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Rough Draft - Blood & Chlorophyll Ch. 08

🕑 Added 2024-09-02 17:00:09 +0000 UTC

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Nyx Nyghtingale

Now coming back to this comment as I'm getting ready to post Chapter 8. Thanks, as always for your thoughts! Specifically, thanks for calling out the color of Alicia's cheeks when she blushes. The whole point of the book (It's the freakin' title, after all) is that she doesn't have blood, so it makes no sense for her cheeks to turn red when she blushes. This has been changed to dark green. Regarding your post-edit comment, I totally agree. Chapter 9 is just a few words. "Everything was fine and no one got hurt."

AFanofRoses

Much applause for this chapter! The two ladies have been dealing with a lot in these last few chapters, and it feels like the time was right for them to start winning. On the matter of pacing. I have no notes about this chapter. This seems like a great 'first half world progression, second half character development' situation, and I'm all for it. When it comes to the speed at which Alicia and Katrina's relationship is moving, I'm of two minds. On one hand, one week (approximately) seems like a pretty short time to fall in love with someone, and I understand any hesitation to move too quickly. On the other hand, this is a work of fiction, and readers can start to develop expectations. Both of the characters seem in love with each other, but each one is too afraid that the other doesn't like them back in that way. There's only two ways that situation can play out, and unless Katrina or Alicia dies, they've got to kiss at some point. Plus, neither of them has a social life to speak of, and Alicia is going through a very turbulent life event. It seems like this is a fine time for events in her life to move quickly. This is also a fine time to have ~~a single~~ the two errors that I found. [“Your dress really is gorgeous, by the way. How do you come up with ideas about which clothes to grow?] There needs to be some quotation marks at the end of Katrina's question. [. . . to accentuate her point. surprised by the sudden outburst, . . .] I found this one while re-reading the story to make another comment later in this message, hence the attempt to strike-out the 'a single' in the section above. Hooray for my inability to write down quotes for later! Excellent error rate! Also excellent are these lines that I want to monologue about. [In the mirror, she caught her face turning bright red at the thought.] Does Alicia's face turn red when she blushes? I thought her cheeks turned a dark green, but I could be misremembering. [“Well, other than you, I don’t really have a social life. I work, I come home, I sleep. Rinse and repeat.”] I must have missed the form you mailed to me to ask for my consent to use my likeness in this series. I'll have my lawyer contact your lawyer to hash out an agreement. [. . . she was pretty sure she didn’t have the money for fancy human blood.] The only thing I can picture when I read "fancy human blood" is the snooty aristocrat that Alicia mimicked before she met Tabitha. [Plus, neither of us eat, so it’s not like we’ll have a huge bill.] One of my favorite things about this setting is that these lines can just happen in a casual conversation. The surreality of living in a world after the Change is so funny to me when the people in these stories are just normal people. [“Can I kiss you?”] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! YYYYEEEEESSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Edit #1) [“I’m sure. I’ll tell you what happened when I Changed.”] This sure is a dramatic way for Katrina to tell us that nothing bad happened either to her or because of her shortly after the Change. All I can say is that it's nice to read a story about two characters who are untainted by anything negative that happened in their pasts.

Gerald Ferguson

Dont really see.anything wierd or out of place. Tabitha is the wild card that wont play out until later.


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