violetsvip posts
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Why is joking about old mens nuts so easy? *It's low hangin..
Why is joking about old mens nuts so easy? *It's low hanging fruit-* Happy National Grab Some Nuts Day! 🌰
I can plesiosaur you like no one ever had! 🦕 Happy Dinosaur..
I can plesiosaur you like no one ever had! 🦕 Happy Dinosaur Day!
I'm not saying you jack off a lot... but you computer looks..
I'm not saying you jack off a lot... but you computer looks like Spiderman saved it after it fell out of a window.
What is the Jolly Green Giant most afraid of? Avocado picke..
What is the Jolly Green Giant most afraid of? Avocado pickers 🥑🥑😳
Platonic friendships are like chess. They're fun, engaging,..
Platonic friendships are like chess. They're fun, engaging, and can last a long time- But someone's always wondering, "how many moves until mate?"
Why should you never masturbate in an elevator? Because it’..
Why should you never masturbate in an elevator? Because it’s wrong on so many levels.
How many politicians does it take to screw in a light bulb? ..
How many politicians does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three! One to screw it in. One to screw it up. One to screw an intern.
Did you hear about the new PBR-flavored bagel spread "Pabst ..
Did you hear about the new PBR-flavored bagel spread "Pabst schmear"
I used to be one of those chefs who shouts and swears a lot-..
I used to be one of those chefs who shouts and swears a lot- But then I discovered oven mitts 🤗
How do you entertain a bored pharaoh? You sail a boatload o..
How do you entertain a bored pharaoh? You sail a boatload of women dressed only in fishing nets down the Nile and urge the pharaoh to go catch a fish. Happy **Tell an Old Joke Day!** - That one’s from 1600 *BC!* 👀
My grandma started sharing her recipes on TikTok - Now she’s..
My grandma started sharing her recipes on TikTok - Now she’s on OnlyNans!
If you and your spouse get amorous in a hammock… Does that ..
If you and your spouse get amorous in a hammock… Does that make you *swingers?*
What does a zombie call a dick? *Junk food*
What does a zombie call a dick? *Junk food*
*Perihelion* is the day the earth is closest to the sun Not..
*Perihelion* is the day the earth is closest to the sun Not to be confused with the *Perineum* - which is closest to the moon. 🌚
My ex once asked if he should watch football or porn. I told..
My ex once asked if he should watch football or porn. I told him to watch porn because he already knows how to play football... Not sure why he got so upset 🤔
A man who is aroused by going to courthouses and listening t..
A man who is aroused by going to courthouses and listening to verdicts is eventually arrested for masturbating during a public trial- They tried him, and he got off on a technicality 👩⚖️
If I ever win the lottery I'll give some of the money to Cha..
If I ever win the lottery I'll give some of the money to Charity. .....But if she isn't dancing that night- I'll give some to Destiny! 🤑
Why couldn’t the snake procreate? He had ereptile dysfunctio..
Why couldn’t the snake procreate? He had ereptile dysfunction!
How can you tell the difference between a *Nerd* and someone..
How can you tell the difference between a *Nerd* and someone with a BDSM fetish? Ask them what a dungeon master is! 😈
**Who's the most popular guy at the nudist colony?** The on..
**Who's the most popular guy at the nudist colony?** The one who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen doughnuts 🍩 **Who is the most popular woman?** The one who can eat the *last* doughnut 😮
Where do math geeks usually sleep at? *The matrices*
Where do math geeks usually sleep at? *The matrices*
If I were trapped in jello- *would you eat me out?* 😇
If I were trapped in jello- *would you eat me out?* 😇
What do you call a championship fisherman who is very lonely..
What do you call a championship fisherman who is very lonely? *A master baiter*
The condition of the man who was mauled at the Teddy bear's ..
The condition of the man who was mauled at the Teddy bear's picnic is said to be improving, but he's not out of the woods yet!
Farmer thought that the barn he kept his chickens in was hau..
Farmer thought that the barn he kept his chickens in was haunted- 🐣 Had to call an *Eggsorcist.* Turns out it was a *Poultrygeist.*
I broke up with my video game console- now it's my *ex-box* ..
I broke up with my video game console- now it's my *ex-box* Nothing personal, it was just time for a *switch*
Where do scuba divers go to relax after work? *Dive bars.*
Where do scuba divers go to relax after work? *Dive bars.*
You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince!..
You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince! But apparently only seven before you're banned from that stuck-up aquarium 😒
Pro-Tip: If a girl in a hot bikini DMs you about crypto- *Ig..
Pro-Tip: If a girl in a hot bikini DMs you about crypto- *Ignore Him.*
What does the Statue of Liberty stand for? *She can’t sit d..
What does the Statue of Liberty stand for? *She can’t sit down.* 🤭 Happy Independence Day Neighbourinos! ❤️🤍💙
