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Rough Draft - Blood & Chlorophyll Ch. 10

🕑 Added 2024-09-30 17:04:54 +0000 UTC

Comments

Nyx Nyghtingale

I think you pretty much hit the nail on the head. The Change is a phenomenon that, thankfully, we have no real precedent for, so it's hard to conceptualize. I wanted the effects to be felt, but stress that the context really affects so much. I think it would be a single Quotation Mark. Good catch!

AFanofRoses

Very good development for both ladies. Alicia creates a new organism like a literal god, and Katrina plays a new guitar. This chapter has certainly seen both women advance equally far! To be serious though, I appreciate how this chapter decompresses from the previous one. Katrina telling her new girlfriend about the horrible things she did following the Change was pretty heavy, and taking a chapter after that to let things relax was a great decision. I feel like the scene with Alicia absorbing Katrina's story is good. Its purpose (as I see it) is to let us, the audience, know that Alicia acknowledges Katrina's actions as really bad, but that it was ultimately a result of the Change forcing uncontrollable urges onto her. If the scene was longer or focused more on how fucked up it is that Katrina killed at least three people, it could cause the reader to see her in a genuinely negative way that I get the feeling you aren't going for. As the scene is now, Alicia acknowledges that what Katrina did was awful, but she's also able to move past it on the grounds that Katrina has genuinely changed. I feel like that one conversation could go on for ten thousand words if you wanted it to, but that may not be the best use of time in a story that seems to fundamentally be about two ultra-compatible lesbians. Only one error that I found. [“Kat, I haven’t had sex in close to four and a half years, I think I can wait a little longer. Alicia paused for a moment, then added, “So long as I get to keep kissing you.”] Missed a . . . pair? Set? Couple? Of quotation marks between "longer" and "Alicia."


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