MoonBerryAudio
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(Chit-Chat) No Passion or Direction, Niching Down, I Don't Trust My Judgement (Or Yours)
🕑 Added 2023-06-07 02:04:33 +0000 UTCNo Passion. No Direction.
I don't know what I need at this point. I think I'm facing a chronic bout of creator's block. But it didn't start recently. I was talking with my boyfriend earlier about how stressed I have been feeling about my work. I don't feel confident in anything I have created recently, with the exception of my recent collaboration. And you know what? I remember feeling so much joy when writing that script. I remember texting a friend around midnight just reveling in the pleasure of writing stories again.
But everything else? Best Friend and Her Cat? Dom GF? Skincare? Clingy Wife Pulls You Back Into Bed? The passion isn't there. And I know why. I know the reason why. Those audios are just products. They didn't come from my soul. I created them because I thought that you would want them. I did what I thought you wanted. And perhaps you did want them. That's great. But is that what it means to be an artist?
How should it go? Should I create what I want, and you support me because you like it? Or should I create what you want because you support me?
Niching Down
And most of the time, I don't even know what you want. And it is really important that I know what you want because if I post an audio that you don't want, the algorithm suppresses it, and people outside of my audience who do want that content will never see it. From what I've read on my anonymous feedback form, you want simple, wholesome, flirty, realistic audios. That is what have committed to providing. I've niched down.
Niching down is not always a choice. I wish I never had to niche down. I wish that each of my audios could have a chance of being circulated no matter the genre or topic. But if I have an idea that I am passionate about that I know is outside of your taste (girlfriend, best friend, wife) and spend a week recording and editing and having a ball bringing it to life, can you guess how that video will perform? YouTube will squash it because it will have a low click-through rate. (Think Two Nurses x Doctor Listener). I've seen this happen to other YouTubers. Let me give you an example.
There is another ASMRtist, Dani ASMR, that I've been watching for a few years now. Dani acquired many of her subscribers by posting ASMR reviews of OnlyFans pages. Her first review blew up, and she posted more due to popular demand. But because her new subscribers wanted OnlyFans reviews, they did not watch her other ASMR videos, and the YouTube algorithm therefore did not circulate them. In one of her chit-chats, Dani expressed her frustration with being unable to grow without posting an OnlyFans review. She eventually took down many of her reviews, but the damage had been done. Her subscribers still preferred that content. Since then, she has been growing but very slowly.
ASMR Lia has a similar story. Her first spit-painting video gained millions of views. She then posted more spit-painting videos that were wildly popular. But in a now-deleted chit-chat, she expressed frustration that her non-spit-painting videos were not being circulated and that she felt trapped in the narrow spit-painting niche.
I am terrified of this phenomenon. This is why I have not posted another tomboy audio. Tomboy audios are not my favorite, yet they are always most popular on my channel. If I can help it, I will try to prevent myself from being trapped in that niche.
What is my ideal niche, you ask? No niche at all. One of the things that I love most about roleplaying is that I have the freedom to be whomever I want to be at any given moment, and when I want to be someone else, I can be just that.
But the YouTube algorithm likes consistency, and I must consistently post what my subscribers want. Even here on Patreon, I feel I must cater to you. Your support is my only income. You joined to access exclusive content that you enjoy, and if I post content that you do not enjoy, you will leave.
So for the past few months, I've been trying to align my content with your taste and only your taste: girlfriend, wife, and friends to lovers roleplays with simple, realistic stories. I learned a while back that most of you are not interested in fantasy and sci-fi roleplays, and for the most part, you avoid yandere.
But today, someone mentioned that they want more variety, and I wondered if many of you feel that way too. So I'm back to questioning everything.
I Don't Trust My Judgement (Or Yours)
A great deal of the stress that I've been feeling about my channel is also related to my audio quality. I've spent days trying to rid an upcoming audio of that wretched squeak. You know the one. Do you? That piercing squeak. I've spent hours fumbling with a dynamic equalizer, undoing, redoing, and ultimately scrapping. You claim on my roleplay request form that there are no issues with my audio quality, but I cannot be the only one that hears the squeak. Or am I?
I am paranoid that there is an issue with my audios that no one is saying out loud. This is why I created my anonymous feedback form. Remember my older audios? I look back on those, and there are rarely complaints in the comments. There is praise. But no one told me that I was screaming in those audios. No one told me that the background music was too loud, that my acting was horrid. When I click on those audios, I immediately cringe because the flaws are as clear as day to me now. But back then, I had no idea. Why didn't anyone tell me? And how were those audios pleasant to listen to?
I figured that it was because they did not want their username attached to criticism or did not want to embarrass me in the comments, so I created my anonymous feedback form. But I barely receive criticism there as well. In fact, many listeners noted on the form that I should not change a thing about my audio quality. Do you guys really not hear what I hear? Yes, I have tried different headphones.
Oh shoot. You know who this reminds me of? Doja Cat, my favorite music artist. She went on a Twitter rant last month, stating that her albums Hot Pink and Planet Her were mediocre and that her next album will feature no pop. I remember feeling extremely disappointed by these comments. I could not understand how she could deem Planet Her, my most-played album of 2022, mediocre. Need to Know and I Don't Do Drugs are gold. How could she not see that?
And she has made it a point to note that she is moving away from "mediocre pop," which is what I most enjoy, to rap and spoken word. Again, I am very disappointed, but I will still listen because I tend to like her fun style of singing and rapping.
And admittedly, I wish she would not explain herself as much. She should simply release the music that she enjoys and express herself as she sees fit. Art is art.
Wait a minute.
Comments
Moon Berry Audio
The YouTube algorithm is tricky, but I don't think the issue stems entirely from the algorithm. Essentially, I've been feeling uninspired because I've not been creating what I want to create. I've been creating to please my audience. And while I believe that I have an obligation to please my audience, I've left no room for my own creative expression. There needs to be a balance. I scrapped my most recent people-pleasing work and have since written and recorded a script that I wrote from a place of passion. From now on, I will write my own stories and incorporate elements of what you all like. And I will disregard how I believe they will perform on YouTube when deciding what to post. In the past, I included every submission to my roleplay request form on polls, despite how inspired I felt to record them. As a result, I recorded only what would please you all without considering my own opinions. Upon reflection, I realized that, when winning ideas did not inspire me, I would scrutinize them more often during editing, attempting to find flaws that would explain why I am not pleased with them. This resulted in longer, more stressful editing, dissatisfaction, and eventual burnout. Moving forward, I will consult the roleplay request form only when I need external inspiration. (Right now, I am operating from internal inspiration.) Regarding your fantasy ideas: Honestly, I had not read your audio ideas until I read your Patreon messages because I had no need to consult the form. In the future, please do not remind me to consult the form when I am not ready or urge me to fulfill a specific request. You have my word that I will read every submission, and you have as much space as you need in the form to discuss your idea(s). When I read your submissions, I admittedly disregarded your fantasy ideas because I knew that most of my audience prefers realistic audios. I apologize. I should not have solely considered projected popularity, and I will not do so moving forward. However, I will still conduct polls to gauge interest. Notably, I will include on polls only ideas that I am inspired to record. Not every submission will appear on the polls. That way, the options will not only represent what you all would like to hear but also what I would like to record. I should note that if I am feeling very inspired to record an audio, I will record it despite its performance on the polls. Winners are most likely to be recorded, but ultimately, it is my choice what to record. Please do not attempt to influence my choice in PM. As mentioned, you should write any justification for your ideas in the form. In short, I will now create only what I want to create and incorporate elements of your tastes. Occasionally, I will record requests but not often. And the requests that I do record will inspire me. Nova, your fantasy ideas are interesting, but at the moment, my passions are elsewhere. I believe that despite me not offering commissions, you are attempting to receive them by (inadvertently) pressuring me to fulfill specific requests in PM. I understand that this was not your intention and have since forgiven you for what happened during our conversation. I will not delete your submissions in the form and will consider each of them, but if they do not all appear on the next poll, please respect my decision. Thank you for understanding. I send hugs back.
Moon Berry Audio
Thank you for your encouragement. Since writing this post, I have been in a much better place creatively. I discovered a way to inspire myself while writing scripts, and I've been working on a two-part story that I am very passionate about. I appreciate your kind words.
Sharksguy97
As others have said, I truly adore your voice and the audios you create. While I don’t know if I have helpful answers in regards to a creative block, I do wish that you’re able to overcome it and work from a more positive place. Everyone deserves to be able to do that, and be proud of their work that’s a result of it.
Moon Berry Audio
Oh my goodness. This is very helpful. I can relate about getting my best ideas when I am not actively brainstorming. Perhaps I need to take more breaks away from my screen and think less about my content during my breaks. My brain probably needs a proper reset. Too often do I spend my breaks thinking about my content. I will try to set limits because lately I’ve just been working until I’m too tired to continue. I’m still learning how not to worry too much. I’ve always lived in my head. I worry (!!!) that this will always be the case. But your and others’ kind words help me to keep faith in myself. You bring me back to reality and out of this perfectionism loop that I always seem to get myself in. And for that I thank you.
Moon Berry Audio
Hi Black Snow. Thank you for joining us here. I am honored to read that I am your favorite audio roleplayer. Lately I’ve been feeling as if I’m doing everything wrong, but you’ve reminded me that I am at least doing something right. Comments like these help to bring me out of my rut. I appreciate your kindness and support. Regarding the audio issues, I was referring to the harsh squeaks that occur when I pronounce t’s and ch’s. They’re very painful to hear in my opinion, but others seem not to mind them. I’m still deciding what to do about them.
Dan
Thank you for your kind comment as well. I do graphic design at my day job and on the side on my own. I experience creators block quite a bit honestly. There hasn't been a project where I'm not looking at the screen at some point. Wondering what exactly I have to do to turn this into something interesting. And then I end up duplicating and rearranging until something stands out. And what usually happens is the light bulb will turn on out of nowhere. Usually when I'm not at a computer. And I have to find a way to draw or write it or I forget it. If I had to sum it up. Don't worry TOO much and keep faith in yourself. You're good at what you do. Don't forget that.
Moon Berry Audio
Hi Dan… You are a wonderful. Thank you. Your friends are lucky to have you. It’s great to have another artist here. Do you freelance or work within a company? Have you ever experienced creator’s block? You’re about a decade older than me, so I assume you have more experience. Do you have any advice? I appreciate your loyalty and reassurance. I teared up reading this. I’ve been very emotional today. Thank you again.
Black Snow
... All I can say as someone new to the patreon (been here maybe two days), is that I love your audios. 😁 You're undoubtedly my favorite rp audio creator. And the only proper audio rp creator I've ever supported on patreon. Regardless of what direction you take next, I'll be supporting you here as long as I can, simply because your audios have a special charm to them that's hard to explain. So thank you for the awesome content. And to this day, I have yet to notice any beeps or weird audio issues, btw.
Dan
I'm sorry you're going through this Moon. Personally, I'm a supporter. All of my friends are musicians. I've been seeing them all play. And listened to their music for the past 13 years (we're all at least 30 now). I'm an artist and graphic designer. Tbey have supported me. I found you at the beginning of a rough time and knew I needed more than what you had on YouTube. Im going to listen to whatever post. Because I love your voice. I'm not going to leave Patreon because maybe one audio entirely my thing. I didnt mean this became a long comment lol. I look forward to your next audio.
