something like that. Later I found out from "goodbye letters" that at this point of time she's tried to jump from height two times already.
During the whole third month (July 2020) we've been at her parent's house, working in garden, finishing the built - in pool and then enjoying it. Her condition was getting better although she kept withdrawing all social interactions with friends and was really anxious when she received any mail from work. I even wanted to move to the city where her parents lived, but once I found the flat she stopped it. Last few days I've left her alone with parents cause I wanted to continue with work on the game and I had feeling that she will blame herself that I don't work because of her. She told me that it's totaly ok if I go home. During these days she shot herself with father's pistol in the head.
Although every doctor was telling us she will die soon... she survived. The rest of the story is here.
Comments
Jonathan Heard
Therapy is and having someone to talk to is a very good outlet if you can't find the motivation or drive to find an escape. Spending time with family helps as long as everyone supports each other without passing any blame. The only other help is time.
Solstorm
I lost my baby brother to suicide. Three days before he shot himself, he called and I was entertaining guests and did not answer it. He died in 2000. I have nightmares of the phone ringing and I can't get to the phone to answer it! I know realistically when they have a plan there is little that can be done to prevent it. Your situation now is even tougher! The woman you love is not there, just her image. My Wife and I had a serious talk of medical things like Alzhiemer, Or injury where we were no longer the person that we loved. I told her that I want her happy not latched to a shell of me. I hope you are seeking therapy. It might help you come to terms better.
