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[MA] 240. Don't Lose Your Path
🕑 Added 2023-02-25 21:02:45 +0000 UTCPrevious Chapter — Table of Contents — Next Chapter
[A/N: Another long chapter so as not to drag things too much. I like how it turned out.
Chapters this week: 3/3
Late chapters: 2
Next release: Tuesday]
"I do feel different," Shen replied. "And I like the gains. But the name is a little misleading. A Realization Impartation... Shouldn't I learn something about their Realization instead of receiving generic gains like an improved mind?"
Liya smiled kindly. "You haven't touched a Law yet. That limited your gains. But it might also be a good thing; Realization Impartations may hurt one's Path."
Shen was amazed at how she looked gentle instead of condescending when she smiled in answer to his ignorance. Then again, he also recognized it was partly thanks to his recent mental change.
He felt more... empathetic. Or maybe, he considered the broader picture better. His mind was widened—up to C-rank, according to Liya—and he found it much easier to analyze and judge one's intentions and go from there instead of acting defensively.
It astonished him. He had started his conversation with Liya wondering if he was stepping into a trap but quickly analyzed everything and opened himself. He felt his gains from the Impartation were more remarkable than Liya had said—maybe even suspected. Many of his newfound conclusions from the Realization Impartation were emotional or interpersonal in nature.
It might even have to do with her. The cthulhu had asked him to help her with her anger. Perhaps this was the being's way of helping with that. And from that angle, even not revealing his treason to the Alliance might be a way of guaranteeing Shen would stay around to help her.
He shared his thoughts with her, and she frowned. "I don't like being manipulated."
Shen smiled supportively—and playfully tauntingly. "I know the feeling."
Liya smiled half-amusedly and half-guilty for her past actions during his training. "You accepted my apologies. It's not fair to tease me about it."
"All is fair in love and war," he replied, finding it cringy and funny even as he did. He laughed. "I'm joking; I know we're done with that. I also didn't like playful disrespect before, but I slowly warmed up to it. Very slowly. Poor Alicia."
"I..." Liya hesitated. "I don't mind it if it stays within reason. I talked about relaxing. Being too uptight will prevent that."
Shen smiled. "I couldn't agree more."
Their talk entered a comfortable silence. Shen looked at the nebulae again. This place was breathtaking. In a few dozen years, when it wasn't awkward anymore, he might ask Liya to share the location with him so he might bring someone else.
Or not, because Liya broke the silence by saying, "I agree with what you said. We can just be honest with each other for now. We can discuss transparency as our relationship deepens—in whichever direction it might go."
His tranquil smile became one of joy and uncertainty. This date had started awkwardly—he had been resisting, and she had insisted until she convinced him—already half-ended, and now she wanted to continue. He didn't think that was how dates were supposed to go, but then again, what did he know?
Well, he knew he wanted to continue. He could even pinpoint the three main reasons for that.
First, her beauty. He didn't mind at all spending a long time beside her. It didn't matter if it was shallow; that mattered to him.
Second, her gentleness. Some guys liked girls with challenging personalities—spicy or cold—but he appreciated calm kindness. If he were going to spend many years beside someone, he wanted to be capable of relaxing with them, as Liya had said. He could find the spiciness elsewhere—or in different moments.
Third, her care. Her insistence showed this date wasn't just a random experiment or a small thing she didn't care about. It made him more curious to see where it would go.
Shen nodded and offered his hand to her again. In the Eternal Empire, he wasn't supposed to touch any woman at all before marriage, but modern Earth culture had disabused him of that notion.
He was glad he had let himself be "corrupted" by those progressive ideals; holding her hand felt good.
Liya smiled again and placed her hand on his. Then, she produced a bottle of wine and two cups. It tasted like a warm hug.
"I said I won't kill you but never replied about your last wish," she said. "I won't tell the Alliance about the Void Prophet if you die. I would like nothing more than to see the Alliance gone. You asked about my anger? Well, let me tell you a tale of a race that also produced a D-rank at the Pioneer Tutorial—but a D-rank who paled in comparison to you."
As she talked, Shen understood her anger and agreed with her motives. The Dreamer had been terrible but only abused rules because they could be exploited in the first place. Rules that also had never been corrected despite the drow pushing for it. The drow race's life after the first D-rank rift had been dreadful, just as her infancy and most of her life until now.
The Alliance that enabled such abuses on a multiverse scale was the true culprit, not a few powerful beings here and there.
"Almost forty universes," Liya justified herself with anger and sadness, "and everyone agrees we are far from discovering and having a presence in all universes that exist. Life is plentiful. What does it matter if these forty fall? Will Reality even notice?
"Not that it would be the end for everyone, either. Even if the Alliance falls, many will survive as they scatter around. The founding races escaped, after all; that's how they found the Primordials. Many innocents will perish, but they'll be better off dead than slaves to this system. Many perpetrators will escape, but they'll find it harder to spread their evil without a politic-military structure to facilitate it. There will be some sacrifices, but it's for the greater good."
Her words were horrifying, yet Shen kept tight control over his emotions. Liya needed him to, now. He clenched her hand for support.
"I..." he started with difficulty, then proceeded carefully. "I don't know how to put it kindly, I'm sorry. The drow and humanity were targeted by wicked beings, but I'm sure many others turned a blind eye because they believed it was for the greater good. Even I can think of two reasons: eliminating a new race might save Alliance resources in the long run, and forcing Guardians to grow faster might make them useful earlier. But doing whatever is needed for survival... Isn't that what the drow did? Giving up many things for survival? For the greater good? And you said you disagree with them on many things now."
He paused to organize his thoughts. Liya kept silent, her brows furrowed. She wasn't enjoying what she was hearing.
"The greater good isn't an objective concept," Shen continued. He knew that because he had mastered War. "It's simply placing an ideal above anything else and pursuing it to the detriment of all others. For instance, survival at any cost sounds good, but many would rather die than be enslaved. Lowering unhappiness or oppressiveness might sound nice, but what if it comes at the cost of death? Even if some might choose death, that should be their choice, not yours. Even if you believe they can't choose death because they don't understand how dire their situation is, death is too final. After you kill an innocent, they can't learn and yearn for the better. They don't have the chance to grow strong and overthrow the tyrant system and implement a better one. They are dead. To kill innocents for the greater good is the tool of a tyrant, not someone like you who seeks righteous retribution."
Shen clenched her hand again. He wanted to show that he was here for her despite this disagreement. They could discuss it instead of seeing it as an insurmountable obstacle.
He wasn't done, "You should kill who deserves to be killed and change what must be changed. If misguided innocents stand in your way, they aren't truly innocent. Unknowing or not, they are accomplices. I'm with you on that, and I can help you bring justice to the Alliance after I grow strong enough. But the path of trampling on innocents, of becoming the evil that you seek to destroy... That is a path you can only walk alone or with people who believe themselves above anyone else. That is not a Path I can accompany you on. I believe power comes with responsibilities and privileges, but it doesn't automatically make everything you do right."
To his surprise, Liya clenched his hand back, seeking more of the support he was offering. She bit her lower lip and squinted her eyes. She was angry, so very angry, and unwilling to let go of it.
"Everything is the Alliance's fault," she insisted weakly.
"It is," Shen agreed at once. "When we grow strong enough, we can change or replace the entire Alliance. We can even dissolve it in an orderly manner. But destroying it and leaving countless innocents to die isn't the right thing to do. And letting the Void consume it... I'm honestly shocked that you would consider it. I... Sorry, but please, think of it. Truly think of it. That's monstrous."
Liya didn't say anything after that. She kept clenching his hand, though. So, after a while, to help her calm down, Shen softly started sharing his infancy, fears, hopes, and life with her.
There wasn't much to share; his life was too short. But it distracted and calmed her. She was curious about the Eternal Empire—if the cthulhus knew about it and the system was cut off, he wouldn't hide it from Liya—and asked some questions. She was also very interested in what had happened in the Void Incubator.
It became Shen's turn to get surprised when Liya shared what had truly happened in the gnoll rift, back when he had been under Valentina's control. The Immortal Emperor had helped her in saving him back then. And Valentina was an even more mysterious existence than he could've ever imagined.
"I only half-agree with what I was told to do," Liya said. "We shouldn't investigate Valentina until A-rank. Maybe not even until S-rank. But knowing there's a powerful force out there that even S-ranks fear and that they set their eyes on you can give you perspective."
Shen agreed with her.
Alas, he didn't have many exciting things to tell her about. He shared how he built his Path, and she made comments on it. Then, she agreed with him that the Immoral Emperor's actions were inconsistent at best. Shen should find out more about the man before doing anything about him.
After he was done, it became Liya's turn to share tales of her life with him. Well, the parts of her life not tainted by injustice and hatred. She had already revealed those to him.
Keeping things light was a lofty goal; she abhorred the drow way. She didn't get into details, but the enlightenment that brought her self-knowledge made her loathe any ideal that curbed individual freedom beyond a certain point.
When she talked about crafting spears, she became more relaxed than ever before. He actually envied her for finding something she enjoyed and felt comfortable with that much.
The pinnacle for Shen was when she mentioned killing seven B-ranks after he left Planet Seventeen. Twenty had come, but the others had been forced to escape. Then, she decided it was better to leave before stronger foes appeared.
In fact, an A-rank appeared at the last moment, and she only narrowly escaped with her life.
They talked quickly because the Summit was coming. With their agility, their mouth could move fast, and Syron let them share information even more effectively.
Three hours later, they reached a thoughtful silence.
The date was over; now, they had to decide where to go from there.
Fortunately, they could also think fast. Shen shared his opinion first.
"I'm too young," he said with a sigh. "It feels weird to admit it, but I'm not... Ready? Good enough? Yes, that. I'm not good enough for you. As you told me once, we are in completely different... layers of existence. It's always there in how you constantly explain things that I don't know or understand—or how you hide them from me for my willpower's good. That might change in the future, but is it worth waiting for it? How long will it take me to reach B-rank?"
Shen paused.
Talking to Liya like that had been a marvelous experience. He wanted more of that, a lot more. He wanted to walk his Path while knowing she would be there somewhere. That he had this unique kind of comfort to return to.
That he could come back to her and the peace she brought him.
He wasn't sure, but he might have fallen for her.
Then again, she might be just one of the women in the multiverse who could bring him this unique serenity. There might be others. Yet, Shen didn't care to research how singular Liya was. He had already found what he yearned for in her.
What he had was enough.
But...
"I don't care about waiting; I'm not actively looking for a wife," he continued. "But you said you feel lonely. It's not fair to have you wait." He took a deep breath. "I hate it. I hate it with all my heart, but I can't ask you to tie yourself to me." He smiled sadly. "I want you to find happiness with whomever it might be."
Speaking those words tore him apart. He had seldom been so glad for his emotional control. He did not want to feel all those things without a filter.
Liya had said he should let go of that control after reaching peak C-rank. For now, it assisted him, especially because he had a domain and couldn't use it by mistake. But it also had drawbacks, one of which was that it would hinder his Path forward in the future. It was one of the things she had been enlightened about.
Thank the Heavens he wasn't supposed to let go of it yet.
Still smiling sadly, he looked at her thoughtful face and waited for her opinion.
= - = - =
Liya was glad she wasn't required to be transparent because she couldn't stand the idea of revealing to Shen how important he was to her. Not yet. It was too soon.
His words on the greater good weren't anything new. They were obvious, even. Liya knew all that and had even considered it before.
But she had always lacked someone that told it to her in a caring way.
On Planet Seventeen, she had found her most authentic self and Realized her Path, but that didn't mean becoming perfect. She had her failings. She had willingly blinded herself to that uncomfortable truth.
Liya's misguided hatred was part of her—and it went against almost everything she believed in.
That, she now knew, was one of the obstacles for A-ranks. She would die if she "began to realize her Realization" by removing a Concept from her Path, as was needed to rank up to A. She had thought herself entirely in sync with her Realization, but it was obvious that it wasn't 100%. Moving forward would require her to compromise on the points of disagreement. Failing to do that meant being forever locked on B-rank or dying as she reached for A-rank.
So, should she change some parts of her Realization—if so, what were the consequences?—or herself?
She would decide—later.
There was no hurry.
Once more, Shen had been the one to show her the way forward. Liya wondered if Alvaerelle Elafir had lied to her in the Pioneer Tutorial. Was Shen an Uplifter, after all? The high elf might've lied to ensure the Mana Guild, which she was a part of, might come for him at a crucial moment when no one suspected them.
Or...
He was Void-tainted. That ever-so-slightly displaced him from some rules of cause and effect. Void Heralds were also supposed to bring destruction to Reality. Could it have to do with that? Could it be that she was being manipulated by the Void somehow?
Or...
Or was she overthinking it. People could be important to others. Shen hadn't made his friends on Earth grow stronger than expected from someone with their potential. He also hadn't affected anyone else that she could see.
Their situation was a coincidence. Fate. Whatever.
He had arrived in her life at the right place and at the right time. She had heard some beings portraying their partners like that during her espionage missions. They just... fit well together.
That was the simplest and most likely explanation.
They might not fit well enough to become romantically involved. At least, not now—definitely not now. Shen was right about that. But they could be close friends. Or rather, close friends with an exclusive agreement not to pursue anyone else without talking to each other first. They could go from there and part ways amicably if it didn't work out.
But instead, he had just said that he wanted to let go of her for her own good.
Liya snorted. "Not long ago, a wise man told me we shouldn't decide what's best for someone else. Something about tyranny and thinking too highly of themselves."
He chuckled. "That's why I said that I can't ask it of you. Not that I would refuse you. And why I made my reasoning and emotions clear. If you want, I'll be glad to at least see where it goes. This... I might be overstepping here, but I— No, I don't want to try to change your decision. I said what I must."
She smiled and clenched his hand. "I already made my decision. Please, overstep. I'm curious about what you were about to say."
He chuckled again. "I never had this," he said. "I want more. Much more."
Liya raised an eyebrow and teased, "A date in this Heart Blooming Terrace is quite special, indeed. But I don't know of many more places like this."
A third chuckle in a row meant that either she was much funnier than she gave herself credit for or he was nervous.
"I love the view, but I was talking about this," he said while letting go of his cup and putting his other hand on hers. "This." He pulled her hand into his lips and kissed her gently. "Us."
Liya smiled widely. By right, she shouldn't care about this gesture. She had lived long and seen much grander or sweeter declarations.
But she had never lived them, and it warmed her heart.
"We must go on a new date at least once every Standard year to talk and see if we want to continue," she said. "And I recommend not telling anyone you have a B-rank almost-girlfriend-possibility until you're also B-rank. People have died for less."
Shen's return smile was as wide as hers. "That's unfair. What's the point of having a B-rank almost-girlfriend-possibility if I can't boast about it?"
She raised an eyebrow. "Oh, is that so? Then I'll let everyone I see know that you're my almost-boyfriend-possibility. Let's spread the word!"
"A gentleman doesn't tell," he replied at once, shamelessly reverting his words.
Liya chuckled.
This. She understood him; she liked this. She liked even more what they might become one day.
But to get there, he had to grow stronger. "Is my suggestion acceptable? Meeting at least once every year?" He nodded, and she pulled her hand back. Holding hands was lovely, but not all the time. He was a bit touchier than she liked. "Then, I think we should stop here. We have about one hour left until the Summit. You mentioned reviewing the antidron's techniques?"
She took it from the living repository she had placed it in. Unlike spatial rings, living repositories could hold living beings, but they were much smaller and more expensive. Like all her spatial storage items, she had placed the tiny sphere that held the living storage inside her body, on her belly. Not too safe, but harder to steal, and she could survive an explosion from spatial instability at her level.
"Now's the time," she said. "Share your goals and doubts with me as you go. I'm not a cultivator, but I might help."
He nodded. "Thanks. I learned so much from you and your techniques that I wonder if there's anything good there to assist me, too. I want to see how cultivators deal with cultivators, maybe even with Guardians. Some energy theory, perhaps, if there's any."
That sounded reasonable. She was also curious and could learn from it.
"Don't lose your Path," she warned as they started working on that.
[A/N: In the end, this arrangement sounded the most reasonable and likely to happen.
I also like the still-remaining distance in their warming relationship. It feels as it should.
Things will be a little muddy for them both for a while. They'll need to work out how they behave with each other both in private and public. As most of us on a first relationship, really.
We'll go straight for the Summit next chapter, at last.]
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Comments
Autonomous Pen
I originally delayed Tuesday's chapter to yesterday, but it wasn't enough. I also couldn't finish even a chapter today. I'll release two chapters tomorrow instead. Changing perspective from this sub-arc to the next has been challenging. Sorry!
Sammot
Uhmm have I missed an announcement? Will Tuesdays and today's chapters be delayed?
Zaim İpek
From early on, the immortal emperor was putting ideas in Shen's head that would lead him on a path to change the alliance in some way. It wasn't realization impartation, but it was the next closest thing that could be done without being immediately detected and exposed. Shen isn't just a D-rank. He has, in one aspect, perhaps more A-rank influenced thought than Liya does. Also, I suspect both that he is an Uplifter, and that his being void-touched is all compounding together to create this exceptional individual.
Zaim İpek
I think what neither of them realize now but has been working in their favor from the start, and especially now with Liya's realization is that Shen's foundational cultural perspective from which he has learned and interpreted almost every experience of his life was created for him and patterned according to an A-Rank being who had already spend many thousands of years developing their own karma based realization with both awareness of the Alliance and intent to subvert to some degree the malicious forces of the Alliance that have turned it into such a source of hatred for Liya. This makes Shen's perspective much more helpful to her on a profound level than either of them currently realize, because neither of them have a sufficient understanding of the Immortal emperor and the degree of direct and indirect influence he had on both of them. They are more compatible than they think for reasons they have no was of knowing.
