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[REND] 3.1 - Those Above the Law

🕑 Added 2025-05-01 05:13:49 +0000 UTC

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Temple (REND)

- Whoops, yep it's 6.54 - Oh, Erind is 23 in the original. I'll change it here, I put 22. I don't think Erind will care enough to vote. I'm really not sure if Erind could be political. Maybe she'll be annoyed with others who voted for the president. Her Mom could be supported of the president, yeah. - We should do something with the Black Spire. I kind of forgot about it lol. - Maybe Deen just thinks she's straight here lol.

OmniHumanist

And then place his niece in the same law school, but in 3rd year, for example. What was her name? -> Vanessa Minnows was her name. "A gray hair was just a normal thing, after all." - Erind is supposed to be about 21, right? So, no, not a normal thing... -> I think Erind was 23 in the old version. For Erind to be in law school, she would need to complete undergrad first, so that's 4 years (I think in the last version Erind mentioned she got a degree in business administration), and presuming she enters college at 18, she would be 22 years old at least when entering law school. Also, some people in their 20s get gray hairs due to stress. Also, who is that? -> Adrian was in the original version, but I don't think he got many mentions beyond the first arc and the beginning of the second. Erind teased Deen about him being her boyfriend iirc.

OmniHumanist

Typos: As I’ve mentioned in the previous chapter, we’ll have 4 chapters this week, while Chapter 64 of the original REND will go up on RR/SH. -> As I’ve mentioned in the previous chapter, we’ll have 4 chapters this week, while Chapter 6.54 of the original REND will go up on RR/SH. ----- The president won on the promise of the government handling Adumbrae problems without any outside help, including from the Corebrings. -> It'd be interesting to see Erind's view on politics (or lack thereof) here. Since Erind is like 23, she could have voted in the last election at the age of 19. Did she vote? Does she have a Rule about voting? Maybe she could have a Rule about only voting by mail because she hates standing in line with other people. It'd also be funny if Erind voted for this guy and then regrets it since the president is now being harsher on the public with the BID, which worked out well when Erind wasn't an Adumbrae and didn't want more Adumbrae, but is worse now since she is one. Maybe Erind's Mom could also be mentioned here since she works with Greaves and they make some stuff for the weapons like the Skitter for the BID. So she would probably be supportive of this president. “Wait, did you curse me?” I asked the Black Spire in the distance. “If I got caught and executed before my graduation, then yeah, I guess the legend is true.” -> It'd be funny if Erind tried to go up to it. There was something wrong with that woman. -> I love the early foreshadowing. “Patterson v. Washington State? Twenty minutes to discuss that? You just want to talk to Adrian.” -> Back when Deen was straight. Thanks for the chapter!

Karp Paul

I am giving a bit too many suggestion. Please feel free to ignore :) Monster Goes to Law School - Not sure I like this title... it sounds a bit too plain, but I would wait for the other parts of this mini-arc before suggesting any alternatives based on text. On the other hand, I immediately thought of smth like "Law School Monsters" - and then the focus of the mini-arc would be on some specific students, who are "monsters" - they have power (money, connections, etc). Deen is one example, but there could be others. Since we will meet some rich spoiled kids afterwards, why not put them in the same college and introduce them in passing? The mayor - why not write his name? And then place his niece in the same law school, but in 3rd year, for example. What was her name? I completely forgot now... "She was literally rubbing against my face what I didn’t have. She couldn’t help but annoy me at every turn." - Is Erind insecure about appearances? I thought she did not care that much, but you can make an insecurity a part of her face - like, she is shy and timid with Deen because she looks blank and plain compared to her. "I pretended to fail pushing her away." - I would add smth like "which was extremely hard given my new power". "A gray hair was just a normal thing, after all." - Erind is supposed to be about 21, right? So, no, not a normal thing... "You just want to talk to Adrian." - I would add an internal remark like "Adrian definitely would like that". - Also, who is that? Maybe add a word about him. It will work with the idea of "monsters", if Erind thinks smth like "another alpha predator in the school, or, at least, a wannabe predator. Thankfully, he would never even acknowledge my existence, but as for Deen..."


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