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Backup Girl - Ch. 04 (9.5k words)
🕑 Added 2024-10-17 08:51:18 +0000 UTChey sweeties, i'm still tryna figure out how to keep to some kinda schedule and oof it just ain't happening. the only thing i'm worse at than following a schedule is coming up with a schedule. still, i'm confident i'll have the next chapter of Two Doms out before November! other than that, all i can promise is that anything i do write will be available to you here at least a month before it's available anywhere else
with that said, please enjoy chapter 4 of BUG!
cws: transphobia (internalised AND regular!), dysphoria, implied eating disorder, vomiting, and of course my beloved transphobic and homophobic slurs <3 there's technically sex in this one but no major sex scenes
When Lilah Werner returns to Walterville, the thing that shocks her the most is that everything is so far apart. In her memory it was all so smashed together – her house right next to the school, right next to the Kroger, right next to the library where she spent half her teen years. In reality they're miles apart. Of course they are. Every house is on an acreage. It makes the buildings themselves feel tiny, lost in the vast expanse of land. Even in what passes for Walterville’s downtown, the office buildings are these dinky little things, embarrassing brick built thumbs peppered in between shops and apartments that could fit in a lobby back in New York.
The people are far apart, too. That's the weirdest part. After five years in New York she's used to having bodies pressing in from all directions. When the Greyhound drops her off, she makes it all the way to the taxi rank without seeing another person. Or a taxi, actually, she has to call her mom to pick her up. Thank god for cellphones.
They stop at Applebee’s on the way home, and when the server strikes up a conversation with her mom, Lilah almost goes insane waiting for them to get their words out. In New York everyone is talking over each other all the time, finishing sentences, butting in, changing the topic before you've finished your thought. She loves it. The most she's ever felt at peace is when she's crammed in a booth at a gay club at 3am, awash in a sea of noisy jabbering coked-up queers.
But she’s glad to be back, because she’s invited to a party tonight.
Technically Lilah isn’t invited. Carmen sent out a mass e-vite to seemingly every person they went to high school with. It just so happened Lilah checked her old email in time, and it just so happened she was visiting town anyway for her uncle’s funeral (no great loss, they were dead to each other a long time ago). Anyway! The point is, she saw the e-vite, and she saw the long list of names in the CC field, and instead of dread she felt the most deliciously wicked excitement. In high school, she would've skipped the party. But she's not the same person she was in high school. Not by a long shot.
She can't wait to freak these fuckers out.
Lilah goes all out for the party. Her makeup is flawless, emo-chic, black lipstick and smoky eyes and dramatic contour. Her bottle-black hair curls mysteriously around her face. She argues with her mom for a full forty minutes about her mesh top, which perfectly shows off her perky tits in her black bra, but “makes you look like a stripper, and don't come crying to me if you catch a chill!” She compromises by wearing a leather jacket over top, which matches her boots anyway, and by lying when mom asks if she has any tattoos.
The final look is something that her New York dolls would probably call prudeish, but by Walterville standards is fucking dynamite. Mom keeps giving her concerned looks as she drives to the party.
Her mom is driving her to the party, by the way. She loves her mom.
“I just don't like that top,” she says again, “You're going to catch your death.”
“I'll be fine, mom,” says Lilah.
“And it's so…” mom frowns, searching carefully for the proper way to phrase it, “Whoreish.”
“Mom, everyone dresses like this!” says Lilah, “In New York they would think I was a nun. They would think I was Orthodox.”
“Honey…”
“They would be like, what’s she doing out on a Saturday?” says Lilah.
“Alright, alright,” her mother sighs.
She pulls to a stop at a stop sign. There's no other cars for miles.
“And your friends, they know about your…” she fumbles for the right word, “Transexion?”
“Yes, momma,” Lilah lies, “They know, and they were all very supportive.”
“That's good,” her mom sighs, “I didn't want to ask, but you know how people can be.”
She takes off again, puttering down the quiet street.
Lilah lets the silence hang. She does know how people can be. She knows it very well indeed. But the last part of her preparation was getting extremely stoned (and god, her dinky little Walterville bong must have had a shock being filled with real-life New York weed!) and she's happy to sit here in the quiet, in the warm car, with her mom, who she loves.
Carmen’s house comes into view, and mom pulls over a hundred yards down the road, like a good mom should. Lilah hops out of the car, and her mom calls out to her through the window.
“Stay safe tonight, honey. Don't drink too much, okay?”
“Yes mom,” says Lilah.
“And if anyone makes you uncomfortable, you can call me and I will be here right away, okay? It doesn't matter what time it is.”
“Yes mom.”
“I have the wireless phone right next to my bed.”
“Yes mom.”
“And don't you do any drugs.”
“Mom, I would never.”
“And Lilah,” and her mom hesitates, and Lilah draws in close to the window and takes her hand. Her mom squeezes tightly, “Don't you shut them out, honey. There's good people here.”
“I know, momma,” says Lilah, “They're my friends from high school, remember?”
Her mom looks up at her seriously, then her eyes drift down to Lilah's chest and she grimaces.
“You know, honey, I have a sweater back here if you–”
“Oh my god, mom,” Lilah laughs. She takes off for Carmen’s house, heels clicking on the pavement. “Have a good night, momma! I love you!”
“I love you!” her mom calls back, “Have fun with your friends!”
Lilah grins to herself. They're not her friends, not even close. But tonight should be plenty fun anyway.
***
By 23 years old Eddie had hoped to be beyond swilling cheap beer at a shitty house party with all the same people he went to high school with. But he's clearly not, so here he is.
It's Carmen Gutierrez’s house, but Eddie isn't sure what the occasion is. He vaguely remembers Carmen’s birthday being in May, so it's not that. Is she engaged? Is it possible Carmen Gutierrez is pregnant? She wouldn't be the first from their high school, but the idea of Carmen ”So Damn Fine” Gutierrez being a mother is hard to stomach. And at 23? She has her whole life ahead of her and everything. It seems insane to celebrate committing yourself to a life raising children in Walterville. But maybe that's what Carmen wants.
Eddie’s not really here for Carmen. He's here because Jason begged him to come, and Eddie convinced himself, with zero basis in fact, that this meant Jason would actually hang out with him at the party. And he did! For all of five minutes, until a pretty girl approached him, and now Eddie’s alone in the kitchen, drinking a natty light.
And that's fine! It's not like he needs Jason to enjoy a party. It's just if Jason invited him to the party, you would expect Jason to talk to him at the party, and not run off to flirt with a some girl he could’ve flirted with at literally any other party, because they're all the same people, and they're all the same party, over and over and over again, even if this one is because Carmen Gutierrez got knocked up.
Whatever. It's fine. And maybe Jason will strike out enough to come crawling back to Eddie.
It’s been a year since Eddie moved out, and it hasn’t curtailed their hookups at all. If anything, it was the opposite. Eddie could afford an apartment in a better location than Jason, which meant closer to the few good bars. Which meant if Jason struck out, Eddie was within walking distance. And living alone was a little lonely. It wasn't like Eddie was gonna turn away a guest.
It's easy to make excuses but the truth is pretty simple. Eddie likes it. He likes being treated like a woman, and he likes getting fucked by his best friend. It doesn't feel great to admit he's aching for Jason's cock, but fuck if it isn't true. But Jason's been distant recently. Always busy with one girl or another, just when Eddie was starting to look forward to his late night visits. It's like every time Eddie gets comfortable with their little trysts, Jason pulls away.
But that's fine, isn't it? Of course he would prioritize real women. It would be weird if he didn't. And he has a reputation to uphold.
With that cheery thought, Eddie finishes his fourth beer of the night. He skipped lunch and now his head is swimming a little, but he's still gonna need another before he’s ready to talk to people. In the meantime he leans out the window for some fresh air.
From the kitchen window, if he cranes his neck to the left, he can see most of Carmen's front yard. There's a bunch of people out there. The usual crowd. Drunk guys playing beer pong on a fold out table, a couple making out in the bed of Carmen’s truck. And there’s a goth girl.
She’s new.
Eddie leans out further, trying to get a closer look. Whoever this goth girl is, she's not shy. Eddie can see her bra through her shirt, which doesn't feel legal. Carmen herself trots out to meet her, and it's hard to hear but it sounds like the goth girl greets her with a squealed “Congratulations!”
They exchange words for a bit, probably complimenting each other's outfits or whatever girls do. Eddie’s eyes drift over the other people out front. Nick Spencer and Dayvon Hadley were doing shots off the hood of Carmen's truck, but they've stopped now, and are watching the girls with undisguised interest. They were the same way in high school. They'd probably be as bad as Jason, if they had anything like his charm with women.
Eddie’s gaze snaps back to the girls when he hears Carmen’s distant voice shriek, “What?”
The goth girl straightens up and grins devilishly. She's clearly whispered something to Carmen, but she doesn't seem particularly worried about Carmen sharing her secret. She says something else, and Carmen gestures awkwardly towards the house, then watches the goth girl strut towards the porch. As soon as she's inside, Carmen hurries over to Nick and Dayvon, downs a shot, and starts spilling the news in a voice too hushed for Eddie to hear.
Well, she's not pregnant.
“Whoa there!” a girl calls from the kitchen, and Eddie feels hands around his waist, pulling him back from the window. She giggles, “Keep your head inside the vehicle at all times, partner!”
Eddie tenses up, “Hi, Alison.”
He prises her fingers off his hips and turns around. Alison Gradey looks great as ever, in a halter top and low-rise jeans and a trucker hat she must’ve stolen from some guy. It suits her. She's a little shorter than Eddie, and a little skinnier, and way too all up in his face.
“What are you drinking?” she asks, “Natty light?”
“Uh-huh,” says Eddie.
“I love Natural Light,” Alison giggles, “So natural. So light.”
“Uh-huh,” says Eddie, “I was about to head outside.”
“Me too!” says Alison, reaching for his hand.
“But I gotta pee first,” he says.
“I can wait!” says Alison. Eddie heads for the door and she slips in front of him, picking at the fabric of his flannel. “I love this shirt. It looks so good on you.”
“Alison, I gotta pee,” says Eddie.
Alison steps away, gesturing theatrically to the hallway.
“Be my guest, good sir,” she grins.
Eddie nods and brushes past her. When he gets to the bathroom he leans back against the door, sighing heavily.
He made it five years out of high school without talking to Alison Gradey, and then he bumped into her at Dayvon’s 4th of July party, and suddenly she's all over him. He’s done everything he can to show he’s just not into her, short of just screaming it in her face, but if anything, it seems to be spurring her on. It's way too fucking much.
Eddie looks at himself in the mirror and sighs.
Be nice, he reminds himself. Alison is a nice girl. Be nice.
It's not her fault you fucking hate her.
***
This is the worst party Lilah’s been to in years, and she's having the time of her life.
She can't decide what she enjoys more: the dopey expressions on people's faces as they try to figure out where they know her from, or their shocked reactions when they finally realize. Most of the time they don't realize! The word transgender hasn't made it to Walterville yet. They'll probably have it figured out by, oh, about 2012. Just in time for the world to end.
So she's been dancing with stupid boys, and stealing drinks, and delighting in the scandalized stares and whispers that follow in her wake. She's probably got another half hour before the word has fully spread and she loses the element of surprise, but until then she's enjoying her time as the mystery girl with a horrifying secret.
She collapses onto a couch next to some girl she once had algebra with, who immediately gets up, like she's scared having a dick is contagious. Lilah snickers to herself and helps herself to the girl's abandoned drink.
It's so funny how she used to care what these people thought of her. They used to make her feel so small. But look at them now! They're all still stuck in Walterville, stuck in the same petty roles they carved out in high school. They can judge Lilah as much as they want, but they'll be spewing their venom into empty space while she goes back to the bustling city where the real people live.
The algebra girl is having a whispered conversation with the guy Lilah just finished dancing with. Lilah can see his face turning purple with rage. She waves her fingers at him cheekily, and he hisses and storms off. She cackles into her stolen drink. These people made her life miserable as a closeted teen. It feels so good to spread a little of that misery around. Mess with their heads for a change.
What would make tonight really, truly perfect, Lilah thinks, is if I could get one of these morons to fuck me.
The couch dips as a man sits down next to her.
“Hey,” says Jason Sandoval, “I don't think we’ve met.”
Lilah almost screams. Jason looks just like he did in high school, with messy hair and an easy smile and a perfectly douchey popped collar.
“You're not from around here, right?” Jason asks.
“Mmm!” Lilah giggles, “Or am I?”
Jason smiles at her, clueless. Oh my god, thinks Lilah. If they had rehearsed this for months he couldn't be playing his part more perfectly.
If there's one person who made her teen years hell more than any other, it's Jason Sandoval. The basketball star, the high school lothario, the pretty boy who had all the girls wrapped around his finger and most of the teachers as well. While Lilah had been going through 24/7 psychological torture, Jason sailed through puberty with grace and ease and a pack of shithead jock cronies following him around. But he wasn't content with just being popular. He had to sniff out the weird kid, the kid who more than anything just wanted to be left alone, and laugh and needle and remind her just how much of a fucking freak she was. He may not have known she was transgender, but he knew she was wrong, and he made sure everyone else was aware of it too.
Maybe Jason never actually physically harmed Lilah, but he gave her plenty of motivation to do it herself.
And now he's staring at her tits.
Lilah shimmies her shoulders, oh-so-casually, and watches Jason's eyes follow her cleavage back and forth. He glances up and sees he's been caught, but he just grins.
“I'm pretty sure you're new here,” he says, “I don't know if anyone told you, but I kind of make it my business to know all the most beautiful women in town. And I don't see how I could've missed you.”
Lilah giggles and holds out her hand, “Lilah. I just got in from New York.”
“Jason,” says Jason. He reaches out, but he doesn't shake her hand. Instead, eyes twinkling, he takes her fingers and kisses the back of her hand. Like she's a princess.
It's too much. Lilah loses it and collapses backwards in a fit of laughter. Jason watches, amused.
“You're not high, are you?” he asks.
Lilah can barely control herself enough to answer, but she pinches two fingers together and chokes out, “Little bit!”
People are staring, and whispering darkly to each other. That just makes Lilah laugh harder. Oh, she's feeling light-headed now. Algebra girl must like her drinks strong.
“Come on, pretty lady,” says Jason, “Let’s get you some fresh air.”
Jason helps her up off the couch and puts a steadying arm around her shoulders. Lilah throws her own arm around his waist, nuzzling up to him shamelessly. She can hear people gossiping, and it's just so damn delightful. Her queasy tummy is warmed by the knowledge that Jason Sandoval is unknowingly humiliating himself right now. The ladies man walking off with the ladyboy!
Jason guides her out into the backyard, weaving between clusters of patio furniture to a more secluded corner. Oh, there's gonna be a reckoning when he figures out who she is, but Lilah doesn't even care if he hits her. It won't change the fact that he hit on her first.
Jason stops in the corner by a little brick wall – maybe a half-finished woodshed, or something – and stoops down to dig through a cooler. Liquoring her up, Lilah smirks. She always wondered what his technique was, and this seems very much in character.
Jason straightens up and hands her a Fiji water. It's sealed.
“Here,” he winks, “The night’s still young.”
Lilah pouts, but pops the lid and takes a sip. Okay, that's less date-rapey than she expected. She is thirsty, though.
Jason leans against the wall and smiles warmly, “So what’s life like in New York?”
Lilah squints at him suspiciously, but he seems genuinely interested. She takes another slow sip of water. Well, it won't hurt to string him along a little longer.
Jason is a surprisingly good conversationalist, it turns out. A little cheeky, but he never lets flirting get in the way of actually listening to her. He still works at his uncle's Nissan dealership, and he's impressed to hear that Lilah went to college, and even more impressed that she's an audio engineer, although he sheepishly admits that he's not totally sure what that means.
“Did you ever play the Finding Nemo game for PS2?” asks Lilah.
“Oh, of course,” Jason says, “For hours a day.”
Lilah giggles, “Well, I'm the reason all the voice lines have the right levels.”
Jason gasps, faux-shocked, “That was you? I remember thinking, whoever audio engineered those voice lines must be super hot.”
It's not long before Lilah finishes her water, and Jason passes her another, and snags a packet of Chips Ahoy, and it's extremely clear by now that he's trying to sober her up, which is infuriatingly sweet. When she remarks that her feet are sore, he lifts her up so she can sit on the wall and rest herself on his shoulders. His cologne smells so nice, and he's so charming, and she almost forgets the entire reason she's talking to him.
“So,” Lilah purrs, “You went to high school with all of these girls, right?”
“Most of them, yeah,” says Jason.
Lilah learns forward, letting her boobs press against the back of his neck.
“How many of them have you slept with?” she asks.
Jason laughs, surprised, “I'm not really the type to kiss and tell.”
Lilah snorts. That was very much not the case in high school.
“No, seriously,” she says, rubbing his shoulders encouragingly, “You said you like to keep tabs on beautiful women, right? And there's a lot of beautiful women here tonight. You never hooked up with any of them?”
“Ahh, I might have gone out with one or two,” Jason says.
Lilah grins wickedly, “Oh really?”
“Sure,” Jason smiles, “I'm a romantic.”
“How about our lovely hostess?” Lilah asks, “Did you ever knock boots with Carmen Gutierrez? Back in high school?”
“I mean, y'know,” Jason says, “We were close.”
Lilah giggles. She knew about that one already, but this is fun. She scans the yard and spots a skinny guy she recognises as one of Jason's cronies. He's currently chatting up a blonde girl she remembers from AP Calc.
“How about her?” she points, “Alison Gradey, right? Did you ever fuck her?”
“Allie?” says Jason, “She was my prom date, actually.”
Lilah gasps, “And now she's flirting with your homeboy? You should do something!”
Jason laughs, “That was a long time ago.”
Lilah’s eyes are already moving, “Kiesha Readey?”
“She's cool, yeah. Married now.”
“Very cool. Natalie Spencer?”
“We did get pizza a couple of times.”
“God, you slut!”
“Lilah,” Jason moves to step away from the wall, but she wraps her legs around his chest, locking him in place. He laughs ruefully, “Alright, one more.”
“How about…” Lilah looks around, and her eyes widen when she sees, “Laura Pendergast?”
“Well, she was a couple grades below us,” says Jason, “So, no. Not in high school.”
“But she must be twenty now,” says Lilah.
“I guess so.”
“So…”
“Lilah,” Jason gives her a warning look over his shoulder, but his eyes are twinkling again, “I told you. I don't kiss and tell.”
“Oh my god!” Lilah squeals. She's not even sure if she's excited to know the dirt, or excited that Jason is sharing it with her, but either way this is juicy. “You fucked Pendergast’s daughter! Oh my god, Jason, he hated you.”
“Well, I wasn't thinking of him at the time,” Jason smirks.
“Reeeally,” says Lilah.
“Laura’s a cool chick, and she goes to my gym,” Jason shrugs, “That's how we met.”
“Reeeally,” Lilah says again, “And there wasn't a single part of you that was thinking about revenge.”
Jason chuckles, “Well, one time she invited me to stay over and come to church with her family. And I did consider it. Just to see the look on his face.”
Lilah bursts into giggles, “That miserable old fuck must've had a heart attack.”
Jason laughs, “Lucky for him, I'm not really a meet-the-family kind of guy.”
“No,” Lilah purrs, “You're a total manwhore. Who else?”
“Better question,” says Jason, and he pries her legs gently apart and turns to face her. He smiles, cheeky and confident, “Who’s next?”
Lilah giggles and obligingly leans forward to kiss him.
Jason's a great kisser, so smooth, perfect amount of tongue. He slips one hand around her waist, holding her steady, and the other goes to her cheek, caressing her softly. It's nice, and she can enjoy it all the better since she isn't totally wasted, but she has to break it off because she's laughing so much she fears she might throw up.
Jason looks up at her, waiting patiently. His hand gently rubs at her knee. Nothing behind those eyes.
“Oh my god, Jason,” Lilah cackles, “Jason, Jason, Jason!”
Jason smiles, “Yeah?”
Lilah finally manages to stifle her laughter. She scans the yard. Jason’s buddy has wandered off, but Alison is still there, and so is Laura, and plenty of other people who just saw Jason Sandoval making out with a tranny. She grins and looks down at him, high and imperious.
“Do you know why I keep asking about high school?” she asks him.
Jason sighs, “I think so.”
Lilah’s smile drops. Jason looks up at her. Serious. Contrite.
“I'm sorry I was such an asshole,” he says.
“What?” says Lilah.
“I shouldn't have picked on you like that. Calling you names and everything. It was fucked up,” says Jason.
Lilah’s heart stops. No, no, no…
“I'm not that guy anymore,” Jason says. He smiles, just the tiniest hint of that cheeky grin, “I mean, you get it.”
For a few seconds Lilah just stares at him, lost for words. Then she snarls, wrenches her leg out of his grip, and kicks him, slamming her boot into his chest. He stumbles backward, mouth agape.
“Lilah, what–” he reaches out for her, more confused than hurt.
“Fuck you, Jason!” she yells, “Fucking faggot! Get off of me!”
She struggles off the wall and shoves him out of her way, before storming back inside through the sea of staring faces.
***
Eddie finally managed to ditch Alison, but right now he almost wishes he hadn't. He snuck into Carmen’s den to escape her, but he bumped into Dayvon, and wouldn't you know it, Curtis, Nick and Andre were there too, and now it's a varsity team reunion.
Curtis is breathlessly retelling the story of when he shot a half-court buzzer beater to win the final game of playoffs. Andre pulls out a deck of cards and the five of them start playing Bullshit, which is fitting, actually, because Eddie remembers that half court shot being in the first quarter of a midseason game. Now Eddie's pressed into the corner of the sectional, trying to focus on the cards and not on Nick’s drunken body leaning further and further into him.
He could just get up and go home. He almost did, when he saw Jason cuddling with that goth girl. But a few minutes ago he spotted her through the doorway, storming through the living room looking pissed off. So it looks like Jason did strike out. Which means maybe he’ll need company tonight…
“Bullshit!” roars Andre. Dayvon groans and the other guys cheer.
Eddie shakes out of his stupor and checks his cards. Yeah, maybe Jason will want company, but that's not the kind of thing Eddie should be thinking about. Not on his own time. Not at a party.
It's his turn. He plays one queen, which is real. Nobody calls him out.
Nick guffaws at something Curtis says, and leans over Eddie to jab a finger in the other man’s face.
“You fucking wish, man!” he says. Eddie shrinks away from his boozey breath, “Carmen wouldn't fuck you with a fucking, uh, stolen pussy, man!”
“I'm telling you, she was all over me,” says Curtis, “She gets slutty when she's drunk, and she is fucking wasted. Carmen celebrates hard.”
“You wish, man,” Nick repeats.
So this probably isn't an engagement party, thinks Eddie. Maybe the guys would be fine checking out an engaged women, but they would've mentioned her fiance at some point. Even if just to call him a pussy.
“So what is she celebrating again?” he asks.
“Carmen got her–”
“Yo, I saw you with Allie Gradey,” Nick leers, “You gonna hit that?”
“Sure, maybe,” Eddie says. This is not the group he wants to discuss his feelings about Alison Gradey with. “Curtis, what were you saying about–”
“Hey, Jason!” Dayvon laughs, “I saw you made a new friend!”
Eddie looks over. Sure enough, Jason is at the doorway, clearly searching for someone. Eddie’s heart sinks. He’s after the goth girl.
“Huh?” says Jason, “Yeah, Lilah. You seen her?”
Dayvon roars with laughter and the other guys follow suit. Eddie's confused. Sure, Jason struck out. But it's not like it's the first time.
“That's fucking Chris Werner, dude,” Dayvon laughs.
What?
Jason frowns, “Her name’s Lilah, man. You see where she went or what?”
“Dude!” Nick laughs, spraying spittle across the table "That's fucking Columbine! From high school!”
No way, thinks Eddie. No fucking way. That's not possible. That girl had real boobs, and she was genuinely pretty, and…
He struggles to remember Chris Werner's face, mentally adding five years and a lot of makeup. Holy shit. He can see it.
The guys are losing it now. Nick is howling with laughter, crushing Eddie into the side of the couch. Eddie’s stomach twists, waiting for what Jason is gonna say.
Jason stares back at them unperturbed.
“I know,” he says slowly, “Did any of you. Fucking morons. See where she went.”
Eddie’s heart stops.
He knew?
He knew, and he's still going after her?
“He's a fucking fag, bro!” says Andre.
“And you guys are all jerking each other off in here,” says Jason, “So I guess it's that kind of party.”
“Dude!” Nick laughs, turning to Eddie with shocked glee, “Jason's fucking a chick with a dick!”
“And you're not fucking anyone, Nick!” Jason snaps. He weighs his hands back and forth, “So… who’s the gay one, right?"
The guys burst out laughing again, this time at Nick. He sinks sullenly back into the couch.
Eddie doesn't move. There's too much going on in his head. Chris Werner is a tranny now. Jason is actively pursuing a tranny in public. In front of his friends.
“Eddie,” Jason says. Eddie locks eyes with him and it's like the world fades away for a moment. All he can hear is his own heart pounding in his ears, until Jason breaks the spell by asking, “Did you see where she went?”
Eddie shakes his head numbly. Jason sighs, then looks at the other guys.
“We good?” he asks.
Dayvon laughs, “Hey man. You fuck enough chicks I guess you gotta start branching out.”
Andre and Curtis laugh, and after a moment Nick chuckles too.
“We good, Eddie?” Jason asks.
Eddie nods slowly.
“Great,” says Jason. He slaps the doorframe on his way out, “You kids have fun.”
The guys look at each other for a while, in contemplative silence. Eddie wonders if what they're feeling is anything like what he is.
“I mean,” Dayvon shrugs, “I'd probably fuck her.”
That's a no.
“Fuck it. Any hole’s a goal,” Curtis smirks.
Nick laughs and jabs a finger at him, “You fucking wish, man!”
The guys laugh again. Andre makes his next move, “Two queens. Like you two fuckin’ fags.”
“I'm gonna get a drink,” says Eddie.
***
Lilah hunches her back against the wind and struggles to light her cigarette. Flick, flick.
“Fucking piece of shit,” she hisses. Flick, flick. The fucking thing worked in New York.
Lilah isn't having fun anymore. The thing with Jason, the pity flirting, it really shook her. She was deep in the throes of drinking it off when she ran into Blessy Rodrigues. Blessy was at least appropriately shocked, but then she told Lilah about how much of a crush she had on her – “or, well, on Chris I mean, haha!” – before making it extremely clear that those feelings did not still apply to Lilah.
Lilah doesn't like being told that she’s lost something since high school, even if that something is just the affection of an unpopular straight girl. But maybe the worst part is… that’s it. It seems like word has gotten around by now, and although she’s received a lot of dirty looks, nobody seems inclined to start a fight over it or anything. Lilah's grand debut is ending with a whimper.
And she’s so cold, god damn it. Her mom was right. The night breeze is swooshing up her skirt and through the mesh of her top. Thank god she brought a jacket.
Lilah’s lighter finally catches, and she takes a long drag of her cig. Finally. She leaves her sheltered spot around the side of Carmen's house and heads for the street. She’s only a little wobbly.
“Lilah! Hey, Lilah!”
Lilah groans and picks up the pace, pushing past the partygoers still milling around the front yard. Jason Sandoval follows her, unabated.
“Lilah, come on,” he says.
Lilah flips him off and keeps walking, head down.
“Lilah, it's freezing out,” says Jason, “Let me give you a ride at least.”
Lilah grits her teeth. Fuck. She hasn't driven since she moved to New York. She wishes Walterville had a subway.
“I'm good,” she snaps and picks up the pace. She’ll need to be out of sight of the party before she calls her mommy to pick her up.
“I know I'm an asshole,” Jason says, “But I really am sorry.”
Lilah whirls around and stares daggers at him. She doesn't stop moving. Years of club hopping have made her adept at pounding pavement in heels, no matter how drunk she gets.
“So fucking say that, you psycho!” she says, “Don't pretend you don't know me. Don't flirt with me.”
“Right,” says Jason, “I should've been honest with my intentions.”
Lilah's not too wasted to catch the barb, but she ignores it. She stops dead and glares up at Jason.
“So what are your fucking intentions?”
“I just wanted to…” Jason shrugs, “I dunno. Make things right.”
Lilah scoffs, “Well good news, Jason. Things are fucking great. Maybe you spent the last five years thinking about the poor little gay kid you traumatized, but I haven't been thinking about you at all. At fucking all.”
Jason sighs and pushes his hair back. A single curl slips rakishly over his forehead.
“You sure?” he says.
“I live in New York!” Lilah yells, gesticulating with her cig. They're a ways away from the party but people can probably hear her. She turns up the volume, “I go to clubs! I have sex! My life is fucking amazing now!”
Jason blinks. She stabs her cigarette at him, “I know you think I'm a freak. I know I'm the only transgender woman you’ve ever met. But guess what, Jason? In New York, everyone is transgender. They're all like me. You're the freak.”
She sways back on her heels a bit and takes another drag to steady herself. She's already forgetting what exactly she just said, but it felt good. Let Jason fucking chew on that for a while.
“I've met transgender women before,” says Jason.
Lilah blinks, “What?”
“That's what you said, right? Transgender?” says Jason, “I don't feel sorry for you. You're right. You moved to New York. You went to college, you make video games. You're awesome.”
Lilah’s mouth opens. This is not what she expected, especially not from Jason Sandoval. She stares at him. Jason's eyes are earnest, wide, and mesmerizing. He smiles softly.
“And you're beautiful,” he says.
Oh.
Lilah grins. Oh.
“Oh Jason,” she laughs, “You haven't changed at all, have you?”
She takes a long, smug drag. Jason's smile fades as she leans in.
“You’re not sorry. You just want to fuck me now,” says Lilah, “And you'll say whatever it takes to make that happen, won’t you?”
Jason stares at her for a moment, stunned. He blinks, processing what she's said. Then he straightens up and gives her a wry grin.
“Can you blame me?” he shrugs, “If you were this hot in high school, maybe I wouldn't have bullied you.”
“You think so?” Lilah smirks.
Jason shrugs, “Who cares? Fuck high school. You're here tonight, and you're fucking hot, and I already fucked all the regular girls.”
“Mm,” Lilah says, “I love when you call them regular girls.”
“Only cause you're so extraordinary, baby,” says Jason.
Lilah can't help but giggle and Jason takes the opening, slipping into the cloud of her smoke and wrapping his hands around her waist.
“You're so pretty, Lilah,” he murmurs, “You're such a pretty girl.”
Lilah bursts out laughing, “What the fuck? Don't talk to me like I'm a poodle.”
A flicker of surprise crosses Jason’s face, but he shrugs it off, “I'll talk however you want me to talk, baby.”
Lilah bites her lip. Fuck, this feels good. Jason's gaze sinks lustfully down, to her lips, to her tits. So horny. So obvious. She feels silly now for ever being confused. He's just a stupid simple small-town boy like the rest of them.
God, he's so handsome. And he wants her so bad.
“Give me a chance, Lilah,” Jacob murmurs, “I'll make it good for you.”
So easy to wrap around her finger.
“Beg,” she says.
Jason grins, thinking that he's in.
“Please Lilah,” he starts, but she shakes her head and points at the ground.
“Beg,” she says again.
Without hesitation, Jason sinks to his knees on the dirty pavement, still just in sight of the party. Lilah feels giddy and hot and so much bigger than this stupid, empty town.
“Please, Lilah,” Jason says, lips curled slyly under puppy dog eyes, “Please, please, please. Let me fuck you.”
Lilah drops her cigarette and stubs it out with her heel.
“Where's your car?” she asks.
***
Eddie pulls his head back from the kitchen window, blood pounding in his ears.
He followed her.
Jason followed Lilah out of the party. In front of everyone. And Eddie didn't see what happened next, but then they came back and Lilah raised Jason's hand triumphantly in the air and he shrugged sheepishly at all the people watching, and then they walked off to his car and now they're gone.
In front of everyone, he followed her.
Eddie needs to throw up. He beelines for the bathroom, mouth dry, fingers twitching, and throws open the door.
“Omigod omigod omigod BLEUUGH!”
Carmen Gutierrez is already throwing up. And Alison Gradey is right there, kneeling by her side.
“Eddie!” Alison beams, “I think Carmen partied a little too hard tonight, poor thing. Can you pass me that water?”
Eddie nods numbly and passes a half full Fiji water that was sitting on the sink. Alison is holding back Carmen's hair, so they trade hands and Eddie takes over while Alison offers Carmen little sips and rubs her back.
“Allie, I'm so sorry,” she sobs, “I'm so sorry Allie BLEUUGH.”
"It's okay, sweetie,” Alison soothes. Her comforting hand brushes against Eddie's arm. He tries to readjust his grip without yanking on Carmen’s sweaty hair.
“Everyone's laughing at meee,” Carmen sobs, “Bluh.”
“No they're not honey,” says Alison, “Everyone is so proud of you. Right, Eddie?”
“Um,” Eddie smiles weakly, “Right.”
“Nobody's gonna remember this,” says Alison, “They're all gonna remember what you accomplished. Right, Eddie?"
“Right,” says Eddie, then lowers his voice, “What, uh, what exactly did she…”
“I got my real estate liceeeense,” Carmen whimpers, “I'm gonna be a realtorrrrr.”
“Oh,” says Eddie, “That's what the party’s about?”
Carmen sobs and pukes.
“Yes,” Alison says firmly, “And we’re very proud, Eddie.”
“So proud,” Eddie says quickly.
“You're gonna sell so many houses,” Alison rubs Carmen's back, “You're gonna help so many kids moving out, and couples with new babies…”
“It's, it's all about helping people move to the next stage of their BLEUGHH BLUH BLEH,” pukes Carmen.
“Exactly,” says Alison.
“I think… I think I’m done,” Carmen sighs, “I'm just wanna… Just rest my head…”
“Okay, honey,” says Alison.
“It's cool, Carmen,” says Eddie, “This is a really fun party.”
Carmen sinks into her folded arms, still gently drooling into the toilet bowl. Alison pulls the hairtie out of her own hair, and Eddie deftly puts Carmen’s hair into a bun. Alison oohs and Eddie blushes. Maybe that was a bit too deft. Eddie's own hair is not quite shoulder length, a defensible Sawyer-from-Lost length, but he and Jason have experimented with wigs.
Eddie's stomach twists at the thought of Jason.
“Thank you,” Alison whispers over Carmen's gently groaning body, “I think she got a bit freaked out seeing Chris Werner with boobs.”
That doesn't help. Eddie forces out a chuckle.
“You know what's crazy?” Alison leans forward and whispers, “She’s actually hot!”
Eddie grimaces, “I guess so."
“I heard she lives in New York,” says Alison, “Can you imagine? It's like, she's changed so much, and we’re all the same kids we were in high school.”
Eddie sighs, “Good for her, I guess.”
Alison smiles and reaches out for his hand. He lets her take it, and she squeezes gently, “You're a really good guy, Eddie.”
Eddie bites his lip. It's all so much. Alison's right, he's the same kid he was in high school, and look where it's gotten him. Hiding in the kitchen at parties, dodging girls, feeling uncomfortable in his own skin. Lilah Werner made a change, as crazy as that may be, and now she's going home with Jason while Eddie is on his knees in a pukey bathroom. He isn't even the one who gets to puke.
What is he getting out of this? He's living his life in the spaces between, idling in stasis until Jason calls him up to be a girl again. Meanwhile Lilah became one for real. Carmen got her real estate license. Even Alison, as much as it may annoy him, is going after what she wants.
What does Eddie want?
Eddie grips Alison's hand tighter. Her eyes widen.
“Alison,” he whispers, “I think… I think I need to tell you something.”
Alison squeezes back, leaning towards him over Carmen's crumpled form.
“Anything, Eddie,” she breathes.
“I think…” Eddie takes a deep breath, “I think I want to move to New York.”
Alison gasps, “Wow, Eddie. That’s huge."
Eddie lets out a long, shaky breath. This feels good. It feels right. He's moving forward, like Carmen said, starting the next stage of his life. A life where Jason isn’t messing with his head. Where he can be a normal guy.
Carmen's stomach gurgles and Alison giggles. She's so pretty with her hair down, Eddie thinks. Her hand is warm against his, and she’s beaming at him, so bright and happy and open.
She's hot, Eddie decides.
He leans forward and kisses her.
***
Lilah and Jason crash through the front door of his apartment, bouncing off walls, knocking things off tables in a wild sloppy maelstrom of wet lips and grasping hands.
Jason slams into a side table and hisses, “Fuck!”
“Mmf,” Lilah extracts her mouth from his neck, gasping hotly, “You okay?”
“Yeah, yeah,” murmurs Jason. He hoists her up in the air and Lilah squeals, quickly wrapping her legs around his waist. Jason grins, “Let me show you to the bedroom.”
“Please,” Lilah giggles. Jason's hands are up under her skirt, doing more than just supporting her.
He takes her to the bedroom – it's not a long walk, this apartment isn't big even by New York standards – and lowers her to the bed. Lilah reaches for his shirt, pulling apart the buttons, revealing an expanse of thick, manly chest. He gazes down on her, some of his lust giving way to tenderness.
“You're so pretty,” he says, “You're such a pretty girl, Lilah.”
Lilah laughs, “This again?”
Jason falters, “Uh. I just… you're really beautiful, you know?”
“Sure,” Lilah raises her eyebrows, “I had kind of figured that out by your boner jabbing me in the ass all the way here.”
Jason chuckles nervously and Lilah pieces it together.
“Oh my god,” she says, “The other t-girl you know likes being called pretty.”
“No, no,” Jason covers unconvincingly, “You just… y'know, you're so hot I had to say something.”
“Uh-huh,” Lilah smirks. She tosses off Jason's shirt and props herself up on her elbows, admiring his body. Jason doesn't have the abs he had in high school but he's still in good shape. His thick dark chest hair is trimmed neatly. Lilah bites her lip. She’s not inexperienced, but most of her hookups have been with girls and bicurious twinks. It's been a while since she's been with a straight guy. It’s a very nice little treat. There’s something so manly about men.
Jason crawls onto the bed, leaning over her, and grins wolfishly.
“So,” he says, “Compliments aren't your thing. What is, Lilah?”
Lilah smirks up at him. He may be on top but she's still in control.
“You know,” she says.
Jason raises his eyebrows, “You like it when I beg? You like being in control?”
Lilah smiles. Jason smiles back.
“You like degrading me?” he says.
Lilah can't help it, she nods eagerly. Jason laughs and sits back on his knees.
“We can do that,” he says, then, with a low, sultry look, “Mistress.”
Lilah feels a hot flush through her body and giggles. She wouldn't have guessed he was into this, but she's not complaining.
“Do you have any toys?” she asks.
Jason nods to his dresser, “Top drawer.”
Lilah springs up from the bed and skips over in her heels. She opens the drawer and gasps. Surprisingly well stocked for a small town slut-boy! She sees blindfolds and clamps and even a suction toy, which for a straight guy is genuinely an impressive purchase. And, aha!
She turns. Jason has gotten off the bed, and is undoing his belt. She struts towards him, twirling the handcuffs around her finger.
“Strip,” she commands. Jason grins up at her and obeys, pulling off the rest of his clothes. She holds in a giggle as his dick comes into view. It's a nice size, a little bigger than hers was even before the hormones, but she's amused to see his pubes are trimmed like his chest.
Lilah keeps her clothes on, reveling in the feeling of power. Jason Sandoval, her one time tormentor, now her horny naked submissive.
“Turn,” she says. Jason obeys, and she presses him up against the wall, clicking his hands into the cuffs behind his back.
“I see you've done some manscaping,” she whispers tauntingly into his ear, “Very metrosexual of you.”
Jason hisses as Lilah slips her hand around his front, grazing her black nails through his trimmed bush
“I, ah, I figured chicks wouldn't want too much hair in their mouths,” he gasps.
“Mmm,” Lilah says, “Good news, pet. I'm all smooth down there. You won't have to worry about hair when you’re sucking me off.”
Jason stiffens – his shoulders, not his cock – and Lilah takes note. Okay, not a dick guy. Well, there are plenty of other ways she can–
“Thank you, mistress,” says Jason, “I can't wait.”
Lilah frowns. Okay, read that one wrong. She resets her smirk and turns Jason around.
“Good, pet,” she coos, “On your knees, now. I want to inspect my offering.”
Jason kneels down, looking up at her eagerly. Lilah stifles another giggle. He's so keen. She thought she was keeping things pretty tame, but tame means different things when you're domming for Walterville straight guys instead of Greenwich Village witches.
She circles his kneeling body, tracing a finger along his shoulders. Jason exhales slowly.
“Please, mistress,” he says, “I need you.”
“Mmm,” Lilah grins. She steps in front of Jason, her heeled boot inches from his throbbing cock, and buries her fingers in his hair. She pulls him towards her, gently thrusting her crotch against his face. She's tucked, of course, so there's nothing there to rudely poke him in the eye, but she can hear Jason's breath quicken as he's forced into the submissive position.
She grinds softly into his cheek, “Do you want to suck your mistress’s cock, Jason?”
Jason hesitates, “Y… yes, mistress. Please.”
Okay, what the fuck. He definitely stiffened up that time. His shoulders went all rigid and tense, like Lilah when her mom brought up moving back home. This little jerk is faking.
“Are you sure, pet?” says Lilah.
Jason nods desperately, rubbing his face against her skirt, “Please, mistress! I need it!”
His hesitation is gone now, but Lilah's not falling for it. Well, two can play at that game.
“Good, pet,” she coos, “I can't wait to fuck your dirty mouth. To see those slutty lips wrapped around my superior cock. To cum down your pathetic throat.”
Jason's eyes are closed, ostensibly in bliss, but she sees his forehead crease before he nods, “Yes, mistress.”
“Or maybe I'll skip your throat,” Lilah purrs, “Maybe I'll just fuck you in the ass.”
Jason shudders, “Yes, mistress. Fuck my ass.”
Bleh. Alright, enough of this nonsense. Lilah steps back, folding her arms. Jason sways, off balance without her thighs to lean against, and looks up at her.
“Mistress?” he says, “Did I do something wrong? Do I need to be punished?”
“Yeah, Jason, you did do something wrong,” says Lilah, dropping her smoky domme voice. Jason tilts his head, confused. She sighs, “You know, it's okay if you don't want me to fuck you.”
“But I do, mistress, please!” Jason begs, in a very convincing impression of a cock-hungry sub, and then he hesitates and a trace of his usual voice creeps back in, “Uh. Unless you don't want to? Cause if you don't want to, that's cool. But if you want it then I want it. Uh, mistress.”
God, Lilah realizes, he really would go through with it. If she wanted to, she could genuinely buttfuck him right now. Wouldn't that be a story to tell the girls back home? Her old bully, so desperate to sleep with her that he let her turn him into her subby little bottom.
Poor Jason.
Lilah learns back against the dresser, “Look, Jason, I'm sure it would be fun. But if it's your first time, it's probably gonna hurt.”
“I can handle pain,” says Jason.
“And you're gonna have a dick in your butt,” says Lilah.
Jason grimaces.
“Alright,” she groans, “Up you get, big guy. We’re done.”
Jason sighs, dropping the wide-eyed subby look he's been mooning over her with for the past five minutes. He gets to his feet and Lilah unclicks the cuffs and sits beside him on the bed.
“My bad,” he says, “I thought you would be into it.”
“Were you into it?” asks Lilah.
Jason grins, “I'm up for anything, baby. I'm still ready to try it if you want to.”
Lilah purses her lips. She's seen subs get carried away when they're deep in subspace, but this isn't that. This is just outright lying.
“Jason, boundaries are very important for this type of thing,” she says. Now that they're not playing, she feels a little silly sitting next to him fully clothed, while Jason's dick wilts slowly between his legs. She looks at him seriously, “You shouldn't ever have to do anything you're uncomfortable with, you know that, right?”
“Totally,” Jason shrugs, “I've done BDSM before, I know about safewords and all that.”
“Uh-huh,” Lilah says, “And do you know that you can use them too?”
Jason's smile falters.
“I'm not…” he hesitates, “Okay, yeah, if we’re being honest, I would prefer it if my ass stayed a virgin tonight. But I'm up for anything else, Lilah, seriously. Whatever you want. However you want it.”
“I want it honest, Jason,” Lilah frowns, “Is this what sex is always like for you? You just do whatever the girl wants?”
Jason shrugs, “I mean, yeah. If someone's nice enough to let me fuck her, the least I can do is make sure she has a good time.”
“Even if it means doing something you don't like?” says Lilah.
“I like making girls feel good,” Jason grins, “If they come, I'm happy.”
“And you don't care if you come at all,” Lilah says suspiciously.
Jason's winces, “Oh no, I always come. No, yeah, one time in middle school a girl jerked me off and I didn't finish, and, uh, she wasn't thrilled. Not making that mistake again.”
Lilah sighs, “Jason… do you think, maybe… your relationship with sex…”
Jason laughs and gets up from the bed, “Hey, Lilah, you're great and all, but this isn't really what I had in mind for tonight.”
He reaches for his shirt and starts buttoning it up, unashamedly Donald Ducking it, “Do you need a lift home, or…”
“Oh my god, fine,” says Lilah. She unclips her bra, snakes the straps off through her sleeves and dangles it dramatically from her finger. Jason's eyes widen, staring at her perky tits, pressing up against the bare mesh of her top. Lilah clicks her tongue, and his eyes raise to hers. “Just hear me out until I'm finished undressing,” says Lilah, “Then we can have sex. However you want me to want it.”
Jason smiles, and lets his shirt drop again, “Sounds good.”
Lilah rests back on the bed, raising her leg so she can undo her laces. Jason watches from the foot of the bed, still nude, his dick quickly stiffening as he peeks up her skirt.
“Sex isn't a gift, Jason,” she says, “It shouldn't be something you do for someone cause you feel like you have to.”
“Uh-huh,” says Jason, gazing up her skirt at her pale cheeks, left exposed by her thong. Lilah tosses her boot aside and starts on the other.
“I spent too long doing stuff because I felt like I had to,” said Lilah, “That's no way to live, Jason. Jason? Jason.”
Jason glances up at her, snapping out of his trance.
“No, yeah, for sure,” he says, “I mean, it's a little different. I'm not, y'know. In the closet.”
Lilah tosses the other boot and sits up, kneeling on the bed.
“But you shouldn't feel like you have to lie, Jason. Especially not during sex. Sex is supposed to make you feel good.”
“It does make me feel good,” says Jason.
“Powerful?” asks Lilah.
Jason shrugs, “Useful.”
Her heart breaks a little at that. She unzips her skirt and pulls off her top, her tits bob freely.
“You don't need to be useful, Jason,” says Lilah. She stands from the bed and approaches him, letting her skirt fall to her ankles, delicately stepping out of it and caressing his chest. “You can just be you.”
Jason looks down. Lilah smiles sadly. Who would have thought that this was where the night would lead? Her giving the ‘it's okay to be yourself’ speech to a straight guy?
“Thank you for pretending you want my cock, Jason,” she whispers, “But you don't need to lie. It's okay to want the things you want.”
Jason looks back up, a strange, faraway look in his eye. Lilah probably hasn't changed his life during this five minute striptease (is one moment ever enough?) but hopefully she's given him something to think about.
“Thanks,” he says, “You know what I want right now?”
Lilah tilts her head. Jason grins.
“You.”
Lilah giggles and throws her arms around his neck. Jason hoists her onto the bed, his drooling cock rubbing wet against her belly. He reaches for the strap of her thong and she catches his hand.
“Eyes closed for a second,” she says, “This part is a little undignified.”
Jason obliges, and after a moment’s tugging and gasping, Lilah is tape-free. Jason looks down, at the much more noticeable bulge in her panties. Lilah raises an eyebrow, waiting for his next move. He cautiously pulls her panties aside, and her stiff dick bobs into view. He tilts his head, and twists his hips, bumping it gently with his own, larger cock.
“Thoughts?” says Lilah.
“It's cute,” grins Jason, “I, uh, I have no particular desire to put it anywhere inside me.”
Lilah laughs, “Okay, no BJs. From you, anyway. What else have you and your friend tried?”
“She likes hand stuff,” Jason offers.
“Oh, amazing,” says Lilah, “I'm so glad I came all the way out here for a handjob.”
Jason laughs, “She likes it!”
“Okay, okay,” Lilah giggles, “She sounds very adventurous. But how about you, Jason? What are you in the mood for?”
Jason thinks about it, and he looks very cute trying to think. He smiles shyly.
“I mean, it wouldn't suck so bad if you still wanted to degrade me a little,” he said, “Y'know. Just for fun.”
“Hmm,” Lilah smiles, “In that case… how do you feel about eating ass?”
Jason's eyes light up.
It turns out Jason feels good about eating ass, and soon Lilah is feeling good too. Extremely good. Jason serves her ass with an enthusiasm and obedience that honestly borders on concerning. But he’s a big boy, and she’s only here for the night, so she just relaxes into him and lets him do what he does best. Jason also feels good about anal sex (her ass, not his), and it turns out his handjobs really are worth the trip.
When they finish, Lilah lets Jason cuddle up behind her and murmur his gooey little compliments into her ear. He’s more than earned it. If he’s using sex as a coping mechanism, at least he’s picked up some skills. This wasn’t exactly what she had planned when she bumped into him at the party, but she can’t pretend it’s not satisfying.
Lilah sighs and nestles into Jason’s shoulder. Jason has turned out to be a lot more complex than she thought. If she's honest with herself, she suspects they all might be this complex. As much as it helped to think of Walterville as some nothing town, the place where she was fertilized before she moved to the real world, it's a real place, filled with real people.
Jason turns his head and she tilts her head up to receive a weary kiss.
She'll be carrying the memories of Walterville with her long after she leaves for New York tomorrow.
Maybe that's not so bad.
Comments
goose
I have chapter 5 planned out, will write as soon as I'm done with 2D ch 25!!!!
Egg
I desperately desperately need more
goose
oh hell yes I literally could not ask for a better comment than this!!! I'm so glad that's what's coming across it's pretty much exactly what I'm going for. And explained so well/thoughtfully!!! thanks GG 🥰
GG
WEll, with the benefit of hindsight...Jason still comes off as a total tool in ch1. I'm thinking he totally knew that Eddie had a huge crush on him, but I'm not sure if his suggestion Eddie dresses up like a girl is like, because he somehow knew that Eddie had genderstuff going on, or what. Jason's thing where he pretends to be really selfish is interesting. I sometimes do a similar thing if I'm talking to someone who has really bad anxiety or scrupulosity or whatever, to head off the thing where they're like "I'm an evil person for making you care about me". Probably Jason isn't doing it for that exact reason, but...yeah. Also now I'm really curious what happened with prom. I mean it seems like Jason ditched Eddie for Natalie, and that kind of plays a part in how Eddie feels like he isn't important or real or anything. But I wanna know more. I love this kind of nonlinear storytelling sometimes, because I feel like there's a ton of clues to uncover. ^_^ Uh, I mean, up until now the storytelling has been very much linear, but...we skipped an important event that keeps getting referenced, so, like...IDK, my point stands.
goose
Ooh would love to know your thoughts!
GG
This really recontextualizes a lot of the stuff between Eddie and Jason. I might have to go back and read that stuff again
July
Oh I'm expecting it—I just can't help but wish for it because I'm so invested in these two
goose
at this point if U are still reading my stories expecting characters to talk about their feelings idk what to tell you
goose
no they're normal
Samantha Louise
Both Eddie and Jason sur have a lot of shit to work through.
July
EDDIE NO! That's the wrong conclusion!! Eating this shit up but I'm sitting here banging my head against the wall begging for both of them to actually talk about their feelings!!! Also hoping Lilah shows up again—would love to see her and Eddie interact.
Stephanie
things are getting INTERESTING
