violetsvip posts
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What do you call a disobedient feline pirate? A mew-tineer!..
What do you call a disobedient feline pirate? A mew-tineer! 😹 Happy **Disobedience Day!** - Did you get up to no good yet today? 😈
Someone told me I was forgetful- But I can't remember who it..
Someone told me I was forgetful- But I can't remember who it was... 🤔 Oh well! Happy **I Forgot Day!** 😅
Why are Canadian students so smart? We get lots of *ehs*!
Why are Canadian students so smart? We get lots of *ehs*!
If you're wearing a cowboy outfit... Does that mean you're r..
If you're wearing a cowboy outfit... Does that mean you're ranch dressing? 🤠
Camera men always complete their work- They are very good at..
Camera men always complete their work- They are very good at focusing.
When my friends talk about the 80's they think of boom boxes..
When my friends talk about the 80's they think of boom boxes..I had to stop them- That's just a stereo type
Why can't pirates wear sunglasses? Because they have no bucc..
Why can't pirates wear sunglasses? Because they have no buccaneers!
So I asked God for money... but then I found out that God do..
So I asked God for money... but then I found out that God doesn't work that way. So I robbed a bank, then asked for forgiveness. 😇
Went to the strip club at lunchtime today and it was not ope..
Went to the strip club at lunchtime today and it was not open. The sign on the door said, "Sorry, we are clothed." 👚
I just paid for a boat ride to a magic themed renaissance ca..
I just paid for a boat ride to a magic themed renaissance carnival. The price was reasonable- It was a fair fairy faire ferry fare. 🧚♂️
A husband and wife see their neighbours kissing. The wife s..
A husband and wife see their neighbours kissing. The wife says, “He kisses her every time she comes home from work. Why can’t you do that?” The husband says, “I would love to, but I don’t know her well enough.”
After kissing a girl on her sofa she said “let’s take this u..
After kissing a girl on her sofa she said “let’s take this upstairs” “Ok” I said “ You grab one end and I’ll grab the other” 🤷♀️
I’m trying to write this pun about yoga- But it’s just not w..
I’m trying to write this pun about yoga- But it’s just not working out. It just seems like a bit of a stretch.
I used to work in a car wash, but I wasn't very productive. ..
I used to work in a car wash, but I wasn't very productive. In hindsight, it probably wasn't the most practical place for a painter.
A friend of mine bought me a watch that has stopped working,..
A friend of mine bought me a watch that has stopped working, but I haven’t told them yet. It’s never the right time. 🕰️
Why does Sam.L.Jackson love fathers day? 'Cause it's all ab..
Why does Sam.L.Jackson love fathers day? 'Cause it's all about celebrating those God Damn Motherfucker!
I got beamed up by aliens... I was told to do my all chores,..
I got beamed up by aliens... I was told to do my all chores, eat my veggies, take a shower and brush my teeth. It was then I realized I was in the *mother ship*.
I like to keep my Thanksgiving dinner simple: turkey, stuffi..
I like to keep my Thanksgiving dinner simple: turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, and veggies. Everything else is just gravy-
It may be **International Water Fall Day** but You’re about ..
It may be **International Water Fall Day** but You’re about to be showered in something else, you filthy little cum slut. Get ***Kirk's Triple Gang bang Fantasy*** *(2016)* sent to your DMs for 25% Off by tipping 49 on this post!
What happens when you kiss a bird? You get chirpies It's a c..
What happens when you kiss a bird? You get chirpies It's a canarial disease There's no tweetment *(scroll for a surprise)* 😋
A man is lying on the beach, sun bathing, wearing nothing bu..
A man is lying on the beach, sun bathing, wearing nothing but a cap over his crotch. A woman passes by and remarks "If you were a gentleman, you would lift your hat for a lady ..." He replies "If you were any sort of sexy lady, the hat would lift by itself!"
There are two categories of people in this world, graceful a..
There are two categories of people in this world, graceful and clumsy... I always seem to fall into the ladder 🙃
Women are like telephones. They love to be held. They love t..
Women are like telephones. They love to be held. They love to be talked to. But, if you press the wrong button, you’re disconnected.
It’s okay to say “hi” to the man in the adjoining urinal- It..
It’s okay to say “hi” to the man in the adjoining urinal- It’s even okay to ask him how his day is, It’s not okay to say, “Hi, nice watch!”
What do you call an operation on a barbie doll? *Plastic sur..
What do you call an operation on a barbie doll? *Plastic surgery*
What do you call sexual intercourse between a priest and a n..
What do you call sexual intercourse between a priest and a nun? *Holy fuck.*
It's important to develop a good vocabulary. If I had known..
It's important to develop a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive. 😬
Studies have shown that people who have *more* birthdays act..
Studies have shown that people who have *more* birthdays actually live longer! But always check your sources- Other studies show that *too many* birthdays can actually be fatal!
Two guys are talking about what the are got their wives for ..
Two guys are talking about what the are got their wives for their birthdays- One of them say he got his wife a five karat Diamond ring! His buddy says, “That’s nice, but I thought she wanted a Lexus?” “Yeah, but I didn’t know where to buy a Fake Lexus.”
My friend is so ungrateful. I bought him a peanut butter cho..
My friend is so ungrateful. I bought him a peanut butter chocolate chip cake for his birthday. He just grabbed his EpiPen and complained to me about it- 🙄
