Anon42
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Weekly Update - 7-17-2021 (Personal update mostly)
🕑 Added 2021-07-17 22:43:45 +0000 UTCHey everyone, gonna be another quick update this week because I don't have too much to talk about. I took this week off again, and the good news is that it seems like I'm over the worst of the side effects. That first week was absolutely miserable, one of the worst mental/emotional states I've ever been in, but this last week I've been feeling pretty much neutral, which is a big step up. I'm not sure if I'm actually feeling the positive effects yet or if I just feel good because I'm no longer feeling terrible - "neutral" is fantastic after hitting such a low point, after all - but I guess it doesn't really matter which? I felt pretty good for the latter half of this week and that's what matters. Hopefully it only continues to get better from here.
I have a check-in with my mental health doc in a few days, and I believe that's when we'll be talking about therapy options, so I should be getting a therapy schedule going soon. I can't say I'm really excited about it, but not because I have anything against therapy, quite the opposite - my problem is that appointments of any kind (like my upcoming check-in, or something like a flight) give me horrific anxiety, especially the day before the appointment. It's bad enough that it feels physically painful sometimes, and the thought of having an appointment every single week sounds like my own personal brand of hell. On the other side of the coin, I've always wanted to go to therapy and I'm so glad I can finally afford to do it, so it's a weird conflicted mix of the two feelings. I brought this up with my doctor when I talked with them the first time, and they suggested the idea that it'll get easier the more often it happens, which is definitely true in my experience - I had frequent chiropractic appointments for a while after my car accident a few years ago, and I don't remember having issues with that - so I'm just going to have to power through the anxiety for the time being. If it doesn't get better (either on its own or with the medication I'm on now), then I can talk about it with them further and try to figure something out. For now it's just another hurdle to overcome.
Anyway, that's all I have to talk about regarding me right now. As far as CPE goes, there's not too much to say since I took the week off again - though I'm going to sincerely try to get at least SOME work done again this week, since my mental state is on the upswing at the moment. In the meantime, Orexius and Red are still hard at work; Red is continuing work on the Azulisk CG in his limited free time, and we've got a WIP background now, so one step closer to completion. Orex finished up all of the Edovex animations this week, including the xray and xray climax animations, so he'll be moving on to more xrays for other enemies, and some gameplay QoL animations I wanted to experiment with. I'll have more to share on that soon, once we get the chance to tinker with it a bit.
And that's about it for this week's update. Thank you for reading, and for continuing to overload me with kind and supportive messages; I don't respond to all of them and I'm sorry for that, I'm not great at socializing and putting myself out there, but every single one of your messages truly means the world to me. It's easy as a content creator to assume that people just care about the content and not the person behind it, but everything you've all done and said since I opened up about my depression has proven that that couldn't be further from the truth. It's yet another reason for me to want to get better, so I can make sure your kindness and encouragement isn't wasted!
Comments
Broderick Black
Your personal updates have the effect of brighten my dark days like reaching an save pad in CPE keep doing them
Anon42
I wouldn't say "a lot" better just yet, I have a long ways to go before I'm at 100%, but I certainly feel like I'm moving in the right direction :)
Im glad your feeling a lot better! You and your team deserve it!
Tkt紅
Really glad that you're starting to feel better!
stigmaoftherose
Starting antidepressants and going off them can be some of the single worst feeling in the world. I've been hospitalized from stomach viruses and felt better than when I couldn't get my meds for a week. But the feeling once on them and that physical weight off your shoulders goes away life feels so good you question how you ever lived before.
