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[REND] 15.4 - Besties Together, Strong

🕑 Added 2025-07-25 14:52:10 +0000 UTC

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Temple (REND)

- I changed the girlfriend line a bit. - As for getting closer, I instead wrote that Erind was just keeping up a face. - Awesome edit to that dialogue leading up to Blanchette. I'll just arrange it a bit. - I'll just have Erind comment on that two wolves thing. - As for the moral lesson part, Deen would compare it to telling a fairy tale too, just to show she knows something, instead of waxing philosphical about it. I'll edit the dialogue following it. Thank you so much for the help!

Karp Paul

“If you’re the guy, and I’m the girlfriend, does that mean we’re dating?” - I think Deen is a bit too flirty. I would expect her to be more confused and restrained. This seems more like Deen from ExD. I needed Deen to feel closer to me. - Why though? Why now? “It’s the wolf from the story of Little Red Riding Hood,” I explained. “It’s wearing glasses because it was pretending to be the grandmother to eat the girl.” “I remember now…” Deen’s tone told me that she didn’t. She was just making conversation. Such a poser. “What was the girl’s name?” “She didn’t have one,” I said. “That’s because the kid listening to the story would place themself in the shoes of the girl and learn the moral lesson of the fairy tale. Oh, there’s one version where the girl was named—Blanchette.” - This is a very awkward dialog. Here is my suggestion: “It’s the wolf from the story of Little Red Riding Hood,” I explained. "What?" Deen asked, probably surprised by me bringing up an old children's fairy tale... or genuinely confused? "It's a children's story... the wolf wore glasses because he was pretending to be the grandmother to eat the girl, Little Red Riding Hood.” “Was that her name?” Deen’s tone told me that she probably heard it for the first time. Did her parents ever read her fairy tales? Or a babysitter? Rich girl problems. “That was her name, yes,” I said. “It's a children's story, and because the kid listening to the story would place themselves in the shoes of the girl and learn the moral lesson. Well, in one version she was called Blanchette or something.” “There are two wolves inside of us,” she said, adopting a mysterious tone. “What they represent differs in various versions of the story. There’s light and darkness. Hope and despair. And, of course, good and evil. The two wolves continuously fight inside of us. Which one do you think wins?” - I can hardly imagine anyone saying this with a straight face. It sounds more like a cheesy thing that college guys would say to try to impress a girl, which is where Deen might have heard it. Or, at least, this would be my suggestion. “I know, it sounds cheesy,” Deen said. “But it has a moral lesson. The thoughts and actions we nurture will affect our lives. - This is very out of her character. Deen is a rich and pretty spoiled golden girl; she should not be familiar or interested in this kind of "life philosophy."

Temple (REND)

- Erind can also be a nepo baby someday lol. - Would be funny if Erind steals a Corebring uniform someday. - Padding for protection, not for faking assets! Hahaha - In another universe, they're roomates and sisters lol. - Could be a costumer for a new persona that Erind might use to divert attention from Blanchette. But that's for the future. - Oh, you're right that padding will solve the issue of the Core's light. - I'll clarify there that Deen was doing her own shopping for clothes. - Yep, the two wolves was Ramello's part before. - Hmmm, I suppose we need a little showing of the Mother Fragment's presence. And I do plan for it to show up in a vision/dream. Probably not yet in the same dream. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, and thanks for the help proofreading!

Temple (REND)

Just a bit, lol. We'll have Erind emotionally manipulate Deen someday here, so I'm setting that up. In the previous version, there was zero of this because I dumped it all into ExD.

Temple (REND)

Good point on sticking out tongue. It does get repeated a lot. I'm reducing that. It's a problem of running out of actions between the character. I suppose just grinning would do the trick. On the part of feeding SE, Erind meant that the more she used her powers, the faster the spread of the growth. It's feeding in that sense. Erind was worried about the using powers part. But she'll still do it because she wants to get the stuff of the 2Ms and test it on herself. So far, that's the only item she knows that helps an Adumbrae from taking over, but doesn't know if it'll work on her. I'll just clear up that line a bit. Thanks for the help!

Temple (REND)

Thanks for the support!

Temple (REND)

Thanks for your support :D

Vaporus

Excellent writing, good stuff!

ARIMA Maroon

Typos: Really? Serious work? Not like working for your family business, but you don’t have any real responsibilities. -> Really? Serious work? Not like working for your family business, where you don’t have any real responsibilities. “We’re not doing anything suspicious, so let’s not have our guards up.” -> “We’re not doing anything suspicious, so let’s not keep our guards up.” That’s because the kid listening to the story would place themselves in the shoes of the girl and learn the moral lesson of the fairy tale. -> That’s because the kid listening to the story would place themself in the shoes of the girl and learn the moral lesson of the fairy tale. ----- I did an internship at a law firm, if that counts. I did nothing useful there, though. It’s just that Dad referred me to his lawyer friend. -> That's nepotism. Who the hell decides the color of the year? -> Clearly the BID, since it's the BID color theme! “I have an idea. When you’re wearing a sports bra, you can pad—just kidding!” She laughed as she evaded my swipe. -> Deen is a bully! Although it would be funny to imagine Erind padding herself up. Not sure how well that would work in combat. “If you’re the guy, and I’m the girlfriend, does that mean we’re dating?” -> Technically, both Erind and Deen are sisters, but yes! Should I make a costume? A main character should have one. Red and black would be the colors of my costume, same as my transformation. Or maybe… a different color scheme was better. I could pretend that my transformation and I were different people! -> A costume is not really good for the artificial Corebring face, since the whole point is secrecy. If news ever gets out about them, then it makes them easier to trace. Sadly, the only costumes Erind can rely on are her transformations, since Erind can easily hide them by taking off the mask. “This is insane,” I told my reflection in the fitting room mirror as I adjusted a black sports bra with green lines down its sides. It had a good fit and covered my artificial Core well. I liked the design too. But the slight glow of the Core seeped through the black fabric. I should go for a lighter color to disguise it. -> Maybe Erind could get a bigger sports bra with padding like Deen suggested lol. Deen asked after exiting our fifth store with yet more clothes bought. -> Should probably specify what kind of sports bra(s) Erind got. “What was that supposed to be? I don’t get it.” -> Don't worry Erind, Deen is just copying Ramello from the old version. I was feeding Spooky Erind. But I might be able to stop her if I feed on some mutant brains. -> Then you could be feeding the artificial Mother Fragment instead. Erind could try getting on the Mother Fragment's good side. Because she knows the Mother Fragment isn't going to take over her. Also, what if the Mother Fragment copied Spooky Erind and showed up in Erind's dreams? And she has a cool Core outfit too! Maybe you could have Spooky Erind, the Mother Fragment, and Erind in the same dream too lol. Thanks for the chapter!

Toffi coffe

>>> She stuck out her tongue at me Might be just me but I really dislike them stucking out tongues at each-other. It seems weird for them to do. And it also happens pretty frequently. >>>I was feeding Spooky Erind. But I might be able to stop her if I feed on some mutant brains. The jump in logic seems sudden. How is Erind feeding Spooky Erind? Also wasn't Erind worried earlier that feeding mutant brains would make Spooky Erind stronger?

Frozzendeth

Thanks for the chapter, now i haven't read the previous version, except ExD, but it somehow feels like a bit of that is showing up? At least from Deens side, or is it just brainrot

TheHornedOne

Tftc!


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