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🕑 Added 2023-01-26 06:50:15 +0000 UTC

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Temple (REND)

That sounds like something Deen would do. Two unhinged people interacting XD

Vladistad

I might like to see Deen comforting Erind's friend Vanessa about her crippling guilt from being an adumbrae

Temple (REND)

- Though this is a bit far into the story when Erind becomes a sort of OP MC in the scene compared to an actual OP MC story, I think it's more rewarding this way given her journey. - Finlay is really dead this time :D - Abs, thighs, cardio day! - In fantasy and superhero stories, especially if it's written in first person, there'd be banter. It's not just the talking. Even in Erind's thoughts there's a bit of distance there. - Deen will probably be suspicious of Vanessa. I think Bianca should be due to come back next arc. I'm going to think next how we'll reach the red island because arc5 went waaay different than I imagined. - Thanks for the help proofreading!

OmniHumanist

Typos: I could smell my burned flesh. I didn’t want to check myself. -> I could smell my burnt flesh. I didn’t want to check myself. I squeeze his head between my legs. -> I squeezed his head between my legs. ----- I blinked, wondering what had happened. White Beanpole fled out of the wrecked office. I stared at the severed forearm I held, the white fabric covering it partially covered by blood. -> It's so funny and cool seeing Erind being pretty strong. It's like the reverse of arc 3. Now Erind is like Bob, and is very hard to kill. he seemed like the sort of bad guy who’d resurrect in a movie sequel. -> "Somehow, Finlay returned." -- Poe Dameron. I hung from his head, my legs a closing vise giving him an agonizing death. -> lol. Go thighs! Maybe you have yet to notice because Erind had fought as herself only a few times, but in the instances she did, she barely talked to her enemies, unlike the MCs in other stories during fight scenes. -> I think this is mostly a staple of fantasy and superhero stories. I've been seeing some military shows and movies recently, and I don't recall the protagonists really talking to the enemy while fighting. We're a few chapters away from the ending of Arc 5, including the epilogues. Deen and Vanessa will know about each other then. Erind's harem is growing. Any suggestions for the shenanigans we'll get into in the next Arc? -> Deen getting jealous over Erind and Vanessa would be pretty funny. Maybe we can try and add Bianca to the harem lol. Someone else mentioned a beach, and since arc 6 is the red island, and islands have beaches, maybe that would be a great time to have a beach episode.


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