Nyx Nyghtingale
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Rough Draft - Suddenly A Succubus Ch. 21
🕑 Added 2024-07-15 17:00:06 +0000 UTCSeveral hours had passed since the sun disappeared behind the horizon, and Amara was relaxing on her couch. Her head was resting in Tessa’s lap, and some generic action movie was playing on the TV. The two girls had finished dinner recently, and were slowly preparing for the main event of the night: Amara’s infiltration of the secret cult meeting. It was of utmost importance that she be well-fed, as they still weren’t sure exactly what Mr. Wellington was up to.
Amara had been teasing Tessa all night in preparation for her second meal. She was wearing incredibly skimpy booty shorts, the athletic kind best suited for lounging around the house, and they were not designed to contain all of her ass. The straps of her lingerie were resting high on her hips, far above the waistband, and anyone looking at her from behind would know she was wearing a thong. Her matching bra was doing its best to put her tits front and center, and her tank top helped accentuate her impressive cleavage.
Tessa had been entirely unwilling to help make dinner, instead relaxing on the couch while glued to her phone. Still, Amara’s demonic senses could tell that the witch was taking every opportunity to stare at her body. At several points throughout the night, during bouts of downtime in the cooking process, Amara had sat in her friend’s lap and aggressively made out with her, just to push her buttons even further. The arousal was delicious, and she knew she needed every drop of strength she could get. Even now, as they cuddled on the couch, Amara could smell that Tessa was staring at her tits. Her tail had been massaging the inside of the witch’s thigh ever since the movie started, and every time Tessa tried to start something, Amara had playfully smacked her hands away.
Tessa, being the horniest of Amara’s partners, was the easiest to feed on. Her arousal was so constant that she’d been feeding all night, starting long before they’d retired to the couch after dinner. By the time the bad guys were defeated, and the credits were rolling, Amara could feel her friend’s thighs twitching in anticipation.
“So,” Amara started, “should we retire to the bedroom?”
“Fuck, yes! God, you’re the absolute worst!” Tessa said, jumping off the couch. “How are you not as horny as me? You’re literally a sex demon!”
“Please, I’ve been feeding on you all night.” Amara stood up, stretching her back to continue teasing Tessa. Before reaching the bedroom, she grabbed Tessa by the waist, pushing her against the wall. Her tail wrapped around her leg, its tip brushing against Tessa’s sex, and she leaned in to whisper, “Maybe you should learn how to play hard to get.”
Tessa was whimpering, eager to be fucked, and Amara breathed in her arousal before letting her go. The witch panted in desperation as she jumped in Amara’s bed, already starting to undress. “C’mon, haven’t I waited long enough? You’ve been jumping around in that outfit all night, and I know you smell what it’s doing to me.”
Amara pulled off her shorts and her tank top but left her lingerie on. She crawled on top of Tessa, pushing her to the bed as her tail started tracing the naked curves on the witch’s body. “And you know that I’m doing it on purpose.”
When their lips finally met, Tessa moaned in pleasure, and her already excited aura expanded again. Amara’s hands joined her tail, exploring Tessa’s waist, grabbing her ass and pulling her close. Their legs interlocked, each girl grinding her pussy against the other’s thigh. Tessa’s hands returned the favor, eagerly grabbing Amara’s ass and squeezing tight.
In response, Amara moved her lips down to her friend’s neck and kissed it gently. She let herself taste every inch, slowly moving higher before playfully nibbling on Tessa’s ear. After a few minutes of playing nice, she moved back down and bit into the witch’s neck, hard enough to make sure she left a mark.
“Fuck!” Tessa shouted. Her body shook, and her hands moved to Amara’s shoulders. She held tight, her nails digging in as she wrapped her legs around Amara. In return, Amara moved her tail between the witch’s legs, circling her pussy slowly with its tip. “Please, Amara, fuck me!”
Amara giggled, continuing to feed on her friend as she teased her entrance. “Not yet, Tessa. You have to earn that privilege.”
“Nngh fine! What do you want?”
“Make me cum, and then I’ll consider returning the favor.” Amara whispered. She pulled her tail away, despite Tessa’s whining, and rolled onto her back.
As soon as her back hit the bed, she saw Tessa’s tattoos light up. Her bra undid itself, sliding off her body before her thong did the same. As they hit the floor, Tessa moved down on the bed and settled between Amara’s legs. She began kissing her sensitive thighs, her nails tracing lines in her skin as she crept higher. Before long, her fingers had found Amara’s clit, and she began rubbing it softly.
“Mmm there’s a good girl.” Amara moaned, running her hands through Tessa’s hair. Her tail continued teasing the desperate witch, snaking up her back before wrapping softly around her neck. She knew Tessa loved to be dominated, and even the hint of pressure around her throat created another surge in her aura.
Amara felt the witch’s tongue on her clit and began gasping in pleasure. Tessa sucked hard, pulling on her clit as she continued running her tongue over it. While Amara was the succubus, there was no denying that Tessa knew what she was doing.
As Tessa continued playing with Amara’s clit, she began to push a finger into her entrance. Amara was already incredibly wet; although she’d been playing coy earlier, all the teasing from the last few hours had her incredibly worked up. Her body eagerly accepted Tessa’s finger, and soon enough two more had worked their way inside. Amara gripped Tessa’s hair harder, her hips bucking as she eagerly fucked back against the witch’s efforts.
Tessa’s free hand moved higher, grabbing one of Amara’s breasts and massaging it. Her fingers circled the demon’s nipple before grabbing tight, pinching as hard as she could. Amara moaned in surprise, and Tessa soon did the same to her other nipple, trying to push Amara closer to cumming.
They continued like this for several more minutes, Amara eagerly feeding off her friend while feeling her pussy stretch around her fingers. She was purposely trying to prolong her first orgasm as long as possible, but Tessa’s skills proved to be too much.
Her body tensed, clamping down on Tessa’s fingers as both her hands grabbed her hair tight. Her thighs squeezed, holding Tessa in place as she came hard. Her moans grew louder until she was practically shrieking with pleasure, and she felt her demonic senses expanding to fill the room. She could feel the fire raging inside her, eager to be let free, but she managed to keep everything contained as the waves of pleasure subsided.
As Amara came back to her senses, she released her grip on Tessa’s hair. The witch pulled back, her makeup running and her face covered with Amara’s juices. She wore a look of desperation, eager to see if she’d fulfilled her end of the bargain.
“Mmm fuck, that was amazing!” Amara said, “I think you’ve more than earned your reward.”
She pulled Tessa close, kissing her softly as she let her hands explore the witch again. Tessa’s body was shaking with anticipation, so desperate for release that Amara wondered how fast she could make her cum. She broke off their kiss and their eyes met, Amara making it more than obvious what was about to happen.
Her tail wrapped around Tessa’s waist, holding her tight, and Amara pushed her to the side. Within seconds, she had her friend face down on the bed, her arms pinned behind her. As her tail released its grip, she used her feet to kick Tessa’s legs open, and soon her tail had easy access to her friend’s aching pussy. She circled it slowly, the tip of her tail teasing Tessa’s entrance, continuously applying pressure but refusing to push inside.
“Amara… please…” Tessa panted. Her body was shaking, and although she was trying to push her hips back against Amara’s tail, she was completely powerless in Amara’s grasp. One of her hands held the witch down, and the other pushed through Tessa’s black hair before grabbing tight. She pulled Tessa’s head back, exposing her neck before beginning to kiss and bite it again.
Amara finally relented, her pointed tail slipping inside Tessa’s wet cunt. She wasn’t at all surprised when Tessa came immediately, her walls clamping down on her tail, and Amara felt her own body shudder in response. As Tessa’s first orgasm passed, Amara began slowly thrusting in and out while testing how deep she could go. Each thrust pushed a little deeper, and each time she twisted her tail to massage the inside of Tessa’s pussy. As Amara continued to feed on her friend, she carefully watched for any signs of discomfort, but Tessa’s body was practically a giant nerve of pure pleasure. The energy she absorbed was delicious, and she could already tell that her vision was starting to expand again. The colors of her room grew more vibrant, and strange wisps of energy flew through the air above her.
Smirking with satisfaction, Amara refocused her attention on Tessa and her aura. Through their connection, she could feel the witch’s pleasure, and she knew it wouldn’t be long before they were both cumming.
Her tail started moving faster, pushing as deep as possible before pulling back, her dexterous tip continuing to twist and massage the inside of Tessa’s soaking pussy. Amara began rocking her whole body along with her thrusts, pushing Tessa into the bed as she continued fucking her harder and harder. The witch was screaming with pleasure, though her face buried in a pillow and the sound was heavily muted. Tessa’s aura continued to expand, having quickly recovered from her first orgasm, and within seconds her body began cumming again.
The energy from Tessa’s orgasm surged into Amara, who’s own body tensed and shook as she started cumming with her friend. Her full weight fell onto Tessa, and her tail buried itself as deep as it could inside Tessa’s aching cunt. Her tail was shaking, practically buzzing with excitement, which only served to push Tessa deeper into orgasmic bliss. Both orgasms continued for close to a minute before they finally started calming down, at which point Amara released her grip on Tessa’s body.
Amara rolled off her friend, gasping as the last traces of Tessa’s orgasm left her body. Tessa, now freed from her demonic grasp, shifted to lie on her side as she slid closer to Amara. The witch laid her head on Amara’s chest, settling in between her breasts as she waited for her breath to return.
After another few minutes, Tessa finally found the energy to speak again. “Fucking. Hell. Amara.”
“And that’s why teasing you is so fun,” Amara said, smirking. “Because I know how hard I can make you cum.”
“Okay, but seriously? You keep this up and I’m worried about all other sex losing its appeal in your shadow. Fuck.”
Amara’s tail snaked behind Tessa, and began casually tracing circles on her back as they relaxed. The witch moaned with contentment as she settled in, her breathing slowing while she wrapped an arm around Amara’s waist.
They cuddled for longer than Amara expected. She wasn’t used to Tessa being this cozy after sex, and it caught her by surprise.
Well, our first time was under the cafeteria, and we needed to leave as soon as possible. After that, I was trying to buck off Vee’s Enochian trap, so I guess there wasn’t time to cuddle then either. Maybe I’m just underestimating how good I am in bed.
Amara chuckled to herself before grabbing her phone with her tail. She pulled it close and sighed in resignation.
It was time to get ready.
“Tess?” Amara asked. Tessa groaned, burying her face in Amara’s cleavage. “C’mon, you can’t fall asleep. I need to get ready to infiltrate this stupid cult.”
“Ugh. You suck at pillow talk.” Tessa said. She pulled off of Amara, then sat up and began playing with her hair. She stared at the floor for a few moments before quietly speaking again. “You sure this’ll work?”
“It’s the best shot we have, Tessa. Besides, as far as we know, they don’t have any serious magic yet. If I need to fight through an army of brainwashed teachers, I think I’ll be fine.”
Amara stood up, moving to her closet and pulling out a pile of clothes. A couple pairs of pants, multiple button-down shirts, all of which belonged to Nick. She took a deep breath, then looked back at Tessa again. “Hey, could you… turn around for this part? It’s already kinda weird, even without you watching.”
“You never let me have any fun.” Tessa said sarcastically. She turned around, now staring at the wall next to Amara’s bed.
I guess I’m as ready as I’ll ever be. Here goes nothing.
Amara closed her eyes, picturing Mr. Luxnor in her head. Brown eyes, wavy brown hair, and a soft jawline with well-groomed stubble on it. Her inner fire took over, rushing through her body, as she felt a familiar tingle as her form shifted. She was a little taller, now, with a much broader chest. Her breasts had completely disappeared, replaced with defined pec muscles and a small collection of hair. Strangest of all, she now had a dick.
Fuck, this is weird. How do guys live like this?
She rummaged through Nick’s clothes, trying on a few options before finding something that fit well enough. Thankfully, Mr. Luxnor was fairly in shape, and Nick’s clothes didn’t seem too mismatched on his body. Putting on pants was annoying, she couldn’t quite figure out what to do with the thing that now sat between her legs, but eventually she found an acceptable arrangement.
“Um, well… I think it worked?” Amara said, her voice now much deeper.
Tessa turned around, her eyes racing over Amara’s new form. “Wow, that looks spot on. For what it’s worth, you’re got a great eye for shapeshifting. Is that even something you can be bad at?”
“Beats me. Maybe it comes natural to succubi, maybe it’s because I’ve got so much photography experience? Either way, I’m not complaining. Clothes look good?”
“Looks alright to me. Plus, I’ll bet this cult is mostly guys, and they don’t give a shit about clothes. You sure you’re not supposed to have, like, a hooded black cloak or something?”
“I really hope not. If they call me out, hopefully I can say I lost it. From what we overheard, Mr. Luxnor was already on shaky ground, so maybe it’ll be in character.” Amara looked over her new form in the mirror, and walked around her room a few times to get used to how this body moved. “So, reminders. I’m not going to bring my phone, I can’t risk losing it, or having it give away my identity.”
“And I’m going to wait behind the science building for you, I know.” Tessa half-heartedly quoted their earlier conversations with Nick, when they’d planned out what to do tonight.
Amara checked her pockets one last time, making sure nothing she had could be traced back to her or her friends. She looked around the room, confirming that she could still see all the electrical signals present. Lastly, she snapped her fingers, summoning a small flame and running her fingers through it. Her powers seemed to be fully intact, which meant there was nothing else to test.
“Alright,” Amara said, “let’s do this.”
—
It was fortunate that the cult was meeting so late. Obviously they picked obscure hours so as to not be discovered, but Amara was thankful that their secrecy made it easy to cross campus without being recognized. The walk also gave her more time to get used to this body, to figure out how men were supposed to move. She took a running start at several flights of stairs, even vaulted a couple short walls to get some practice in.
Entering Lysander Hall was easy, someone had left the door unlocked, which bolstered Amara’s confidence that she was in the right place. Inside the elevator, she pushed the secret button Tessa had found earlier in the week, and started the descent.
It was immediately apparent that the elevator was going much deeper than the basement. The floor indicator numbers stopped glowing as she traveled, and after another minute the doors opened.
In front of her was a simple stone hallway. Several dim lightbulbs glowed overhead, leading the way further into this strange complex. Down the hall, she saw a large room with several shapes moving around. With a deep breath, Amara did her best to get into character; she wasn’t a hot, young college girl, she was a cocky teacher that was eager for a taste of magic. She belonged here, this was nothing unusual, and she didn’t have to worry about anything.
She walked casually but briskly down the hall, and soon enough she’d entered the main room. It was bigger than she expected, roughly the size of a school gymnasium, or possibly the gymnastics building. She could see entrances to other hallways elsewhere in the chamber, and made a note to try and explore those at a later date once the facility was empty. Closer to the center of the room sat four thick columns, and just inside those stood a ring of people.
Amara immediately noticed that, just as Tessa had predicted, everyone present had donned a large, hooded cloak, though they wore red instead of black. A few people turned to look at her, their faces filled with silent judgement, but one person seemed worried and walked over to meet her.
“Garrett!” the stranger whispered. “You’re almost late, what are you thinking?”
She recognized this man by his voice, he was the second person she’d overheard underneath Brandt Hall. “Phone’s busted, I lost track of time.” Amara whispered back.
The deeper voiced man grabbed Amara’s arm, pulling her to the side. Thankfully, she saw he was leading her to a box of cloaks, and she sighed in relief as she put one on. Pulling the hood over her head, she rushed to take her place in the circle.
As she stepped into line, she finally got a look at what they were all standing around. In the center of the room, much larger than any she’d seen before, sat another magic circle. It thrummed with power, slowly pulsing with light as she examined it. She could also see heavy traces of some kind of energy leaking from it, as if the circle had its own aura.
When she tore her eyes from the circle, she was able to get a look at the other people present. She recognized about a third of them, and among those, most of them were teachers. Some of the cultists appeared younger, and she suspected they were students, though she didn’t recognize any. She also didn’t see any of the bodyguards Nick had pointed out, which she took as a sign of hope.
The sound of approaching footsteps cut her inspection short, and she turned towards the source. Entering the main room from a different hallway, carrying himself with far more confidence than he likely deserved, was Sebastian Wellington. Much like everyone else present, he wore a deep red cloak, though his had additional gold lining on the outside. His hood stayed down, and Amara got a good look at him, studying him close in case she ever needed to impersonate him.
He had deep brown hair, with intense blue eyes that seemed to view everything as property. He had sharp features, with a broad face and low-set cheekbones. His smile was faint, but certainly not lacking in confidence. As he approached the center of the chamber, two cultists parted to let him through, and he stepped onto the magic circle.
“Gentlemen!” Mr. Wellington said. “The time has come!”
Hushed murmurs traveled through everyone present, though they were quickly silenced when Mr. Wellington held up a hand.
“We stand here today, stronger than ever, and ready to embrace our destinies. I couldn’t have done this without your help; each and every one of you has proven yourself to me countless times. While there may have been some… setbacks,” Sebastian’s icy stare settled on Amara, “they are insignificant in the face of what we are about to accomplish.”
Amara heard several people chuckle, and she did her best to appear ashamed of her actions.
“However, before we take our next steps, I have an exciting announcement. We have a new member!” As the words rang through the large room, Amara saw another figure leave one of the side hallways, a hood blocking their face. “This young man has proven he has the drive and the passion to further our goals. Even before I found him, he had already begun to unravel the magical secrets of this campus, and his aptitude is without question. I want you all to welcome Brandon Nowak!”
Her eyes wide, Amara watched as this new member pulled his hood down to reveal the same person that had tried, repeatedly, to claim her as his own.
That bitch!
“Thank you so much for your kind words, Sir. I promise to do everything I can to help us take that which is owed to us.” Brandon lowered his head slowly, bowing in respect before stepping back and joining the circle.
Would he tell Mr. Wellington about me? He doesn’t know we’re trying to stop the cult, but there’s no way he wouldn’t use the knowledge of my existence to try and earn status here… Fuck!
Amara didn’t have much time to dwell on the ramifications of this new discovery, as Mr. Wellington had begun talking again.
“Now, with that business attended to, I understand you all have many questions about what we’re doing here. I have, of course, given you all small gifts already; enhanced physique, stamina, and mental acuity. However, those gifts are only the first step of your journey. They exist to prepare you for our true goal; ascension!”
Several members present gasped, others smirked in anticipation as their leader continued.
“By weakening the seals, we have given ourselves the ability to commune with beings greater than us. They hold wisdom, power, and abilities far beyond your comprehension, and they are willing to share those gifts with us. You see, their presence is limited, and they cannot survive in our world as they are. However, by offering ourselves as vessels, we can combine our minds with theirs, and ascend to a new level of existence!”
Mr. Wellington’s voice echoed throughout the chamber, and his excitement was palpable. Amara was shocked so many people were on board with his claims; did he truly have them so convinced they weren’t just sacrificing themselves?
“And to demonstrate my good will, I am willing to forestall my own ascension, giving it instead to the worthy among you. Samuel, if you could please step into the circle.”
Amara watched as one of the cultists stepped forward, removing his hood. She recognized him as Mr. Mendez, one of the music teachers. His wide smile betrayed his excitement, and he beamed as if he’d just won the lottery.
“It is an honor to be here, Sir, and I welcome this gift with open arms.” Mr. Mendez said.
“After tonight, you will each ascend in turn, and in one week’s time I will celebrate our success with an ascension of my own!” Mr. Wellington said. A chorus of cheers erupted, and Amara played along as best she could until the leader finally signaled their silence.
The music teacher centered himself in the circle, and Amara watched everyone present step backwards. There was now a comfortable amount of space between them and the circle, and Mr. Wellington began speaking again, though she didn’t recognize the words he spoke. She suspected they might be latin, and as he spoke, she saw various runes flare to life in the circle. She could also see runes on Mr. Mendez and Mr. Wellington, though she knew she could only see them because of her enhanced vision; the runes were otherwise completely hidden underneath their clothes.
The energy of the magic circle continued to pulse, the lights growing brighter and the strange aura intensifying. A soft wind picked up, circling Mr. Mendez, causing his cloak to billow and dance. After another minute of chanting, the magic reached a climax, and Amara saw a burst of energy break free from the circle. It circled the music teacher several times before ascending into the air and diving down into his body. She wondered if anyone else had seen that, or if this was another feature of her demonic senses.
Mr. Mendez gasped, throwing his head back as he floated several feet into the air. When the magic finally dispersed, and the energy in the circle quieted again, he quickly fell to the ground. The chamber was deathly silent, and after a few moments, he stood once more. He took a deep breath, seeming to take pleasure in the act, before opening his eyes and looking up at Mr. Wellington.
His eyes were blood red, and they were glowing. Amara watched as his aura came to life, though it didn’t resemble Mr. Mendez’ aura at all; in fact, there wasn’t a trace of the energy that had once belonged to the music teacher. This aura felt sinister, malevolent, and most terrifying of all, it felt strangely familiar. Amara stared at this new creature, a horrifying sense of kinship forming in her gut, and she knew without a doubt she was looking at a demon.
“Sebastian,” the demon hissed, “it is a pleasure to finally make your acquaintance.”
“We welcome you to our world, and rejoice that the ascension ceremony was a success.” Mr. Wellington said.
“Indeed it was. I am reborn, I have transcended, and I am eager to see others share in these gifts.” The demon’s nose twitched, and an uncomfortable look crossed its face. “Although, it appears I was under the wrong impression. I assumed I was to be the first.”
Mr. Wellington hesitated, though quickly masked his concern. “I can say with absolute confidence, Samuel, that you are. This ceremony hasn’t been performed before now.”
“Then why do I smell another?” Another pause, and the creature wearing Mr. Mendez’ body began to look around the chamber. “I smell… excitement? No, this is something different, more potent. It reeks of… yes, this is lust. There is a succubus present.”
Oh fuck. Fuck! Not good!
Across the circle, Amara could see Brandon’s eyes go wide in surprise. Her body grew tense, and her breathing quickened. She quickly glanced at the hallway leading to the doorway, wondering how fast she could get there. Before she could think of a plan, however, the demon’s blood red eyes met hers. It raised its hand, pointing at Amara as it grinned with sadistic pleasure.
“This one. She wears his face, but she is not him!”
Every face in the chamber turned to face Amara, and she froze. Tension filled the chamber, and she didn’t know what to do, her mind racing through her options. Before she could make a decision, or think of anything to say, the person standing next to her grabbed her arm.
The touch shook her to her senses. With her free hand, she grabbed the stranger and pulled him close, throwing him to the ground between her and the rest of the cultists.
“Don’t let her escape!” Mr. Wellington yelled.
Amara sprang into action, running for the exit as fast as she could. She felt more hands reach for her, grabbing her cloak to try and hold her back. With a burst of flames, she burned away the ties on her cloak and kept running.
She had no idea how fast everyone else was, or if the demon was in pursuit as well. She could only hear the sounds of dozens of footsteps chasing after her. With a flick of her wrist, she began manifesting flames behind her, filling the hallway with a veritable inferno. She heard several people crash into each other, and when she finally reached the elevator, she finally dared to look behind her.
No one was foolish enough to cross her wall of flames. To keep them scared, she held out her hand again and intensified the fire, the flames turning purple as she nervously slammed the call button behind her.
Everyone paused, the cultists unable to cross the flames, and Amara unable to leave until the elevator arrived. As she waited, she saw the crowd part, and Mr. Wellington stood just in front of her hellfire. Anger filled his eyes, and he glared at Amara as the elevator door opened. She stepped inside, urging the fire to jump out at the cult leader, but he didn’t so much as flinch as the flames threatened to take him.
Their eyes met, and Amara could feel Mr. Wellington’s hatred. She couldn’t bring herself to look away, and after another moment, the doors closed. She collapsed against the back railing, panting in exhaustion, as she waited for the elevator to bring her to safety.
—
What's this? Action? Madness! All kidding aside, though, I'm excited to get to some flashier bits of the story. My main points of concern are, in the first scene, that the action is easy to follow. Writing gay sex scenes can always be challenging since the English language has so few pronouns, so I put a lot of work into making these scenes with Tessa are easy to follow.
Secondly, I'm curious if the scene with the cult has enough gravity to it. I've been building to this for basically an entire book, and I'd hate for our first exposure to the cult and their plans to feel lackluster. I'm not necessarily looking for them to be scary, but at the very least I want the reveal of the other demon to be a bit of an "Oh shit" moment. If anything seems off, or watered down at all, let me know!
Nyx <3
Comments
Nyx Nyghtingale
Honestly, I couldn't agree more with you. When writing this draft, I put myself (and Amara) in this headspace of "No time, gotta go" and I think it absolutely deserves a bit more room to breathe.
Dadhiker
Nyx, nice chapter! I wasn't quite a surprised about the cult as Roses seemed to be, unless she was specifically referring to Brandon, which was a very nice touch. You did a great job building up to this scene, and if had been "more of a surprise," then the scene would not have been as believable. The addition of Brandon throws Amara's whole future in conflict, since Brandon can tell the cult who the succubus is and where she lives. That's the surprise edge you excel at. The only part I'm disappointed about and would recommend you consider rewriting is Amara's one line reaction to experiencing a penis for the first time: "Fuck, this is weird. How do guys live like this?" If nothing else, mere idle curiosity might make most people want to explore the possibilities of what this new appendage feels like in action, or what an erection feels like. She's already been using her tail like a penis, would she find it just as sensitive or is there a difference. As a succubus/sex demon, it's another sex tool at her disposal. Admittedly, there may not be time to test all this herself at the time of transformation, but she might at least think more about the possibilities than simply "Fuck, this is weird. How do guys live like this?" Because roughly half of the world's population "live like this" and tend to take pleasure in in occasionally.
Nyx Nyghtingale
I thought about the cloak thing for a while honestly. But like, I've been in group projects before, and people can't be trusted. You *know* if it's BYOC people are gonna forget. Plus, if you get seen walking around with a cloak, how do you justify that?
AFanofRoses
Oh, shit. I hope Amara gets out of there okay, but I'm afraid of what her new powerful enemies will do to find her, and what they'll do if they catch her. I had no problem following the action between Amara and Tessa. It's always nice seeing two totally platonic lady friends having fun together! They're such good friends! The scene with the cult was a bit of a wakeup call for me. This series has been focused on relatively small problems until this chapter, and I think it made me complacent. Like, I knew that there was a cult doing bad things, but it's always been a problem for later. Now that it's a problem to deal with now, it feels a lot more urgent and dangerous. Amara has been a demon for a while now, but we know she's holding onto her humanity. What will a demon do without the morality of a good person? I hope we don't have to find out. You wouldn't hurt Amara or anyone she cares about, would you? (teary eyes and sad music) While I didn't catch any grammatical mistakes (nice work!), there a few lines I greatly enjoyed. [Thankfully, she saw he was leading her to a box of cloaks, and she sighed in relief as she put one on.] It's funny that there is a box of those for the cultists at their secret meeting. I guess I always imagined that the cultists would need to bring their own cloak to such events. [The walk also gave her more time to get used to this body, to figure out how men were supposed to move. She took a running start at several flights of stairs, even vaulted a couple short walls to get some practice in.] This is an amazing detail to put into a story. "Fuck, how do I convince everyone that I'm a guy?!" *Performs underwhelming parkour.
