Yuumei
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Reflections of Me
🕑 Added 2024-08-03 02:01:30 +0000 UTCFinally finished this one. Painting all those eyes felt both meditating and drove me insane.
TW: child abuse
I included some of the comments my family has made about my appearance over the years, some of which are contradicting, just to show how impossible it was to please their toxic beauty standards. To them, I was always too skinny and too fat at 115lb. And being 5'6 was too short.
My mom told me to get plastic surgery for my monolid eyes, because only double lidded eyes are considered beautiful by Chinese standards. She would point to her friend's daughter, who did get plastic surgery for her entire face, and say how much better the girl looked, how I should be like that.
My dad commented on my flat chest, asking how come my mom has boobs while I don't. My stepmom pointed out the frown lines around my lips, saying I don't smile enough. My stepmom always bullied me to the point of crying (by calling my mom a whore and such), so she knows exactly why I don't smile enough. My stepdad said my personality is too horrible to get a normal job, so I would have to prostitute myself, but that I'm too ugly to get clients so I would starve. When I told my mom what he said, she told me to stop lying.
After a lot of therapy for my CPTSD, I can look back and realize that they were the ugly ones, in all sense of the word. But for so long I had such little self-esteem, I would avoid photos. At my first artist alley, fans of my art wanted photos with me but I was too ashamed of myself to accept. I've improved a lot and no longer fear being photographed. I still struggle with other aspects of my abuse (a story for a different day), but with each passing year I feel like I'm regaining bits of myself.
Closeup of the reflection
Comments
Augusto
Yuumei, when I look at this piece I can feel the beauty and the pain you went through. Thank you for sharing your story. From this I get the feeling that you become a powerful person who grew from the adversity life threw at you, it’s not easy to live, I carry my own scars and traumas that I try to express through my art too. I admire you and your creation, they’re not just something to be seen, but something to be deeply felt.
Melissa Masters
Thank you for sharing ❤️ I've always appreciated your willingness to share small stories of yours through your art. I started following your work around 1000 words. I found a lot of feelings in your pieces struck a chord with me over the last 15 years or so and want to say a general thanks. It's been helpful seeing your style grow and evolve when I was doing much the same. Safe to say your art has a special place in my heart (and my bookshelf!)
