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[REND] 4.1 - A Memorial to Remember

🕑 Added 2025-05-08 08:53:29 +0000 UTC

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Temple (REND)

- Lol, I didn't know what to call them. I think they really are considered holidays if there's no school/work. Just that it doesn't sound right. I'll just tweak that. - Maybe we can have a more outgoing Erind this version that'll be more like a politician. - The thing with a seeded person is known enough. I'll just add "they say". - As for making friends, that's a wonky sentence. I'll just rewrite it to say that Erind doesn't roam around the campus so they are probably from other colleges. - Hall was more somber in the original version. I'll have his speech a bit more clipped. Thanks for the feedback!

Temple (REND)

Maybe that's the difference of this universe to all others, lol.

Temple (REND)

- Maybe there were even more Adumbrae there hahaha. But yeah, there are 5 of them - Maybe Deen's sister will stabilize this dimension lol - The cop plot should be earlier instead of later. I recall that Ramello continued to investigate up to Arc 4. And yeah, the uncle too. That plot should've been prominent and first before escalating the 2Ms There'll be definitely some investigations going on - We already had 5 years with original REND. This rewrite should take 3 up until the end. I'm hoping that I can transition into a sort of full time writing to pump up the speed. Thanks for the help proofreading!

OmniHumanist

Typos: I get that and didn’t care. -> I got that and didn’t care. ----- “You should be. I reckon there were four Adumbrae present. We only killed three.” -> Unbeknownst to him, there was actually 5! Kelsey and Erind are different people after all. This is probably the closest we have seen Deen's sister “on screen”. -> She exists! She's no longer a figment of Deen's imagination. I want Book 1 to be small stakes, so we'll have a cop plot. Arc 1 did have a cop plot that got abandoned. What do you think? -> Didn't Dario wipe Ramello's memories, so it didn't really go anywhere? His uncle didn't really go places until being recruited by the BID in arc 4. I think it'll be good to develop some of it here. Maybe Erind, Ramello, and his uncle could try investigating Adumbrae lol. Another group she's apart of. Going to be a long road ahead, but we'll eventually finish REND and have actual books published. -> Hype! Thanks for the chapter!

DANTE

no way, Deen sister is real!

Karp Paul

"But a special holiday was declared" - calling a mourning day "special holiday" is so psycho, lol :) "What was it like to be a politician like? I bet I’d be good at it." Maybe that is Erind's aspiration and reason for studying law. She wants to become a politician because she sees politicians as ultimate manipulators and pretenders. "Correction. Not asking Mom to buy me a car." - Didn't Mom propose to buy Erind a car? I think she would do it. Or she would just buy a car and present it to Erind without even asking her in the first place. I feel that this is smth Mom would do. Maybe Erind actually has a car but never drives it? It is just parked in the underground parking lot, collecting dust? It might be an interesting plot point sometime in the future. "A seeded person’s personality and circumstances affected their transformation." - Is it a known fact? Erind states it like it is. You can rephrase it into "They say, ..." "During all that, Deen’s sister came by." - is it the first time we actually meet Deen's sister? She was always mentioned, but never present in the text, so, at some point, I thought that there is no sister and Deen is just super crazy. "I couldn’t tell if the group of people he pointed at were really Eloyce students because I didn’t commit to memory the faces of people I hadn’t interacted with." - that contradicts the previous statement that Erind is trying to be friendly to everyone. So, not everyone? “Are you sure?” He squinted his eyes as he examined my face. “I might’ve seen you in a video somewhere.” - I feel like a character like him won't use full sentences in speech: “You sure?” He squinted his eyes as he examined my face. “Might’ve seen you in a video somewhere.” - that's the vibe I'm getting from him.


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