Catherynne M. Valente
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Bonus Denizen: Susan from Contracts
🕑 Added 2025-04-27 22:45:01 +0000 UTCBONUS DENIZEN FOR ALL THIS MONTH. Because it was TOO MUCH to not share.
And I did it this way on purpose.
So there would be a reveal. You know, like on Drag Race, only instead of revealing something even more glamorous, we’re going to reveal LITERALLY A CRIME AGAINST DECENCY AND CHILDHOOD.
My dad brought a bunch of old photos to Norwescon so that I could have them, and boy do they tell the story of a journey through 80s and 90s fashion. YIKES ON SEVERAL DIVERSE BIKES.
The first photo is pure 80s Millennial Childhood--me at 4 years old in preschool. CLOCK THOSE YARN RIBBONS.
And the second is just baffling. I am NINE.
WHY DID PEOPLE DO THIS TO CHILDREN? WHY DID THEY PERM MY ALREADY CURLY HAIR? WHY DID THEY GIVE ME SUSAN FROM CONTRACTS' TERRIBLE POST-SEPARATION HAIRCUT? SUSAN IS JUST TRYING TO DO HER BEST TO GET AHEAD IN A MAN'S WORLD, YOU KNOW, SHE JUST NEEDS A BREAK.
One also wishes to inquire: why shoulder pads, for a nine year old? Why stripes AND dots? Why any of this? Why did we make babies look like middle-aged new hires trying to hide the disappointment behind their exhausted eyes?
I will never understand. It was a criminal conspiracy among 80s and 90s parents to make us all look like Tiny Office Manager Neopets. I CANNOT be the only one who remembers how perms smelled. Christ, it must be the actual air freshener fragrance in hell.
So enjoy my horrifying 4th grade fashion--I trust YOU ALONE with my shame, patrons.
Comments
Justina Robson
I got a slinky purple polyester dress with shoulderpads and patent leather buckle up maryjanes with the all new and hote colour of tights - Barely Black. From my Mum, for a family wedding do. Looking at the photos later she said, 'I think I shouldn't have bought that outfit. It's too old for you.' It would have been too old for the Golden Girls. Also it had a strange Always Inappropriate vibe to it. I wore it under protest and binned it soon after. For skintight jeans and rockstar hair, which I did perm a few times until the hell of perms was just too much. Do you remember when your hair grew out and it had a sharp right angle in it, like a set square, that you could feel with your fingertips and it was so precise and so unnatural you couldn't stop touching it? Anyway, too gross for words. Ironically, now I'm leaning towards 60 my hair has decided it will naturally curl like that, the way it never did in the 1980s.
Marc Reeve
I mean, in the '70s, I was wearing Western outfits most of the time anyway (my mother has joked that the reason I walk funny is that I got my first pair of cowboy boots when I was still crawling, so I basically learned to walk in them.) So there are a lot of pictures of me dressed like that, including many from the Sears Portrait Studio.
Cynthia White
I'm surprised they didn't put you in a Western outfit against a barn -- maybe that horror was just for 70s children who had their photos done at Sears. (No, there are no such photos of me, but I saw some of my friends photos).
kurthl33t
Photographs at that time just LOVED having kids rest their chin on their fist.
Jeremy Brett
No shame here! We all looked our own odd selves back in the day.
