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[MA] 147. Excuses
🕑 Added 2022-05-06 03:54:48 +0000 UTCPrevious Chapter — Table of Contents — Next Chapter
[A/N: 3/3 chapters from last week. I said there would be 2 today, but I'm still exhausted. One tomorrow or two on Thursday.]
Pikun, the Superintendent of the Buffer Universe, was floating not too far from the Milky Way Galaxy.
The Primordial Universe was at the very center of the Multiverse Alliance—or as close to it as physically possible. The Buffer Universe more or less surrounded the Primordial Universe, hence the name. It was, therefore, the second most "central" and protected universe in the Alliance.
The Milky Way Galaxy had been moved into it for its protection. When new races entered the Alliance, the entire galaxy where the race was found was pulled into the Buffer Universe to both protect the race and help add to the universe's stability against the Void.
The gnoll rift was a spatial bubble currently superimposed on Earth—it occupied the same space yet was so, so far away from it. Rift bubbles were created to completely isolate the inside from the rest of Reality, similar to how Storage spaces worked. Without a portal, teleporting in or out of them required enormous amounts of energy, usually only achievable by a B-rank.
That isolation was crucial. It allowed powerful beings like Pikun to visit for a long time without affecting any connected world, as long as the portal was closed. Indeed, he had used that characteristic to properly deal with the latest trouble in the gnoll rift without having to rush things.
Now, Pikun watched the human infant get teleported away as soon as he was surrounded by enemies he couldn't kill.
Pikun disapproved of it. That was too heavy-handed, too obvious. If a Primordial investigated it, they would easily see through the pathetic ruse.
Though Pikun himself had given hints to the drow on how to help the human, he hadn't acted out of place. His every action had been according to Alliance rules. He might get punished, but it was definitely not grounds for killing him.
The System Administrator, on the other hand, had forcibly erased any traces of his Realization from the rift to cause its portal to open earlier. She had directly interfered to save the boy, whom a Primordial wanted dead. There was no way around that.
Pikun questioned the Administrator's wisdom in a message. The answer came quickly.
| Admin: It was slightly risky, but it was worth it. I owed the dragons, and when that Abyssal Dragon identified the human as one of his people, it became a great opportunity to pay the debt with minimal effort and danger. An official request from the dragon race would be much more hazardous.
The answer surprised Pikun.
No one knew exactly how much of the supposedly confidential information of the Guardian System she had access to, but many believed it was more than she let on. That was alarming for many, but she had made it clear that she would cripple the system if anyone tried to take it from her. She blessedly kept neutrality in most matters except when it came to the Primordials, so no one was interested in calling her bluff. It was also doubtful whether they could repair the system without her, who had idealized, created, and built most of it. Her Realization was also fundamental for its functioning.
So, a supporter of the Primordials with access to privileged information about the Alliance had just said that the potential consequences of directly going against a Primordial paled in front of what the dragons might ask of her.
She was telling him something huge was coming.
He mentally thanked her for the warning. As the Buffer Universe's Superintendent, he was distant from most Alliance politics, which happened far away from there. Without her notice, he would likely have been caught unaware.
He teleported away to prepare himself for chaos.
= - = - =
Shen materialized on Earth right in front of the rift portal.
Previously, the portal had looked like a giant round door of sorts. There had been a magic frame allowing Shen to look through it as any simple door. Now, however, the previously violet frame had become dark purple, and an utterly black barrier prevented anyone from seeing inside—and probably from going through it too.
The area around the portal was just as he had left it that same day, except it was night, and one person was waiting for him.
Alicia was sitting on an abandoned car by the road, looking anxiously at the portal.
She stood up as soon as Shen appeared, and he could tell she was ready to run after him. Her eyes glanced down on his naked body before fixating back on his face. Her face flushed slightly, but her determination to follow him was greater than any discomfort.
Shen let go of his qi as the adrenaline started fading from him.
Looking at Alicia again was like getting punched in the face. Memories flooded his mind, unbidden and unstoppable. Tears filled his eyes as he fell to his knees.
He didn't care about covering his body regardless of how dishonorable that was; being seen and identified after his atrocities was much worse. So he hid his face with his hands instead.
Shen had found out he was a monster.
His body bent forward, and he instantly started crying copiously. He had killed far too many people. Way, way too many, and most hadn't deserved it.
The first days had been mostly fine as he focused on Bounties and let go of anyone who didn't attack him. But from the moment he mastered Sharpness...
He had no words to describe the depths of his massacre.
It had been easy to not think about it in the rift, distracted as he was by his own survival. But now, the weight of his actions crushed him.
Shen knew he had been under some strange compulsion, but it didn't change that he had done all that. His body and bloodlusty mind had been the mediums to kill who knows how many people for no other reason than being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
He recalled the faces of terrified children and mothers, elderly and babies. His hands were red with the blood of the innocent. He could still feel the sensation of his spear rending their flesh apart as easily as tearing a paper sheet.
Shen screamed, still covering his face.
He screamed to try to silence his thoughts. He wailed in absolute, overwhelming, indescribable pain. He roared in pure, primal rage.
He hated Valentina Bianchi—or whatever her true name was—more than anything in the universe. More than he thought possible. More than should be possible.
She had changed him. Forced him into doing that. Twisted him into that horrendous nightmare.
Shen's aura responded to his emotions by wrenching the world around him. Every abandoned vehicle three hundred yards around him started getting crushed by an invisible force. Invisible edges cut metal and asphalt in the road and the earth and grass around it. Only the portal resisted his unconscious destruction.
Yet his rage wasn't the strongest feeling consuming him; his guilt was.
Shen recalled trying to get back control, but he wondered if he had done his best. He had seen and felt the improvement after each kill. He had had to pay for it in human lives, but he couldn't deny it had been effective.
Had he really failed to take control of his body, or had he just used Valentina's spell as an excuse for improvement?
Something told him he was being illogical. He could clearly remember the moment he had pushed harder to assert control after mastering Sharpness, and the rebound had been the thing he had become turning more bloodthirsty. As it killed more and more innocents, Shen had despaired and pushed against it with all his might. Yet, he had seemed physically incapable of taking control, as if his body wasn't truly his, as if he wasn't himself any longer.
But what if those were just excuses?
The power running through his peak D-rank body felt tainted. Shen could almost hear the screams of torment from his victims running through his veins, the abject terror on their faces in his every movement. Their souls cried in eternal silence in the depths of his power.
Shen's tears were hypocritical. He hated what he had done, what he had been for a few days. Yet, he didn't take his life to try to redeem his honor. Instead, he wanted to continue, to tread his Path further, to reach the pinnacle of his existence.
If he accomplished it, if he found absolute power, he would never again go through a similar thing. He would find his revenge against Valentina. He would be able to help other innocents who were oppressed by people like the twisted him.
But part of him told him those were mere excuses to justify putting himself above all the lives he had reaped.
Shen didn't believe the ends justified the means, yet he would keep going, using the ends he had achieved with such terrible means.
And it crushed him.
He kept crying and hating himself.
= - = - =
Alicia watched the strongest man on Earth, covered in blood, kneel and cry like a baby.
She understood what he was going through better than anyone else. She hadn't witnessed all his kills, but she had seen the aftermath of his passage in some places, and she had thrown up more than once.
There was no doubt that the system's changes in her mind had affected her tolerance for violence. Even seeing what she did, she didn't stop following Shen. Part of it was their friendship, of course, but before the tutorial, seeing those corpses would've made her turn back even from a lover.
However, Alicia had to admit the most crucial reason for her continued support was her memory of when Valentina had healed her.
Alicia had felt how a mere word, "Heal," had changed her. Valentina's power had refused to accept Alicia's damaged state of existence and simply forced the world to obey—or so was the best way Alicia could describe what she had felt. It had been a power so overwhelming it felt thousands, millions of times beyond what she could do. There was no resisting it, only submitting.
Valentina had ordered Shen to kill, and Alicia could feel intimately that he had no choice in the matter.
Alicia had to admit she was a bit afraid of him. The things Shen had done haunted her. Yet, he seemed even more tormented.
So, she stepped into the strange area of spontaneous destruction to get closer to Shen. They could talk about everything that had happened later; now, he needed her support.
The destruction area felt surprisingly similar to Valentina's power, albeit on a much smaller scale. Alicia was surrounded by a stronger will that wouldn't be denied. Indeed, seeing entire cars getting repeatedly folded and glass exploding confirmed she didn't imagine it.
She guessed that was the so-called aura Shen was supposed to develop. She strangely got the impression of being on a battlefield of sharp blades while at the same time immersed in coursing water. The fear and feeling of going against the flow made it more difficult to move. Her hair was blown by a gentle wind born and died inside the area. Yet, despite knowing the aura range was limited—at least its effects were—she felt it was also endless.
It oppressed her, and she felt the danger, but no damage was inflicted upon her. She stepped closer, slowly, hindered despite not being attacked.
Alicia reached Shen, kneeled in front of him, and embraced him tightly.
= - = - =
Shen was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't detect Alicia's approach until she embraced him.
The shock of non-violent, tender, affectionate human contact froze his mind. After everything he had done, everyone he had killed, he didn't feel worthy of care. He felt filthy. He wanted to tell her to get away from him.
But he couldn't.
Shen hugged her back, put his head on her shoulders, and cried like a child.
"It's alright," Alicia whispered. "It's not your fault. It's alright."
He clenched her clothes and cried harder until he slept.
[A/N: I like to keep some mystery on how the Alliance works because the MC doesn't know it, but I decided to explain a little more this time for better context.]
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Comments
Alex
What happened to the chapters from 10th-14th?
Zaim İpek
That seems like a terrible idea. There is nothing binding other primordials to keeping such a promise of non-aggression. The risk of attempting anything against any Primordial before Shen has substantially more information and has reached the peak of S-rank or higher by means of cultivation is too big of a risk. He will need to wait for the war and then take part when he is strong enough.
Zaim İpek
@notcreepycreeper That's not quite right. His code of honor as a cultivator of the immortal empire IS his code of ethics as well. Those are not separate concepts. So Shen is very concerned about the ethics of everything he does because his code of honor demands it. So Shen is experiencing a form of personal death to his honor, death to his reputation, and self-directed loathing as his code declares him to be his own enemy because of what he has done. There is also very much shame involved because there are such a think as forbidden cultivation techniques known as demonic cultivation which use the sacrifice of innocents to increase cultivation. And while unintentional, Shen has done the equivalent of demonic cultivation and can be considered a demonic cultivator from this point forward. And his code demands the extermination of demonic cultivators. But he is also choosing to violate his code by sparing his own life. And I'm just scratching the surface of the internal conflict and turmoil going on. It's deeper than you think.
Trifle
His cultural code and ethics is strongly against mass slaughter of innocents though. It's different to be callous towards an hostile leader of a nation getting killed and killing a very large number of people including children.
Azgaroth
Thank for the chapter. I have a theory of how he can have "revenge" against "Valentina"..... When near a breakthrough, Feng Shen slow down to not rush this one, compared to the one he rushed in the Tutorial. But because he is a B rank of a "new" species, he need to attend to event, in one of them he saw "Valentina", after some taunting and exchange of speech, she order him to attack her, just to see the futility of his "revenge", and she promise that if she wounded by Feng Shen the other Primordial won't retaliate..... So Feng Shen is ready to attack, he even linked themselve with the Conceptual Bond and surrounded her with his aura/domain, whom "Valentina" let herself be touched by those just to demonstrate the difference in power, but instead of attacking Feng Shen, he breakthrough, involving the Heaven, "Valentina" try to block the Heaven with her power, resulting the Heaven in changing his "normal" lightning bolt into Anti-Reality lightning bolt, that block and dissipate the effect and power of Reality of the Primordial, "Valentina" faint from the Tribulation and Anti-Reality power, but Feng Shen isn't killed because of the "promise" bur his punishement for disrupting the event is: To go to the Frontline and to return when the retalation of the Void against you need a Higher Ranked being to save you directly....(so if Feng Shen is B rank he need at least a A rank to save for "his punishement" to end....)
GG
Tough story choice for sure. I'm looking forward to how you're going to let things unfold. Thanks for the chapter!
Notcreepycreeper
Īnot sure I get Shen's deep guilt. If it's a character changing moment solid. But otherwise he's repeatedly stated and acted in a way that shows he cares more about honoring his cultural code and ethics, than he does the actual morality of killing. So his overt guilt at killing innocents that he doesn't know seems odd. I'd much more buy that he had a breakdown at the complete subversion of his will, as his independence and freedom to be himself is deeply a part of his Path.
Notcreepycreeper
Really like that the system admin exists, and has personal motivations. Too often the system in a litrpg is some nebulous automated thing.
Luciaron
Oof that's a real tough one for shen. Normally we have mcs having to deal with violence they chose to commit, not slaughter they were forced into. Thanks for the chapter and updates
Signspace
Mate, you really don't need to justify your choices in *your* story to us, we are just along for the ride.
