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[MA] 301. The poison. The ploy. The scheme.
🕑 Added 2023-07-20 22:24:04 +0000 UTCPrevious Chapter — Table of Contents — Next Chapter
[A/N: This is tomorrow's chapter. I'm releasing it early because I'll be celebrating my fifth wedding anniversary tomorrow! \o/
Chapters this week: 3/3
Next release: Tuesday]
Shen suffered and agonized, yet couldn't hear his own screams. He only heard Karlov sharing the Will-Path Merging technique.
And then, after the last word was spoken and the technique memorized, nothingness.
Absolute silence filled his peaceful mind.
He took a few moments to realize he had fainted. He was still in that weird state between consciousness and unconsciousness where he could think but not—
The pain returned.
Shen grunted. The ache wasn't so terrible now that he didn't have the opposing beliefs thrown on his face. It had merely become a throbbing migraine that barely let him think straight.
The extra breathing room let him remember what he had heard. The lies he had been told. The poisoned technique he had memorized.
But something was different.
He couldn't quite put his finger on it, but going through the ordeal had changed things...
Ah.
Willpower.
Shen mentally chuckled. Karlov, the idiot. He had obviously aimed to torture and poison Shen, nothing else, but had instead inadvertently helped hone Shen's willpower a little. Going through the ordeal and experiencing those levels of distress improved Shen's resolve.
It reminded him of his training under Liya. She had also made him suffer. The only difference was that he was sure Karlov would not kill him—
Shen mentally frowned. That didn't make sense. Karlov would undoubtedly kill him at the first opportunity. That was set in stone already.
Oh.
Oh!
He had almost forgotten Karlov had said he feared someone, some unexistent backer who supposedly both supported Shen and saw him as disposable. That made no sense, but Shen had already established that Karlov was an idiot. He feared ghosts in the dark.
That...
The poison...
Words...
Shen paused, allowing himself to think of nothing for a moment. Things were a bit clearer than before, but still confusing. He wondered if Karlov might have purposefully made things easier for Shen's mind just so he wouldn't notice the true poison elsewhere. He discarded the idea. It would be too complex for Karlov, the fool.
His mental frown deepened.
Why was he underestimating the most dangerous enemy on the farm?! Karlov was even B-rank! Shen couldn't face that!
He couldn't explain his own thoughts for a while. Eventually, however, he noticed his pain was decreasing. That elucidated things. He was instinctively reaching a middle ground between his contradictory beliefs so he would stop hurting.
The opposing convictions were tainting each other as they merged. Soon, Shen no longer believed most of what Karlov had said. He also didn't fully distrust Karlov any longer.
There was more to the half-dragon. What? Why could Shen not fear him?
Ah.
The schemes. The ploys. The power.
Karlov was B-rank. Karlov could kill Shen without leaving a trace in the Voided Subnode. Yet, he hadn't. Zyn's schemes were Karlov's schemes. Karlov was powerful but wanted to play games. If not for that, the entire brigade might be gone by now. And while Shen wisely feared the dragonling, Karlov dumbly feared someone else.
Only one obstacle stood in the way of the ultimate union of Shen's opposing views; he had to decide whether to Merge his Path with his Will.
That was a fundamental part of everything Karlov had told him. No matter what he chose, there would be lasting consequences. Shen would either become whatever the technique could turn him into, or he would lose his memories.
Why did strong beings enjoy playing with people's memories so much? Discontinuity had made all participants in the First-Class Talent Summit forget about the System Administrator's visit, except for Shen and Liya. The Admin had asked for it, and the infinity-edger immediately agreed.
It was better than dying, but while the Lieutenant Specialist hadn't directly threatened Shen's life, who was to say how many memories he would erase? Who's to say where he would stop, if at all? Who knew if Shen would still be Shen after Karlov was done messing with his mind?
Heavens, he hated this.
He was a True Path Walker! His Idealized Path was part of him! He was Harmonized with his Path!
Yet, while he could now notice a watchful eye inside his soul looming over his mind, he could do nothing to stop it from becoming a hand that could mess up everything inside. It was a step forward, the fruit of his slightly increased willpower. He hadn't noticed the intrusion before. It wasn't enough to protect him.
Domains were the greatest threat to Shen. Realizations were more powerful, but he wasn't going around meeting any A-ranks. On the other hand, B-ranks seemed to grow like weeds throughout the Alliance.
So, Karlov's threat to erase memories was also a threat to his life. Karlov only had to slip his hand, and Shen would be no more. It was obvious, clear, evident.
Yet Shen didn't entirely believe it.
It all came back to the idiot's fear. The B-rank feared someone, so he was playing games. The B-rank wouldn't kill Shen—
Shen screamed in his mind.
His thoughts were circular.
He was getting nowhere.
Karlov's willingness to kill Shen was only relevant to determine if Shen's talent would activate when deciding whether to use the technique. Shen didn't have to think of that.
He didn't want to think of that.
Shen recalled the Lieutenant Specialist's words. The mockery. Not in the voice, not in the tone, not in the way Karlov said it. It was in the context. First, they had tried to make Shen jealous of Wu Bai's speed, so he would lash out. Now, Karlov said Shen couldn't make a proper decision without his talent helping him. The connection between the facts was absolutely obvious to anyone who knew they were all liars.
Karlov was pushing Shen to think of it as a death threat without actually threatening Shen's life. It was a challenge. A farce. Travesty and basic puppeteering.
Yes. It was clear now. It made flawless sense. Only a paranoid idiot wouldn't see it.
The realization almost perfectly accommodated Shen's differing perspectives on Karlov's monologue. Shen would refuse to see his life as being threatened out of principle, just because Karlov wanted his talent to trigger—
Shen screamed in his mind again.
He was moving in circles again.
'One decision!' he yelled to himself. 'One decision! Use it or not! Decide! Decide! Use the technique or not! Decide! Merge your Will to your Path or not!'
Shen didn't think too deeply about his own outbreak. Not at first. Then, he slowly considered the matter.
The decision depended on other factors. How much of what Karlov had said was true? How much was—
'IT'S NOT ABOUT KARLOV,' Shen screamed, exasperated with himself. 'IT'S ABOUT YOU! YOUR FUTURE! YOUR WILL! YOUR PATH!'
'Or I could just die,' he suddenly interjected.
Dying did sound like the easier way out. It would solve all his problems because he wouldn't be around to have any problems. He would set the idea apart for now and return to it after he concluded which of Karlov's words were lies.
Shen had already established the half-dragon was afraid of someone and liked to lie to push Shen to do something. It wasn't hard to notice the obvious: Karlov didn't want Shen to use the technique. After all, he knew Shen distrusted him. He wouldn't have made it sound so good if he wished for Shen to use it.
Whether the technique was useful or worthless was irrelevant. Karlov was only sharing something so that Shen could then not use it. Then, he would have more plausible deniability when he slipped up while erasing Shen's memories. He would claim Shen had chosen it himself.
Too many memories were lost!
Oopsie!
So, Shen should use the technique out of principle. He was a very principled person. DENYING everything and everyone was at the core of himself. He should deny Karlov, too.
'The ultimate denial is death,' Shen reminded himself.
He agreed partially. Dying would deny himself and anything Reality wanted to do to him. However, it would also make Karlov happy. Spite, rather than self-preservation, would prevent Shen from killing himself right now.
'But death is great,' he insisted.
'Sush, now,' he rebuked that aggravating part of himself and felt it fade away.
He chuckled. How do you like being denied existence now, Annoying Shen? You got what you wanted.
Back to the matter at hand, denying Karlov sounded glorious. Denying Karlov while using a technique Karlov had shared sounded perfect. His True Boundlessness marveled at the paradox.
That's what he liked. That's who he was.
Shen frowned again.
That sounded wrong.
Was he boundlessness or omnipotence?
Ah. He was both. He was none.
He was Boundless and limited by Reality. He was himself, his past, his future, and something else. He was and would one day cease to be, as he had not been before he was.
With his identity properly settled, he decided to check the technique. Using it sounded so exquisitely paradoxical as everything he was.
Shen had memorized but not paid any attention to it. Poison only worked if you let it, and he had been avoiding the poison. It was common sense. Didn't modern Earth have a saying about it? Don't feed the poison or something.
He wasn't a poison feeder, but it was alright to check on the poison now. He would just take a look. Just to see if the poison would be worse than having a life's worth of memories erased. It sounded unlikely, but he wasn't stupid enough to just plow ahead without at least checking his surroundings.
Ah, he missed the Blooming Heart Terrace.
He wished he had paid more attention to the view and taken in more of the ambiance. What wouldn't he do for a few days of doing nothing there!
Shen was just so, so, so tired.
His Path was being stretched thin. He was always on the move, always in another emergency. He had already realized it once before, but stopping was simply impossible. This damned Alliance was always brewing something, never letting anyone take a breather to enjoy their lives.
It was probably by design, too. Keep the warriors on the edge. Keep them training.
To stop was to die.
Sometimes, not stopping also caused deaths. Like now. Shen should have stopped himself from trying to use his domain. It had caught Karlov's attention.
So maybe he should just not decide anything right now? He sighed mentally. No. Not yet. Not until it was all done. Not until after.
After.
The world pushed his focus back to Karlov's monologue. Wasn't that what the half-dragon had said? That Shen was always leaving some things for later? It was true. However, it wasn't the whole truth. Shen recalled leaving things for later back on Earth, too, much before his Baptism of Self.
Shen was simply great at procrastinating when the goal was taking a rest.
Karlov had lied about it, then. His "after" was already part of him. Already part of his beliefs and Path.
Shen smiled to himself.
Oh, stupid Karlov. Shen's Will-Path Merging would strengthen his desire for the after, not weaken it. That dumb example about Shen killing Liya to reach omnipotence didn't even make sense. He would kill her any day of the weak already. All traitors, drow and humanity alike, could go screw themselves.
Shen frowned.
What if his strengthened procrastination happened in a twisted way? What if he chose to care for useless people instead of walking further ahead on his Path? That kind of sounded like something he might do under the right circumstances...
Right?
Nah. That was absurd. Where were these ideas coming from?!
Ah.
He found the source.
It came from the poison. The ploy. The scheme. Everything Karlov had said was to make Shen not want to use the technique, including that his Will would strengthen his beliefs. Poison within poison.
Speaking about the technique, he should check on it.
He did.
It was advanced stuff. Too advanced. It felt like B-rank or higher but involved no Concept or Law. Shen could get the gist of it, and some key areas had been thoroughly explained by Karlov. However, Shen could barely see the outlines in other areas.
Similarly to qi techniques, it used specific movements and qi structures to resonate with Reality and make Reality do the job. Shen had to understand some parts of it, or he wouldn't even form the correct qi pattern. He had to move qi particles in a specific pattern with precise timing. The timing depended on him sensing the flow and himself and matching the feedback against his understanding of the why and how qi should move the way it was moving.
It looked like it would do what Karlov claimed: pull everything that made Shen himself into a compact ball. Not a physical sphere, but in a mystical way that sounded more conceptual than anything. Illusory. And then, Shen's Will would become its anchor to Reality, forcing the entire thing to become an indivisible whole that existed in its separated parts.
However, Shen's thoughts were, by default, too complex, too varied. He had too many feelings that went everywhere. The unshakable monolith of his Will had to be counter-balanced by another absolute certainty of Shen's making, the Counterbalance Truth. Shen had to use everything he had for it, or his Will would control his existence much more tyrannically than Karlov claimed it was already doing.
Shen would've liked not to add anything just to spite Karlov, but he could see this technique wasn't meant to require two people. The half-dragon had split it up on purpose. He would only do his part if Shen added the Counterbalance Truth to the mix.
The asshole had also hidden a crucial piece of information: the Truth had to challenge Shen's Will. The most diametrically opposed it was, without actually being a complete denial of its purpose, the better. A balance would naturally form, and benefits would follow.
But how could Shen even think of anything other than his pursuit of power as a Truth?
Something in that question almost sounded like a warning, but he ignored it. He had more important things to decide.
The Truth would become unquestionable to him forever. If he decided on something like "the sky is blue," he would never accept any sky of another color. He might face a red sky and not see the sky because he would be incapable of understanding it. And while looking and not seeing, alerts would pop into his mind that something was terribly wrong with him or the world around him.
Shen could see Karlov's hidden ploy there, too. Shen had to understand the technique before knowing how important the Truth was. It would be reasonable for him not to use the technique now, just like the half-dragon wanted.
The joke was on Karlov. Shen knew exactly what Truth to use. It was something fundamental and unquestionable, yet also opposed to his Omnipotence.
"The Void cannot be destroyed."
Not Void Spawn or anything else that came from the Void. The Void itself. But the Void was the absence of everything; nothingness couldn't be destroyed.
Yet, omnipotence meant the power to do anything. It should be capable of changing Reality itself.
He felt things might be a little too contradictory, but it only excited him. His Will saw the challenge and refused to back down. It would make things work or die trying. His True Boundlessness added fuel to the fire. It refused to be stopped by rules.
That was it, then.
Shen would use the technique.
Just deciding it made his headache stop. On top of that, it changed that something inside him again. The change was tiny, minor, almost imperceptible. His willpower was further improved.
Karlov hadn't lied about it. Making the right decision here did help Shen. Unfortunately for Karlov, the right decision was not what Karlov wanted.
Shen felt the barrier between his mind and body disappear. He opened his eyes to find himself lying on the ground, surrounded by utter darkness.
Only Karlov's smiling white teeth were visible in the shadows.
Shen snickered. Yet another attempt to mock him, to make him doubt.
He closed his eyes again, moved his qi, and pulled every part of himself the way he had been taught.
It was time to Merge his Path and his Will once and for all.
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Comments
ManguKing
I have so much respect for how well written this trip of self discovery was, but geez it can get tiring and boring quick XD
Autonomous Pen
Thanks for the feedback! I did my best to explain the events in the following chapter. If you still don't find it plausible, I'm afraid there's nothing I can do.
The Tallest Tree
Not a fan. See previous comment. The intent is interesting but this feels worse than if you had a supervillain suddenly turn a sane man crazy. Like with a crazy ray or something. It just feels unearned? Or implausible?
