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[MA] 286. Easier to Deal With
🕑 Added 2023-06-14 02:58:41 +0000 UTCPrevious Chapter — Table of Contents — Next Chapter
[Chapters this week: 3/3
Next release: Tuesday]
Alicia's thoughts were a mess. Unless she had misunderstood Shen, he was coming to visit. And that was the issue, wasn't it? Did she really know Shen?
He knocked on the door. She opened it. What she saw wasn't what she had gotten used to.
The last time Alicia had seen him, he was a D-rank like her. Well, not exactly like her; he had been much stronger. Still, he hadn't felt as... unfathomable as he did now.
The guy who had constantly been regrowing hair because he lost it during a rank-up or tribulation was nowhere to be seen. In his place was a man with shoulder-length black hair held in a samurai bun. Shen had never been a smiler, but there used to be a kind of lightness to him that was now gone. The man before her was that: a man. He was not even in his twenties yet, and his face didn't look old, but he felt more solid somehow. Bigger. Anchored.
His black eyes were no longer curious and even a bit lost. They were filled with purpose. He knew who he was and what he wanted and was out to get it.
Those were the eyes that met hers. It felt like being sucked into a black hole. She felt like a silly girl for thinking something so cliche, but there was no other way to describe it. Looking into him felt similar to when she meditated on her Concepts. She was sure if she kept at it for too long, she might give up her Path to walk his instead.
Also, he looked damn hot, and receiving his full attention made her all fuzzy inside.
Alicia was over feeling dependent on him. Her psychoanalyst had said she had been in a very dark place, but a D-rank Guardian willpower was nothing to scoff at. Together, the professional and she had sorted it out quick enough.
Yet, the admiration and physical attraction remained. Shen was powerful, hot, and had at least been sensible enough for a guy, even if culturally different from her. What wasn't there to like? Especially because the most powerful man in the world had also once shown he felt physically attracted to her?
Was this Shen the same one from Alicia's memories? Of course not. But she hoped he hadn't changed too much. She hoped ditching his cultivator robe for an impressive futuristic-looking armor meant nothing more than the armor being his best defensive equipment. She hoped the absolute lack of emotion on his face as he looked at her was because he was distracted, not because she had become a nonfactor in his life.
When he smiled at her an instant later, she recognized the good old Shen—different, yet the same—and started crying.
The past two years had been horrible. Getting revenge on her aunt and uncle, the war to conquer Earth under Marzia's banner, investigating people doing twisted experiments, resisting the political invasion under the guise of helping humanity... It had taken a toll.
Still, Alicia hadn't cried even once. She couldn't. She was the government Head Inspector, and too much rested on her shoulders. Crying made her feel weak, and a display of weakness might doom the entire world.
Many times aliens and human criminals alike had backed down only because they couldn't find a single instance when Earth's leadership showed mercy or sympathy towards those who crossed the tiniest lines. Without that, the invaders would've grown bolder, and things might've snowballed into anarchy. They couldn't attack directly, but they sought to sow instability to trigger the Alliace's intervention laws for civilizations incapable of governing themselves.
But right here, right now?
Now she felt safe again. She didn't depend on Shen, but she trusted him. He could see her cry, and instead of exploiting her for it, he would ignore it. He would protect her if something dangerous happened when she made herself this vulnerable. His lack of social acumen would make things awkward, but it still felt good to feel the warmth of his company.
His arms also felt quite warm—
Alicia froze as she widened her eyes in shock.
Shen...
In the past, he had apologized for carrying her to protect her life! Now he was hugging her?! And it wasn't a half-assed hug, either! He meant it!
He had even removed his armor without her noticing and wore only a plain black cultivator robe. She could feel the strength of his muscles evolving her. It made her feel even safer but also self-conscious.
This Shen definitely wasn't old, socially inapt Shen. He had changed. It filled with her hope for what they could become, but also fear. Should she make herself vulnerable to this familiar stranger?
The mixed feelings made everything worse. She couldn't deal with it now. She could only let it all overflow as tears.
Alicia clenched his robe and sobbed on his chest.
* - * - *
Shen didn't have to think twice to close the door and hug Alicia.
His widened Path gave him a good read on the social situation: Alicia needed human warmth. Her strong front had shattered when she saw an icon of safety from her past. Shen had never seen someone feel so lonely before.
Still, hugging her was a weird experience.
In the Eternal Empire, children hugged their parents and vice-versa. After a certain age, such an intimate gesture was reserved for lovers. He hadn't even dared to hug Liya, only held her hand.
He was only Alicia's friend, and though attracted, he hadn't considered going further. Bedding another Path Walker meant their Concepts and Laws poisoned each other, and Shen and Alicia's Paths weren't compatible. Their choices in the pursuit of power set them apart romantically unless they were willing to make their journey much more challenging than it needed to be.
Shen didn't entirely shut that option down, but taking that step would require him to feel much, much stronger about anyone than what he currently felt for Alicia.
Contrastingly, Shen could read Alicia like an open book, and he found signs of her desire for him. The physical touch affected her in a way it didn't him; he could easily detach the action from any deeper meaning. Yet, while she didn't notice it yet because of the emotional turmoil, her body and soul stirred at his contact.
Should he separate from her? No. Doing that wouldn't be fair when she still needed his comfort. But it also wasn't fair to remain hugging her when he knew it meant more for her than him, was it?
For the first time, Shen wondered if it had been a mistake to make himself more open to interpersonal matters.
In the end, he just silently comforted her with his presence. It was the right move. Sometime later, Alicia calmed down and was the one to distance herself. She felt ashamed and confused.
"Sorry," she said, drying her wet face with some mana and a twist of her will. "I... Sorry." She blushed. "Crying like this..."
Shen smiled—and quickly became serious again when he felt her body react to his smile.
Heavens! Liya was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen, and he wondered: did she have to deal with this every time she interacted with anyone she cared about? It felt almost rude not to hide your emotions from strong people when they were good-looking!
What was he supposed to do? He stepped back to give Alicia some distance—
"Don't," Alicia said, interrupting his thoughts. "I know." She blushed furiously. "I hope I'm wrong, but I know we'll never be together. I just... I can't help it, alright? Have you looked at yourself?"
As a matter of fact, he had not. However, Shen wasn't an idiot. He knew getting to C-rank had made him an eye-catcher. He simply had never cared about some looks he received until it came to a friend.
He could take this conversation in many directions, but just because he had widened his Path to include socializing, it didn't make him a master at it. Liya had only trained him to identify and manipulate social cues in battle; for instance, did your foe care for a hostage despite denying it? Shen had only common sense and mental faculties to deal with people he wasn't trying to kill.
So, he went with what felt like the most practical action: joke about the situation and pretend nothing had happened. He would consider revisiting it after he better understood what was happening.
He smiled again and didn't stop when Alicia felt even more dazzled at it than before. "How could I dare to use a mirror?!" He feigned being terrified at the idea. "I was trained to recognize some very unique races out there, and magic can cause some bizarre phenomena. What if my reflection falls for me? What if it breaks Reality apart? Someone as good-looking as me has a responsibility to be forever ignorant of their charm." He sighed theatrically. "The weight of divine beauty is a heavy one to bear."
Shen went over the top to make it slightly more cringy than funny. Maybe get a smile with a few teeth. It would make it easier to drop the subject as far as his limited experience and vast mind could tell.
Well, his vast mind was wrong.
Alicia looked at him in shock, then she giggled. It turned into a laugh. She even teared up a little in the incoming minutes of unceasing laughter.
"God, I needed that," she said after recomposing herself. "That was the dumbest shit I heard in a while. Tell you what, Shen. You are too fucking hot. If I find a boyfriend before I can get over you, you better be prepared for me to end our friendship. Until then, if you ever want a fling, find me. But you better hurry, boy. I'm finally ready to have a good fuck, and I'm not waiting for you."
Her soul had stabilized for some reason. Shen's best guess was that the mundanity of his words had shattered some image of his in her mind. It might not have happened in any other situation, but after the emotional outburst, she was right at the place for a significant change in her inner self.
Alicia had just anchored herself somehow.
Not that it made her a good liar. Shen's best read was that she was half-lying. She wouldn't go looking for romantic opportunities or warmly receive those trying to get closer to her. Yet, she wouldn't run if someone insisted or warmed their way in.
Shen ignored the offer for a fling. He wouldn't risk his Path and entire future for carnal pleasure.
"I'll think about it," he replied noncommittally, then changed the subject as planned, "How have you been during my absence?"
Her sadness was evident at his dismissive answer. The negative emotion deepened when she thought about her recent past.
"Not well, that's for sure." She looked resentful at him. "We could've used some help, you know? Fuck, I could've used a word from my friend. A letter, a message, whatever."
"Sorry. I had my hands full all the time."
"So full you couldn't have sent a single system message before a fucking multiverse-wide Calamity threatened to destroy everything? You're C-rank, for fuck's sake!"
Shen smiled apologetically. "I didn't rank up until recently and didn't stop training ever since. I would still be training if not for the Calamity. When I wasn't fighting or learning something, I was thinking about how to improve myself. But you have a point. I should've spared a few seconds of my focus now and then. As I said, I'm sorry."
Alicia crossed her arms. "You don't look sorry."
Shen looked at her like she was an idiot. "I have no reason to lie to you."
"Of course you have," she replied. "Have you looked at me?" She glared at him, but she was faking it. He could tell she was fishing for a compliment before pretending to be joking.
Shen would give it to her. If he remembered well, she had had some self-esteem issues. They seemed gone, but a few nice words wouldn't hurt.
He looked at her in the eyes.
"I have looked, Alicia. In fact, more than I should when you wore a bikini. It clearly didn't matter to you because you seem to have forgotten, but it was a highlight in my life. You put a mark on my life. Not just because your body is pleasant to the eyes but also because I find your company pleasant. You're attractive both in looks and personality, Alicia. Not perfect, but, as you'd say, damn hot. In fact, I feel more attracted than I should. But I also have stronger willpower and was trained to resist physical temptation. You're a dear friend, and I'll protect us both from ourselves."
Shen went full serious mode to make it more of a "gotcha!" moment for Alicia when she said she was joking all along.
Well, it seemed he was still a dumbass regarding social interactions.
She looked at him wide-mouthed as her body and soul stirred at his words.
'Ah, yes,' he thought. 'The mighty Walker of the Path of Omnipotence has found his ultimate foe: talking to a woman without making it awkward. Or talking to anyone, really. I don't anticipate my conversation with Sai.'
Alicia closed her mouth after a few moments and blushed more furiously than ever before. "People can have fun without sex," she whispered. "And I still have that bikini."
Shen always made a conscious effort not to think about creative ways of having carnal fun. It was a slippery slope that could only end one way. He had a lot of willpower, but what if it was used against him? What would happen if he desired something more than he found reason to avoid it? He would fight himself, and the aftermath would see him change one way or another. He wasn't ready to take that step yet.
He still wasn't sure which side he would prefer as the winner.
He also wasn't ready to ignore Alicia's words. He didn't stop his skin from crawling from how she said it and the fact that she had held onto that piece of clothing. Her words were loaded with meaning.
But before he could reply, she added, "You suck at apologizing, but I accept it. Earth had it real bad. Here." She materialized a digital notebook from her spatial ring. "Marzia told me to bring this to you. It's filled with reports that explain everything. It also contains her plans and some things she wants to discuss with you when you have the chance."
Shen felt relieved at finally escaping the heavy conversation.
Instead, he turned the notebook on and lost himself reading the much easier-to-deal-with reports on terrifying crimes, the war for world conquest, and alien political moves against Earth.
Less than an hour later, when he was done, he returned the notebook to Alicia. "The Czarina seems to have things well in hand. But that's not what I asked. I care about Earth, but I care more about you." Alicia perked at the words, but he forced himself not to add "as a friend" because even he could see how it would make things awkward. "Why were you crying?"
[A/N: I said I didn't plan the conversations to last more than one chapter, but I often focus on the bigger picture and ignore individuals when planning my chapters. Then, when I start writing and giving life to the characters, their history, feelings, and personalities demand an outlet. Alicia needed this moment, and she got it.
I hope it felt as awkward to read as it did to Shen.
Now that I considered everything, be prepared for the conversations (and maybe a short slice-of-life-ish scene) to take up to another chapter and a half.]
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Comments
Alex
Maybe. He only really has troubles interacting with Earth people. The rest of the multiverse is culturally closer to what he's been raised as rather than modern Earth customs. He's just fine interacting with them.
Luciaron
Ha, Shen does come off as the kind of guy that needs to train himself how to interact with people normally from an earth pov. His isolation in the clan then going straight into all this mess has left him socially stunted, like a homeschooled kid who you find nice enough but there’s just always something off about how they say things or interact with people when they finally join a school
Autonomous Pen
He won't mention it because he believes she remembers when he talked about it in the tutorial. For him, that's implied both because of her D-rank mind and because she didn't ask what he's protecting them from.
Zaim İpek
Talkers gotta talk. I think Shen should give clear explanation of why he isn't interested in a sexual relationship with her. It's also valuable information for her understanding of paths and could help her in her own search for companionship. I am highly confident there are very many people more compatible for Alicia than Shen, and she should open her mind to the possibilities even outside native earth humanity. Also, Liya is no longer the most beautiful person Shen has seen, so that inner thought should probably be worded differently now that the elf queen has shattered his concept of beauty.
