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Chapter 160: Welcome to the Kingdom: Takeover

🕑 Added 2023-06-17 12:01:00 +0000 UTC

Comments

Reg Rome

Thanks for offering your perspective! The goal with showing them doing the same action was to highlight those slightly different ways they tackle their objectives. Keiki goes all-in violence, stalking persons of interest until they lead her to her objective, where she takes out any guards before starting negotiations. Carison finds people who might lead him to his goal, and then attempts to negotiate with them to lead them there. When that doesn't work, he resorts to violence. And Jon uses kindness to get to where he wants, only using violence against the specific people he finds morally reprehensible. And, of course, the ways they talk with people, what they do when they're waiting around, etc. is all different, as well. I also wanted to tease their fighting styles and they ways they go about combat, with Keiki, Carison, and Jon all fighting in very different ways.

TortCourt

As a counterpoint to the other comments, I don't mind these other POVs at all, and I find them pretty interesting. I don't think the point is for them to be main characters; it seems like they are here for context and for a potential appearance later (e.g., sounds like Jon could outfit Erani with a new hand with no issues). For the people reading the story as it's written, it's frustrating to move away from the main characters, but in the context of a complete work these vignettes make sense for pacing, context, and world building. As for the criticism about all of these characters seeming like the same person doing the same things in slightly different ways, one option would be to write the chapter from the viewpoint of a character on the other side and/or someone who dies at the end of the vignette - for example, the Boss's perspective when receiving reports about this guy coming into town and viciously murdering drug dealers. Joe Abercrombie has an exceptional example of these one-off characters in The Heroes, where you follow the course of a battle by following individual soldiers until they are killed, and then picking up the story by following the person who killed them.

b

the characters used in this chapter have too little variations in their mannerisms. its like its the same person with just a different mask on doing a different task

Sean

I guess the hang up for me is the not important right now part. There are plenty of ways to make these same insights into the antagonists feel important to the story. They don't have to be separate. Carrion's story could be shown as a contrast to Arlan's group rounding up bandits, John's story could possibly mirror a story where they're interacting with guards/adventurers who want a little bit too much from them. I think the way to make a reader care about an antagonist is to make their story similar or completely opposite to the main characters'. There has to be some link to the scenarios to show some sort of significance. Like with Xhag we got to see him being just as stressed as Arlan, we got to see Arlan's successes contrasted with Xhag's increasing loss of status and position, and by the end we got to see him so humanized and scared of failure that I felt like they were mirrors of each other, both too scared to lose any more. These chapters didn't feel linked to the story at all. I feel like I could've read about one of them doing all of this and gotten the same gist as all of them. I can slightly see a divergence in each of their methodology and perspectives but not in a way that feels impactful. If this added insight somehow turns into all of these characters breaking apart later and this is a way of showing how the cracks will form them I think that'll be exciting, but I'm guessing I won't see that.

Reg Rome

I understand where you're coming from, but I don't think that what I've written here has been too much detail. It's my sincere opinion that, in order to care about the protagonist, you also have to care about the antagonist. Otherwise, when the good guy wins, you won't really care about who he just defeated. It's a whole half of the story that gets missed out on, in that case. So, since there are several characters introduced here who will be reoccurring in the future, I felt it was necessary to introduce you to their personalities and capabilities, both socially and within fights, before we move on to them directly interacting with our protagonists. There are also lots of moments in these chapters which foreshadow and set up future plot points. So even if some of these things might not seem important now, they will be in the future. I'll consider doing something like a reorder of chapters to split up this chunk of four chapters into smaller bits, that way you don't have to read all four in a row, and get small breaks in between where we move back to Arlan. I do understand the frustration of wanting to read about the main character but only seeing chapters that are about other people, after all, and while I tried to make these chapters as entertaining as possible, I get that many people will be frustrated at seeing so many in a row. But I don't think simply cutting it all out and summarizing it or hand-waving it, as you suggested, would work for my story. Thank you for the feedback, though, it is always appreciated.

Sean

Yeah I don't care. The story is about the minute mage fugitive on the run eventually getting powerful enough to not run away anymore. Asmo and her people slowly taking over the kingdom just isn't interesting. Sure they're important to the story, but not anymore than say a single chapter where they show them discussing how they take over and then FTB with Arlan hearing about it months down the line. This whole Asmo discussing why the people should follow her, the same people doing the same thing to the gangs running towns, and showing her commissioning communication items... It's just too much detail for something a hand wave "and they retook control of the kingdom" would have done. I tried to stay engaged but a few of these chapters I read the beginning and the end and I lost zero context for it.

Nelson Burns-Jansen

yeah, i want more murder hobo!

Frardowin

Please, in the future consider only doing 2 alternate POVs per arc in the future. Using so many drags the story down severely. One POV at the end of the arc to hint at what the kingdom was doing during the arc, and one pov at the beginning of the are to foreshadow any important interference. 4+ is just too much.


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