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[REND] 11.1 - Marshy Rowy Reunion

🕑 Added 2025-06-23 02:32:22 +0000 UTC

Comments

Amosz

I agree with the dealer should be cautious despise meeting an old friend.

Karp Paul

"Yep. I've known this guy from way back, before my technician job with LEPD. I'm not proud of it, but I've bought… and sold… illegal augs before too." - That's a cop casually admitting a crime to a couple of people he barely knows. "He'll drop his guard once he sees you two," Johann replied. "This isn't my intention, and I didn't ask Dario for this, but you and Erind will look like our, um, girls. Sorry if it came out wrong. If I were planning to rob my guy, I wouldn't bring girls along." - Why would he drop his guard down? He is an illegal dealer, and he would definitely prefer not to be seen by somebody he does not know when doing illegal stuff. "Amber, Erind, don't forget your face masks so the dealer wouldn't see your faces." - Why would he even talk to them when he sees some unknown people hiding their identity? That is beyond suspicious. "Seems like the straight path brings the girls, eh?" - Why is he so cringe? He is here to do some very illegal business, so, a logical question would be why TF there are other people in this meeting. He should be asking smth like "What's with these chicks?" to which Johann would have to come up with a believable answer. For example, he can reply: "Prospective clients, looking to buy something of their size, and you are the guy that can deliver" - this 1) strokes the guy's ego 2) kinda introduces the girls to him so he could lower his guard 3) explains why they are in that place. "What's this new deal you mentioned? Stepping off the straight path, are we?" - Yeah, a cop suddenly contacts you to buy some illegal stuff, definitely stepping off the straight path, not a setup at all. Contact Collar nodded. "I get it, man. High maintenance bitches. Money makes us attractive to them." - So, he is meeting with a buyer and causally insults the girls without knowing their relationship with Johann, which seems extremely unlikely. If he was a boss of some sort, he might have done it to assert his dominant position, but here he is, just being obnoxious for no reason. The whole dialogue between Johann and Contact Collar is cringe and unreasonable. The guy is there for a deal, a highly illegal deal, and his contact is the cop. He should be worried that this is a setup and not have a catch-up chatter, and definitely don't discuss some other people's business, that is something that will get him shived in no time. For example: "Teflon's telling anyone who'd listen to help them look for a woman," Contact Collar said. "She's not from around here, but she was present the night they last saw Fender. Should be a witness. They say she has a red hood." Here, Contact Collar puts several people at a crime scene and admits to knowing about a possible Adumbrae attack, which is investigated by the police. This alone makes him pretty much a wanted man and a dead man from the criminals' perspective.

Temple (REND)

- Since Erind is living with Deen now, yeah, we can have a discussion about Erind's eating. Erind doesn't actually have the inner/outer Rule now. - The group's just assuming things. To them, it's just a network of a lot of bad guys. - In the view of the government, they wouldn't let a successful experiment walk free. They'll be a valuable asset. - Deen's character is way more developed in this version. - I think most of the group just assumes Erind is too traumatized to recall much of the mysterious woman. - Erind will be wearing Red Hood and mask. Thanks for the feedback!

Temple (REND)

Well, she does want to save people, so that counts as being heroic. XD

Temple (REND)

Hmmm... maybe through an interdimensional hole. Lol, I'll just edit that Erind turns away while she eats.

Temple (REND)

Glad you like it! It was mentioned during the planning chapter. They want some aug parts to leave behind when attacking the docks to make it seem that augmented people were part of the attack, hoping that the 2Ms would think the Tea Party was part of it.

Toffi coffe

nice chapter. Was the reason for visiting aug seller mentioned? I think a hint would be nice

Danger Mittens

Actually, if she comes up with something concrete that proves she couldn't have been at Marsh Row at that time, it would help a lot to separate her identity and make this smart move.

OmniHumanist

Typos: She was used for her looks -> She was being used for her looks I just hoped that Everett didn’t ignite Contact Collar. -> I just hoped that Everett wouldn't ignite Contact Collar. ----- Although I super like ice cream, I’ve never actually screamed for one. -> I don't think most people do. “I like melted ice cream,” I simply said. Rule 5: Only eat melted ice cream. Even if I didn’t have this Rule, I’d still prefer melted ice cream, that perfect moment where it was a tad bit too thick to easily drink. If it were completely melted, it’d be just a drink at that point. -> You know, Deen brought up Erind's eating habits in the last story around the end of arc 1, but never really went to much into that. Maybe they could have a conversation about Erind having OCD if Deen ever learns more of Erind's quirks. And then Erind getting uncomfortable at the topic since she doesn't really like her Rules being uncovered. I bet they have Adumbrae members too since they’re connected to the Red Island business. -> Does the group actually know they are connected to the Red Island? In the last version, the Red Island was only owned by the 2M's. I’ll continue to fight Adumbrae. But you two can return to your normal lives. I’m sure the Professor can remove the Core.” -> Can't they just live their normal lives with the Core? I guess the only issue is the scanners. But that won't be a problem for Deen. Contact Man said, “Seems like the straight path brings the girls, eh?” -> The gay path does too! Deen’s pissed, I though, quietly chuckling. I could feel the miasma of hatred coming out of her, thickening the atmosphere. She didn’t appreciate her role to be eye candy. -> I like Deen being more aggressive at being eye candy. Gives her more personality. “I can’t exactly recall, but she may have been wearing something red. Maybe Teflon also knows something about her.” -> The other characters should probably ask Erind about this more. Probably Myra since she'll be the most interested about this. Erind being a hero? We'll meet the Marsh Row homies again. -> Fun to see Erind taking more initiative this time! She could mention how that she wants to use Rule #4 again. Last time, Erind wanted to get involved in Marsh Row because she wanted to enjoy life since she was doomed to be taken over by an Adumbrae. She should specify wearing some sort of mask to hide her identity this time. Thanks for the chapter!

Danger Mittens

Nice chapter. Do we have a rule for Erind doing heroic stuff here? Isn't it kind of out of character for her to help a dead person? Erind comes across as a logical person, getting involved further would put Red Hood in the spotlight, increasing the odds of her getting caught. So unless it's coming from her weird rules, she shouldn't be doing this. Anyways, she should have a suitable alibi and switch clothes so that she isn't linked to Red Hood.

Vaporus

No issues stand out to me. I'll check in later to find out if I missed something.

Flying Goat

"I ate my precious ice cream while..." - how is she eating ice cream with her mask on? Domino masks doesn't really do much to hide your face, though I guess there are funky masks that do leave your jaw free while covering the rest of your face.

TheHornedOne

Tftc! Lets see the first heroic(?) act of Erind!

Vaporus

Excellent writing, good stuff! First.


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