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[REND] 7.2 - Inhuman Besties
🕑 Added 2025-06-10 13:27:39 +0000 UTCI blinked, trying to make sense of what was happening. “What are you talking about? Save me from what?”
Kind of sudden to break down. Then again, after we had been through, this was probably a normal reaction for normal people. I had never experienced breaking down or crashing out or whatever was the term used by the younger generation nowadays.
Was I going to be subjected to Deen’s emotional bullshit all the time I’d stay here? Maybe it would’ve been better if I died inside that locker. Just kidding.
Though if Deen continued this nonsense, I’d have to apply Rule #4. But how do I bother her back? Be an emotionally exhausting leech?
“It should’ve been just me.” Deen nestled her head on the curve of my neck, deflating from stress. I involuntarily shivered as she exhaled on my skin. I wanted to punch her so bad; I tensed my body to lock my arms. She didn’t notice anything odd as she continued to whine. “You shouldn’t have gotten the Core, too. I… I should’ve stopped you. I should’ve stopped them.”
I can use this to latch hooks onto Deen. I’d play into her guilt and cement her feeling of indebtedness to me, even though she had done nothing wrong.
But I shouldn’t be accusatory. First, I should pull away the blame.
“Deen, we had no choice,” I said. “Dario would’ve pressured me to test the Core’s compatibility anyway, so I volunteered before that happened.” Now, to subtly return the blame to her. “Even if he’d agreed to only you trying the Core, I can’t leave you alone. We stick together because we’re best friends, whether we’re human… or not.”
Deen surfaced from my neck. “I should’ve tried harder. I don’t know what I could’ve done, but—”
“Enough of that.” I gently knocked on her forehead. “Unless you gain the powers to turn back time, we just have to live with this.” Now, to take on some of the blame again. “If anyone is at fault, it should be me. It’s because I got on that stupid train during the Adumbrae attack.”
Deen shook her head. She grabbed my shoulders and looked into my eyes. “Erind, the Adumbrae attack wasn’t your fault. Neither is the 2Ms looking for Kelsey. And it was Dario who was insistent on testing the Core on us. Stop blaming yourself—I order you, as your best friend.”
“I’ll stop it if you also stop blaming yourself,” I said with a smile. This whole exchange should deepen our connection.
“Deal,” she replied.
After establishing I was an innocent angel, it was time to point fingers. “If only Dario and his group didn’t reveal themselves to us. I mean, yeah, I’m super thankful that he saved us. But he should’ve just kept his mask on and wiped our memories instead.”
“Won’t work. We wouldn’t remember that we’re in danger because—”
“Maybe they can just leave a note,” I said, shrugging. “Something like: ‘These girls have amnesia. Adumbrae kidnapped them.’ Just any message.”
Deen chuckled as she sniffled. “I’m not sure if Dario would be fine with that. He didn’t want the authorities involved.”
“Because Kelsey is an Adumbrae. Right. Plus, the Core testing thing—that’s really his goal. I don’t think… he’s a good guy.”
“He’s not,” Deen firmly said.
“What if we do get the authorities involved?” I had no intention of doing so, but the face I presented to Deen would undoubtedly worry about this stuff. “I guess that the BID might not trust us since we have—” I touched my chest “—on us. We do look like Adumbrae. But with your family connections, maybe we can find a way to…”
Deen shook her head. “Too risky. The McHunters, the Hudsons of Utah, oh, and the family that owns the biggest solar farms in the country. The Wildons, I remember now. All wealthy. But they couldn’t do anything once the BID found an Adumbrae among their family.”
“Ah… you’re right. And there’s that secret organization, whatever, too. They’ll probably kill us if we step out of line. Dunno if they’re government or a 2Ms rival or what.”
“The government has done many highly illegal things in the past,” Deen said. “We’ll learned about some of them in Legal History. Plenty of laws have morbid backgrounds.”
“I suppose that even if the BID doesn’t kill us,” I said, “they’ll experiment on us. The organization that made the artificial Core will most likely do the same.”
“Someday.” Deen pointed at a fancy clock on the wall with ornate pendulums. “They’ll experiment on us someday. Not soon. We have time.”
“Time for what?”
“Time to be stronger.” She stepped back and confidently nodded. “Yes, that’s it. We’ll go along with Dario’s group. We’ll train with them. Learn about fighting and controlling our powers. I suppose that we’ll have to join their missions. We’ll be stronger someday, and we will strike back.”
“Strike back? As in, we’re going to fight them?” I shouldn’t be surprised that Deen would suggest this. She could be quite headstrong. And this was something the main character would think of. Me, I just wanted to see how Dario’s group could help my Adumbrae infection.
Deen nodded. “We will. In some ways, we’re lucky that they’re a secret organization. It means the fact that we have artificial Cores is also a secret. We just make it so that all who know about this secret… disappear.”
Woah! Scary shit. I didn’t know Deen had it in her to think of something like this. She was planning to fucking wipe them all out! She should really be on my side.
Deen held out a raised pinky finger. I questioningly tilted my head. “It’s a pinky promise,” she said. “It may be childish, but I don’t know any other expression of commitment among friends. Let’s promise we’ll be there for each other no matter what.”
Fuuudge cake with chocolate drizzle, Deen was going to trap me in a face. No matter what? She’d lock me with Rule #2.
“We’re not going to abandon each other,” she said. “And we’ll save each other. No letting go. Promise? This is the way we’ll get through this—together.” She wriggled her pinky at me.
“Together. Promise.” I hooked her finger with mine while cursing in my head. If it ever happened that Deen was in danger and helping her was risky, I’d be forced to do it as her best friend, who had promised so. My face wasn’t a betrayer, and I had to stick with it.
After we pinky shook on our promise, Deen winced. She held her chest. “It’s… the Core. I can feel it burrowing into my sternum. Are you feeling anything?”
“Uh, a mild numbing pain,” I lied, grimacing as if also in pain. Was my Core still getting restricted by my superhuman body? I thought I had already solved this. “Dario did tell us we’re going to experience stuff like this. I think we should get some rest. Take a bath and get this blood off of us.”
---------
“So pretty…” I was inside the ensuite bathroom of the room Deen gave me.
After taking my clothes off, I stood in front of the mirror to examine the artificial Core. Unlike Dario’s Core, it wasn’t bordered by pulsing veins. Deen’s Core also had some disturbed skin around it. Mine just looked like a gem stuck to my chest.
Was something wrong? This would be bad if this dumb thing just fell off.
“Ugh, I’ll think about that later,” I murmured, opening the glass door of the shower room.
I sorely needed a hot shower after getting kidnapped, meeting artificial Adumbrae and Corebrings, and being implanted with a supposed Core. Just wash away the dirt, blood, and sticky sweat from my body. Nothing could beat this. Okay, that wasn’t totally accurate because a lot of things can beat a hot shower, like a ComExo unloading lead on a target. It was also a fact of life that showers normally don’t fight back, so they were pretty easy to beat.
But this shower was nothing to scoff at. It had a full body system with eight body massage jets and an overhead rainfall shower, all of which had independent controls for pressure and temperature. Just saying, I could do a lot with this shower.
Wondering how expensive all of this was, I turned on the shower. Warm water massaged me. Steam clouded the glass.
I was supposed to relax, but couldn’t. I traced a finger around my Core. I remembered what Deen said about feeling like the Core was digging into her bones. I could feel a gnawing sensation. Maybe? Not sure. Was I imagining it? My Core might be like a plant, having a hard time taking root in compacted soil. I had no idea about plants, but Mom did have a gardening stint to take her mind off Dad’s disappearance.
According to Dario, the artificial Cores would eventually enter our bodies. Meaning, it’d continue digging, even if the body had turned superhuman. My Core would develop stronger roots someday, but it was struggling now.
I turned off the shower, groaning in frustration. I couldn’t relax until a pressing matter was dealt with.
I returned to the sink and held up my pinky finger. Much better than a knife. I’d have some explaining to do if I broke Deen’s knife while digging into my flesh. And if I used my finger, I would feel the Core’s tendrils. This didn’t sound like a good idea, but what else could I do? I couldn’t ask for help from Deen or Dario or anyone else. I also couldn’t just let this Core fail.
“This is going to be freaking messy,” I said. This’d just be like Mom transplanting her marigolds from a pot to the garden bed, taking care not to damage the roots as she’d dig them out.
I stabbed my pinky right where the Core met my skin. My pinky finger got bent a little, but it wasn’t able to break through my skin. It wasn’t sharp, duh. I clenched my teeth as I switched tactics to scratching. My super-strong fingernail scraped off skin, then flesh. Blood started to dribble.
Ignore the pain. Ignore the pain. I tried stabbing myself again. My finger broke, though it had penetrated a little into my chest. I didn’t wait for my finger to heal because my chest was healing too. I stabbed once more with everything I had.
Blood spurted out. I gritted my teeth. Painful, but tolerable. There were some stringy things in my flesh. I hooked my finger outward, digging out a small chunk of flesh. The bloody mush got flicked to the mirror. This was it. Just continue this.
Ten minutes later, the bathroom had a Halloween motif. The mirror had flecks of blood and bits of my flesh. The sink and the floor were bloody too. Bloodiest of all was me, with my entire front streaked with blood, the red vibrant against my paleness.
I had made a hole straight to my sternum, even breaking the bone with a sharp stab of my finger. The Core was still attached to my chest. I must’ve snapped some of its tendrils in the messy process, but the Core was still glowing. Must be fine. As I pulled my finger out, the Core established deeper connections into my body as the flesh healed. I could feel it wriggling about, like an itch inside me that I couldn’t scratch. There was also that grating sensation as it dug into bone, like dragging a fingernail across a chalkboard.
The cold grasp of uneasiness enclosed my heart. Something was wrong, but it was the right kind of wrong. The Core must be affecting my Adumbrae body.
Now, it was really time for a shower.
------
In hindsight, I should’ve cleaned the bathroom first before showering. Oh well, I got it all finished, and there was no speck of red anywhere. There was just a hint of a bloody smell, but it should be siphoned out by the exhaust fan soon enough. I had used Deen’s expensive handwash to lather away the mess, and used my already bloodied shirt to wipe everything spotless clean. Living on my own, I was quite capable of cleaning stuff.
A smile flitted on my face. This was a chore. But I also had fun because I imagined myself cleaning the scene of a murder.
“Well… this is my blood,” I said while rolling my dirty shirt and wrapping it with my torn school notes. I’d find a way to dispose of this later.
I jumped into the bouncy bed and swam through the fluffy pillows.
I lay across the sea of softness and stared at the ceiling. Blank thoughts. Tired of using my brain. Social battery drained.
Hey, that rhymed! If I became a rapper instead of a law student, I would still be a normal human now.
The small clock on the study table ticked the minutes by. I remained still, looking up while letting the bullshit of the past few days settle down.
The sides of my lips slowly curled up. Then the giggles started. I bobbed my head in a valiant attempt to stave off laughter, resulting in stupid snorting, which only made it funnier. I rocked side to side on the bed as I finally laughed out loud.
It didn’t last long. I settled down, lying on my side as I looked at the clock. Chuckles surfaced once in a while.
An unsettling feeling…laughing to this extent. It was as if another person laughed, and I was just observing.
It was all so stupid and funny.
“What the fuck, world?” I asked the clock. ‘Why me?’ was the question people tended to ask when they felt the world was piling everything on them. And I also ask that question now, “Why me?”
The answer was simple—I’m the main character.
Was my dream finally coming true? Would I finally become the main character of my life’s movie? And why the hell were the clock’s hands not moving?
It was working before—I heard the ticking. I also saw the clock’s hands moving before… I think. Weird that it suddenly broke.
I reached out for it, but my hand moved slowly. Too slowly. The clock was also moving further and further away. My hand couldn’t reach the clock even though the table was just a foot away from me. Hazy and dreamlike. Was the artificial Core making my mind go on a wild trip?
My eyes moved beyond the clock. The walls of the room weren’t there. Only darkness speckled with distant lights.
“Oh, come on…” I said, but not really speaking. I couldn’t make a sound, nor could I breathe. But I was fine.
Yet another visit to Spooky Erind’s domain.
So soon, right after the first one. Or was that the second time?
I had wanted to meet her again because I had many questions. But I didn’t want to know. Would Spooky Erind be angry at me for having a Core on my body?
So… how are things so far? At the foot of my bed stood—or rather, floated—Spooky Erind. Her half-and-half mask dissolved to reveal her huge grin. I didn’t like how she was so happy.
“You should know because we’re the same,” I said. “That’s what you keep insisting.”
Yes, you’re right. You and I are one. Meyou—
“Meyoumeyoumeyou,” I dryly sang with her. This was getting old.
It’s good that you’re learning. She jumped on my bed and crawled to me.
“Hey! You know I don—”
You don’t like anyone else climbing on your bed. I know. But this doesn’t count…because you and I are the same. And this isn’t your bed. Spooky Erind grabbed the lower half of my face before I could speak and forced my mouth shut.
Her grip was strong; my jaws were getting squished. I wanted to try to peel her hand off my mouth, but I moved as if in slow motion. It was that annoying dream thing where moving was slow as fuck and distances appeared to warp and distort.
Spooky Erind looked into my eyes. I didn’t avert my gaze. Her eyes were like blazing coals peering into my soul. You’re odd… Very odd. Then she released me.
“Why am I odd?” I asked. I bet Spooky Erind was feeling the effects of the artificial Core. Did that mean it was working?
You’re wrong.
“Wha-what?” Whoops. She could read minds. “I mean, you already know that I took the—”
That’s not what I meant. How odd that you’re the first me… who took the Core.
Comments
Temple (REND)
That's where we'll get the progression tag. Have Erind level up the Core mask hahaha. Seriously though, it'd be fun to have a ranged mask. Would suit Erind. But it shouldn't be super strong that Erind will choose it over Blanchette. A good limit to it would be has someone else in danger yeah, so Erind won't spam it. A ranged mask with support skills, that only works in team battles. That's a good start. This way, Erind will use it with Deen and/or Dario's group, but she won't spam it if she's on her own. She'll have to use Blanchette. But you're also right that that restriction might be annoying. Maybe it derives strength from others?
Flying Goat
I think a mask that is stereotypically heroic, masking herself as a core user that's totally not an Adumbrae pretending to be a superhero makes the most sense, and then presumably having her hide her other masks, due to not being sufficiently heroic. Could go with something silly, like a magical girl theme, or maybe some other ranged attacker theme - bow, (light?) magic, or telekinesis. Or maybe go with more of a (non-buff) support ability that keeps her away from the front lines, like force fields. Also, give her a cape or angel wings, regardless of whether or not she can fly. Are you thinking of putting usage restrictions on it? Could make it only available after someone else is in danger, which would align with her mask as Dean's passive tagalong sidekick, though that restriction may not be too interesting and get annoying after a while.
Temple (REND)
- Erind could join the parasites of the 2Ms lol - Yes, Erind will have to save Deen someday, be heroic and stuff. I remembered the Sanders parking area scene, and wanted Erind to get trapped into saving Deen. - Erind is just growing gems everywhere on her body lol - The previous Erind really liked snapping and rotating necks. This Erind is a surgeon lol. - We'll have side effects of pains. Or maybe migraines. - You're right where those scenes come from. Even if we reuse the scene, there are changes to the lines so it still takes time to write. - Lawyer - rapper - surgeon, that's Erind - Oh, right. Your fanfiction. Maybe your fanfic happened after this run haha. Fanfics usually happen after the main story. Even if we'll have an ending now, it doesn't mean that SE isn't allowed to have another run. - Support or rules mask. This other mask would come out of the Core, not the gauntlet. Two Erinds would be a menace to society. Funnily enough, having two Erinds was the original idea. It was supposed to be something like Erind x SE. Thanks for sharing your thoughts
Temple (REND)
To what extent SE and Erind are the same is yet to be seen. Though the Core will most likely affect SE's shenanigans. Probably just 1 mask.
Temple (REND)
That's just one theory. We're yet to see what Spooky is really is. XD
Temple (REND)
Based from SpookyErind's dialogue in the previous run, it seems like Erinds usually don't last very long. Probably there's not enough time to test things out.
Temple (REND)
The Core activating on just the base body is something I hadn't considered. Hmmm. That could be its distinction to the other masks. But I'm more drawn to have it as a distinct mask. I'll try to think of a middleground. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
Temple (REND)
Thank you for your support!
OmniHumanist
This is also pretty cool. So for the Rules ability Erind has a base power and then each face gets a little upgrade from that. I think it's better than adaptation abilities since Myra in a sense already has adaptation powers so it looks too similar in that case. One question I have is how would Erind dictate this? Would she need to say the rules or could she just think them up in her mind? Like this, the core power becomes an upgrade to each face, with a nifty trick for the base human form besides. Erind does sort of need another face for her Corebring hero guise, but I wonder if she might be forced to have her base face take this position. If she shares her mask ability with the core group, they'll see the base her as the hero guise. How would she pin that persona on another face entirely? -> In this case I think her base form works as a good debuff support role. She can bring in Pino / Domino once she gets them. And then it could be like the growth of her powers, since it's mentioned that the Corebrings' powers will grow.
Konstantin Parkhomenko
So, Spooky is future Erind in a time-loop whose powers cause her to body-hop into the body of her past self… and now, after countless loops, something new finally occurred.
Danger Mittens
Her mask changes her personality.
No Name
So, I kind of commented on this previously, but I suppose I'll elaborate here for the sake of discussion: I think the Core power should be a thematic contrast to Erinds adumbrae power. In the previous version, SpookyErind gave the impression that she perceives reality as split into facets, even if there is only one flow. The faces she gives Erind reflect this perspective of splitting the singular into facets, which again mirrors Erinds many faces. The Core power should be the opposite, representing Erind as a singular entity: The one person behind all her faces and rules. Thus this power should not be another separate face, but rather an auxiliary power she can use regardless of the face she wears. (Although, the power could vary with the masks as she uses them) I suggested two aspects of Erind that could be represented as an ability: Adaptation and Rules. Rules are self-evident, but adaptation is because that is what Erind always does: She adapts to her own rules, her own faces, and the world around her. An adaptation-based ability is relatively straightforwards: Adapting to abilities used against her, either granting increasing resistance, or adapting a lesser replica of the ability for Erinds own use. This would be rather difficult to both balance and keep interesting though... For a Rules-based ability, since Erind is forced to always obey her own rules, why not let her set the rules for others as well? An AoE where everyone (including Erind) are forced to obey the rules as set down. This basic premise could then adapt to the specialties of each mask: For base Erind, this ability is simultaneously at its most versatile and restrictive: She can set whatever rule she wants, but she is completely bound by them same as everyone around her in a given range. People attempting to act against the rules find they simply can't, and they may realize that something is stopping them. For Domino, stealth: Everyone within range obeys the rules without noticing. BUT, the scope of the effects are significantly lesser compared with other forms. She can only do minor adjustments to peoples behavior, and people may overcome the rules if they are too abnormal for the targets usual behavior. For Pino, control: Rather than an AoE, it now affects linked targets, and becomes more one-sided, allowing explicit control of targets without Erind also being bound. Strength varies with how many targets are affected by rules at once. For Blanch, force: Mirroring Blanch tendency for simpleminded battle, Erind cannot impose precise rules in this form. Instead, she has only one broad rule imposed on her surroundings: "Submit!!!" It functions as a general suppression field, restricting opponents and allowing her to come out on top easier, growing in power as her transformation into a wolf furthers. Like this, the core power becomes an upgrade to each face, with a nifty trick for the base human form besides. Erind does sort of need another face for her Corebring hero guise, but I wonder if she might be forced to have her base face take this position. If she shares her mask ability with the core group, they'll see the base her as the hero guise. How would she pin that persona on another face entirely? Something like this, thoughts?
Brian Pierce
What about a mask inspired by her actual personality instead of her faces
Metal(Liz)ard🏳️⚧️
Since, as previously stated by both of them, erind and spookyerind are the same person it should be interesting to see how the core resolves this with it's power. The power will almost certainly be mask based but will it try and copy spookyerind's mask system entirely or just become 1 mask she gives erind
OmniHumanist
Typos: And if I used my finger, I could feel the Core’s tendrils. -> And if I used my finger, I would feel the Core’s tendrils. ----- I can use this to latch hooks onto Deen. -> Erind's a parasite now! “We’re not going to abandon each other,” Deen said. “And we’ll save each other. No letting go, promise? This is the way we’ll get through this—together.” She wriggled her pinky at me. -> Now we need a scene of Erind going through the pains of saving Deen. “So pretty…” I was inside the ensuite bathroom of the room Deen gave me. -> Fun to see Erind getting emotionally attached to the Core. It's funny how she's prouder of it than Spooky Erind's changes lol. Maybe Spooky Erind could get jealous. And then the artificial Mother Fragment becomes fond of Erind lol. And Spooky Erind becomes super duper jealous. I had made a hole straight to my sternum, even breaking the bone with a sharp stab of my finger. The Core was still attached to my chest. I must’ve snapped some of its tendrils in the messy process, but the Core was still glowing. Must be fine. As I pulled out my finger, the Core established deeper connections into my body as the flesh healed. I could feel it wriggling about, like an itch inside me that I couldn’t scratch. There was also that grating sensation as it dug into bone, like dragging a fingernail across a chalkboard. -> Erind is continuing to be a makeshift surgeon lol. Maybe Erind could have a running gag about her potential career choices lol. So now she's part time lawyer, part time superhero / Corebring, part time Adumbrae, and part time surgeon. The cold grasp of uneasiness enclosed my heart. Something was wrong, but it was the right kind of wrong. The Core must be affecting my Adumbrae body. -> Maybe as part of the drawbacks Erind starts getting random physical sensations and pains. And then Erind could be like "No pain no gain". The shower’s counterargument was a full body system with eight body massage jets and an overhead rainfall shower, all of which had independent controls for pressure and temperature. -> One of the benefits of a rewrite is that you can reuse scenes lol. I'm pretty sure this is the start of 2.2 when Erind washed herself after testing Blanchette, and the ending part comes from 3.13 when Spooky Erind gives Erind the Pino mask. Also, I have reread the old version too many times to remember this lol. Tired of using my brain. Social battery drained. Hey, that rhymed! If I became a rapper instead of a law student, I would still be a normal human now. -> Nope. It definitely doesn't rhyme sadly. 'Social battery down the drain' could work. Also, now Erind can say she's part-time rapper as part of her gag. That’s not what I meant. How odd that you’re the first one… who took the Core. -> The other Erinds were too busy dying sadly. Also, RIP this makes my fanfiction no longer canon compatible lol (but it was already dead since I got too busy to update it). Anyways, fun to see how the conversation continues. Previously, my idea was for it to just affect Erind's Adumbrae powers. Now, I'm thinking there should be a different mask from the Core, not from Spooky Erind. What do you think? -> I think both should happen with the Core. It's like a kind of symbiosis; the Core helps out her Adumbrae powers (like the important Blanchette tail) while also giving an Extra Mask. Otherwise, you would need Spooky Erind to give her another mask. It should probably be support / deception related. I imagine support is more important right now so that Erind can develop more with the group. You could also do what No Name suggested with Erind enforcing her rules onto others in her base form, with various applications of this in her Adumbrae Masks. That way, Erind could use her base form as her Corebring face. Maybe the mask could summon a clone that Spooky Erind can control! That way my fanfic ideas can still be canon. Just kidding lol. This version is way better with Erind having to do surgery to make the Core bind with her. I think for the Adumbrae face changes they should all have physical differences to indicate that the Core has affected them. So like Blanchette gains a tail, but it's long and golden. Yeah, have something golden to represent it's a Corebring change. Thanks for the chapter!
OmniHumanist
- but there is no such thing as "superheroes" in the world of REND. There are Adumbrae and Corebrings, violent monsters, and a non-transparent organization that operates outside the law and is not even welcome in the county. -> From a cultural standpoint, Corebrings are basically superheroes. Most people probably see them that way. Shouldn't her body be much more rigid? -> She has superstrength. "Meyoumeyoumeyou," I interjected. Her eyes widened with surprise. - It is hard to believe that Erind can actually surprise SE. -> This scene is actually partially taken from the old version's 3.13 when SpookyErind gives Erind the Pino mask.
Krzychu0304
I think I can see a few ways this could go; -the core creates a new mask assigned to it, and has no major effect on the base body/other masks. -the core is assigned to Erind's base body and can only be used in that body, disappearing along with the rest of the body when masks are used. -the core works in parallel to the adumbrae's power, not directly affecting the masks, but its power can be used regardless of form. -the core reacts with the adumbrae and its connection to the higher dimension, creating something like a true core, but tainted by the adumbrae's powers and independent of the mother core.
Karp Paul
Was I going to be subjected to Deen's emotional bullshit all the time I'd stay here? Maybe it would've been better if I died inside that locker. -> Was I going to be subjected to Deen's emotional bullshit all the time I'd stay here? Maybe it would've been better if I died inside that locker. Definitely not, but if Deen continues, I will have to apply Rule #4. "It should've been just me," Deen said, sobbing as she nestled her head on the curve of my neck. - Deen is too emotional. Like, extremely emotional. I know I was one of the people arguing for over-protective Deen in the rewrite, but that is a bit too much and too soon. I'd play into her guilt so she'd feel indebted to me, even though she had done nothing wrong. - Given how emotional Deen is, it is a bit too late, lol. "Deen, that was my own choice," I said. "We stick together 'cause we're best friends, whether we're human… or not. Dario would've pressured me to test the Core's compatibility anyway." - Then, it was not her choice. They are law students and know the concept of coercion, which is precisely what happened. Deen surfaced from my neck. "But I'm sure I could've convinced them to test the Core only with me. I should've done more. I didn't because… deep inside, I was probably afraid I'd be alone. I felt incredibly relieved when you asked for the Core too." - That is a bit too much exposition from Deen. Especially given her hysterical outburst just a minute ago. I would advise spreading this information throughout the chapter or even several chapters. For example, leaving here "I could've convinced them ..." and moving "I felt relieved when ..." to later. Now, to subtly return the blame to her. "Didn't I tell you that I can't let you do it alone? I had to do it as well." I gently knocked on her forehead. "So, stop having those thoughts." - If Erind wanted to manipulate Deen into feeling guilty, she should have said smth like, "There is nothing we can do now. Now, we just have to live with this." - to highlight the fatalism of the situation. Also, for some reason, they are not talking about Dario and his group, who basically forced them to take the Cores as if nothing bad happened. Like, what else will he force them to do now? How do they get out now? "Maybe they can just leave a note," I said, shrugging. "Something like: 'These girls have amnesia. Adumbrae kidnapped them.' Hmmm, that'll probably lead to more trouble." - How would that lead to more trouble? Deen doesn't know that Erind is Adumbrae, so getting tested is not something she can be referring to here. "We're going to be superheroes and defeat the bad guys." - but there is no such thing as "superheroes" in the world of REND. There are Adumbrae and Corebrings, violent monsters, and a non-transparent organization that operates outside the law and is not even welcome in the county. The shower's counterargument - Did you mean counterpart? I like the shower scene, though it is a bit surprising that Erind was able to dig into her own body with just her fingers. Shouldn't her body be much more rigid? "Meyoumeyoumeyou," I interjected. Her eyes widened with surprise. - It is hard to believe that Erind can actually surprise SE. How odd that you're the first one… who took the Core. -> How odd that you're the first me… who took the Core. - Just to highlight how SE actually treats Erind, as a part of her.
Danger Mittens
Nice chapter. I like that spooky Erind knows about hybrid: core + adumbrae. So this does happen, but it did not happen in any other iteration for Erind. But she shouldn't know much about it though. Since the farthest she ever went was last iteration and hybrid approach never came up. +1 for different mask.
Vaporus
Much as I'd like a non masky power I have to agree the mask theme more or less is required.
Vaporus
Excellent writing, good stuff!
Klakkers
A "core mask" would be best i think. Maybe something to do with her current personae, where her first mask is the wolf in sheeps clothing, and the previous second mask was a puppetmaster, this one could embody her innocent mask. Definitely wouldn't pick a non-mask related power, thats just gonna get confusing. Edit: maybe a mask from a ballroom dancer at a masquerade
