violetsvip posts
Posts: 480
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What do you call somebody who's addicted to trimming beards?..
What do you call somebody who's addicted to trimming beards? A clipptomaniac!
What do you call a virgin on a water bed? *A cherry float!* ..
What do you call a virgin on a water bed? *A cherry float!* 🍒
My friend lost is job at the zoo- They caught him *spanking ..
My friend lost is job at the zoo- They caught him *spanking the monkey.* 🙈
Why can't Frankenstein have kids? His nuts are on his neck ..
Why can't Frankenstein have kids? His nuts are on his neck 😆
What do you call a sports competition between guys with erec..
What do you call a sports competition between guys with erectile dysfunction? *The o-limp-dicks*
When my friend handed me a peach, I told him I prefer pears...
When my friend handed me a peach, I told him I prefer pears. So he handed me another one... Do you have a pair I could get my hands on? 🍐🍐
If I won $1M in the lottery I'd give a quarter of it to char..
If I won $1M in the lottery I'd give a quarter of it to charity! *...and put the other $999,999.75 in the bank.* 🤭
I can’t take my dog to the park as all the ducks keep trying..
I can’t take my dog to the park as all the ducks keep trying to bite him... My fault for getting one that’s pure bread. 🍞🐶
Never kiss your hunny when her nose is runny- You may think..
Never kiss your hunny when her nose is runny- You may think it's funny but it's snot
Where can you find a beach covered with frozen waffles? *Sa..
Where can you find a beach covered with frozen waffles? *Sandy Eggo*
Why do a lot of math nerds wear glasses? It helps with *d'v..
Why do a lot of math nerds wear glasses? It helps with *d'vision.*
The Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, and the tooth fairy walk into..
The Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, and the tooth fairy walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says *“What is this, some kind of joke?”*
Years ago Sean Connery found a cupboard in his house that he..
Years ago Sean Connery found a cupboard in his house that he hadn't used before. It was a rare moment of *shelf discovery.*
Why is it called Canadian bacon? Because we’re really sorry..
Why is it called Canadian bacon? Because we’re really sorry it’s not *real* bacon...
Why does a queen bee have so many mates? Their survival rel..
Why does a queen bee have so many mates? Their survival relies on their poly-nation. 🐝
An Italian couple were getting busy on their wedding night. ..
An Italian couple were getting busy on their wedding night. But when the husband took off his pants, the wife received quite a shock. Where his business should have been was a small monkey. "My God!" she exclaimed. "It's a monkey!" "No," responded the husband. "It&...
Roller coasters are like your first time having sex- For th..
Roller coasters are like your first time having sex- For the amount of time it takes to get there, you wish it lasted longer!
I thought they testicle convention would be a good place to ..
I thought they testicle convention would be a good place to relax and unwind, but... ...it was just nuts!
Good Morning! I'm taking a trip this week & wont have access..
Good Morning! I'm taking a trip this week & wont have access to wifi, so I likely wont be able to send out campaign content for a few days! I'll respond to priority messages with tips when I can & catch up on regular DMs when I'm back 💜
What do you call a rap battle event between lizards? *A rep..
What do you call a rap battle event between lizards? *A reptile diss function.*
If you have a green ball in your left hand and a green ball ..
If you have a green ball in your left hand and a green ball in your right hand, what do you have? Kermit’s undivided attention.
What did the Elephant say, when he saw a naked man? *How do..
What did the Elephant say, when he saw a naked man? *How do you breathe thru something that tiny?* 🐘
I like mountains. But volcanoes are ash holes.
I like mountains. But volcanoes are ash holes.
What do you call a pornstar with no legs? A lazy Susan.
What do you call a pornstar with no legs? A lazy Susan.
**A dirty book** is rarely dusty *Happy National Book Love..
**A dirty book** is rarely dusty *Happy National Book Lovers Day!*
If I had a dollar for everyone that found me Unattractive- T..
If I had a dollar for everyone that found me Unattractive- They’d eventually find me Attractive!
What did the pirate say when he saw a lighthouse? **Thar sh..
What did the pirate say when he saw a lighthouse? **Thar she glows!** Happy *National Lighthouse Day* 🌊
A local farmer just successfully grew a field of vibrators- ..
A local farmer just successfully grew a field of vibrators- Unfortunately, now he's got a problem with squatters
Why don't chicken wear underwear? Cuz their peckers on thei..
Why don't chicken wear underwear? Cuz their peckers on their face 🐓
Had a water balloon fight in my neighbourhood today- I won!..
Had a water balloon fight in my neighbourhood today- I won! 🏅 No one is a match for me and my kettle. 😈 Happy National Water Balloon Day!
