violetsvip

onlyfans

violetsvip posts

Posts: 480 Files: 1275

A group of American tourists were being guided through an an..

A group of American tourists were being guided through an ancient castle in Europe. "This place," the guide told them, "is 600 years old. Not a stone in it has been touched, nothing altered, nothing replaced in all those years." "Wow," said one woman “they must have the sam...

I just quit my job at the gym because I wasn't big or strong..

I just quit my job at the gym because I wasn't big or strong enough. I've handed in my too weak notice-

I’ve been told my Jedi tricks will blow your mind 😵‍💫 *(scr..

I’ve been told my Jedi tricks will blow your mind 😵‍💫 *(scroll for clip)*

What do you call the website Chewbacca started that gives ou..

What do you call the website Chewbacca started that gives out Empire secrets?… Wookieeleaks! **Happy StarWars Day!** 🤓

Why do ghosts hate the rain? It dampens their spirits. S..

Why do ghosts hate the rain? *It dampens their spirits.* Something else is getting dampened in your DMs 💦

My sibling became severely depressed when he found out he wa..

My sibling became severely depressed when he found out he was adopted- I can't relate

Just tried to de-snow my car with a loyalty card I only mana..

Just tried to de-snow my car with a loyalty card I only managed to get 10% off

Why’d the red neck decide not get his hair cut? Because he h..

Why’d the red neck decide not get his hair cut? Because he had to mull it over.

If you have a smelly room I would recommend getting a candle..

If you have a smelly room I would recommend getting a candle. It just makes scents.

How many billionaires does it take to create a superhero? Th..

How many billionaires does it take to create a superhero? Three. Two to die and one to never get over it.

Are you McDonalds? 'Cause you're going straight to my thighs..

Are you McDonalds? 'Cause you're going straight to my thighs.

Do you know why they call it a pretzel? Because it’s knot br..

Do you know why they call it a pretzel? Because it’s knot bread

Did you hear that William Shatner’s lingerie company went ou..

Did you hear that William Shatner’s lingerie company went out of business? Turns out no one wanted to buy underwear from a place called Shatner Panties-

I was masturbating when I heard some one scream "Help!". So ..

I was masturbating when I heard some one scream "Help!". So I came as fast as I could.

What cake can love anyone? A pan cake

What happened to the leaf when he was caught cheating during..

What happened to the leaf when he was caught cheating during the Earth Day quiz? He was disqua-leaf-ied.

I want to open a Star Wars themed cafe that caters to people..

I want to open a Star Wars themed cafe that caters to people who are obsessed with bubble tea. I am going to call it Boba Fetish.

If you replace your morning coffee with green tea ..... You ..

If you replace your morning coffee with green tea ..... You can lose up to 87% of what little joy you have left in your life.

What is the difference between an ignorant customer and an a..

What is the difference between an ignorant customer and an apathetic customer? Don’t know and don’t care.

I enjoy doing bicycle tricks. It's a wheelie good time.

Why did the guy with a foot fetish want to lose? He loves de..

Why did the guy with a foot fetish want to lose? He loves defeat.

why do cows have hooves instead of feet.. Because they lac-t..

why do cows have hooves instead of feet.. Because they lac-tose!

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three. O..

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three. One to screw it and two to listen to him bragging.

What do you call a girl that likes small dicks? Hopefully yo..

What do you call a girl that likes small dicks? Hopefully your girlfriend!

A man walks into a library, goes to the librarian, and says ..

A man walks into a library, goes to the librarian, and says "I'm looking for a book called 'Pavlov's Dog and Schrödinger's Cat". The librarian says "That rings a bell, but I'm not sure if it's there or not".

Guy goes in to the library and asks the librarian for books ..

Guy goes in to the library and asks the librarian for books on Erectile Dyfunction... She types away on her keyboard then says "Its not coming up" "Yep!" he says "Thats the one!" Happy **National Librarian Day**