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Rough Draft - Tessa Ch. 02

🕑 Added 2024-10-08 17:00:07 +0000 UTC

Comments

Ryan

Wow, Brandon was so sure he was going to be the main character of an isekai story or something, wasn't he?

AFanofRoses

Glad to see you return to this series! It's great to look through Tessa's eyes and flesh out the world of SaS. I don't have any notes on this chapter's pacing, tone, or plot progression. So far, this story hasn't introduced a lot of stakes beyond those we know will be present in Amara's story, and therefore reads to me as a much lighter story compared to the chapters of SaS you're releasing currently (with the exception of Tessa's traumatic dream in the previous chapter). The last scene was very interesting and very welcomed! It's nice to experience the kind of kinked-up escapades that have formed Tessa into the person we know, or perhaps vice-versa. I personally didn't have trouble following the action, but all readers are different, so I'd look for other opinions. I'd also look for other opinions on these errors I found. [. . . which contained various remnant and knick-knacks from years past.] Many knick-knacks but only one remnant? An interesting collection indeed. [To make matter worse, when she checked her phone, . . .] I guess there's only one matter she was worried about at the time, but I've never heard that saying with just a single matter. [For now, though, they were more than happy to enjoy a short nap in each other’s arms.] This is one of those grammar rules that's rarely-needed and therefore rarely-used, but when you use a possessive that encompasses things that belong to many people, the apostrophe goes after the "s," so it should be "in each others' arms." But again, it's one of those things that only pedants will notice or care about. [Her abilities to detect magic were fairly limited, unfortunately, and often required directed content with the magic in question.] This one may not be a mistake, but I'm sleepy and can't decipher it. Could you mean "directed contact?" It's certainly possible that the problem with the line is just my eyes trying to read it. [. . . but it also has the gayest sex I've ever written.] The gayest sex you've ever written *so far!*

Gerald Ferguson

To be honest at first I thought you had lost your mind with the plethora of grammatical errors.....and then I caught on that it was how they identified


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