Nyx Nyghtingale
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Rough Draft - Suddenly A Succubus Ch. 29
🕑 Added 2024-10-07 17:00:13 +0000 UTCChloé grumbled as she reluctantly opened her eyes. Her alarm wasn’t set to go off for another forty minutes, but a loud conversation and a series of noises from the kitchen had woken her up. Her roommate, Kendra, was probably on the phone again while making breakfast. With ample knowledge that it was impossible to sleep through her roommate’s gossip, Chloé got out of bed.
Before braving whatever mess was likely in the kitchen, Chloé made her way to the bathroom. She brushed her teeth, combed her hair back into a ponytail, and applied some basic eyeliner. Heavy amounts of makeup didn’t flatter her, and she was happy she never had to spend more than five minutes on it. After putting her eyeliner back in her drawer, the only one of five that didn’t belong to Kendra, she pulled out everything she needed for her weekly hormone shot.
Syringe, needles, disinfecting wipes, and a bandage, all the usual fare. Always incredibly paranoid about air bubbles, she moved slowly and carefully as she prepared 0.25 mL of estrogen.
“Alright Chloé, last week you used your right thigh, so this week we’re using the left. It’s just a small pinch, you’ve done this dozens of times, it’s going to be fine,” Chloé whispered. She pushed the needle in, wincing a little, then finished the injection and sighed with relief. After tossing everything in the garbage, and carefully dropping the needles in her sharps container, she finally walked towards the kitchen.
“—so I told her ‘In that dress? Seriously?’ and you should have seen her face! Oh, morning Chloé, could you clean this up for me?” Kendra had just finished making herself bacon and eggs, and was now gesturing to a pile of dirty pans behind her.
“Um, I really think you should—”
“Great! Thanks!” Kendra said, clearly not listening. She ran off to her bedroom, resuming her phone conversation without batting an eye.
Chloé sighed. She knew there was no point in trying to argue, and started moving pans into the sink to scrub them clean. As the sink filled with soapy water, she began thinking about everything she needed to do today. She had one final in the morning, and then she could meet up with everyone for lunch. There was only one final after that, for her accounting class, which meant she had a chance to talk with Sam.
Sam was the cutest guy on campus. He had dark brown hair that Chloé desperately wanted to run her hands through, hopefully after they’d finished inspecting his muscular chest. Sam was on the school’s lacrosse team, but he was so much sweeter than all the other athletes.
At first, other than a casual attraction, Chloé hadn’t known much about him. She learned early on that he played video games, but whenever he talked with his friends, they were focused on generic shooter games that Chloé didn’t care for. A few months back, she’d been paired up with Sam for a class project and had learned that he actually played all sorts of games. He was a huge fan of the Dark Souls series, and Chloé had talked him into trying Bloodborne, which he’d ended up loving.
They talked fairly frequently, normally before and after class, but she hadn’t yet mustered the strength to ask him out. She had no idea if he was interested in her that way, and even if he were, she hadn’t told him she was transgender. What if that changed things?
“C’mon Chloé, you don’t know until you ask. Remember everything Amara has told you! I just have to put myself out there, and even if he says no, I still get the benefit of not having to stress over every last detail. Besides, college is nothing like my hometown, he’s not going to turn into an asshole just because I tell him I’m trans. Everyone I’ve told has been so nice!”
Eventually, she finished cleaning up the kitchen. Tired from all the scrubbing, she opted to not dirty anymore pans, and instead poured herself a bowl of cereal before returning to her room. She set her breakfast on her desk, then fell backwards into her bed as she groaned.
“Ugh, Paige, why is it so hard to ask someone out?” Chloé looked over at her pile of stuffed animals, making eye contact with one in particular; a ram with soft gray fur and two curled horns.
“You’ll help me practice, right?” Paige said nothing, predictably, but Chloé continued talking anyways. “Okay, pretend you’re Sam, you’re in my class, we’ve just finished the test and I have nothing to do all afternoon. I’m just going to say ‘Hey Sam, class was a lot of fun this semester! I really like talking with you, and I’d love to spend more time with you. Would you be interested in getting dinner with me tonight?’”
Paige stayed silent, her beady eyes staring back at Chloé, who eventually groaned in frustration before burying her head in a pillow.
She eventually pulled herself free, then moved to her desk to turn her computer on. She ate breakfast while catching up on last night’s VOD from her favorite Twitch streamer, though her thoughts refused to focus on anything but Sam.
Soon enough, her alarm went off, and it was time to prepare for class. She threw her pajamas in her closet, replacing them with comfortable jeans and a green, short sleeve tee. Next, she threw on her long blue peacoat, knowing she’d need it to make it to class without freezing to death. As happy as her transition had made her, it certainly made it harder to deal with colder temperatures.
Chloé walked quickly to her class; she wanted to escape the autumn chill as fast as she could. She wasn’t entirely looking forward to her first final, but at least she shared this class with Vee. The two were always early, and normally had plenty of time to talk before class started. When Chloé arrived in class, however, Vee was nowhere to be seen.
Weird, Vee always gets here early.
Chloé checked the hallway one last time, then texted Vee to ask if everything was okay. Sadly, by the time the teacher started handing out the tests, Chloé still hadn’t heard anything. Her mood deflated somewhat by the absence of her friend, the test gave her more trouble than it probably would have otherwise. She had only barely finished the last essay question when the professor called for everyone to set their pencils down.
She sighed with relief, glad she at least managed to finish the test despite her distracted thoughts. Getting to the front of the classroom, however, proved to be a challenge. A small group of students were standing in the aisle, and she couldn’t find a way to walk past them.
“Um, excuse me? I need to—”
A loud burst of laughter cut her off, and she reflexively dropped her head to look at the floor. Instead of trying to speak up again, she simply waited for the students to leave of their own accord. It took much longer than expected, but eventually Chloé was able to give her test to the teacher and start towards the cafeteria.
Lunch in hand, she eagerly walked around until she found Nick and Tessa. With a smile on her face, she approached her friends and took a seat. “Hey guys! How are you doing today?”
“You know, same old same old,” Tessa said, looking up at Nick briefly.
“Uh, yeah, just prepping for finals, all that boring stuff,” Nick said.
“Just you two today? Where’s Amara?” Chloé asked. The three of them had been practically inseparable the last few weeks, and it was weird to see them apart.
Tessa repositioned her legs under the table, and Nick flinched slightly before he started talking. “Oh, Amara is… sick. Again. Third time this semester, what are the odds, right? I’m going to try and talk her into seeing a doctor over the holiday break.”
“That’s awful!” Chloé said. “There must be something going around, ‘cuz I haven’t seen Vee all morning either. I’ve never seen her miss a test before!”
“Wait, Vee’s missing too?” Tessa asked. After a strange look from Nick, she continued talking. “I mean sick. Missing because she’s sick. At home. You know, it’s funny, I just remembered that Sydney needed help with… something. I should probably get going, and I think I need Nick’s help. Isn’t that right, Nick?”
“Uh, yeah, that thing with Sydney. How could I forget?” Nick said, gathering his things. “Look, I hate to bail on you, Chloé, but I promise I’ll make it up to you. Deal?”
Chloé looked up at the two of them and nodded. Her mouth was full of food, and she was confused by how suddenly they had both decided they needed to leave. By the time she finished her bite, they were already gone, and she sighed in defeat.
That was odd. What was that about?
The rest of lunch passed painfully slowly without her friends to talk to. She texted Amara, expressing sympathy that she was sick again, and asking if she could help in any way. Then she did the same for Vee, who still hadn’t texted her back.
Alone at the table, with roughly an hour before she needed to be at her next class, Chloé pulled out her sketchbook and opened it to her most recent piece. She liked to draw out ideas for characters she wanted to play in tabletop role-playing games, and she was in the middle of drawing a tall dragon-person. He had a thick, pronounced snout, and ridges sat on his head and back, but also ran down the top of his powerful tail. He was wearing loose, flowing robes, and his clawed hands crackled with magic energy.
Chloé wasn’t playing in any campaigns at the moment, though she was hoping she might be able to convince her friends to try at some point. She hadn’t brought it up recently, what with all the drama between Amara and Vee, but was optimistic they might be able to start something when school resumed next semester.
Soon enough, the lunch crowd started bustling to their next class, and Chloé joined them. She packed up her things, bundled up tight in her coat, and rushed to class. Accounting was one of her better subjects. Not only because it was so relevant to all the charity work she wanted to do, but also because sharing the class with Sam kept her alert and attentive the whole time. She’d already used much of what she learned when she set up the fire relief charity, and she’d been thrilled with how well that had gone.
As she entered the class, she saw Sam sitting in his usual spot, and it looked like he’d saved the seat next to him. He looked up, saw Chloé, and waved her over. “Hey Chloé! What’s hanging?”
Chloé pushed some loose hair behind her ear, then fidgeted with her glasses briefly before walking over and sitting next to Sam. “H-hey you! Nothing special today, you know me.”
“What have you got planned for the holiday break? Doing anything fun with the family?” Sam asked, leaning closer as students continued to file in around them.
There was a brief pause as Chloé tried to think of what to say. She didn’t like to talk about her family, and especially didn’t want to tell Sam that she was planning to stay on campus over the break. The thought of spending Christmas in her hometown sounded terrible, and she was thrilled the school had agreed to let her stay. “Nothing too crazy, honestly. I’m probably just going to play a bunch of Cyberpunk, that comes out soon.”
“That’s awesome! I might give it a shot, but my family stays pretty busy over the holidays. There are a lot of us, and they’ve got all these silly little traditions that eat up a bunch of time. Like, the day before Christmas we always have to—”
Chloé listened to Sam talk for a few minutes, happily staying quiet as she watched him. He was an animated talker, using his hands to illustrate his points and frequently making big gestures. His rambling was cut short when the teacher spoke up, asking for everyone to prepare for the test.
She felt much better about this final. The questions made sense, and there was simple logic to the way numbers fit together. Math was something she could solve, unlike people. She’d never been great at reading the people around her, and frequently found herself confused by the infinite subtleties of human expression. She much preferred when people just said what they meant, rather than dancing around the point with vague innuendos or back-handed compliments.
Of course, she was more than aware of the irony at play. She wanted people to be open about their feelings, to eliminate confusion, and here she was trying desperately to think of a way to ask Sam out.
Does he know I have a crush on him? I know guys can be oblivious sometimes, but he’s pretty smart. Just tell him! You could make this so easy!
Chloé finished her test earlier than expected and spent the rest of class watching the clock. Every second that passed, every tick of the minute hand, brought her closer to the last chance she had to ask Sam out before the holiday break. She tried everything she could think of to work up the courage. She reminded herself that, if he said yes, they could spend the entire holiday break texting and flirting with each other. Plus, maybe he wouldn’t have to leave right away, and they could hang out at his place before he left!
The teacher called time, and everyone started packing up their things. Having finished early, Chloé was one of the first students to turn in her test, and she then waited by the entrance so she could catch Sam on his way out. She watched as he zipped up his backpack, threw it over his shoulder, then turned in his test. He approached the door, smiled at Chloé, and they started walking.
Chloé had nowhere to be, and was more than happy to pretend that she happened to be heading the same way as Sam.
“Ugh, that final was ridiculous! I have no idea how you make sense of so many numbers,” Sam said.
“That’s okay, everyone has different strengths. You’re way stronger than I could ever be! That’s something to be proud of!” Chloé said, giggling to herself.
“See but exercise makes sense, and it feels good to be active. I like running around, living in the moment. Do you have ever that? That feeling of just… being. Engaging with yourself, feeling the ground give under your feet, it’s awesome. I’m probably rambling again, aren’t I? I know you’re not a sports nut like I am.” Sam laughed, his booming voice making Chloé smile.
“I’m not an athlete, but I understand how good it feels to belong in your body. To feel good about what you see in the mirror, that kind of thing.”
“See! You get it!” Sam smiled as he playfully nudged Chloé with his elbow. His phone went off, and after checking it, he looked up at her. “Hey, looks like I’m gonna meet up with the guys. I guess I’ll see you next semester, right?”
C’mon, now’s your chance! Do it!
With a deep breath, Chloé started talking. “Y-yeah! Hey Sam, class was a lot of fun this semester, and I—” Chloé froze, knowing what she needed to say next. Her inner voice screamed at her, begged her to finish the script, but ultimately, she couldn’t do it. “I hope you have a good break.”
“You too Chloé! See ya!”
In an instant, Sam turned to run off, and Chloé was alone. Her heart ached as she watched him leave, unable to convince herself to chase after him.
—
Tessa bit her lip, her tongue playing with its piercing as her magic wormed its way into Vee’s front door. It only took a minute before it clicked open, then she and Nick were able to walk inside.
“I can’t believe we didn’t think to ask Vee about this,” Nick said. “I was so worried about the cover story for the cult that I never bothered to think of a game plan for other weird stuff popping up.”
“Don’t beat yourself up, Nick. It hasn’t even been a day yet, and we still don’t even know if Vee is going to help us fend off planar incursions.”
“Why wouldn’t she? She’s an angel, right? Aren’t they here to help?”
“You’d fucking think that, wouldn’t you?” Tessa said bitterly. “No, the Church doesn’t give a shit about you or me. They exist to stop demons from fucking around on Earth, and they ignore everything else that’s happening. Monsters, extraplanar threats, climate change, poverty, world hunger, they don’t give a shit.”
Nick was now pacing around Vee’s apartment, looking for any clues about what may have happened. “You seem pretty sure of that, have you run into them before?”
“That’s none of your business,” Tessa hissed. She walked towards Vee’s bedroom, opening the door and letting her magic explore the space. “You find anything yet? I’m not seeing any unusual magic on my end, it’s just more of the same.”
“Uh, I found her laptop, but I’m not sure if that’s unusual for her.” Nick joined Tessa in the bedroom, continuing to look for more mundane things while Tessa examined the magic. “Ignore the Church for a moment, why do you think Vee wouldn’t help? She’s our friend, she goes to this school too.”
“She helped us fight some demons, Nick, that doesn’t mean she’s our friend.”
“But she’s a person, isn’t she? Even if the Church is as bad as you say, it’s not like they’ve brainwashed Vee and turned her into a robot. I found her phone, by the way.” Nick held up another phone, pocketing this one as well.
“Maybe not literal brainwashing, but she probably grew up marinating in their propaganda. Remember, she tried to murder Amara in cold blood.” Tessa scowled as she thought back to Halloween. She had been having so much fun that night, and Amara had seemed so happy to be out about as herself. When the fire alarms went off, Tessa had evacuated with everyone else. Her annoyance over the party stopping had vanished when Nick found her, sharing that he couldn’t find Amara. With that in mind, Tessa had started paying closer attention to the fire, and had noticed small flickers of purple.
It wasn’t until the next morning that Tessa had learned the full truth; Vee was actually an angel, and had attacked Amara to try and banish or kill her. For some reason, everyone seemed determined to give Vee the benefit of the doubt, but had she extended that courtesy to Amara? Weren’t religious figures supposed to be bastions of patience and reason? Tessa’s blood still boiled every time she thought about it.
“I just think you should give her a chance, Nick said. “Plus, it looks like she vanished at the same time Amara did, so she probably has no choice but to help us. Assuming we can find them, that is.”
“Ugh, you’re such an optimist. Found her keys,” Tessa said, tossing them at Nick so he could add them to his collection. She released her magic, having done a thorough sweep of the bedroom and turned up nothing. Before turning to leave, an idea crossed her mind, and she took a step closer to Nick. He didn’t realize she’d moved closer, and flinched briefly when he turned towards her, finding them face to face. “Y’know, we’re all alone right now. With Amara missing, there’s no way to know when you’re going to see some action again…”
Nick’s face turned red, and he stammered briefly before responding. “Tess, this really isn’t the time. I have a final to get to, and aren’t you supposed to be studying your notes about the circles?”
Tessa rolled her eyes, frustrated that she still hadn’t found a way to seduce Nick. The last time she’d tried, she’d offered up a threesome with Amara, and he’d still turned her down. “Ugh, fine, whatever.” She turned away from Nick, leaving Vee’s room and heading for the kitchen.
“Do you have a plan of attack? How are we going to start figuring this out?”
“I’m gonna visit all the circles around campus. Each one is linked to a different plane, so if I study the way they’re built, I might be able to tap into their magic to figure out which plane is acting up right now.”
“Do you need someone to keep watch while you work on the circles? I’m free tonight, if you want to get started.”
“No, I need to clean up my magic notes to prepare for this. I’ll text you in the morning, okay? In the meantime, you should see if you can get into Amara or Vee’s phones, maybe there’s something there.”
Nick seemed hesitant to give up the search already, but Tessa knew there was no way she could start tonight. More than anything, she was exhausted, and she just wanted to go home. After saying goodbye to Nick, leaving him to lock up Vee’s apartment by himself, Tessa walked back to her apartment.
Walking inside, she was greeted by the sweet smells of Sydney’s cooking. Tessa threw her bag down, then snuck up behind Sydney and pulled her in for a hug.
“Ah! Fuck Tessa, a little warning next time? What if I’d been holding something hot?” Sydney said.
“C’mon, I know you too well.” The girls smirked at each other, and Tessa moved in for a kiss before letting Sydney return to her cooking. Over on the couch, her other partner Riley was sprawled out while reading a book. Tessa knelt beside her, attempting and failing to read the cover. “This for one of your finals?”
“Hello to you too, Tess. Why yes, I did have a good day, thank you for asking!” Riley put her book down, leaning forward to kiss Tessa before pinching her side.
“Ass.”
“Bitch.”
Tessa pushed Riley’s feet aside, sitting down on the couch only to find her partner’s feet quickly returning, now on her lap. “Okay, but seriously, what’cha reading? It doesn’t look like English.”
“It’s for my French final tomorrow. Some of us actually study for our tests, you know.”
“Sounds like nerd propaganda,” Tessa said, sticking her tongue out at Riley. The girls continued to playfully bicker, and eventually Riley started responding in French just to annoy Tessa. When Sydney finally served dinner, Tessa couldn’t run to the counter fast enough. She missed a lot of meals recently, what with the cult and then Amara’s crazy libido, and she was thrilled to have an evening to herself.
After eating, all three girls cuddled on the couch for movie night. It was Sydney’s turn to pick, and she had vowed to pick something horribly saccharine just to annoy Tessa. They ended up watching some fantasy romance thing, filled with endless cheesy tropes and messages about the power of true love. Sydney and Riley loved it, with both being reduced to tears by the end of the movie. Tessa, as much as she liked to complain, found that she had enjoyed it more than expected.
Eventually, with everyone growing tired from the long movie, it was time to retire to bed. Tessa kissed her partners goodnight, then walked to her bedroom and locked the door behind her. Her room was hers and hers alone, apart from occasionally bringing fuck buddies to bed.
As she pulled her clothes off, magically tossing them in a pile in the corner, her thoughts turned to her last week. She still wasn’t entirely sure what to make of Amara’s new, heightened libido, or her sudden personality shift after the ritual. The sex was as amazing as ever, but having so much of it had stressed how little emotion there was in the act. Sure, Amara was sweet, but they weren’t dating, they were just friends with benefits.
She found herself wishing she could fall asleep in someone’s arms, but she couldn’t risk her magic going off in the middle of the night. Sydney and Riley needed to stay in the dark about her abilities, for their own benefit. Nothing good ever came from learning about magic.
Tessa pulled her blankets tight, turned off the lights, and hoped she would sleep soundly through the night. With Amara and Vee missing, there was a lot to do tomorrow.
—
“Purgatory?” Amara asked, panic setting in. “We’re in Purgatory?!”
“I’m sorry! I thought you already knew!” Vee said.
“So we’re dead, is that what you’re telling me?” Amara was now pacing around the room, her tail flicking back and forth.
“We’re not dead, Amara, and that’s why this is so weird.”
“Oh, it’s weird that we’re not dead? Great! So happy to hear that everything would be fine if I’d just died in my fucking sleep!”
“That’s not what I’m saying!” Vee stood up, grabbing Amara’s shoulders to stop her pacing. “Can you just quiet down for two seconds and let me explain this?”
Amara glared up at Vee, the taller of the two, before huffing and sitting back on the couch. “Fine. Whatever.”
“Thank you. So, Purgatory is a weird place. Everything I know about it says that only the dead come here. It’s not a plane where creatures live, it’s basically an entropic void that houses restless spirits who aren’t ready to pass on yet. It sits on top of, yet aside from, our world, which is why everything looks the same.”
“Okay, so, we’re in Ghost Land,” Amara said. “Based on what you’re saying, our presence here is weird because we’re alive? We have our bodies, our thoughts, all that stuff?”
“Exactly. If we’d gotten here through natural means, we would be lifeless spirits, wandering around without aim or purpose. Maybe we’d have lingering thoughts related to unfinished business, maybe not. Everything I know about Purgatory says our presence here, in this state, is impossible.”
“Well, clearly it isn’t. Isn’t there an easy answer, though? The Planar Gate is broken, so while we were sleeping, Purgatory brushed a little closer than it should have, and we got sucked in. Makes sense to me.”
“But why us? We both looked all over campus and didn’t find a single other living soul.” Vee returned to the couch, pulling her legs underneath her as they continued talking.
“Maybe ‘cuz of who we are? We’re not humans, so maybe we vibe differently than everyone else. Are planar vibes a thing? Does that make sense?”
“You’re not asking the right person. I learned about Purgatory in a religious sense. Tessa’s the witch, she’s the one with the notes on all the circles. If anyone would be able to figure out why we’re here, or how to get us back, it would be her.”
Silence fell between the two girls, each thinking about the situation. Amara’s thoughts were racing, trying to digest everything Vee had just told her. She had trouble focusing on any one thought, and when she spoke up again, she changed the topic slightly. “So, all those gray wisps I saw around campus, are those ghosts? Or are those the real people on Earth, and we’re just seeing them from our side?”
“I’m pretty sure those are real people. Are you thinking we might be able to communicate with them somehow?”
“It’s worth a shot, isn’t it? If we can find a way to talk to them, and if we can find Tessa, maybe we can get her a message.” Amara paused again, thinking about her friends. “Actually, what are they going to think? From their perspective, we probably just vanished without a trace.”
Vee tried to respond, though her words were cut off by a heavy yawn. “I don’t know, Amara. I’m just as confused as you are, and I’m still trying to shake off the entropic effects of this place.”
“It’s really that bad here?”
“Oh yeah. If it weren’t for my protective wards, I doubt I’d last more than a day or two.” Vee looked up at the ceiling, and Amara followed her gaze. In the corners of the room, lining the ceiling and the walls, she saw vibrant, glowing Enochian runes. “I don’t know how long they’ll last, though. At home, I refreshed them every night using my book, but I don’t have that anymore. I could try to use my own powers, but that would exhaust me even faster.”
Amara looked back at Vee, and for a split second, swore she could see fear on the angel’s face. It was strange, seeing Vee this vulnerable after months of hostility.
She’s only doing this because it’s convenient, remember. If we hadn’t gotten sucked into another plane, she would be happily ignoring me.
“Alright, well, go get some sleep.” Amara moved to the linen closet and grabbed a blanket as she spoke. She didn’t need covers for warmth anymore, but she liked having something to cuddle under when she slept. “I’ll try not to invade your dreams and turn them into nightmares or whatever.”
Vee had left the couch to make room for Amara, and made a face at her last comment. “Please don’t.”
The girls went their separate ways, Vee closing the door to her bedroom while Amara unfurled a blanket for the couch. She noticed another series of Enochian runes on Vee’s bedroom door, and they seemed more powerful than the runes covering the rest of the apartment.
Well, at least I get a place to crash and food to eat.
Amara thought back to Vee’s words about the nature of Purgatory, how it was a place of entropy where no living creature could survive. She was immensely pleased that she seemed to be immune, or at least resistant, to the effects of the plane, but another thought crossed her mind. Vee seemed to recover her strength the same way humans did, with food and rest, but Amara didn’t have that luxury. Without sex, without someone else’s arousal to feed on, she had no idea how long she’d been able to survive.
She tossed and turned for a few minutes, trying to find the right way to position the blanket around her wings. When she finally got comfortable, she thought about how strange it was to be sleeping over at Vee's again after everything that had happened between them.
Just a few months ago, they'd been ridiculously close. Some weeks she'd spent more time with Vee than with Nick, but her demonic transformation had burnt that bridge.
Was she being too harsh on Vee? She'd spent weeks begging for forgiveness, only to have Vee practically spit in her face upon returning to campus. Sure, Vee had helped defeat the cult, and she'd saved Amara's life, but then she'd gone right back to pretending Amara didn't exist.
No, she asked for this. She's the one that said over and over she didn't want to be friends. It's like Tessa said, Vee tried to kill me. Vee forced me into a corner, and didn't give me any options other than fighting to survive. I'm just giving her what she wants.
By the time Amara fell asleep, she'd been wrestling with her thoughts for close to an hour.
—
Wooooo Chapter 29! This is a pretty special chapter, and I think it's obvious why. This is the very first time we see Chloé's POV! Hopefully she feels every bit as interesting and complex as the rest of my cast. I'm not super worried about her section, as I only need to set up a few basic facts. So long as people understand that she's incredibly shy, and has difficulties speaking up for herself, then I've done my job. I've mentioned this before, but one goal of this book is to start expanding on other characters in the cast besides Amara and Vee. They've been hogging the screen for a while, haven't they?
Otherwise, you know the drill. Let me know if the pacing feels off, if you find any spelling or grammar errors, all that good stuff. It did end up being a bit of a shorter chapter, but I think I like that. This gives me a great springboard to use before diving into the meat of the story, as all my players are in position.
Nyx <3
Comments
Ryan
Me, seeing Sam being athletic with a large family: "90% chance of werewolf" But also, Tessa didn't seem to have an issue sleeping near others that night Amara was trapped by Brandon. Also also, how is Vee's room working? It sounds like some things are in purgatory and some things are on earth. What's separating them?
AFanofRoses
Much Chloé, very appreciated! I enjoyed the view through her eyes, and I like how she's on a path toward more character development. It does come across loud and clear that she's the most timid member of the cast, so job well done there! It's also amazing how your word choice gives so much information about how each character sees and interprets the world around them, like how Chloé fails to notice that Tessa kicks Nick under the table. It's a great example of how she struggles with reading people / situations. Tessa and Nick do be Tessa and Nick. I'm still interested to learn about Tessa's distrust of the Church, but I understand that there'll be a time for that eventually. Right now, with the Vee and Amara dynamic, I feel like Vee is remaining largely neutral toward Amara, whereas Amara seems to be looking for insults and threats in everything Vee says. It's a dramatic turnaround from the previous Book, and I suspect it's due to Vee's building trust in Amara and Amara's unshackling of the demonic side of herself. The Amara from before the day of the ritual was trying to make amends with and forgive Vee, but then it seems like a switch flipped and she's been petty and cruel to her. To be honest, I'm not very comfortable with this side of Amara, but I suspect that's intentional, and I expect her temper and impulsiveness is leading somewhere. Perhaps it's leading to this error that I found. [“I just think you should give her a chance, Nick said. “Plus, it looks like . . . ] It doesn't seem right to me that symbol made of two apostrophes is called one quotation mark. There's two different marks, how could it be called a single quotation mark? It makes no sense. (I'm being rhetorical and non-serious with this complaint) These next lines are things that I found especially interesting or amusing in this chapter. [He looked up, saw Chloé, and waved her over. “Hey Chloé! What’s hanging?”] Chloé. His brain jammed itself trying to ask you "What's happening" and "How's it hanging" at the same time. The combination of your pleasant attitude, charming personality, your smoking-hot body, and your shared interests has him shook. His neurons don't know which way to fire! Please put this boy out of his misery and ask him out! [Tessa rolled her eyes, frustrated that she still hadn’t found a way to seduce Nick.] Wow Tessa, how did that fail? It seemed like the perfect setup. After all, everyone knows that guys are at their most horny when they're worried about someone.
Nyx Nyghtingale
It's definitely on the shorter side, but I was able to touch on everyone in the group, and get everyone to the end of the day. It just felt like the perfect time to call it XD
Gerald Ferguson
Seems.incredibly short chapter.....
