violetsvip

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Last year, I told my boyfriend we could watch a porn for his..

Last year, I told my boyfriend we could watch a porn for his birthday and do everything that we saw in the video… He was super psyched! ...until I fucked the pizza guy 😈

The best birthday I ever had- I received $500 from all the c..

The best birthday I ever had- I received $500 from all the cards I opened! Sometimes I really miss working in a post office....

I got my friend a fridge for her birthday. I can’t wait to ..

I got my friend a fridge for her birthday. I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it. 🤩

What does a clam do on his birthday? It shellebrates! **..

What does a clam do on his birthday? *It shellebrates!* **It's My Birthday in 1 week - June 7! 🎂**

I went into a seafood restaurant the other night and asked f..

I went into a seafood restaurant the other night and asked for a lobster tail. The waitress smiled sweetly and said, “Once upon a time there was this handsome lobster…” 😒🦞

How do you make a creative Star Wars joke? *You have to thi..

How do you make a creative Star Wars joke? *You have to think outside of the jarjar!* Happy **National Creativity Day!**

Why are there more slugs in the world than snails? Because s..

Why are there more slugs in the world than snails? Because slugs don't wear protection.

NEVER get a hamburger in Athens. Way to Greecey. On a relat..

NEVER get a hamburger in Athens. Way to Greecey. On a related note- Check out these buns! 😉

The swordfish has no natural predators to fear from... ....e..

The swordfish has no natural predators to fear from... ....except the penfish, which is supposed to be even mightier. But on an important note, Thong? Or Full Bottom?

Why doesn’t Dracula have any friends? Well, honestly, he’s ..

Why doesn’t Dracula have any friends? Well, honestly, he’s a real *pain in the neck*. 😅

How did the computer geek refer to his AI-based girlfriend? ..

How did the computer geek refer to his AI-based girlfriend? His "Databae"

Who was Princess Leia's gynecologist? OB-Wan Kenobi

Who was Princess Leia's gynecologist? **OB**-Wan Kenobi

You can't win an argument with a chicken. It's logic is imp..

You can't win an argument with a chicken. It's logic is impeccable. 🐔

Did you hear about the goth kid with dyslexia? He sold his s..

Did you hear about the goth kid with dyslexia? He sold his soul to Santa. 🤘🎅

What’s the difference between Disney+ and pHub? Disney + wa..

What’s the difference between Disney+ and pHub? Disney + wants you to hate your stepmother. 🤣

Drag racing is my favourite sport I'm just so amazed at how ..

Drag racing is my favourite sport I'm just so amazed at how fast they can run in heels 👠 💄

How does good king Wenceslas like his pizza? Deep pan, crisp..

How does good king Wenceslas like his pizza? Deep pan, crisp and even. *(Please let me know if you got this reference! 🙈)*

My stoner friend rolled a joint using a page from my agenda ..

My stoner friend rolled a joint using a page from my agenda notebook- He is high on my list of priorities. Happy **National Notebook Day** 🤓

They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder- Which is why ..

They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder- Which is why I’m so self conscious around bee keepers 🐝 👀

What’s a cat’s favorite color? Purrrrrple. 💜 😽

What do you get when you roll chewbaca in hersheys kisses? ..

What do you get when you roll chewbaca in hersheys kisses? A chocolate chip wookie! or... both your arms ripped off! 🤷‍♀️

Whenever I fill out an application- In the part that says “..

Whenever I fill out an application- In the part that says “If an emergency, notify:” I put “DOCTOR” What’s my mother going to do? 🤨

Why did Clark Kent never have a babysitter? *Because he had..

Why did Clark Kent never have a babysitter? *Because he had super vision*

There once was a woman called Callie Who loved having sex in..

There once was a woman called Callie Who loved having sex in the valley Out in the fresh air Her flesh she would bare ‘Twas better than in the back alley!