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Chapter 348: Envy made manifest. [First Draft]
🕑 Added 2022-08-31 23:49:51 +0000 UTCI would recommend playing this in the background and to leave it on loop https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=avcCl16MxnM
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Clothes? Check! Hair? Check! Make-up? Check! Backpack full? Check! Nails? Check! And, lastly, a smile?
Using my two index fingers, I pushed up the ends of my mouth, forming them into a big, wide smile. Messing with my face a bit more, I made it look more gentle, but that wasn’t how an idol should be. Sharpening my eyes, I finally ended up with the perfect grin — an energy-filled smile which could infect others.
Nice! Check!
Practicing how to smile and make certain facial expressions was important, as an idol had to know how to do fanservice. Fans and stans were our lifeblood, losing them would stifle my growth and potential future. I had to look pure and innocent, without even a speck of drama, otherwise a single problem could make people want to cancel me. Couldn’t afford the haters as a rising star, right?
Even if it was just school, I had to make sure my silky black hair was styled correctly and that my make-up was placed on correctly. Mama taught me how to do it properly, but it was kinda hard not to overdo it. It was just school, after all. I couldn’t exactly come in totally prettied up, and besides, the school had a rule against heavy make-up usage, so shouldn’t break that either.
“Haaa…” I let out a small sigh after getting ready for school, before hyping myself up. Even if I didn’t like going to school, I still had to!
‘You don’t know when you’ll need it, so go learn! Your idol training will stop if you can’t put any effort outside of it!’ Papa said… bleh. But, I guess he’s right. Compromises are kinda important, and Papa and Mama are probably worried about my grandparents’s opinion of me. If my daughter was sooooo focused on becoming an idol, to the point she forgets everything else, I would be worried, too.
Nevertheless, that was how my life was. However, before I left my room, I did a double check in front of my mirror. Yup, this was me. Black, long hair which went down my back, black eyes and thick brows like Mama’s, a rounded nose and strong cheekbones from Papa, and a pretty soft jawline from my paternal grandmother.
Half-Japanese, Half-German. That was me. The rest of my body was what you would expect from a 15-year-old, although I kinda wished I was a bit curvier. Then again, Mama wasn’t exactly stacked, but puberty still hadn’t ended yet for me! I could still grow!
Now to totally hype me up for the rest of the day, I struck a pose in front of the mirror. I could see my image twinkling behind my room light, to the point I couldn’t help but call myself cute! Shine bright!
“H*****! Ganbare!” (You can do it!)
“YOU—!”
“Eeeeeeeeeeek!”
I flinched back, recoiling from something suddenly appearing inside my mirror. In the process, I tripped over my schoolbag, falling hard on my butt.
“Ow!”
Wincing, I snapped my eyes back at the mirror, only to see me there, sitting on the floor.
W-What in the—?! I swear, I just saw something there!
A devil, or something similar. A person with shoulder-length red hair flaring up like flames with two large horns. Their ruby-colored eyes glared at me for that single second where I could hear someone’s voice, only for my mirror to be set on fire!
Of course, I would yelp at that! Who wouldn’t? A bloody devil just appeared before me! Or, at least, I believed I saw something similar to that. However, my mirror wasn’t burning nor was that face there.
… Okay, maybe I should stop playing DQ late into the night. Maaaaybe going to sleep at 3am wasn’t the smartest choice. I’m seeing things, urgh.
It probably was all in my head. In any case, I stood back up and took my backpack and went out of my room. While going down the stairs, I noticed the beautiful day through our large windows, taking in the sight of our apartment.
Papa was pretty successful as a conductor, so our apartment was actually the penthouse of this building. We had some neighbors downstairs, but most were people Pepe knew from work. I knew the kids there, but we didn’t have much in common outside of our families being in the music business. We got along well enough for being mere acquaintances, though.
Another day, same old city.
“Ojou-sama, did something happen in your room?” My attention was drawn towards an elderly Japanese woman, looking at me worriedly. This was my nanny.
“O-Oh, I apologize, nothing happened. I just fell over my backpack. I’m sorry for worrying you, Nanny.” I smiled wryly, looking embarrassed causing her to giggle a bit before rushing me to breakfast with a warm smile.
“Well, if nothing hurts, then it’s all fine. Come, breakfast is ready. Eat with your Mother.”
Nanny was actually Mama’s nanny when she was still a child, but she followed her to Germany and then to New York after Mama and Papa got married. My maternal grandparents were extremely traditional and rich, so Mama was brought up like a noble lady as a result, which included somebody to help her out when she traveled abroad.
Nanny’s English and German weren't too good, but decent enough to communicate with people during grocery runs. Otherwise, she would speak Japanese at home since she was more comfortable with it, which was fine since our household could speak it fluently, even Papa. Then again, Nanny was pretty traditional due to her upbringing, so it was sometimes hard to be totally myself around her.
… Still, love her all the same. She’s practically part of the family with how long she’s been with us. She took care of me when I was still a newborn, so yeah.
“Mama! Good morning!” I greeted Mama with a wide grin, instantly recognizing the Japanese woman before me! Beautiful despite her age, and I was expecting to inherit her traits so my future idol company wouldn’t force me into plastic surgery.
I then clapped my hands at the food before me. Nanny and Mama were an amazing cooking duo!
“H*****, good mor—”
“WAKE—!”
“Urk!” I twitched from suddenly hearing that voice again. Where was it coming from?!
“U-Uh, are you okay? You look a bit pale, dear.” I snapped my head back to Mama when I heard her worried voice, instantly denying anything was happening. “O-Oh, I see? Is it that time of the month, again?”
“NO! I just had it two weeks ago, stop talking about it, jeez!” I sat down on my seat, covering my face in my hands as Mama began giggling as if what she was saying was funny. As if!
Tsk, what is that voice? I wondered once again.
Out of nowhere it just appeared, but why? Seriously, I didn’t become crazy, yeah? Mentally ill? Sure, failing all those auditions was pretty demoralizing, but come on, that couldn’t be the reason for this voice in my head. Mama and Nanny didn’t hear it, so it probably was just my imagination. I mean, have I done anything wrong in my life to have some ghost haunt me? Ha!
… Although, if that were true— Brrrrr! Scary.
Mama and I had a Japanese-style breakfast together while Nanny pulled my long hair into a ponytail. We had some talk about my singing and dancing training, where I avoided having to talk to her about my next audition. Sheesh, not a good topic at all for the morning, and from the way Mama and Papa are also pestering me about it, it really did feel like they were losing hope.
However, what was an idol but someone who can transcend these expectations? It was only a matter of time until I became a trainee! Right, just a matter of time before I get one scout to be interested in me! Just have to rush out of school after it's done and get back to training, and it will be A-Okay! Just gotta work hard, and I was sure I could make my parents proud.
In any case, after my belly was full, I said goodbye to both of them and went down with the elevator to the parking lot of the building. Since Mama and Papa couldn’t always drive to school, they hired a chauffeur, so that was how I was commuting. I took out my phone and earbuds and began playing some music while taking out some music paper.
“Mhmm, mhmm, mhmm~” I hummed along to one of my favorite K-pop group’s most recent comeback — K-pop slang for a new song — and began adjusting the notes and lyrics to a song I was writing for my next audition. I wasn’t that talented in dancing, but what I was very good at was singing and writing songs, so this was my way to distinguish myself from everybody else.
Maybe rhyming would make it flow better. Adjust the melodies here, maybe a bit more violin. Probably should record myself. Hmm, maybe I should learn how to compose music on my laptops? Would make it easier than recording everything individually, but kinda feels like a cop-out. Papa hates electronic music or anything non-traditional.
The City — specifically Manhattan for us New Yorkers — was, as usual, pretty full even in the early mornings. I always had to wake up pretty early to get to school in time with the car, but it didn’t really bother me too much. I could always sleep-in on the weekends, after all. Weekdays were training days, so I had to be active and keep that mindset.
Besides, all the honking and bustling noise of the city didn’t bother me with my earbuds. The traffic jam was a perfect excuse to do some homework or practice before school began, too. Honestly, it wasn’t too bad after you got used to everything, and it just kept the city busy and interesting for the tourists. Broadway’s and Papa’s orchestra’s main clientele were non-New Yorkers, after all.
Although, I did hear the number of ticket bought by peeps in the city had grown, but… Wait, hold on, HOMEWORK!
“Ahhhhhhh!” I yelled out as I pulled out a thick math book with a piece of paper stuck in between it. Pulling it out, I paled at how I forgot to do yesterday’s math problems!
“Clyde!” I called out for my chauffeur.
“Haha, again? You do know you can’t continue doing all ye homework in the wee car, eh?”
“This is not a laughing matter!” I chided my Scottish driver, urging him to help me with my work. “It’s for stupid Mrs. Mandison! Urgh, please, you need to help me! She hates my guts like the pest, and I can’t fail these things otherwise she’ll have a reason to call in Mama! Please!”
“Aye, aye, jusht ashk me away. Have da keep my eyesh on the shtreets, right? Gotta stop telling me theshe problems in the car, Miss H*****.”
“UP—!”
…!
“Young Miss?” Clyde asked me, glancing at me with worry as I suddenly turned quiet.
“N-Nothing! Nothing at all, just thought I saw some cute cat,” I forced out, somehow avoiding him further asking what was wrong.
“Haha! Another shtray? Always thought you like dogs more, Miss.”
“A-Ahaha, yeah.…”
Why?!?!?!?! Urgh, whatever, WHATEVER! I understand, you ghost, I will stop playing games late into the night! Jeez!
If I ignored it, then it wouldn’t exist, right? I was probably hearing things, probably, so it was honestly just better to just concentrate on this homework before Mrs. Mandison kicked my butt for forgetting to do it.
In any case, after deciding to not hear the voice again, I began doing my homework, asking Clyde whenever I couldn’t understand a certain problem. Algebra plus problems inside sentences made things pretty complicated for me, as not only did it demand logical thinking but also me remembering the formula, and I was currently too exhausted to think about them. That ghost voice really was just my body screaming to me to get more sleep, huh?
Clyde wasn’t just my chauffeur, but also my private tutor. He was actually a foreign college student Papa took in ‘cause Clyde was the nephew of one of his friends, and so began living inside the same building, albeit at a lower floor. Driving me around and tutoring me was his job, helping him finance his life as an engineering student.
Since I had to hear him, I took out my earbuds and that was when the sound of the city caught my attention for some reason. Even now, people were actively rushing on the streets, either going to the subway or trying to advertise whatever service they were offering. The streets weren’t better, as the loud beeping of cars and even irritated shouting of their drivers made my chest tighten.
Strangely, I knew all of this… but somehow, all of this was beginning to feel nostalgic. As if I went off to Japan and just came back. As if my mind was taking all of it in, despite all of this being a daily part of my life. Weird. I was pretty sure I hadn’t gone traveling in a while.
I shook my head, ignoring even that and continued working through my math issues. After a while, I let out a deep sigh just as we arrived at my private school.
Robert Dawn’s Academy.
It was pretty much where I spent my entire middle school, and now freshman, years at, although it wasn’t really my favorite place. Not only ‘cause I was a terrible student outside of Music and P.E. classes — although I was kinda good in Biology and English — but also ‘cause I had literally no friends here. Well, I had some, but we kinda drifted aparts. Part of life, I guess.
After saying goodbye to Clyde, I stepped into the academy and made my way to my first class. While doing so, I took a look around with my earbuds on, noticing the large campus and the numerous students walking past and around me, all gossiping or looking at their phones. Pretty much what you would expect from a high school, really.
Our school uniforms were one thing that would stand out. For the boys, there was a white shirt, blue-red blazer or vest, blue pants, shoes, and a tie, while the girls pretty much had the same outfit, although the majority opted for either long or short skirts. I chose the former, since Papa didn’t like short skirts for my uniform.
As long as you abided by those rules, you could pretty much add on accessories, hats, scarves, and so on within reason. I was honestly happy this school wasn’t too tradionist when it came to uniforms. We were in the 21st century, after all! Girls should be allowed to dress comfortably!
“Yo, let’s do this! Tomorrow we’ll beat those p.o.s.! Awhooo!”
“““Awhooo! Awhooo! Awhooo!”””
Hmm? Oh, the football jocks are at it again.
Every school needed some idiots who thought they were better than the others, and that came out naturally if you were constantly praised in your area of expertise. I heard the football and baseball teams were doing pretty well, so they were responsible for the pride and honor of our school. We also had a pretty good debating team, and, boy, those guys could be even more arrogant than the jocks.
Yikes, nothing hurts more than being insulted in a way you can’t possibly understand.
After I entered the room, the smell of adolescents and their use of perfumes and cologne seriously covered up my nose as I pushed myself through to my homeroom. The hallways of the building were pretty wide, so there wasn’t much of a traffic jam, but I still had to get through everybody going to their homerooms.
Inside the room, I noticed a bunch of integrated monitors on our respective desks. I heard from my cousin that his school hadn’t implemented this yet, mentioning how the bureaucracy there was a bit too conservative with accepting technological advancements. A shame, since working on the PC was more efficient than writing everything on paper. Even the blackboard was an interactive screen.
I went over to my seat and then took out my homework for the day, organizing them for later. Our school was slowly transitioning into tablets to distribute homework, seeing as it would be easier to hand them in, but they currently were setting up the servers for them, I heard. It would cost quite a bit, so the school had to prepare things without raising the tuition costs too much.
This was already a pretty expensive school, so yeah.
“Hey, H*****.”
I turned around, seeing a group of three girls taking their seats. Those were my friends, well, former friends, really.
“Hey, Liz, Virgy, Claire. How was your morning?”
“Mhmm, pretty good, I guess,” Liz, or Elizabeth, answered for everybody before she started to stretch. “Hope you got your homework done, H*****. Heard Mrs. Mandison will probably kick everybody’s butts if even one of us forgot.”
I jerked back a bit, feeling like she saw right through me. “Wh-What is that supposed to mean! Of course, I did them! Come on, I don’t want to be the one responsible. Hmm?”
Didn’t she say my name? Why hasn’t that voice come out yet?
One thing I noticed every time that voice appeared was when somebody said my name. Sure, a weird thing to notice, but you kinda had to considering the shock. Strangely, Liz said my name twice but nothing happened. Honestly, I was pretty relieved considering this proves I was hearing things!
“Hey, H*****, do you want to go to Bucksbucks today? Heard they just introduced a new boba and muffin recipe! Heard from Insta how delicious they were!” Claire brought up, instantly stealing my attention.
“Ooooh!” I clapped in response, only to remember my schedule for they day. “U-Uhm…”
“What, training, again?” Virgy, short for Virginia, raised an eyebrow to my response, instantly deducing the problem on hand. “Well, I guess you have to work hard to get anywhere in the idol industry. Man, you have to hand it to the idols on how hard they work. Oh, did you listen to their comeback?”
I snapped my head up, flaring up in excitement at how we were talking about one of my favorite idol groups. “Y-Yeah, yeah, I did! I was listening to it on the way to school! Pretty nice, right? Especially the harmony afterwards! Ooooh, goosebumps.”
“Right? Good, right?” Liz and Claire nodded, before Liz turned back to me. “So you need to work hard, right? Don’t worry about it, we got you. We’ll drop the drink over at your place, alright? Just don’t stress yourself out, and get it going, girl! You got this!”
“R-Right! Mhmm…”
It sucked. I felt terrible. Once again, once again, I rejected their invitation to go out due to my schedule and my self-imposed discipline. Those three were my best friends since middle school, even before that we knew each other. However, what the hell was I doing here? I was putting my idol dream over my friendship, pushing them away like scum.
I was honestly the worst. I couldn’t believe they were still trying to get to me, even if we only had time to meet up, like, once or twice per month. Most of our interactions came through socials, but it felt kinda bland. They posted numerous photos of themselves enjoying themselves, all while I could only watch them from a distance.
All ‘cause I was the biggest idiot ever. The worst friend these three could deserve. They knew my dream and were okay with it since we all were fans of K-Pop, but it felt hard. What would happen if I were accepted as a trainee? I would probably have even less time with them, even worse, I might have to go over to S. Korea for my training.
It was painful, but it wasn’t like we hadn’t already drifted apart. Nobody came to my 14th birthday, after all. Not even these three…
Strangely, not hearing that voice right now made it feel suffocating. My chest felt so tight for the entire day, all up to the moment Clyde picked me up for training. Once there, I met up with my dancing instructor where we started our private lessons like usual. It had been a long time since I met the other trainees, ever since Papa asked my instructor to teach me in private.
“Hey, hey, what’s wrong? Your singing is worse than usual. You feeling down, H*****?” Hayhoon, my S. Korean instructor’s stage name, asked me with a worried face. He wasn’t exactly the most famous popstar, but he was known as a pretty good instructor inside the K-Pop industry.
Weird, no voice? Mhmm.
“Nah, not really. Just the usual, seonbae,” I replied, using the Korean word for mentor to address him. “Not exactly having the time to get along with friends. Feels pretty lonely.”
“Lonely? Come on, I told you to take some more breaks. You’re good, really good, alright? You’ll have your turn soon enough, you just have to keep improving and you'll be accepted soon enough! You know what, take the weekends off, alright? Take a break, don’t burn yourself out. Every artist needs a small hiatus once in a while.”
My schedule for the weekend changed just like that.
Thursday and Friday began and ended just like Wednesday, just with a different schedule and events, of course. When Saturday came, I slept in, ate breakfast with Mama and Nanny, before learning Papa had to stay out for the day, and would come back on Sunday for our family jam session.
I was pretty disappointed, but Papa had a show next week, so he had to begin practicing. Maybe I could visit him today, but I decided against it. Instead, I just wandered around the city, eating and drinking whatever I could find while listening to music. For some reason, the chest tightness I had since Wednesday never disappeared. The voice also hadn’t returned, which was a relief… I thought.
Hmm?
I stopped at an electronics store in a mall, watching a show about some red dragon fighting against a brutal ogre. Even without knowing the context of the show, something inside me was naturally drawn towards the dragon, as if I had to cheer for it. It was weird, since both the monsters looked pretty scary, honestly.
I did wonder if this was some new show I hadn’t heard about. It looked realistic, or at least real enough to hide the CGI, but had so many crazy moments like the ogre screaming and shooting blood slashes while the dragon could explode like a sun. It felt so anime. Too over the top.
People really want to experiment these days. Though, who is the MC? Too bad there is no sound. Guess I’ll look it up later.
I was about to leave the area only to stop myself when my head snapped over to another TV, broadcasting what looked like an interview. However, that wasn’t what caught my attention, no, it was actually the fact that the interviewee was actually one of my trainee colleagues. One of the bitches who always kept bullying me for my money.
“Yes, thank you very much! I cannot say how much I had worked up until this day, and I cannot — hick! I cannot say how much I wanted this to happen! Thank you so very much for picking me!”
Huh? Why can I hear it? Why is there audio for this, and why was this electronic store streaming something like this? Is this a talk show?
“And that was our last applicant! Everybody, please, welcome these five young ladies into the industry!” Some Asian man announced while the crowd began to applaud.
… Industry? Wait, what?!
This had to be a joke? Industry? As in the idol industry? But how?! There shouldn’t have been an audition for this entire month, I made sure of that! I checked everything and made sure there were no auditions or possible scouting through my dancing instructor. I was sure, but at the same time, I recognized that girl anywhere. She was one of my rivals…
But that still didn’t make sense. Why was she accepted as an aspiring trainee before I was? She worked even less than me, so why was this happening?! Why? Why? Why? Why was everybody accepted before I was?
“Urk…”
I felt sick, as if every bit of energy in my cells disappeared just like that. I felt spent, drained as if I had just run a marathon through the entire city. I just wanted to lie down at this point, but at the same time, I didn’t feel like moving from the spot. Falling on the ground and lying there sounded so intriguing.
… Better call Clyde.
I sat down on a nearby bench and waited for Clyde to pick me up. After I returned home, I noticed Mama and Nanny weren’t at home, remembering they wanted to go shopping today. I took this cue to just meandered around until I was back in my room. Falling onto my bed, I suddenly felt… empty.
It felt like I had nothing in my head. As if I had nothing I wanted to do right now, not even continue writing my song. It felt weird. I felt so tired, so exhausted. Staying up sounded so bothersome, to the point where I just closed my eyes and went to sleep.
I eventually snapped my eyes open, jerking off my bed when I heard the door downstairs opening, accompanied by the sound of women laughing. Feeling parched, I went down to greet them.
“Oh, H*****! How was your day, honey?” Mama asked me, to which I gave her a short answer. Smiling, she put down the bags she was carrying and hurried me along to the sofa. “Good! Now, the show is about to start, but I need to carry everything up, so wait for me, alright?”
Show? Oh right, anime. Another episode of an anime we were following was about to premiere… Right, this was one of our rituals. Strange, how did I forget about it?
For some reason, I didn’t feel anything while watching the show with Mama and Nanny. It was like… I felt passive, unpassionate with everything. I forced a smile and acted like I was having fun, but the moment I returned to my room, I just fell onto my butt, feeling so… lifeless.
This feels… All of this feels so wrong. What’s going on with me?
I couldn’t think. I couldn’t focus. I couldn’t answer any of my problems, only to sliter into my bed to sleep. Sadly, when morning came, nothing had changed. I tried playing some violin and games, but nothing really hooked me. Even reading a book I was saving for a later time to finish felt so boring.
What was going on with me? Why did everything feel so meaningless? Even my whole idol dream felt so far away, so grandiose for someone like me to achieve. Some girl I hated from the bottom of my heart just achieved what I couldn’t. I could only imagine her smirk when I went back to training on Monday.
Haaa… feels like everything could just end right now, and nothing of value would be lost. What’s the point?
My eyes wandered over to my desk, focusing on the ink pen I used to write my lyrics. I honestly didn’t know why I was looking at it, but it felt like I should go and grab it. To do… something. What exactly was it, though? Unfortunately, my mind still felt hollow, as if I couldn’t form a single thought.
Maybe Papa and Mama were right? Maybe I wasn’t made for all of this. Phew, I’m such a disappointment of a musician and daughter. I just can’t do anything right.
I stood up. I walked over to my desk, with steps strangely filled with vigor and energy. As if my drive to do something had suddenly returned, only to feel like it just didn’t matter whatever I wanted. In the end, the world would turn even without me moving an inch.
I picked up the pen.
I inspected the sharp metallic end. My legs then suddenly walked on their own, as if I was driven by an autopilot towards the bathroom. I opened it. Locked it. Looked into the bath, then back at the pen. I then grabbed my neck, noticing how soft and smooth it was. So fragile.
I stepped into the bath.
I sat down and let out a deep sigh. I then looked up at the ceiling, wondering what would happen if I were to make a mess, right now. I wondered what that girl would think if I wasn’t there on Monday. Who would she gloat about? Somehow, my mouth curved into a smile; a weird, twisted, but genuine smile.
I feel so jealous. I should have been on that show. I should have been applauded by everybody. I wanted to stand on the stage, showered by their cheers and smiles. What was an idol, if she couldn’t make anybody smile?
What was an idol, if she herself can’t even force a smile.
“I’m worthless…”
What a life.
Maybe, if I just went to sleep. Maybe…
I raised my pen.
Maybe, then, Mama and Papa wouldn’t always worry about me. Maybe…
I tensed up my hand and gulped. Something inside me was trying to prevent me from doing it, but slowly but surely, it all disappeared. No resistance. Nothing at all. Just acceptance.
It’s all just a pipe dream. Goodbye.
I closed my eyes… and then my arm jerked.
…
…
Darkness.
“Hiek! Hiek huek huek huek. Hirk!”
Voice in my head? But why now?
“We were idiots.”
Idiots? Yeah. I guess we were.
“… Verdammt.”
Indeed. Verdammt nochmal. Zur Hölle mit alles. (To hell with everything.)
“… No. Once is enough. Twice? NEVER! I will never leave our parents behind again! You… WAKE UP!”
Splat!
My eyes opened up again as I suddenly heard a sharp sound erupted next me, all while I felt somebody slap me on the cheeks.
“Huh?”
I blinked, now feeling somebody had also grabbed my arm. I slowly turned my head around, only to see that very devil I saw on Wednesday. Crimson-red hair going down to her shoulders, two large horns, eyes like a lizard, and fangs. But, strangely, this girl looked eerily similar to me.
“A month of dreams is enough. Don’t repeat the same mistake again!”
The girl was crying.
“Huh?”
Something wet was on my cheeks. Touching it, it felt like my eyes were watery, too. Crying? Me? No, impossible, I made sure to promise myself to never cry. So why was I crying? Why was this girl who had the same face as me crying too? What is this?
“H*****, I’m home! Come down already, mein Schatz! The Sch****** family’s tradition is about to begin!”
Papa? Papa?
I dropped my pen into the bath and freed myself from this mysterious girl’s arm and pulled myself out of my bath.
“We brought pizza and also bbq with us! Come down, H*k***!”
Mama! That’s Papa and Mama!
I unlocked the door and opened it, suddenly noticing how extremely dark the hallway was. I couldn’t find the light switch at all.
“Ojou-sama, you should come down quickly! I will get your favorite stew ready!”
Nanny! Nanny! Nanny!
I didn’t care if I couldn’t see, I could still hear! I could still hear all of them calling me.I rushed into the dark corridor, ignoring everything and just ran, ran towards their voices at the end of this tunnel! I didn’t care whatever was holding me back, I didn’t care if that weird girl was behind me.
I had to get to them!
“Hey, Miss! Get down already, come on! Ye old man about to croak if you don— Owwwgh! Come on, Sir, it wash just a wee joke!”
Clyde! That’s you! I can hear you! I’m coming!
My chest suddenly felt… freed, as if all the emotions I was keeping inside myself was being set free to roam and wander wherever they wanted. I felt my eyes watering once again, accompanied by this unstoppable desire to meet them. I wanted to meet them so very much.
I wanted to see them again. Papa, Mama, Nanny, Clyde.
“Hey, H*k**i! I don’t have much time before I gotta go back, so come down already! Don’t make us wait!”
Seombae!
My dancing instructor's voice entered my ears again. They were calling me.
“H*k**i! Come on, already!”
“Yeah, don’t let us wait downstairs!”
“Your mother even invited us over, so get down already! We brought you boba!”
Liz, Virgy, Claire! I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry!
Light, light at the end of this tunnel.
“Please, w-huek! Wait!”
My voice was breaking down from all my crying. I couldn’t control myself. I just had to pass through that light. And the moment I would, I would—
“Staring out the window while it rains ♫
No one here to talk, silence is all I have ♫
So I delved into my thoughts and wondered, “What if?”♫”
But nothing. Nobody was there. It was my family’s penthouse, but the sky was bleak and all the lights were dead. The only people I saw in the room were girl… girls who looked just like me.
W-What?
“The laughing kid stomping loudly upstairs ♫
The damn lovebirds flirting on the streets ♫
Those rich asses living in their golden bubbles♫
I just wish they would all just disappear ♫?
One half looked like that devil girl while the others looked like exact copies of me. All of them were humming and singing along to the sound of a piano. I turned my eyes around, watching a girl with wings, scales, and a tail playing on it with the deftness of a trained expert.
The melodies she was playing pained my heart… until she began to sing.
“Those are my honest thoughts, something I wish to hide from them ♫
My life is stagnating, nothing I do brings me forth ♫
All I can do is sing, drowning my sorrows while it rains ♫
Every step I take just brings me back, to a rundown apartment room ♫”
And then, everybody began to sing in perfect harmony.
“Turn away, close my eyes, lock these wishes far away ♫
Not again, not again…or I’ll cry until the end ♫
All of my darkest thoughts ♫
Will serve me as my muse ♫
So, I’ll sing, I’ll sing, I’ll sing, I’ll sing! ♫
As I fade from your thoughts ♫”
I fell onto my knees. The tears wouldn’t stop.
“I’m sorry. I ruined it all.”
Comments
…So you figured it out.
Frostbutt
…in hindsight, her old name makes a lot of sense story wise
But, I think I have been hinting on it for a while now. Still, sorry for it getting as heavy like during the Griffonpeak arc.
Ezekiel
That was... heavy.
