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*personal/big oversharing mental health life update* haha h..
🕑 Added 2024-01-12 20:40:53 +0000 UTC *personal/big oversharing mental health life update* haha hiiii... so there's still nothing too exciting or noteworthy going on with me, but i realized i haven't actually talked to you in awhile and some people like my updates π so my therapist went on maternity leave last week which i was really stressed about since she's been my main support for awhile. but i think it's the push i needed to actually do the work we've (my therapist & i) been talking about for the past year. the changes i've made so far include: dating again. i'm a lot more confident now and feel like i *might* have a chance at that. i'm also finally prioritizing self care & hobbies and have signed up for sewing classes, pole classes (i finally put my pole back up... did i mention that?? idk), and a few other fun activities. i'm suuuuper social & extroverted, so i know that one of the main reasons i've been so dysfunctional is lack of socialization. before onlyfans, i was out with friends everyday, but honestly neglected those relationships & have hung out with friends maaaaybe 15 times in the past 3 years. so i think if i follow through w this & create balance in my life, i should be able to manage my page better. ik i've said this many times before, but i've yet to focus on the things that actually matter for my mental health. i'm also switching medications which i was too scared to do until now, but it's extremely necessary since i've been rapid cycling (mania, depression, mania, depression, mania, depression) constantly for a lonnnnng time. one day i feel so together & optimistic and the next i can't get out of bed. def no way to live!! another big thing (for me... like all of this haha) is that i did maybe 5 emdr sessions and no longer feel guilt or shame for doing onlyfans. that's definitely the thing i've struggled with the most... i was so conflicted for the longest time & felt like i was on the wrong path. emdr has helped me separate my family's opinions from my own and have empathy for myself. i feel like i'm right where i'm supposed to be :) now i just need to figure out how to get over texting anxiety because that's another thing that's been majorly affecting my life... okay that's all. hopefully i'll have something more exciting to share soon, but the main point is that i'm on the up & up and finally heading in a good direction! woo hooooo
