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Backup Girl - Ch. 05 (6K words)
🕑 Added 2024-11-27 04:30:10 +0000 UTCI'm back! Thanks for your patience pookies! Hope you like this new chapter, I wrote it while recovering from an orchidectomy.
Some people on the Dorley discord were discussing the last chapter (when I posted it to SH) and it makes me so psyched every time I see people sharing their thoughts and theories and stuff ugh. I love reading your comments too obviously! You know that, right? You know I love you babes. I look forward to your comments more than you look forward to my stories.
Now to business. CWs: transphobia / homophobia / misogyny / fatphobia, implied eating disorder + alcoholism, I think there's a slur or two in there, and there's the most intensely dysphoric sex scene I've ever written.
Dating Eddie isn't exactly how Allie thought it would be.
She had this dumb little fantasy in her head, ever since she saw him at Dayvon's party. All the other guys were being so damn loud, letting off fireworks and chugging beers and breathing down the back of her neck, and then she saw Eddie, up on the deck, leaning over the railing and looking all slender and brooding, and she couldn't get him out of her head. He’s always been so quiet, ever since high school, but it was only then she started thinking maybe quiet wasn't so bad. Maybe quiet meant sensitive and sweet and interested in more than just her tits. Maybe quiet was just what she needed.
And now they've been dating for almost six months and she’s starting to realize quiet is a lot of work.
Right now they’re at Applebee’s, sitting side-by-side in the nicest identical booth, and she has no idea what's going on in her boyfriend’s head. Eddie bought them an order of fries to share and he hasn't eaten one, he's just staring silently into the basket.
Allie squeezes his hand, “How you going?”
Eddie looks up and smiles, “I'm fine, babe.”
Allie smiles back, hoping if she throws enough pep at him some of it will stick.
“Gotta love Applebee’s, right?” she says, “They’ve got two of the most delicious foods right there in the name. Apples and bees.”
Eddie laughs, but Allie’s known him long enough now to tell when he's faking it. He's got another laugh, a silly little giggle that sneaks out when she catches him off guard. It's cute. She made the mistake of telling him that once, and he didn't laugh again for a month. Eddie’s funny like that. You gotta be careful what you say to him. His hair was long when they started dating, and then one night they were lying in bed together and she was running her fingers through it and she couldn't help but mention how pretty it was. The next day it was gone, and Eddie's kept the same tidy buzzcut since then.
But he's sweet. It's just that sometimes Allie feels like a bear tryna feed from a beehive. She's gotta pick away so carefully to get the sweetness out without being stung.
“Do you know what you want?” she tilts a menu at him, “I'm thinking ribs. Is that too messy for a date?”
“Go for it,” Eddie shrugs, “You're beautiful, Alison. Even when you’re covered in barbecue sauce.”
Allie giggles, “Thank you, Prince Charming.”
Eddie grins and she nestles into his side. He slips an arm around her waist, his bony fingers featherlight against her midriff. Cuddling Eddie is different, too. Always such a light touch. It's not just that he's so skinny, it's like he's holding back somehow. Scared he’ll hurt her, maybe. She wants to grab his hand and just press it against herself, make Eddie grab her ass or something for once. But she doesn't want to spook him. And hell, they're at Applebee’s.
“So?” she chirps, smiling up at him, “Has the king made his selection for the royal feast?”
“I'm not that hungry,” Eddie says, distracted, “Seriously, they should be here by now.”
Allie laughs, “Eddie, you can't be surprised Jason’s running late for something.”
She had been a bit uncertain when Eddie brought up the whole double date idea. Obviously she knows that Eddie and Jason are friends, and hey, it’s a small town, but still, the thought of going on a double date with her ex is a little freaky. But apparently Jason is really keen on it, and she wants to show that she’s mature and evolved, and, okay, maybe part of her is hoping that it might spark a bit of sexy protective jealousy in Eddie. Would that be so bad?
Eddie grimaces, “Still…”
He trails off. Allie follows his gaze. Speak of the devil. Jason is walking up from the hostess stand with a sheepish grin. It's not the most put together she's ever seen him. He hasn't shaved and he's wearing a pair of aviators and a shirt that's all creased like he wore it overnight. There's a little rugged handsomeness in it but mostly it just screams hangover.
He is, notably, alone.
Jason throws his arms out wide as he approaches.
“If it isn't my favorite power couple,” he announces, “The Brangelina of Walterville. Alison, you look stunning, as always. Eddie, same to you.”
She can feel Eddie tense up and she squeezes his hand again. There it is! The protectiveness. She suppresses an excited grin.
Eddie nods, “Hey man.”
“Hey, Jason,” Allie says, “You got Amanda parking the car?”
Jason sighs and flops down, sprawling out across his side of the booth.
“You're not going to believe this,” he says, “We broke up.”
“What's the part we wouldn't believe?” Allie teases.
Jason laughs, “You didn't think she was the one?”
“I mean…” Allie shrugs.
“You’re looking for the one?” Eddie says, “I thought you usually date two or three at a time.”
Allie laughs lightly, but it kind of stings a little. She's over Jason, really, it's been a long time since high school and the whole cheating thing. But it still hurts a little to think about. She can't really blame Eddie for bringing it up, though. It must be tough knowing you’re dating a girl your best friend already decided wasn’t good enough.
“Hey,” Jason takes his shades off and pouts, “I’m pouring my heart out here. You can't have a little sympathy? By the way, the hostess’s name is Michelle, and I might be giving her a ride home after.”
Allie shakes her head ruefully. He really is incorrigible.
Jason hails a waitress and they order dinner. Allie decides not to get ribs after all, and settles for a salad instead. She trusts Eddie when he says he wouldn't mind, but she'd rather not look like a pig in front of her ex. If she’s really that hungry she can cook up something better when she gets home. Besides, maybe those last five pounds on her hips are the reason Eddie’s not getting fired up the way she wants. Jason orders a steak – “The upside to not having to pay for two meals.” – and Eddie gets a pasta which he pushes all around his plate like he's sifting for gold.
They talk too, obviously. Allie fills Jason in on all the drama at her catering job, and Eddie chimes in supportively with the details he remembers. He's good like that. He actually listens, unlike a lot of guys she's dated. She's pretty lucky, really.
Jason starts telling a funny story about his mom getting a DUI, and Allie zones out and slips a hand down to Eddie’s thigh. She rubs it gently and smiles up at him, but he avoids her eyes.
Shit, what's she doing wrong? Her last boyfriend woulda been jumping her bones by now. Is it really the weight? She should really be spending more time in the gym, it's not like she's a cheerleader anymore. Her outfit? She thought she dressed hot, in a lowrise denim skirt and a sparkly top that shows off her midriff, but all Eddie said was that he liked her boots. Should she go blonde again? She could go blonde.
“...so I pick her up, and I'm like, well young lady, what do you have to say for yourself?” Jason finishes.
Eddie pretends to laugh and Allie joins in quickly.
“That's so funny, Jason,” she says, "Your mom sounds crazy!"
Jason raises his eyebrows and she winces. Too try-hard, clearly.
“Yeah, she's always been a party girl,” Jason smirks and turns to Eddie, “How are your folks doing?”
“Yeah, they're good, man,” Eddie says, “We had lunch with them the other day.”
“Wow. Getting serious.”
“His parents are freaking out about the move,” Allie says, “Your dad's convinced you're gonna get mugged as soon as you get to New York, right?”
Jason tilts his head, “New York?”
Eddie tenses again and Allie looks at him curiously. She’s vaguely aware things are a little rocky between him and Jason at the moment, but surely he would've told his best friend he’s moving interstate in a couple weeks. Did she just fuck up? God damn it, she totally just fucked up.
“I'm moving,” Eddie says tersely, “I got a new job.”
Jason's smile drops, “When are you leaving?”
“Twenty-third.”
Jason stares at Eddie for a moment, his face unreadable. Then he grins.
“That's awesome, man. We should celebrate,” he raises his hand, calling for the waitress again, “Shots on me!”
“Hey there, sailor,” Allie jokes, “I dunno about Sunday night shots at an Applebee's.”
Jason smirks but doesn't lower his hand, “Let me guess, you got work tomorrow?”
“Fuck it, let's do shots,” says Eddie.
Allie turns to him, surprised. Eddie’s not much of a drinker, usually, and he’s really not the type for this kind of macho pissing contest. But he's got his chin jutted out, staring down Jason with an intensity she's not used to seeing. She's about to ask if he's sure, but then she feels something.
Eddie’s hand, under the table, squeezing her naked thigh.
Well, damn. Looks like she's doing Sunday night shots at an Applebee's.
***
“Oh my gooooodddd,” Allie groans.
She's sitting on the toilet in the Applebee's ladies room, feeling like absolute hell.
She hasn't thrown up, thank god, but she’s definitely had too much to drink, and she’s getting all red and clammy and her head is swimming. Plus, she's had to piss, like, ten goddamn times, and every time she gets back to the table the mood is super weird, like the guys have been talking about her behind her back.
“C'mon, girl,” she whispers to herself, “Get it together.”
Things were going so fucking well for a while, too! After that first round of shots, it was like someone had plugged a live wire into their table. Eddie and Jason were both going off, talking about New York, how excited Eddie was to go, how excited Jason was for him, yapping away back and forth, and she wasn't hearing a word of it because the whole time Eddie’s hands were all over her. Locking their fingers together, stroking her side, gripping her thigh like he was trying to tattoo his fingerprints into her. He had never ever ever been so into her, especially not in public, and holy fucking moly was it hot. That was the reason to date the quiet guy right there. Sure, maybe 99% of that time he was all withdrawn and reserved, but that 1% of the time he turned it on, it was like fireworks. Allie nearly creamed her panties right there at the table.
And then she had pee break number one, and when she got back everything was fucked. Suddenly Eddie was sullen and tense and avoiding eye contact, and Jason was being way too friendly in a way that screamed fake. Something happened while she was away from the table, and it wasn't hard to guess what.
Allie sighs and drags herself to her feet and out of the stall. She washes her hands and eyes herself in the mirror critically. It's not great. Her hair is mussed up, her eyeliner is smudged, and she can see the blotchy redness under her foundation. No wonder Eddie’s gone cold. She fishes through her purse and starts fixing herself up.
Yeah, she knows what Eddie and Jason were talking about. She's not an idiot. Except maybe she is, because she started dating a guy right after he told her he was planning to leave town.
It's been hanging over them ever since Carmen’s party, when they kissed over her friend’s pukey body then had awkward drunken sex in her guest bedroom. Allie wasn't sure if it was just a one night stand until Eddie called her the next day to ask her out, and even after that she's never been sure how much longer things are gonna last. She can't bring herself to ask. If Eddie wants to do long distance, if he wants her to come with him, he has to say something, right? He's so guarded with his thoughts but he would say that, surely.
Allie glares at herself as she redoes her eyeliner.
So then the obvious conclusion is that he doesn't want it. When he goes to New York, he's just gonna break it off, and leave her behind like an empty coke can tossed out a car window. There's so many prettier girls in New York, after all, thinner girls, hotter girls, girls that don't make weird jokes all the time to hide their anxiety. Girls that were cheerleaders and actually felt like they belonged on the squad, girls that don't have to try so hard to be sexy and peppy and fun. Girls you end up with, not girls you use for a while until you find something better.
Fucking Jason Sandoval. Okay, maybe she's not so fucking over him, alright? Maybe when the hot guy you've been pining over for years asks you to prom, and you know all the other girls would be so jealous of you, and you finally feel like you've done it, that you're hot and popular and everything you wanna be, and then he goes out and fucks your best friend two weeks later, maybe that leaves a fucking scar. Maybe that makes it hard to believe you’re good enough. Maybe that makes you date some real shitty guys for the next five years or so.
She thought Eddie would be so different. That he would respect her. But she’s not the type of girl that you respect. That's what Jason must've told him.
She finishes her makeup, hikes up her tits, and takes a deep, determined breath. She's good enough, god damn it. She's pretty enough, and smart enough, and she thinks her jokes are pretty darn funny. She just needs to make Eddie see that, and stop letting Jason get in both of their heads.
She storms out of the bathroom and almost runs right into Jason’s side. He's slumped against the wall outside the kitchen, making goo-goo eyes at a waitress. Well, she assumes that's what he's doing. He’s got his aviators on again.
“S’crazy they got, you working so late,” Jason says. His voice is slurred. God, they really have been drinking a lot.
“Uh-huh,” says the waitress. She's filling out some kind of chart on the wall of the kitchen. She's pretty, probably a few years younger than Allie, with sleek dark hair and sharp eyes.
“What, time do you get off?” Jason asks, swaying a little, “Cause if you, want it could, be right now.”
The waitress snorts and doesn't look up from her work. Allie cringes. Damn, she already knew Jason was outdrinking them, but looking at him now it seems like he's had a few more while she was in the bathroom.
“Gross, Jason,” she says.
Jason turns, startled, banging his arm clumsily against the doorframe. He doesn't seem to notice the impact, but for a second he looks a little pissed off at her for interrupting. Then he laughs and smiles that charming, easy smile, although a little sloppier than usual.
“Yeah, you're right, Allie,” he says, “Allie, Allie. I'mma dick. Jenna, you’re too, classy for a, guy like me.”
“Uh-huh,” the waitress, Jenna, still doesn't look at him. She’s finished with the wall chart and now she's going over something on a clipboard.
“What happened to the hostess?” says Allie, “I thought you two were hitting it off.”
Jason shrugs, “Aww, we were just talking, y'know? Just talking. And she told me how, amazing Jenna is, and I, had to say hi. Hi, Jenna. Hey Jenna.”
Jenna inspects a fire alarm and ticks something off on her clipboard. At last she looks up at the two of them, her eyes settling on Jason.
“Fucking kill yourself, Jason,” she says briskly.
Allie blinks. Jason stares at Jenna slackjawed, swaying back like he's been punched.
“I told Michelle about you, and she wouldn't fuck you in a million years,” says Jenna, “Fuck you and your little friends.”
She tucks the clipboard under her arm and disappears into the kitchen without looking back. Jason takes off his shades and stares blankly after her. Allie’s a little shell-shocked too. That was… that was very high school.
“Fucking, bitch,” Jason mutters. His shoulders slump, “I don't, don't mean that.”
“Let's, um,” Allie awkwardly puts a hand on his arm, “Let's get you back to the table.”
“Fucking,” Jason slurs, “Ha, fuck. Thought she was, familiar.”
“You already slept with her? And forgot?” Allie winces. Jeez, she thought she had it bad.
Jason shakes his head, stumbling as it throws off his balance, “Nuh, her, friend. Sister, maybe.”
He stops dead, so sudden Allie almost crashes into him.
“Fuuuuuck,” he groans, “Yeah, her sister. Tracey. But then also, yeah. Also her. Her hair was different.”
“Oh, buddy,” Allie grimaces. She pats him softly on the shoulder, “It's okay. I guess.”
“I don't, forget,” Jason looks at Allie with wide, pleading eyes, “I'm not an asshole, like that.”
Allie winces, “Uh huh.”
“I ‘member you, Allie,” Jason smiles at her, eyes creasing, “Asked you to prom.”
Allie blushes, “Well, that was a long time ago.”
Jason puts his hand over hers, holding her to his shoulder. His other hand goes to her waist. Confident. Firm.
“Gonna be lonely when Eddie goes,” he murmurs, then leans in to kiss her.
All of a sudden it's like she's back in high school, like she's on the bleachers with Jason where they first kissed. He's still so handsome, with those beautiful brown eyes, that messy hair, leaning in boldly to kiss her with too much tongue. Exactly like in high school.
For the first time, it really hits her just how fucking pathetic Jason Sandoval is.
Allie slaps him hard across the face.
“Sober up, asshole,” she says.
Jason slumps against the wall, stunned. Allie flounces past him, then runs back to Eddie with a spring in her step.
***
Eddie’s drunk and his mind is still scattered when they get back to his apartment. The double date was a disaster – should've seen that coming when Jason showed up without a date, fucking typical – but Alison’s still in a good mood. A really good mood, she practically skipped out to the car, explaining that Jason was busy catching up with one of the waitresses. Again, fucking typical.
But it's good! Good for Jason. There is no part of Eddie that is jealous. He's beyond that. He's left it all behind. He has a girlfriend, for fucks sake.
A horny girlfriend.
Alison kisses him passionately as soon as he shuts the door. Her lips are soft and warm and boozey. He plants his hands awkwardly on her back. She's so small, so hard to find a natural place to hold on between her soft curves. But she's beautiful, and she's so nice, and he kisses her back as best as he can.
It was hard to adjust to kissing girls again. It's been a long time since he dated, since he kissed anyone except Jason. The first few times he was way too soft and gentle, waiting for Alison to take the lead. It's humiliating to think about. But he's figured it out now, and he knows how to take charge. He can kiss her hard, and turn her on, and even fuck her. And he likes it.
Alison breaks the kiss, grinning up at him wickedly.
“You were so hot at Applebee’s,” she says, “Feeling me up under the table and all. I think I left a puddle in the booth.”
Eddie blushes, “That’s hot.”
He's glad she liked it. He wanted her to like it, of course, but a big part of it had been motivated by spite, by wanting to prove Jason wrong. Not that Jason had said anything yet, even he wasn't enough of a dick to bring up their fucked up past in front of Eddie's girlfriend. But it was there in his eyes and his smile and lurking under the words he did say, and it was all Eddie could do to ignore it. And it had worked for a while, focusing on the heat of Alison’s body and her soft gasps, but then she got up and Jason brought everything crashing down.
“And then you stopped,” Allie pouted, “You got me all worked up, ya big jerk. And now it's time I get my reward.”
She grins cheekily and drops a hand to Eddie’s zipper, tugging it down as she begins to sink to her knees. Eddie catches her shoulder.
“Wait, Alison–” he starts.
“C’mon,” Alison winks, “Let me see that hog.”
Eddie kisses her again, and she lets the zipper fall from her hand, caressing him around his broad bulky shoulders instead. He can't take a blowjob, not right now. Sometimes they work, but too many times he gets in his head, can't help imagining what Alison’s seeing, his bloated protruding gut, his double chin, the dark thick pubes worming down from his navel, and it makes him so sick he can't get hard. He can't make her look at that, not until he’s gotten in shape at least. But there are better options.
“I need you,” Eddie whispers, “I need to be inside you.”
Alison giggles and pulls him into the bedroom. They strip and fall under the covers, kissing and rubbing each other, worming into position with Eddie looming over Alison from his place between her legs. He closes his eyes and loses himself in the tangle of warm flesh, rubbing his cock against Alison’s soft skin as he runs his hands gingerly up and down her body. He’s hard enough to try for a condom, so he fumbles for one and pulls at his dick to keep it plumped up enough to get it on. Alison gazes up at him lustfully.
“C’mon, baby,” she whispers.
Eddie smiles weakly and lowers himself into place. He can do this. They’ve done it before, and it always feels good. He likes it. He guides his head into her with numb fingers, and she sighs as he sinks his dick into her warm, wet depths.
“Yessss,” Alison breathes.
Already he can feel himself shrinking, getting loose inside the condom. Just nerves. He thrusts quickly, trying to pump blood through his shaft. Alison gasps little unh-unh-unhs as his hips push into her. She rolls her body up into him in smooth, liquid movements.
“Fuck me, baby,” she pleads, “C’mon. Fuck me good.”
He's losing it again, fuck! He can do this! He's a man, he's not fucking gay, he doesn't need that sick crossdressing faggot shit to get off anymore. He squeezes his eyes shut right and wraps his arms tight around Alison’s body, focusing on the motion of his hips, trying to clear his mind. Streaks of color move through the darkness, random shapes and patterns, cascading lights like he's in a spaceship entering warp drive. Alison’s breath is in his ear, the soft jagged purr confirming he’s doing a good job, but he can't even tell if he's hard anymore at all. It's all lost in the hot blur of sensation below his waist, in the wet smacking of their bodies.
Fuck, he needs it. He's not so stupid that he didn't notice Alison was uncomfortable tonight. He fucked up at dinner and he needs to make things right. He needs to show her that he’s attracted to her. If he goes soft now she’ll be devastated, but he can't… he can't do this without cheating. Without thinking about the things he's not meant to think about.
Eddie bites his lip and lets the fantasy wash over him.
***
It's a familiar scene, one Eddie’s thought about many times before. The basement at Eddie’s parents’ house, two months after prom, in the final hazy weeks of senior year. Eddie's sprawled out on the couch reading a book, newly eighteen, no longer a child but not quite free to be a proper adult yet. It's a real memory, or it would be, except in the fantasy version she's a girl.
Jason stomps down the stairs in a huff and Eddie looks up from her book. She doesn't remember what he was really wearing, but right now he’s shirtless and his tight abs are gleaming in the spring heat. Her outfit’s made up, too. She didn't get these clothes until years later, but she’s wearing her flouncy green floral skirt, and a light cotton camisole that shows off her slender body and perky breasts.
“Are your folks around?” Jason asks. Eddie shakes her head. Her parents don't approve of Jason, but he still prefers to hang out at her place. Jason’s mom is okay, except when she's hungover, in which case she gets real mad if they make any noise, or when she's drunk, which is just sad. As a kid, Jason called them her Bad Days. Nowadays he just doesn't talk about it.
“Heads up,” says Jason, and flops over the back of the couch, landing all over Eddie. She squeals and pushes at him helplessly, and he laughs and wriggles into place, jammed in next to her, with his hot sticky body pressed tight against hers.
“Jason,” she whines, “I'm reading.”
“What is it with girls, Eddie?” Jason muses, “Why do they gotta make things so complicated all the time?”
Eddie gives him a reproachful look, “Trouble with Becky?”
“She's going to college,” says Jason, “And she asked if I wanted to go long distance. Long distance like no sex, no dates, no kissing, even. Just, what, writing love letters to each other? You know I can’t write for shit.”
Eddie giggles, “Ever heard of a cellphone?”
“I'm no good on the phone,” says Jason. He traces a finger along Eddie's arm, raising goosebumps as his heat soaks into her tender skin. “I'm a visual communicator. I need body language.”
His finger reaches her shoulder and passes over the spaghetti strap of her cami. Eddie stiffens, “Jason…”
“You never make things complicated,” Jason murmurs, “You get me, Eddie. And you’re a great kisser.”
“Jason,” Eddie whispers, “That was… that was just for prom…”
“Uh-huh,” Jason says. And there was more of it, more back and forth, more of him slowly wearing down walls, but Alison moans and clenches around Eddie's dick and the scene skips ahead.
They're making out on the couch, wrapped together missionary style, and this time there's nothing below Eddie’s waist, so there's nothing to stop Jason pressing his hard cock against her, nothing to stop Eddie latching her legs around him, pulling their bodies tighter together. She can feel his firm cock pressing insistently against the thin fabric of her panties, coaxing her body to open up for her. She lets out a soft moan and Jason slips his tongue deep into her mouth. She sucks on it weakly. Jason reaches for her breast and circles a fingertip around her nipple, and she whimpers in desperate, angsty lust.
Jason pulls back and grins at her, “Do you still have your prom dress?”
Eddie nods, and then time skips ahead again, and she's all dressed up. She takes a tentative step out of the bathroom, her heels clicking against the concrete floor, and waits for Jason to see her.
In the fantasy, her dress swirls ethereally around her dainty legs. It's not creased and wrinkled from being crammed into a trashbag in the back of her closet. Her hair is long and flowing in delicate curls, she's spent an hour on her makeup, and her breasts are full and straining against the sky-blue bodice of her dress. She's more beautiful than she's ever been, as dazzling and perfect as she felt on prom night. It's a fantasy, the version of herself she wishes she could’ve shown Jason, instead of the awkward boy hastily crammed into a crumpled dress that he really saw that lazy afternoon.
But the lust in Jason’s eyes is just how she remembers it.
“Just like that, Eddie,” Alison gasps, “Just… like… ah…”
Eddie leans down and kisses her on the cheek, but his eyes are staring blankly past her. Alison scratches at his shoulders and he grunts and picks up the pace, thrusting as hard as he can.
He can feel himself getting close. Alison’s pussy is tight and wet and the feeling is undeniably good, and he likes it, he likes her, likes having sex with her, even if he sometimes needs a little help to get going. Alison cries out and he kisses her hard again. She strokes his face softly and melts into the mattress.
He just has to finish now. He just has to cum, so she doesn't think there's something wrong with him. There's not something wrong with him. He likes this, likes being here, likes ramming his cock into her like he's supposed to. He shuts his eyes again and goes away. Back to the basement.
Jason’s sitting up on the back of the couch, which is really bad for the frame. Eddie doesn't say anything though, because the look of awe in Jason's eyes is making her tongue-tied.
“Jesus, Eddie,” Jason breathes, “That's just not fucking fair.”
Eddie blushes and looks at the ground, swirling her skirt around her ankles.
“I look stupid,” she says.
“Yeah,” Jason agrees, “Stupid hot.”
“Jason…”
“I'm so pissed off I missed prom night with you,” Jason sighs, “I fucked up.”
Eddie bites her lip. They haven't talked about it since then, both silently agreeing to let their insane promise fade out of memory.
Jason sighs again, “I really fucked up.”
“It's fine,” Eddie mutters, “I know you weren't being serious about it.”
“Yeah?” says Jason.
Eddie shrugs, “Yeah.”
“Cool,” Jason hops off the couch and approaches her with a frustrated look on his face, “Man, Eddie, it's just not fair. First Becky dumps me, and now I gotta see you looking so fucking hot. I'm gonna have insane blue balls tonight.”
He wraps his arms around her waist and Eddie squirms. She wants to act like she’s disgusted, but she can't control the flush of heat in her chest. It's all so overwhelming. The feel of his hands on her, the swell of his cock against her thigh, the lust in his voice. She's been waiting for this.
She steadies herself as best she can and narrows her eyes, “You know, I'm not actually a girl.”
Jason shrugs, “So?”
“So I'm not gonna fall for your stupid lines,” she says firmly, “If your balls are so blue, go home and jerk off.”
Jason pouts, “I never learned how.”
Eddie giggles despite herself, and Alison coos in his ear, her voice juddering as he slams into her body. The scene shunts forward again and now Eddie’s on her knees in front of the couch, the skirts of her sky-blue dress pooled around her on the floor. Jason is sitting in front of her, looking down at her with eager eyes. She raises her hands slowly up his legs. She’s wanted this for so long, been dreaming of it since he kissed her. Hell, a long time before that, if she’s honest. Her fingers tremble as she reaches for the zipper.
Jason catches her by the wrists, halting her hands but not pulling them away.
“Hey,” he says, “You don’t gotta do this if you don’t want to, okay?”
Eddie is too nervous even to nod. She doesn’t want him to take this away from her, but can she really go through with it? This is crossing a line, unmistakably. There’s no way they can go back to being friends after this. But then, didn’t she already cross that line when they kissed? Didn’t she cross it a dozen times over, every time she let him kiss her again, in those crazy weeks leading up to prom? Her heart is juddering in her chest, and for a moment she feels like she’s gonna throw up.
“But if you do wanna do this,” Jason says, his voice low and serious, “Best friend ever.”
That stupid line breaks the tension, and suddenly her hands are steady. She unzips Jason’s fly and releases his straining cock. Her soft lips part as she leans forward, and she hesitates right before she makes contact with his drooling tip. Her pale blue eyes turn up to Jason, and he smiles down at her, tender, warm, and thrumming with horny impatience. She holds his gaze and lets his cock press into her mouth.
That first time was so awkward, a mess of gagging and drooling and toothiness. It was months before she got the chance to try again, and that was awkward too, but she only got better over the years, and it’s a blurry montage of those memories flashing through her head right now. She can almost feel his cock pumping through her lips, can almost smell his musk mixed in with Alison’s perfume. But her favourite part was always his voice, the sweet things he would say to her while her own mouth was occupied, the way she could surrender herself to him, let her mind go blank, let his hands and cock mold her into a pretty girl for him to use.
“Come, Eddie,” Alison gasps, “Come inside me, big guy.”
His climax finally hits, and with the strike of pleasure comes the all-consuming rush of shame and guilt. He did it again, despite swearing off it, despite throwing out every last trace of that shameful past, trashing his makeup and lingerie and even that sky-blue dress. It’s not enough. He’s still broken.
His cock pumps pathetically inside Alison’s pussy, and he clenches his eyes shut again. That hazy day in the basement is gone, replaced by another memory. Jason, in the Applebee’s tonight, reaching for his hand across the table. It takes him a couple tries to find it. He's already drunk, clumsy, and Eddie’s not bridging the distance for him.
“You should stay,” he says, “M’gonna be lonely when you're gone.”
Eddie snorts, “You'll find girls to keep you company.”
“But I…” Jason falters, then collects himself and smiles sheepishly, “I’d miss my backup girl.”
***
Allie lies flat on her back, still struggling to catch her breath. Holy fucking moly. Jeez mother-fucking louise. Where did that come from?
She chuckles to herself, slowly peeling herself up off the bed. She’s heard of being pounded into the mattress, but that was… well, it was unexpected, that’s for sure.
Eddie didn’t stick around to cuddle after he finished. He’s in the shower now, she can hear the water running through the thin walls of his apartment. His soon-to-be-former apartment. She stretches herself out, dips a hand between her legs to make sure her pussy hasn’t been fucking blown to smithereens, and flops back onto her pillows
Fake it til you make it, she thinks to herself with a grin. After all her anxiety over the past few months, all her fears that she wasn’t good enough, all she needed to unleash the animal in Eddie was a little confidence. And finally rejecting the guy who had her heart on a string back in senior year was the perfect way to do it. Fuck you, Jason! She punches the air with a cackle. I may have come crawling back to you once, she thinks, but never again. Never fucking again.
She snuggles into bed with a satisfied smile. Now she knows the secret. All she’s gotta do to get Eddie fired up is to, well, believe in herself. It’s very Disney Channel, really, if Disney Channel made porn. Her mind goes off on that tangent. Instead of DuckTales, they could have FuckTales. Instead of Gargoyles, they could have Gargles. Y'know, like gargling cum. Instead of Bill Nye the Science Guy, there would be Bill Nye the Having Sex Guy. She laughs out loud at her own stupid joke. Hell, why was she so worried about Eddie leaving her? No way he can find comedy like that in New York.
Her smile fades.
She is over Jason, really and truly. Whatever part of her that was hung up on trying to prove that she was good enough? It’s gone now. If it didn’t die back at Applebee’s it got hammered to death in Eddie’s bed. Good riddance. The only thing is… she thinks she might be over Eddie, too.
She figured out how to get him to show affection. Great. But what kind of douchebag makes you figure him out like that? Like he’s some ancient Chinese puzzle box? What kind of man teases you with soft kisses and cute giggles and long pretty hair and then snatches them away? She deserves better than that.
The shower shuts off in the other room, and Allie rolls out of bed. Whoa. Okay, she’s not sure if it’s the alcohol or the frenetic dicking but she’s a little unsteady on her feet. Still, she makes it to the bathroom, meeting Eddie at the doorway. He’s got a towel around his waist, his skinny chest bare.
“Hey,” she grins.
“Hey,” he says warily.
His eyes are distant, lost in thoughts that Allie knows she's never gonna get to hear. Maybe there are some girls who would be happy chasing after an emotionally unavailable man, begging for affection, swooning over his dick like it’s a rare and precious gift. But Allie’s not that type of girl.
She kisses Eddie on the cheek, steps back and smiles at him warmly.
“We never talked about what’s gonna happen when you move to New York,” she says.
Eddie winces, “Oh.”
“I think we should break up,” Allie says.
****************
There you gooooo babes. I hope you enjoyed and or despised, as long as it gets you THINKING!!!!!! Next chapter of BUG, Eddie will be in New York. And for sure that will fix his issues. Wasn't it nice of Jason to be so supportive about the move?
So my next priorities are 2D Ch. 25 and Troll Ch. 02. I've got them both fully plotted out and I'm super keen to get started on them! However... I stepped in last minute to help out with a Secret Santa thingy, so I've gotta write a story for that by the 5th of December. So that's priority number one. It's gonna be a little while before I can post it, but once I do, you'll see it here first. Or, well, equal first, cause I think we're gonna post a bundle on itch. That should be a really cute story, though! It's a WLW T4T oneshot and probably not smutty. That's all I can say for now, cause I don't wanna spoil the present.
Remember when I said I was gonna finish First Times before I started anything else? Oh how we laugh at the foolish hubris of the past. Poor Vic's probably gonna have to wait another year to work out any of her problems. Anyway, that's all from me I think. Love you!
Comments
goose
thank you so much GG! i loved writing Allie as an unreliable narrator lol
Samantha Louise
Apparently it's part and parcel of beauty :P
GG
> and there's the most intensely dysphoric sex scene I've ever written. 👀 Makes me a little sad when Allie sees Eddie's problems with food and clearly can tell something is going on there, but never connects the dots in any meaningful way. It's pretty funny how atrociously she misunderstands all of the subtext behind the "double date". ANd omg Jason said Backup Girl! That's crazy. Credits roll. Also oof ...and yeah that's a pretty bad sex scene. But, you know, like, bad in an emotionally satisfying way. Keep it up!!! ^_^
pho3
the part where Jason hold his hand out to reach for Eddies truly broke my heart :(( I hope she could figure it out sooner
goose
all my beautiful patrons are so pretty (and mopey)
Samantha Louise
Sadly progesterone didn’t do anything for me. Surgery is scary but once I’m at a safe job my desire for boobs and cleavage will outweighs my fear. Eventually. I did get lucky face changed a lot and apparently I’m pretty. Still feels weird to say and like I’m lying about that…sigh. Sorry it’s day before injection and I’m getting mopey.
Samantha Louise
Doesn’t ever guy just struggle with being a guy and feel like they don’t fit and it’s not right? Everyone just never talks about it. It’s the unspoken guy code
Stephanie
sounds kind of awesome actually
Egg
That title drop hit me like an atomic bomb. Poor Eddie. Poor, poor, Eddie
goose
oh thats so tough I'm sorry :( my only other advice is to get really fat, that was a key part of my regimen. ngl it does have downsides tho
July
yeah i gave prog a try for like half a year or so with no luck. it's pretty rough cuz i'm too flat to even have much cone shaped going on—that would be an upgrade. i have been scared its something in my regimen at fault (oral E, spiro), considering i'm still rather skinny looking and most of the fat goes to my gut but it's not exactly much i can do there
goose
absolutely fuming at you passing immediately haha. but no boobs is tough! this is probably a super duhbrainz suggestion but if you haven't tried progesterone i strongly suggest it, my boobs were just weird little cones but prog really filled them out. i've heard that switching from spiro to cypro can also help (because cypro also contains prolactin, i think) surgery is sooo scary though, i'm pursuing FFS (if this fricken doctor actually gets back to me with my scans....) but i'm soooo nervous about it even though his track record is really good. i just watched The Substance and it really hooked into my fears of, like, ruining my body in the pursuit of vanity. i want to be pretty but is it worth the risk of my skull caving in??
July
unfortunately i am located on the other side of the planet but i appreciate the suggestion! honestly i say done insofar as i'm convinced hrt has done its work—i've passed since like almost immediately after starting and haven't rly changed much for two years but then again there are plenty of ways i wouldnt mind changing my body further (like boobs. i didnt get any boobs for some reason) but surgery is just scaryyy
goose
idk i feel like eddie should keep at the being a guy thing for a few more years you never know if it'll suddenly click!! maybe he just needs to lock in!!!
goose
and in the off chance you're in Sydney Australia i highly recommend Dr Tania Hossack !!
goose
ooh this is my 4th year on E (and my transition is FAR from over haha) so you're well ahead of me! re: prom night: no spoilers!!! but love the theory!!! and hey July's bf? BACK OFF BUDDY!!!!! LET HER ROTATE!!!!!!
goose
i learned this from a TIL post on reddit, but apparently Juan Carlos I, king of Spain from 1975-2014, had so many extramarital affairs that the Spanish secret service dosed him with hormones to reduce his sex drive, as it was seen as a state problem!! as soon as i saw that i was like okay someone needs to write an eggfic about this IMMEDIATELY. the hedonistic young king of a made-up country, he hates all the pageantry of being a royal so he spends all his time drinking and doing drugs and having debauched sex. the royal vizirs or whatever are worried about him ruining the royal family's reputation, so they hire a trans sex worker to give him hormones under the guise of them being party drugs but she's suspicious about the dosage they've got him on. and if the goal is just to reduce his sex drive, why are they giving him estrogen? the haughty vizirs aren't expecting her to be smart, after all, she's a POOR. but she figures out their real plan is to feminise the king and have him deposed for being a deviant, so that his WICKED uncle can take over and do a fascism. she wants to tell the king what's really happening, but after all their time together (and the kinky sex they've been having with the king dressed up in lingerie), she's scared to admit that she's betrayed him. but the king eventually tells her he already knows -- he realised there was something happening to his body, and put two and two together, but he doesn't care. maybe it's all part of an evil scheme, but at least she pretended to like him. even that is rare. anyway yea they fall in love and the king's egg cracks and also she learns about the bigotry and class inequality in her country and stuff and she dissolves the monarchy <3 you get it
July
Heh, I guess that's a bit comforting. I've been on E for like three years and I keep feeling like "girl, your transition is done except for this just do it already" but logistics are hardddd and picking who's gonna cut off your balls is scary I'm really wondering now what prom night was like..... Like, did Eddie work herself up and prepare herself and even feel a bit excited just for him to not showwww???? And yes I need to know why Jason is like this he's so pathetic I want to slap him for being awful but also holy shit he's so adorably smitten with Eddie and neither of them know what to do with this shitt ...my bf keeps making fun of me for being so crazy about this series but it makes my brain rotate so hard
goose
omg i put it off for like five years so i so get it. honestly so far its not blowing my mind although its nice to not have to take spiro. atm everything is swollen like crazy so part of me is a little nervous they're still in there haha i'm so enjoying dropping clues about prom! and getting into a bit more about why jason is the way he is
Samantha Louise
Congrats on the orchi! I gotta say, I feel so bad for Eddie, trying desperately to prove he's a guy, cutting her hair, girl you're just torturing yourself trying to make yourself fit into a role that's not you. And yeah, Jason is pathetic, he's that guy who peaked in high school. Hopefully he can get better but right now....
July
Congrats on the orchi! I've been really... really putting off arranging mine so I'm a tad envious heh. Godd this chapter. Poor Eddie is so, so miserable and Jason is, just as Allie noticed, in a state of his own pathetic misery. I love this way of slowly revealing what happened around prom—Jason having not been there is very very interesting, but I suppose answers some questions. Welp, time to go back to being feral with desire for the next one.
Stephanie
i didn’t know you collaborated on that!! also i LOVE your transhet stories. you’ve got me questioning myself sometimes 😳 also im not normally into historical romances but….. what happened to the king of spain???
goose
omg and also thank you for the lovely comment angel!!
goose
not only can it be done, it's been done before!! real Blake1 heads know about "It's Just A Prank, Bro", the story i collabed on with BethOfTheWild a scumbag wannabe youtuber dresses up as a trans woman as a "social experiment", but his feelings get complicated when an openly trans beauty youtuber confronts him about it https://www.scribblehub.com/series/277773/its-just-a-prank-bro/ i do tend to focus on trans girl/cis guy stories tho. but i just checked through my "trans stories ideas" doc and there are a whole bunch of transbian T4T ideas waiting in the wings! without getting into too much detail, here are some of the titles - Be Girl, Do Crimes - A Thing I Do For Money - Turning Point - (actual thing that happened to the king of spain) let me know if any of those sound intriguing, altho i kinda wanna write Coxed Eight or my untitled milf story first... anyway!!!! i'm not transphobic or lesbophobic and i'm DEFINITELY not defensive about it!!!
Stephanie
LOVE this chapter, my poor babies are both so fucking miserable and pathetic without each other its so good. i hope we get to see them have the most toxic reunion sex of all time in new york also, lesbian T4T?! by blake?! can it be done⁉️
goose
thank you!!!! tbh i saw a post about no nut november and i'm easily influenced
Stephanie
congrats on the orchi!!!
