regularfeatures posts
Posts: 496
Files: 922
529: Stag Don't
This week's episode comes directly from Joe's Stag Do. A stag do is where boys go to do podcasts, and we highly recommend it, especially to you, MISSUS. Gav quizzes Joe on the likes, dislikes, and historic whereabouts of his fiancée. Steve writes a poem to rival that one about your parents ...
528: Would You Like Beans With Those Sausages?
Sorry for the late Patreon post, this $4bn website wasn't accepting new episodes for about 48 hours there. As an apology, here is a magic trick.Think of a breakfast meat. Now think of a member of the royal family. You were thinking of Black Pudding Camilla weren't you? No? Oh right, then you...
527: Dog Piss Cowboys
Come, come inside my fortune telling tent young man, or is it young woman? My wizened old crone eyes can't see too well these days.What... "crone"? No, no it's fine, I can say it because I am one, it's our word. No, yeah I know it's rooted in misogyny. We're reclaiming it...
526: Crab Rangoon's Piss Wars
Patrons, I am REALLY gassy right now.In this one: Log does Mandalorian via Pussy Pals.Steve does meat of the week.Matt been stench in p*******.God, I am so gassy.
525: The British Kebab Awards 2023 Special
PHello Patrons!Here is an episode some of you have been waiting for and we hope it's worth the wait.This is becoming a nice little tradition and we're excited to see where this greasy little adventure takes us next.For now, please enjoy this latest instalment in the Kebabbies Saga and rememb...
524: Roger Baba Helmer Dook
HOLA PATARYONAS xxxHoik up your britches and join us in the Regular Features tide pool, but mind you don't step on a hermit crab or one of those cool wet slugs. They were here first and we are their guests in the tide pool. We must always remember that the wet slug is our hostess. Write it down....
523: Zumbido, The Gladiator of Time
Right on the heels of Episode 522 - it's Episode 5! 2! 3!522 has ducked into a back alley in an attempt to escape the inevitable, but 523 has locked onto their scent. 522 looks around for anything they could use as a weapon, as the slobbering 523 approaches, dragging its lame, smoky leg across t...
522: Pretty Flyting For A White Viking
Hello patrons. No, it's not the Kebabbies episode just yet. That meaty boy is still percolating in our collective guts, and it will come blasting out at you when you and we least expect it.In this one, Log has been spitting rhymes in Assassins's Creed Valhalla, Joe has been measured to withi...
521: Someone Left The Cake Out With Bourdain
Where do YOU think celebreties go on holiday? I think Kylie goes to Filey, and Farrah Fawcett goes to Dorset. I'd be interested to know who YOU think goes to Skegness, in my new long form interview show, "Hello! Does anyone here rhyme with Skegness?".Some high-ups in the industry told me...
520: ABBA Kebabra
Honky tonk, patreons.Do you think they added the "and decorator" bit to "painter and decorator" because people kept accidentally booking watercolourists to come in and do the spare room? Like these painters kept showing up with their easels, and the person's like, "you won...
519: The Last of The Dorito Retweets
Wham! Bam! Thank you, ma'am. Yes, thank you for participating in the annual whamming and bamming contest. Now who's next. Wham! Thank you sir, but I'm afraid you're disqualified. You forgot to bam. No you can't go again.In this one, Log finds romance in a post-apocalyptic wastela...
518: The Blue Tick Game Pitch
Hello patrons, this is your phone speaking. I just wanted to say that it's real nice and cosy inside your pocket. I bet you thought I'd say it stinks of coins and thighs, but that's just your inner critic trying to trip you up again. You're your own worst enemy, when you gotta be you...
517: Is Carol a Robot? feat. BlobbyWatch
Welcome to the far future, where Blobbies buy you on eBay. Frightened yet? Well listen to Regular Features and feel a lot nicer about yourself.
516: The Prince's Bolivian Fight
Prince Harry's tadger keeps transporting him into realms of reveries, and we simply can't get enough.
515: The Invincible Golden Syrup Girl
In the beginning God created Golden Syrup.Then he created podcasts.Feels like two weird ones to start with but he seems to know what he's doing so who the fuck are we to question him?Please enjoy this podcast which only exists because of you x
514: Happy Ramblemas
It's the first podcast of 2023 and to celebrate we've brought back an ancient Regular Features tradition - The Ramblemas.Please enjoy and keep supporting us this year or we'll be sad x
513: Happy Christmas
Get outa here!
512: Jack Frost Nipping At Your Nose
Chestnuts roasting on an open fire... writes the crime scene investigator in the "REASON FOR FIRE" section of his crime solving notepad, as he shakes his head and cries into an evidence bag in the charred ruins of a house. It was a crime scene investigation this entire time, that's the t...
511: Worms! Worms! Worms!
There's never been a better time to invest in worms. Worms are under you right now, working around the clock to make the rotten wet soil nice enough that daisies will deign to sprout out of it.Worms are versatile! They can be used as novelty Banana Boats for beetles who are on holiday from next ...
510: You Are Log's Double-Ended Candle
Hello patrons. In this episode, Steve burns his candle at both ends. And Log invites you to embody him completely and understand once and for all the arduous process of producing a regular feature.Joe is here, to bear witness to this foul act.
509: Beak Wuzard
Here's the church, here's the steeple, open the door... but where's the people? Did you know that church attendance has been in decline for decades. Among people aged between 18 and 24, the incidence of religious affiliation is only 30.7%.If it were to drop below 30%, a special alarm wil...
508: McClue Manor
The crime? A mordor. The suspect?! YOU.And you thought you'd get away with it you little freak. Well say hello to a little thing we like to call JUSTICE.
507: Corden's Crime Crabs
Please, for god's sake, put down the weapon... and pick up a BIG SMILE because it is time for Regular Features actually.This week, Joe takes policing into his own hands, and Steve talks about a creature that doesn't even HAVE hands (but it does have a gun). Log turns up, but then leaves beca...
506: I'm The Boy With Bums In His Hair
Hey patrons, what else can I tell ya, it's episode 506 of the Reg'lar Features podcast. In this one, Steve's on about legs. Log's on about herons. And Joe's on about the various nicknames given by George W Bush to his closest Colin Powells.Get it in ya!
505: Terf Wars: A New Dope
Hello Patrons,Here is an episode of The Regular Features podcast that wouldn't exist if you didn't stick your hands in your pocket and send us the grubby pennies you find inside. Pennies that have been positively drenched in your trowser grease and probably rubbed against an errant testie or...
504: Dat Zinking Feelink
Hey patrons! You know how submarines are designed to go under the water and do torpedos and pinging and that? Well we've just come up with an idea for a new type of submarine that goes above the water. We can't give you any more details but let's just say it's called a SURmarine, it ...
503: respect.mp3_V2_final_USETHISONE
Hello citizens,It is I, RespectBot 5000 with a message from Jonathan D. Eference, my creator.Please stay within your domiciles and respect Her Maj using the approved respectful medias that should now have been delivered to your peasant hands.Wear your rememberance blankets with pride and cry into yo...
502: A Class Act, Until the End
We're not sure how we were able to pull ourselves together to record this but somehow - like the heroes that we are - we've created this podcasting tribute to the late (see: GREAT) Queen Elizabeth.Yeah, our love for the Queen might ruffle a few anti-mon (anti-monarchy) feathers but we had to...
Patreon Bonus: Episode 500 Bee Name Symposium
Hello Patreon readers. Remember when we gave out loads of bee names at Episode 500? Well this is a recording of us coming up with them at about 1am, out of our minds on hooch.
501: Cryobaric Hypersnooze, If You Don't Mind
People say you can fly too close to the sun? Well we say you can't fly close enough. We say you can fly right up to it, so that your nude chest grazes along its surface as you circumnavigate its plasmic equator at one billion miles per hour, like you are Space Harrier himself, skirting along the...
