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[REND] 1.4 - Crappy Monday
🕑 Added 2025-04-17 09:12:55 +0000 UTCTechnically, I did mean to hit her. I wanted her off of me. But I didn't expect I had gotten this strong. Humans were pretty frail.
I snorted. Not even a few minutes as a monster, and I’m already using the cliche line.
Grabbing the cop’s wrist, I felt for a pulse. Didn’t find any. Next, I hovered my hand above her mouth. Really, no air. She also wasn’t blinking. Her bloodshot eyes stared at the locker to our left—her last sight before exiting this world. I poked her cheek a few times. No reaction. Super dead.
I sat by her side, admiring the odd angle her neck was bent. She was like one of the dolls I used to disassemble as a kid.
I continued to stare. My brain hadn’t caught up processing the wild string of events leading me to my first murder.
“Wait… this isn’t murder,” I told the corpse. “You were going to shoot me. You did, actually. But just missed.”
The corpse was silent.
“I correctly applied Rule #4,” I said. “Don’t you dare accuse me of entrapment. I followed your instructions and presented you with an opportunity to shoot me; I never coerced you to do it. It’s just the same concept as you, cops, pretending to buy drugs in a sting operation.”
The corpse had no answer to that. She couldn’t refute my arguments.
“This is an open-and-shut case of self-defense,” I continued. “You could’ve killed me if you got a lucky shot. Though I kinda feel bad for killing you after you had saved me. I’m going to put on record that it was accidental.”
Was this guilt? The emotion kind of guilt, not the legal definition. It equated to remorse, right? What was remorse supposed to be like? I wasn’t feeling that… I think.
Some stinging as I moved. I touched my left shoulder. Blood?
“Oh, so you did hit me. We’re even then.”
I couldn’t get a good look at the bullet hole because of the angle, so I touched it. Something hot poked out—the bullet. My body spat it out. Then I felt the hole close and smoothen over. Slightly disgusting but also awesome. And I had a souvenir. Into my pocket the bullet went.
For my other injury, I grabbed the spike poking out of my stomach and pulled it out in one go. I hissed, bracing for pain. Again, it did hurt, but not really. It was like peeling off a giant scab. Satisfying in a way. I wasn’t keeping the spike as a souvenir.
I observed the wound on my abdomen heal. Muscle fibers wriggled like worms, reaching out to weave with each other and hide my organs inside. Skin spread like slime over the raw flesh before flattening and settling. Seconds later, there was no more hole. Just a clean circle of pale skin surrounded by dried blood.
“I really am an… Adumbrae.”
Cue in dramatic music.
Why did I turn into one so fast? Like, how? This shouldn’t be. Everyone knew it took weeks or months, sometimes even years, for voices to gradually slide into a person’s consciousness and convince them to give up their bodies. Movies would show people suffering for a long time before they cracked. It was like peer pressure from another dimension.
Fine, movies may not be a good reference, but there are mandatory subjects about Adumbrae in school. More interesting than Sex Ed lessons, I could say that.
I’ve also attended some of Dad’s lectures—Mom would bring me to watch from the back of the auditorium at Eloyce University. At twelve years old, I didn’t understand even a tenth of what Dad was saying. But I could remember his explanation that people took time turning into a monster. It wasn’t a simple matter, as if the Adumbrae was a scammer cold-calling any telephone number it could get. Certain circumstances needed to happen.
I could hear Dad’s voice, “Before a connection to the other dimension is made, a catalyst is required. This is a unique energy signature only human brains can produce. Intense and extreme emotions like despair, about to surrender in life, or the other end of the spectrum, like unbridled greed, willing to do anything to fulfill a desire.”
Given my abnormality, I never considered myself in danger of being cold-called by an Adumbrae. Then again, I never expected to be almost killed either.
“My desire to live,” I muttered. “That was it.”
Part of it. This cop also wanted to live, but received no help. Plenty of other people died on the train. What was different between us? Could it be that the Adumbrae in my head had been talking to me all along and I hadn’t noticed? Was the different way my mind worked also a factor?
Also, what was up with my body’s instantaneous transformation into a superhuman? Super strength, really fast regeneration, and a very sturdy body—these things were the first manifestations of an Adumbrae’s power. They were supposed to get the host addicted. The modus operandi of the Adumbrae was working because I did feel great!
But it was common knowledge that this happened gradually. That was why I was surprised that Baggy Overalls went from a human body to a hulk with spikes in just a few minutes. Another surprising thing was two Adumbrae showing up at the same time. Three, including me.
I vigorously shook my head. Not yet.
My body may no longer be human, but I still have my mind. I remained in control. Not the Adumbrae.
For now.
“Adumbrae, Ma’am, uh, whatever your name is?” I called out. That odd voice didn’t speak in my head again. I looked around. “I want to talk. What’s next after this?”
The only sounds I heard were screams and gunfire filtering through the window. There was a roar followed by a crash. The party continued outside. I couldn’t remain here. If I met another police officer, they’d think I was injured and would want me treated. If I ran, I’d be deemed suspicious. If I went with them to get checked, emergency responders would notice I wasn’t normal, and I’d have to kill them all. That was the first twenty minutes of Running From My Mind, a movie where the protagonist became an Adumbrae.
Running From My Mind wasn’t a good movie, very campy at times. But it was based on a true story with some dramatic additions. As a new Adumbrae, I could consider it as a dos and don’ts guide. The protagonist went on the run after the massacre, leaving his normal life behind. Family, friends, career, everything. After killing that many people, he didn’t have a choice. He was hunted down by the Bureau of Interdimensional Defense, the BID. It took BID agents three years to finally corner and execute him. By then, he looked like five humans glued together and covered with scales.
I shouldn’t let that happen to me. Never invite suspicion and maintain my normal life for as long as I could. I hated change. Such a hassle. And I didn’t want to live under a bridge or hide in a sewer.
I breathed deeply. “Let’s take this one at a time. Clothes.”
No way I could wander outside all covered in blood. This wasn’t an action movie where the hero shreds an entire base of bad guys and could somehow return home with no one questioning why he looked like he swam in a pool of blood. Too bad I didn’t have the power of off-screen teleportation.
What was available to me were the clothes in the lockers. Wouldn’t be a good fit given my size, but they’d have to do.
Forcing the lockers open and rummaging through them, I thought about the bigger issue—this dead cop.
I couldn’t leave her lying here. A suspicious death; the police would investigate how this figured with the Adumbrae attack. They’d dust the room for prints, maybe find flecks of blood and some strands of hair. My blood. My hair. I should dispose of this body so no one would think much of this room.
But how? It was broad daylight, and cops were converging on this place.
Radio static. “4B62, status update? ComExo en route. Advise to vacate the combat zone.”
ComExo? My problems kept piling higher. The police were bringing in the big guns, the Combat Exoskeletons. Killing cops was one thing. Fighting ComExos, the walking tanks, was a whole different ballgame—I had never played any ball game in my life. I had cheered at many ball games though.
Begin changing into disguise montage.
I chose, stole, dark colored clothes so they’d disguise any blood that might seep through. An added precaution, though most of my spilled blood had dried. The pants were too long; I rolled up their legs. I also stole the cop’s belt to secure my freshly stolen pants. Add in an overly large jacket that I wore over my bloody backup, and, in under a minute, I now looked innocent. Weird, but innocent.
If Deen, my self-appointed best friend who forced herself into my life, would see my outfit, she’d call the fashion police to arrest me.
More static as I tucked my hair, frizzled with dried blood, into the back of my hoodie under the jacket.
“4B62, come in. 4B62, take the injured individual and leave! Urgent! Adumbrae with tentacles heading to your location. It might enter the building. Update us on—krzzzt.”
I crushed the radio with my hand.
Adumbrae with tentacles? Fidgeting Hoodie was coming. A problem.
And a solution.
I opened my fist and let the pieces of the crushed radio fall, marveling at my newly gifted strength. It wasn’t exactly a gift since the Adumbrae would demand my body in return. Then I checked the cop for other electronics, found her bodycam, and pulverized it too.
“Oh, I’m not forgetting this.” I picked up the cop’s gun, covering my hand with the jacket’s long sleeves, and returned it to its holster. Would be questionable if it got left behind here while this cop’s corpse was elsewhere.
I carried the body over my right shoulder. She was quite a tall woman. Her legs almost scraped the floor.
Now, where was my solution?
I sensed the floor shake. “There we go. Just in time.”
Roars. Heavy footfalls. The quaking increased in intensity. A massive crash and the building shook hard. Three locker cabinets fell, one on me. I kicked it away, crumpling its door. Cracks ran across the ceiling and rained dust. The Adumbrae, probably Fidgeting Hoodie, got inside the building. Time for a reunion. I had a snack as a gift.
I pulled my hood over my head and ran out of the corridor. Empty. But the Adumbrae should be here. I could hear its loud steps. Clanging of metal too, maybe pans and pots. Must be in the kitchen somewhere.
I cautiously walked down the corridor with my baggage. Several minutes ago, I was a pathetic, wounded girl fleeing. Now, I was looking for the monster to give it a snack.
How fast times change.
“Hgraar!” A dark green behemoth burst out of the wall up ahead. Its head opened, and spiked tendrils slithered out, threateningly waving at me. It was Fidgeting Hoodie, alright.
“Hey! Can you understand me?” I knew that Adumbrae fought each other sometimes. I enjoyed watching those videos in the far corners of the internet before they got censored. But maybe I could make friends with this guy. “I have food for you!”
The Adumbrae mimicked an angry elephant with its calls. It whipped its head around like in a shampoo commercial and flung its tendrils at me—my offer of friendship was denied. I smashed my way into another room. Some of the tendrils penetrated the walls. I kicked them away.
“Ow! I tore a thigh muscle.” I hadn’t kicked that high since my high school cheerleading days. The pain quickly went away. My surprises were also impressive. “Cut that out!” I yelled, poking my head out the corridor.
The monster retracted its tendrils as it stomped toward me.
“Eat this!” I threw the cop at the Adumbrae. It caught the body with its tentacles and pulled it towards its mouth. “I mean, like literally eat that.”
With the cop eaten by the Adumbrae, no one would think she was killed beforehand by somebody else. That somebody being me. They’d just award her with posthumous honors and stuff, take some pictures with her family, and I’d be scot-free. The remaining part of the solution was that someone should see this. Good thing that former Fidgeting Hoodie was quite cooperative.
I ran toward the door as the Adumbrae chased me with the cop’s corpse between its fangs and tentacles. It tried to catch me again, but I ran too fast for it. I could feel the force of each of my steps, the energy of my coiled muscles. Heh¸skinny me thinking about muscles.
I took care not to destroy the door as I came out to the parking area.
It was a warzone out here. Smoking cars. Some were overturned. Two of them were cop cars. There were also dead cops. Salute to their bravery. And was that a dead Adumbrae? Didn’t look like Baggy Overalls, but it surely was a monster. Kudos to whoever managed to kill this amphibious-looking oddity with a flappy tail.
Up ahead were three more cop cars aligned to form a barricade. The cops behind them, pistols and shotguns drawn, waved at me to run away. I happily complied. Remember not to run too fast.
The noise of a turbine made me look up. A blue and white helicopter with a funny design descended. Dangling from its belly was a ComExo encasing its cop pilot. The police chopper opened its clamps and released the ComExo.
I slowed my pace as I watched the ComExo crack the pavement as it landed. I had seen several units up close before because Mom worked as a consultant for Greaves, the maker of all things that kill Adumbrae. I pushed aside thoughts of how ridiculous it was that I became an Adumbrae, given the work of both my parents, focusing instead on the ComExo. Someday, one or two units might hunt me.
The Adumbrae exited the building by making another hole. Thankfully, it still had the corpse in its mouth. The living cops angrily yelled upon seeing their dead comrade, egging on the ComExo to waste the Adumbrae.
The coils on the ComExo’s electro-pulse cannon glowed bright blue. A slight hum. The hair on my neck stood on end even though I was already past the row of cop cars. The ComExo fired a blue beam that wrapped the Adumbrae in a cloak of lightning. This should be enough to fry the brains of Tier Ones and disrupt the regeneration of Tier Twos enough that conventional weapons could overcome their regeneration.
I squinted my eyes at the light show. The Adumbrae keeled over, its muscles uncontrollably contracting. It released the half-corpse. The cops fired at the Adumbrae.
Ramello won't shut up for a week about this, I thought. One of my classmates was from a family of cops. He’d sing praises of their bravery today.
I jogged away as people in hiding came out, brandishing their phones to record an Adumbrae getting killed. Many of its tendrils got torn away by the high-caliber gun the ComExo fired. It bled purple from dozens of holes. Chunks of its flesh scattered everywhere as it deflated on the ground.
“Yep…” I said, giving my fellow monster one last look before I turned the corner. “I should never get exposed.”
Comments
Temple (REND)
Thanks for the suggestion! That's a better line. I'll use that.
Karp Paul
"Ramello will tell the class about this, I thought." - nice addition :) Though, it doesn't sound very natural. Maybe smth like "Ramello won't shut up for a week about this." - to highlight that Erind thinks about the outcomes of this event and how they would affect her life in the future.
Temple (REND)
A normal parent's reaction would be to send their child to therapy if they think they're a psychopath. But most people won't really think that far unless their cut is burning kittens or something. The most Erind did was play with insects, and that's not really that violent. They might have suspected something's wrong, but Erind was able to mature fast and figure out different=bad in society. That should be the backstory of the Rule about faces. Since Erind's mom watches true crime docu a lot, Erind would see some criminals sent to asylum or something. Erind would clamp down on it fast. For the rules, I think we'll stick to the english phrase because readers won't immediately connect with the Latin phrase. Also, the other rules are english. That said, it could be that Erind became interested in law because of the latin phrases that somehow connects to her Rules. I think the current setup is enough, that the parents suspected something was wrong with Erind. But then, Erind turned out "normal". This was when Erind realized that different was bad. Erind doesn't think anything is wrong with her, but she knows her parents will, and so she'll likely won't share it with them. I don't think Erind opens up about anything to her parents. That could be their dynamic. We'll add the latin phrases being part of Erind's reason going to law school. Thanks for the discussion!
Karp Paul
Another idea crossed my mind. This has been a lingering thought since I read the Vegas arc, but I have not paid enough attention to it until now. To what extent did Erind's parents understand that she was different? I am pretty sure they would notice that she is not like other children since her early days, especially before she developed a set of complex rules aiming to blend in with society. So, why won't allow them to know that she is a psychopath? Some Vegas dialogues might become more interesting because Erind and her mom are hiding something from Deen, while Deen and Erind are hiding something from her mom (I mean, Adumbrae stuff, not ExD activities). More than that, why won't it be her father who first suggested having a set of rules, hence Rule #1 about the tea? This would give Erind's parents more presence and significance but won't require them to show up in the story until you want. Also, regarding the rules. I suggest reformulating Rule #4 to Latin "Lex talionis" and then Rule #5 "Quid pro Quo". It sounds cool, and it kinda implies that we are talking about people here, not some abstract "world". Also, it can be that these specific phrases, which Erind learned in her childhood, made her interested in law. Finally, I think this is something that smart parents would teach their psychopathic child - a law of reciprocity - because this is how social relations often work. This would create situations for Erind where she needs to help others (like Deen, Myra, or other group members) - because they helped her, and she must return the favour per the rules.
Temple (REND)
No worries, just post your thoughts here so others can see them too. I originally thought of having Erind go to school after this, but it's really much better if she goes on Tuesday so that we can spend Monday processing what happened. And yes, this can be the time to show Erind manipulation. As for Kelsey though, maybe we can include her elsewhere beacuse that was a 2Ms attack, so Myra wouldn't just be fine with her sister getting used for whatever plan. And Myra would definitely want revenge on anyone who used her sister. Maybe we can let Kelsey live this time? Lol. I'm still not sure about her. I'm thinking we'll still have the kidnapping next, though it'll be changed drastically. This will lead to Dario meeting. So maybe Erind can meet Myra during the memorial because Myra is shadowing them. The kidnapping/second attack will be when Erind and SE meet for real and she'll get Blanchette. As for a love triangle (sort of), REND was supposed to be a parody of a YA. I might've mentioned it in a Retro before. REND has a very talkative narrator in Erind, just like how YAs have female MCs that ramble about life and all that. The twist is Erind is a psychopath. I did plan for Erind before to have some love manipulations but I got rushed to do the big monster fights thinking that'll make REND popular. Anyway, instead of one of Dario's group to be the other guy, why not it be a 2M client instead? I don't think Dario would recruit someone like that. Their entire group have sad backstories, intentionally so for Dario to manipulate them. For the Core: Hmmm... that's a good idea for Pino to come out of the Core. We can justify a change in Pino's powers with this. And lead the plotline for Erind to go after Corebrings. We'll think more about this. And good ideas for the Core powers. Thanks for sharing your thoughts! I appreciate them. I'll be writing the next chapter in a couple of days, with Erind back in her condo.
Karp Paul
I was baking pancakes and thinking about REND and its story, and I came up with some ideas. Since there is no dedicated space for these kind of things, I post it here. I don't know whether you need them or not, but here I go: On Tuesday, Erind returns to school and acts normal, though everybody discusses what happened on Monday, and it's hard to stay away from these discussions. Ramello (was that his name?), who has an uncle in the police force, says that there will be a memorial for victims and cops (several who died) on Wednesday. He does not want to go because he is righteously pissed at city officials who did not prepare for the attack/defunded some of the police units, or maybe there is some corruption involved. Erind volunteers to go with him. She wants to go because she needs to get somehow closer to the police officers to figure out what they know about her involvement. She hopes to hear them talk about it. Ramello thinks that Erind is interested in him, so he, of course, agrees. Deen is a bit jealous and also decides to go there (she is a member of a prominent family, and they will donate some money, so it's not a surprise for her to be there). Deen thinks Erind is seeking protection and is not romantically interested in Ramello, but she has doubts. During the memorial, they meet Myra, whose sister Kelsey died in the attack. Myra is surprisingly chill (Kelsey was the second Adumbrae, but we will learn it much later - Myra is somewhat relieved because Kelsey's suffering is over now). However, everybody grieves differently, so Erind pays no mind to it. After the memorial, they meet again, and Myra introduces Dario to Deen and Erind. There is another attack, small scale, but it happens on the street. Myra, Dario and some of their group members deal with it and escape before the police arrive, but Deen and Erind become witnesses. Later, Dario approaches them again and offers to join the group and accept the artificial cores. He explains that these cores don't make them super strong, but they give abilities, and now they can fight with Adumbrae; though, they need to work as a group because they lose in a one-on-one fight. The group is bigger (around 10-12 members) but only Dario knows everyone, Deen and Erind only know Myra and Dario at this point - the identities of others are kept secret for protection. Deen sees the opportunity to become Erinds protector and agrees. Erind does not but promises not to reveal their secret. Ramello, who sees Erind as a prospective GF, tries to get closer to her. He also has a friend who is a bit obnoxious and is a member of Dario's group. During a "date" with Ramello (which Erind does not consider a date at all), they meet him, and Erind recognizes him - he helped during the attack, and he recognizes Erind. He wants to get Erind for himself - he has had a rivalry with Ramello for a long time and generally thinks too much of himself, basically self-absorbed macho. He becomes too pushy and constantly mispronounces her name and calls her Erin instead of Erind, which bothers Erind a lot. In the end, once they are in a secluded area, he confronts Erind and makes some moves towards her. His logic is the following: he will be a better BF/protector than Ramello, so she should choose him, and she should do it here and now. She does not want to use her super-strength (though, she is not stronger at this point, so it won't work anyway). He brags about his superpower and demonstrates his transformation into a big monster with a giant mouth that can eat/digest anything. Through some shenanigans, Erind escapes and attracts the police's attention (which is currently on alert), leading them to this guy. The police see him in his transformation; they fight, and he is getting killed. SE laughs about Erind's experience and gives her Blanchette face as a form of mockery - now Erind can also transform into a giant monster and can eat/digest almost anything. Erind doesn't not like this face but has to use it sometime later, and it feels good, so then she starts accepting her powers. Another idea: When Erind finally agrees to accept the Artificial Core (and takes a vial of serum to activate it later), it makes her weaker for some time: Core and Adumbrae are fighting inside her. She can not transform into Blanchette, but then later, when she tries to transform in a critical situation, she summons Pino's face. SE later appears and thanks Erind for the meal (the Core), explaining that she could digest it and assimilate core powers. She also finds it ironic: SE earlier made Erind eat nasty things (like brains), and now it was Erind who fed SE something nasty (the Core). This way, Blanchetter is closer to Adumbrae in its nature: she turns into a monster and feels hunger; and Pino is closer to the Corebrings - no hunger, some parts of body become golden (I like the color-coding idea), and requires the serum to activate powers. SE suggests that Erind needs to get a Real Core, that does not need the serum, to elevate her powers. Erind realizes that consuming Cores might be a way to keep control of her body, sort of an antidote to Adumbrae. About the Core powers: they are related to the deepest desires of the person during the time of assimilation. Deen wanted to know what to do with Erind (how to get closer to her) and how to better protect her, but she could not choose any specific power. As a result, she got Gabe, the ultimate advisor. When accepting the Artificial Core, Erind focused on manipulating and controlling other people; hence, she got Pino. You can also replace her wishes with a desire to hide herself in plain sight and fool others, then replace Pino with Domino as a Core power. Nobody knows exactly how powers are being selected, but this is an educated guess that Dario makes (or is it somebody above him who told him that? Hmm?) and explains it to Deen and Erind. - all of this does not need to be spelled out in text, but this can be an explanation behind some of the actions, or be revealed much later.
OmniHumanist
Would gold be too much of feeling superior? -> I don't think gold would be a problem. Clearly the Corebrings do flaunt some publicity. Like with Isolde for example.
Temple (REND)
Oh, I don't mean that Erind will intentionally say something disrespectful with people around. It's that it'll be disrespectful in our view. Like Erind will say while watching the TV, you really did a great service to the people, to me, by being bait. Something like that. On the other hand, if Erind goes to the funeral, she'll say thank you to the coffin while thinking about how the cop helped her. The irony being Erind killed the cop and fed the body to the Adumbrae.
Temple (REND)
My problem with Kelsey is that it should be the plot of the Arc it's in, such that Myra should be full on searching for Kelsey, dragging everyone with her. Kelsey plot fell to the side, and Myra did sort of forget her sister at times. The original idea for Kelsey is that she really tried to off herself and survived. She no longer wants to burden Myra and so on, so she jumped. Maybe we can have her back but do the Adumbrae thing with her after Myra is established.
Karp Paul
"- I'm thinking of having a memorial for the cops in the future, and Erind will see it on TV and say something disrespectful. Or, she can attend the memorial to say thank you, but be totally oblivious that she was at fault. " - I don't think that saying something disrespectful is in Erind's character - she does not understand feelings, but she should be able to understand that funerals/memorial are not a place for being rude - she was at her dad's funeral, right? So she should have experience. I think this lady cop (we might learn her name later) can server similar to Jamis in Dune - a "teacher" who "taught" (by dying) Erind what it means to be Adumbrae - protect your secret, kill those who can expose you. So, Erind can actually be thankful to her in this way.
Karp Paul
I liked the "Kelsey thing" because it was a lingering mystery of the story, which was not obviously a part of a conspiracy (like, the professor), and had some characters (Myra and friends) personally invested. So, Kelsey could be dead, or an active Adumbrae, or taken by Corebrings - and we didn't know that, and I was waiting for her to appear at some point, not as a dramatic hero, but, for example, as a dead body on Red Island, or as a side-note from Corebrings: "Yeah, there was this girl ... turned into Adumbrae, and tried to escape in the Ocean, we had to chase her for a hundred miles from the shore..'
Temple (REND)
- I figured this is a better way than the Kelsey thing. And then, Erind and SpookyErind can properly meet next time when Blanchette is given. So, for now, we'll have the time to process and experiment with the superbody without Blanchette. - I'm thinking of having a memorial for the cops in the future, and Erind will see it on TV and say something disrespectful. Or, she can attend the memorial to say thank you, but be totally oblivious that she was at fault. - Yeah, we just go local forces. Then maybe appearance of a Corebring briefly. Actually, Clive's team can show up early. - No intended color coding. I just thought that'd be the color fitting for monster blood. But we could do color coding. I haven't thought of the actual look of the Corebrings. Would gold be too much of feeling superior? Thanks for your comments!
Temple (REND)
Yep, I'll add in that Erind just cheered at the ball game. And good idea about mentioning other characters. It'll make the world and characters feel more expansive. I'll add those in too. Glad that you like the chapter!
OmniHumanist
“My desire to live,” I muttered. “That was it.” -> Interesting to see how different Erind met SpookyErind this time. “I have food for you!” -> I think this is a good example of Erind's psychopathy. She just doesn't really have any respect for the dead and just tosses it to the other Adumbrae for food. The coils on the ComExo’s electro-pulse cannon glowed bright blue. -> I think this is also a better scaling of the Anti-Adumbrae forces locally. In the original version, the ComExos appear in arc 2 during Eve, and again after Blanchette escapes after eating the weird centipede mutant with heads inside. Here we're moving up more gradually. It bled purple from dozens of holes. -> Purple because of purple bloom? Also, for color coding, would the BID be associated blue and the Adumbrae be generally associated with purple? How about the Corebrings? What colors would they be associated with? I imagine gold and white or something in that area? Thanks for the chapter!
Karp Paul
I like this chapter :) The rewrite is going strong! Fighting ComExos, the walking tanks, was a whole different ballgame—I had never played any ball game in my life. - that's a good place to remind that Erind was a cheerleader. I pushed aside thoughts of how ridiculous it was that I became an Adumbrae, given the work of both my parents, focusing instead on the ComExo. Someday, one or two units might hunt me.- Better make sure it's not today :) I think you can mention other characters in this chapter in passing, not just Mom and Dad. Smth like, "Wasn't there a guy in my class with a relative cop?" or "I should change into my usual clothes, or Deen wouldn't understand this fashion choice."
Karp Paul
Am I the first to comment?
