Nyx Nyghtingale
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Rough Draft - Suddenly A Succubus Ch. 19
🕑 Added 2024-06-17 17:00:07 +0000 UTCFriday was surprisingly mundane when compared to the events of the week leading up to it. Amara had been so busy confronting Mr. Luxnor, cleaning up the Jade Palace, and trying to figure out her dreamwalking, that a simple day of going to classes almost felt like a waste. She noticed that Tessa was nowhere to be seen, but a quick text confirmed she was, once again, skipping classes to run some tests of her own. This meant most of Amara’s day was spent with Nick and Chloé, the latter of whom was preparing for the first official volunteer event for her charity.
Over lunch, Chloé explained the schedule her and the other volunteers had put together. Some of them were in charge of getting materials, some in charge of assigning tasks, and some were simply there to watch for possibly unsafe situations. Amara’s task was to be the event photographer, and she was thankful she wouldn’t need to exert herself.
Ever since she’d snuck over to the Palace, she’d been much more aware of her own enhanced strength. The sheer size of some of the pieces she’d been able to casually fling into the dumpster had surprised her, and that’s what the topic of conversation ended up being while she and Nick made dinner that night.
“How do I know what’s normal?” Amara asked. She was currently maintaining a fire under the frying pan while using her tail to chop vegetables. The irony of the situation was not lost on her.
“Like, if someone challenges you to a push-up contest, how do you know when to quit?” Nick asked.
“I mean, nothing that specific, but yeah basically. What if I accidentally break a door handle when someone’s watching? Or someone asks me to hold a stack of books, and I have no idea how much they weigh?”
“I feel like you’re overestimating how often people might ask you to perform manual labor. You’re not exactly built like a weightlifter.” Nick flipped the chicken on the frying pan as they kept talking. “Plus, guys are the ones that like to challenge their friends to random stuff like that, but all your friends are girls. I think you’re safe.”
“I still think it’s something I should get more practice with. If nothing else, I should know what my upper limits are. Do you still have that key to the gymnastics building?”
“I do! Want to head over after dinner?”
“No, not tonight.” Amara said. “I need to pack all my camera equipment for the cleanup tomorrow. Maybe next week sometime?”
“Just let me know, I’ll make sure we pick a night when it’ll be empty.”
Once all the cooking was done, Amara let Nick put the finishing touches on their dinner. While he worked, Amara found herself staring at the frying pan on the stove, an idea forming in her head. Curiosity got the better of her, and she walked over to it. She grabbed it on opposite sides, took a deep breath, and tried to bend it in half. She’d expected a fair amount of resistance, and was quite surprised when the metal of the pan gave rather quickly.
“Alright, dinner’s ready to—” Nick looked up, locking eyes with Amara, who was now attempting to twist the pan back into its original shape. “Oh, wow. Is that going to be usable anymore?”
“I hope so! I wasn’t trying to ruin it!” she said panicking. After a few minutes, Amara managed to return the pan to a halfway decent shape, and the two started eating.
“Maybe those tests should come sooner rather than later? Until then, I’d recommend playing it safe, and definitely no heavy lifting at the event tomorrow.” Nick playfully scolded her, but Amara had a feeling he’d been caught off guard by her show of strength.
“I’ll be good, you don’t have to worry about me. I’m gonna be covered in camera stuff anyways, so I’m not too worried.”
Dinner was delicious, if slightly overcooked, but Amara was pleased with how much her control had improved in just a few short days. Nick’s idea to practice with cooking had been genius, as loathe as she’d been to admit it at the time. They had almost finished eating when Amara’s phone went off.
Tessa: u home?
Amara: Yeah, I’m here with Nick. What’s up?
Tessa: im coming over, think i figured the circles out
Tessa: so finish up ur fuckin or watever
Rolling her eyes, Amara let Nick know what was happening, and soon enough Tessa was walking in.
“Sorry for the short notice, but I’ve been working on this all day, and I’ve finally cracked it!” Tessa said excitedly. She kicked her shoes off before pulling out her notebooks, laying them on the kitchen counter. “Ooh, this smells delicious, are you done?”
Before Amara could respond, Tessa had already grabbed her fork and was eating the rest of her dinner. “Um, sure, help yourself. What did you figure out?”
“So, something Mr. Luxnor said really stuck with me. This whole time I’ve been trying to figure out why the circles exist, why there are so many of them. Witches always use circles to bring magic over, but he’s implying that these circles are doing the opposite. Why?” Tessa said, in between bites of food. “According to the cult, this campus is inherently magical, which isn’t possible.”
“Because… the magic has to come from somewhere?” Amara asked, trying to understand where this was going.
“Exactly! It has to come from somewhere! It’s been staring us in the face this whole time; our campus is a giant soft spot!”
“Hold on, soft spot? What do you mean?” Nick asked.
“All the planes are separate entities, but in rare cases, the boundaries between them can grow thin, causing them to overlap. Normally, this only happens with one or two planes at once. Like, a small pond siphons some energy from the Plane of Fire, and turns into a hot spring. This campus? It overlaps with all of them.”
Amara paused, turning over this information in her head before speaking again. “That’s why they need so many circles? Each one is trying to keep a specific plane from overlapping with ours?”
“Yes! They’re all working together to create, like, some kind of massive planar gate!” Tessa pushed the plate away, having now finished Amara’s dinner.
“So, hold on,” Nick said. “If they’re trying to weaken this gate, doesn’t that mean they’re trying to bring something through?”
“Bingo. Unfortunately, we still don’t know what. They might just want the magic for themselves, but worst case scenario? They could be trying to summon a creature to our plane, and that’s almost guaranteed to go poorly.”
“Why would they want to bring something over?” Amara asked.
“Remember what I said when I found out you were a demon? People want power, money, fame, sex, and sometimes they get in touch with creatures that are willing to trade. Based on Mr. Wellington’s suspicious rise to wealth? I’d bet good money he’s made a deal with some kind of demon.”
The three of them went quiet for a moment. Eventually, Amara spoke up again, her words laced with fear. “Demons are a big deal, right?”
Tessa locked eyes with her. “I can’t stress this enough, Amara, but you don’t make any sense. We don’t know why you’re here, or how you’re even a demon in the first place. You’re also a decent person, which flies in the face of everything I’ve ever been taught. We need to assume that you’re one-of-a-kind, for our own safety. If they manage to summon another demon, it could be catastrophic.”
Amara pulled her tail close, holding it in her hands nervously.
Could there be others like me? If there aren’t, what does that mean for my future? I still don’t know what I’m turning into, what I might be capable of when I’ve stopped changing…
Seeing that Amara was growing nervous, Nick intervened. “Okay, well, we already have a plan to infiltrate their meeting. Until then, there’s no use worrying over hypotheticals, right?” Nick cleared his throat. “On a tangential note, I’ve been digging into Mr. Wellington recently.”
“Oh, how’s that going?” Amara asked, eager for a change of topic.
“It’s funny, I feel like I’ve learned a lot, but also nothing at all. Everything I read last time is still there; he was a relative nobody, his parents worked thankless 9-to-5 jobs, and he happened to get lucky playing the stock market. Ever since striking it rich, he’s had very few public appearances, and all of them seem pretty carefully staged.”
“Well, we’re assuming he made a deal with a demon, so chances are he doesn’t actually know shit about the stock market. He probably doesn’t want people to find out.” Tessa said. She was now rummaging through Amara’s cabinets looking for snacks.
“I did learn that he’s a pretty avid collector of old artifacts and relics. He’s had a few interviews focused on his collection, and it’s obvious he’s really into old-timey mysticism stuff.”
“I see what you mean about pointless knowledge.” Amara sighed, “Like, sure, we know more about him, but it’s nothing helpful.”
“I have a few theories, though whether or not they’re of any use I can’t say.” Nick waited to get Tessa’s attention before continuing. “I have a sneaking suspicion that he only had Derek as an excuse to get on the Board of Directors here. It’s small, but he’s always been interested in this school, even though he never went here himself. Plus, anyone with his net worth? It’s weird he never tried to get Derek into Yale or Harvard.”
“Okay? How is that helpful?” Tessa asked.
“Like I said, it might not be. But, if Derek is only a pawn in his father’s schemes, it just means that we can’t try to use him as a bargaining chip down the line. Not that we were planning on it, but… y’know.”
“Fair point. You said you had other ideas?” Amara grabbed a cookie out of Tessa’s hands, causing the witch to gasp with faux indignation.
“Well, as far as I can tell, he’s been making fewer and fewer public appearances recently. Whenever he does show, he has a pretty impressive collection of personal guards, but they try to keep themselves hidden. I noticed them because I was combing through dozens of articles, and I started seeing a couple of familiar faces in the background.”
Nick slid his phone over to the girls, swiping through a couple pictures and pointing out the guards in question before he continued talking. “So, when you’re sneaking into this cult meeting, I want you to keep an eye out for them. Since we’re serious about taking them down, it would be good to know if he’s got armed henchmen ready to pull guns on us.”
After a few seconds of silence, Amara finally spoke up. “Do you think I’m bulletproof?”
“There’s only one way to test that, Amara. Let’s hope you never have to find out.” Nick stared at her sternly, his fear more than obvious.
She thought back to her time cleaning up the Palace, when she’d covered her wings with her exoskeleton to shield against the falling debris, and wondered if it might be worth testing the limits of her chitinous armor at some point.
“Anyways, long story short, hired goons likely means more mundane defenses. If you don’t see them, it’s safe to assume the threat is more magical, and that’s where my expertise ends. Tessa?” Nick asked, looking to the witch. “You say the worst-case scenario is that they summon a creature. What could they be looking to bring over?”
Tessa cleared her throat. “Well, I think a demon is the most likely option, they supposedly love making deals. We also shouldn’t assume he got rich from a deal, maybe something else happened. He could just as easily try to bring through a djinn or some kind of fey creature. The list is practically endless, we really have no way of knowing until Amara spies on this meeting.”
“So… we wait? It sounds like we can’t do much until the meeting.” Amara asked, standing up from the counter.
“Certainly seems that way. Go to classes, do homework, pretend our campus isn’t hosting an otherworldly demon cult. The usual.” Nick smirked, trying to inject some levity into the situation. With the conversation coming to an end, Tessa was already packing up her stuff to head home.
“Great! Well, I’ve got plans with the polycule, and I was only stopping by for a moment. You two idiots have fun!” Tessa began grabbing all her stuff, which spurred the others to start cleaning up dinner. Soon enough, everyone went their separate ways, with plans to reconvene tomorrow morning for the volunteer event.
—
Saturday morning proved to be a beautiful day, which had everyone at the cleanup in good spirits. The volunteers running the event had set up a folding table in the shade of the nearby trees, and were currently stocking it with snacks and refreshments to keep everyone in good health. Nearby, a small pile of equipment had been sorted as well; hardhats, safety goggles, and thick gloves in various sizes.
When Amara arrived, she decided to borrow the edge of the refreshment table to set up her camera equipment. Once she finished, and was in the middle of taking some test shots, Chloé ran up excitedly and gave her a hug.
“Thanks again for this Amara! I just know these pictures are going to be great, your original shots of the debris were immaculate.” Chloé said. She was wearing light blue jean shorts and a gray tank top, which implied she wasn’t planning on doing any heavy lifting today.
“I’m more than happy to help, Chloé, you don’t have to keep thanking me. How many people have signed up for today?”
“It’s a pretty impressive list! I haven’t counted recently, but I think we’re going to have a healthy turnout for most of the day. Plus, because of the efforts of our mysterious vigilante, a lot of the really hard stuff has already been taken care of. The amount of manpower we need is somewhat secondary to raising enough money.”
Amara was about to respond when another event organizer called out to Chloé. The girls parted ways, leaving Amara on her own to start taking pictures.
The day passed without incident, much to the relief of everyone involved. Just as Chloé predicted, they had a steady stream of volunteers for the entire time, and Amara quickly noticed some patterns in who was attending. There seemed to be someone from the fraternity present at all times, and many of them had friends in tow. She also saw a fair amount of representation from various school groups; sports teams, music groups, and everything in between. As someone who tended to shy away from larger crowds, Amara couldn’t help but be impressed by the amount of community on display.
She took hundreds of pictures detailing the efforts of the volunteers, and most people were more than happy to be included in her documentation. Every so often she would take breaks to check on the social media side of the charity effort, posting pictures to try and keep engagement up, but as the day passed, she started to grow nervous.
Fundraising events of this type typically made most of their money in the first few weeks. Donations were highest at the start, when excitement was at its peak, and Amara had started running the numbers. Even in the best-case scenario, where donations continued at their current pace, hitting their goal was a long shot. If she assumed a more likely scenario, one where donations began drying up after the first few weeks, Chloé’s goals began to look less and less likely.
Amara avoided saying anything, but she found her thoughts preoccupied about money for most of the day. There were a few optimistic moments, thankfully. On one occasion, a student with a well-off family visited the site and made a sizeable donation. It was obvious he just wanted the attention, as he barely did any actual work, but money was money.
She also realized that her efforts earlier in the week meant less funding would be needed for future volunteer efforts. Chloé took a break halfway through the day to reorganize the volunteer schedule, and she was very optimistic about the direction things were heading.
Still, aside from a couple bright spots, Amara couldn’t help but wonder if there were more she could do. Something other than managing the charity’s social media pages, something that had a more direct influence on the fundraising.
At the moment, much of the day had already passed, and the bottom of the sun was starting to get lost behind the trees of the property. The last batch of volunteers were about halfway through their shift, and the lot was in great shape. Huge portions of the smaller debris were now cleared up, and a couple items that had mostly survived the fire were set aside.
Amara’s money worries were put on hold when she saw someone new approaching the Palace. His clothes indicated that he wasn’t here to help clean up, and he seemed much more interested in approaching the event’s photographer. His short brown hair reflected slightly in the dimming sunlight, and his cocky grin indicated he wasn’t scared of Amara, despite their last interaction.
“Well, look who it is! I didn’t know you’d be working the event!” Brandon said, his voice slightly louder than it needed to be.
She glared at him, unsure what his plan was, but she knew she couldn’t risk escalating matters. “Well, we’re almost finished, I think it’s actually time to start putting everything away…”
She quickly turned away from the cleanup effort and walked back to the refreshment table. As she started to pack up her camera, Brandon continued the conversation. “You seem pretty invested in helping out here, I wonder why that is.”
“A friend runs the charity, Brandon, and I’m helping her out.” Amara hissed, wishing he hadn’t approached her in public like this.
“You sure about that? Personally, I think you feel guilty.” Brandon leaned in closer, his voice much quieter now. “Almost like you caused the fire, and you’re trying to make up for it.”
Amara froze. How much does he know? How could he have figured it out? “You don’t know anything about me. Did I not make myself clear last time?”
“Oh, you did, but things are different now. You see, I was taking a lovely evening walk a few days ago, and I happened across something rather strange. I found a demon, all on her own, cleaning up the debris.” As he kept speaking, Brandon pulled out his phone and started swiping through his pictures. Amara saw herself, her tail and wings out, angrily knocking down a wall of the Palace. “What would people think if they saw this? If they knew their fellow student was a demon, and this fire was no accident?”
She glared at him, her eyes flaring as she realized what he was threatening. “You wouldn’t dare.”
“I absolutely would. Now before you get any bright ideas, know that these pictures are scheduled to go live in a week. If you want to avoid the world finding out about you, I’d suggest you do what I ask.”
Amara was seething, her eyes flicking towards the volunteers to see if anyone was listening in. “What do you want?”
“You already know that, Amara. I want you. You’re going to show me exactly what a succubus is capable of, however I want, when I want. You’re going to be mine.” Brandon’s smile was infuriating, and she wanted nothing more than to punch it off his stupid face, but she knew he had the upper hand. “I expect your answer in a week. If I don’t hear anything, everyone finds out what you are.”
He stood up, then pocketed his phone before turning to walk away. Amara watched him leave, steadying herself on the table beside her. When he left the lot, she heard a loud crack, and quickly snapped back to her senses. She’d been grabbing the side of the table, and her grip had just broken some of the plastic. Thankfully, no one else had been close enough to hear anything, and she was able to pack up the rest of her camera equipment in peace. She hugged Chloé goodbye, made her last post for the charity, and walked home in a daze.
I can’t let him do this, but what choice do I have? Those pictures can’t get out.
The rest of her evening was incredibly stressful. Her thoughts raced as she tried to think of a way to get out of this twisted deal, but she kept drawing blanks. By the time night fell, and it was time to get some sleep, all she’d managed to do was work herself up. Thankfully, she had the perfect way to burn off this stress, and when she manifested in Derek’s dream that night, she did everything in her power to turn it into the perfect nightmare.
—
The next week passed rather quickly, for better or for worse. Brandon’s threat loomed over her head, and although she’d talked it over with Nick and Tessa, they hadn’t yet thought of a way out. She’d already tried to scare him away, and apparently that had only pushed him to start stalking her. Since fear didn’t work, and she knew she didn’t have the temperament to pursue a more permanent solution, she was stuck biding her time. Plus, even if Brandon were to somehow disappear, it was obvious he’d set up the pictures to go live automatically in the event something happened to him.
Nick had suggested that she try to use her dreamwalking abilities, but she still had no idea how they worked. She was getting better at manipulating dreams once inside them, but she still hadn’t managed to manifest in any dreams other than Derek’s.
Still, being able to give Derek constant nightmares had been its own special pleasure. She manifested in his dreamscape every night that week, and every night she invented new ways to try and push him over the edge. Each night ended the same, with Derek trapped under the water and his dead girlfriend screaming at him, but Amara kept mixing up how exactly it happened.
After the first few nights, she’d enlisted Tessa’s help to follow him around campus. Once they pinned down his schedule, Amara started visiting his classes and watching him through the window while disguised as Stephany. The first time he saw her, he had screamed and jumped from his chair. The second time, he managed to stay quiet, but his terror was obvious. The more she followed him around, the easier it was to see that he was slowly unraveling.
Derek now jumped at the tiniest scare, and often wouldn’t pay attention to anyone around him, instead looking for signs of Stephany. He began skipping classes, and rumors claimed that he was starting to become a recluse.
The entire process of wearing him down had honestly taken Amara less time than she’d initially thought. She suspected that he’d been having those dreams for a while, but with her powers still developing she hadn’t been strong enough to pick up on them until recently. It was only Wednesday of the following week when Amara decided to implement the next part of her plan, this time with Tessa’s help.
The girls had learned that Derek lived fairly close to Amara, on the ground level in a similar apartment complex. They waited until the dead of night, when they knew he would be alone, and got to work.
Amara had purchased an outfit just like the one Stephany had been wearing the night of her murder. She now stood outside Derek’s window, identical to his deceased girlfriend in every way, with Tessa only a few feet away. She was dressed warmly, in a large black peacoat, and was setting down a large bucket of water and a hose.
“Alright Tess, it’s showtime. You ready?” Amara asked.
“Please, I was born ready. I can’t wait to go all Ghost of Christmas Past on this asshole.” Tessa was practically bouncing in excitement, and squatted down to wait for her signal.
Amara checked her phone, confirmed it was just past 3:30 in the morning, and handed it to Tessa. Based on the last few nights, Derek seemed to wake from his nightmares around this time, only now Amara was waiting outside the dream. She crouched by his window, peeked inside, and waited.
Soon enough, she heard the muffled sounds of someone waking from a nightmare. His room stayed dark, but after a minute he turned his phone’s flashlight. He was clearly exhausted, Amara could see the bags under his eyes, and he stumbled out of his room. When he returned, he had a glass of water, which he finished half of before setting it on his nightstand.
With a flick of her fingers, Amara signaled to her friend that she was about to start. She reached up, tapping and scraping the window lightly to try and get Derek’s attention.
“Who’s there?” Derek quickly asked, his fear palpable even from outside his window.
Amara kept waiting, knowing she had to draw this out as long as possible. After another minute, she tried again, louder this time.
“I’m serious, you don’t know who you’re messing with!” he said, his voice shaking. His bravado was nowhere to be seen; a result of the endless nightmares Amara had been forcing onto him. He moved to the window, and with another flick of her wrist, Amara asked for the next step.
Above the window, held aloft by Tessa’s telekinesis, the hose turned on. Water rained down into Derek’s field of vision, stalling him slightly. He checked the locks on his window, making sure it was sealed tight, and cautiously looked outside.
As soon as he approached the glass, Amara reached up from beneath the window and slammed her hand on the glass. Just as this happened, Tessa emptied the heavy bucket of water, drenching Amara and causing Derek to jump back.
“Fuck!” Derek screamed. “S-Steph? Is that you?” He was clearly terrified, and Amara took this opportunity to move fully into his vision.
“I-I’m so c-cold, Derek…” she whispered, just loud enough for him to hear.
“You can’t be here! You’re dead!”
“How did I die, Derek? How did I die?” Amara’s voice distorted, a shapeshifting trick she’d been practicing the last few days.
“I didn’t… I never wanted this! It’s not my fault!”
Another signal, and Tessa started the next step. With her telekinesis, the locks on Derek’s window unlatched, and the window seemingly opened on its own. Amara crawled into the room, doing her best to make her movements appear jagged and unnatural.
“YOU KILLED ME, DEREK.” Amara hissed, her voice even more twisted. She crawled closer, and when Derek tried to run from the room, Tessa slammed his door shut.
“Please, don’t kill me! I’m sorry!” Unable to run, Derek turned to face Amara. She reached out, grabbed his ankle, and pulled him to the ground. Despite his best efforts, he was no match for her demonic strength, and within seconds she crawled on top of him, pinning him down.
“TELL THEM WHAT HAPPENED. TELL THEM EVERYTHING!” Her hands closed on Derek’s neck, and she carefully started restricting his airflow.
“I… I’ll do it! Please, just let me live!” Derek’s face turned red, tears forming in his eyes as he started passing out. After another few seconds, his struggles stopped, and Amara immediately jumped off of him.
“Tessa! Quick, like we planned!” Amara whispered. The witch peeked through the window, her tattoos flaring up as she prepared to help Amara. The girls quickly moved Derek into his bed, pulled the covers over him, and reset the room to its normal state. Once they were back outside, Tessa closed the window, re-locked it, and they made their escape.
Once they were far enough away, Amara made sure no one was watching, and shapeshifted back into herself.
“Fucking hell, Amara! Is that what you’ve been doing in his dreams every night?” Tessa asked, clearly excited. “Amara?”
Amara was leaning against the outer wall of her apartment, her eyes closed and her breath panicked. She was shaking, and tears were forming in the corners of her eyes; with the adrenaline rush over, her mind was flashing back to Halloween. She was suddenly back in the Palace, her twisted talons wrapped around Vee’s neck while she begged for mercy.
I didn’t do it, I didn’t do it… Vee’s safe! She’s alive! I had to do this for her!
Tessa’s hands grabbed her shoulders. “Amara! Calm down, look at me.”
The feel of another person’s touch shook her back to her senses, but before she mustered the strength to look at Tessa, she first looked at her hands. They were normal, human hands, nothing like what she’d attacked Vee with.
“I-I…” Amara leaned forward, pulling Tessa in for a hug. “I hate how easily being cruel comes to me. I don’t want to have to keep doing this, but it keeps feeling like I have no other choice…”
The witch grabbed Amara’s neck, looking in her eyes. “Hey, that asshole deserves it. He attacked you! He would’ve attacked Vee! This is the only way to stop him, and you know it.”
Amara nodded slowly, wiping away her tears. After a few more moments, she was able to pull herself together. “Okay, I think… I think I’m alright. Let’s head back inside.” It only took a few minutes to get back to her room, at which point she eagerly began changing out of her wet clothes.
“So, those are his nightmares?” Tessa asked again.
“Uh, yeah, more or less. Normally I distort Stephany’s body a bit more, but that was the gist of it. Why, you scared?” Amara playfully nudged her friend, doing her best to avoid dwelling on the panic attack she’d just avoided.
“I mean, if I’d been the target of that? I’d have been fucking terrified! I take back everything I said about you not using your powers enough, that was damn impressive, Amara.” They both collapsed on the couch, sighing in relief.
“Well, I guess now we wait.” Amara said, putting her hair up. “You think it’ll work?”
“Are you kidding? With how scared he was, I think you could’ve talked him into just about anything. Fuck, I should’ve tried to grab a picture, that would have been hilarious.”
“C’mon, you know that trying to take a picture would’ve—” Amara froze, a sudden idea halting her train of thought. When she didn’t finish her sentence, the witch looked over, concerned.
“Hey, Amara? You alright? Demon senses tingling?”
“Taking pictures! Tessa, you’re a genius!” Amara ran to her bedroom, a sudden burst of inspiration overtaking her.
“What? I mean, I know I am, but mind explaining what you mean?” Tessa hopped off the couch, following Amara. By the time she entered the room, Amara had already pulled out half of her camera equipment and was setting up her tripod.
“Tess, can you grab my red lingerie set? It’s in the top drawer!”
“Alright, I like where this is going, but I’d still appreciate a little context, Amara.” Tessa did as she was asked, grabbing the lingerie before handing it over. Amara smirked, meeting Tessa’s eyes before finally responding.
“I know how to beat Brandon!”
—
This is a bit of a shorter chapter, but I think it hits all the right beats. I've got a few different story threads floating around, and I'm happy with how they're progressing here. Still, I'll admit I'm always a little nervous when chapters wind up being a little shorter, so hopefully the pacing feels right.
Plus, I get to terrorize Derek a bit more, and that's always a special treat!
Nyx <3
Comments
Nyx Nyghtingale
I'm glad that my enjoyment comes through! I really do love this story, as well as writing in general, so I'm glad to include you :) Regarding Derek and Brandon, without any spoilers, I will say that this series is going to have considerable length to it, and I think it will be obvious when characters have reached the end of their journeys. Now that we're in the thick of it, I'm also comfortable sharing that Derek's presence was partially crafted to serve as a stepping stone to the events of Book 2.
Dadhiker
Nyx, I agree with the above comments. This is another great chapter. Not knowing what you have in store (and not wanting to know in advance) I'm beginning to develop a little bit of sympathy for Derek. After all, he is his father's pawn, and you've successfully shifted the narrative to Mr. Wellington and the soft convergence of multi-dimensional planes. If Derek's father (and whatever entity such as a demon he might have struck a bargain with) is the villainous target, you might either want to ease up on Derek or do the opposite, have Derek "strike back" in some way (either at Amara, Vee, or better yet, Chloe so that he becomes even more worthy of the psychological punishment he's receiving. Over-punishing Derek, as bad a character as he is, makes him more of a sympathetic figure in your story -- unless that is your intent. Speaking of punishments, I'm enjoying you use of the Brandon character. You've found a great way of continuing his succubus obsession. This seems like a side story to the main plot (if it is, I'm okay with that) but personally, I would love to see Brandon get his comeuppance in a way befitting of his obsession -- too much of a good thing, but with a twist. Just a thought. Last comment: Even without your "Reflection," I can see how much you're enjoying this. That is the key to good writing. This chapter puts your natural gifts on display and you clearly have the "spark" from whatever magical muse needed to love what you do. You write for yourself and the rest of us become happy voyeurs (and happy voyagers) on your journey.
Nyx Nyghtingale
Woo! I get an A+ in Writing! Always happy to see you tuned into the plot as well, you definitely made a solid guess last time1
AFanofRoses
I also have absolutely no problem with shorter chapters! The scenes are as long as they need to be, neither too short or too long. I think that in moderation, it's healthy to question parts of your writing, but you just keep knocking it out of the park, and I'm loving every chapter! No grammatical errors that I saw. Not even one. Excellent, excellent work! And since I was 100% correct about the flash of light being a flash photo in chapter seventeen, here's another prediction: Amara's plan is to take pictures of herself as a succubus (either before, during, or after a hot, well-written sex scene with Tessa) and post them online, creating an alibi that there's a demon cosplayer / camgirl (who is also involved in charity work, I guess). No need to confirm or deny this, though. I'm so tuned into where the story is going that I have to be correct! (sarcastic)
Nyx Nyghtingale
That's great! I'm still learning a lot about what kind of Chapter lengths I prefer. I'm thinking 5-6k is a solid average, though I definitely have chapters with a lot happening that tend to stretch longer.
Marsharbour
Absolutely love this compact chapter. All the goodies closer together is very appealing to my adhd brain
