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[REND] B2. 4.1 - Rise of the Queenpin

🕑 Added 2025-09-29 13:37:08 +0000 UTC

Comments

Vaporus

Excellent writing, good stuff!

Temple (REND)

- Saying fun words should probably be Emery's thing, not Erind's haha. - She can be like Tanya the Evil. - Good point on Rule #4, I had a different intention there. I'll just rewrite it. Thanks! - Truckjacking is a crime. Lol - Thanks for the feedback and help proofreading!

ARIMA Maroon

Typos: “Uh, what happened to you?” I asked, bothering to correct him that ‘Clarice’ was just a fake name. -> “Uh, what happened to you?” I asked, not bothering to correct him that ‘Clarice’ was just a fake name. ----- Face faze! I knew those words didn’t rhyme, but they just sounded fun together. -> Erind has a new hobby? “What?” I snapped. I couldn’t manage to sound menacing. So much for practicing in front of a mirror. Probably better to give this up and go for the innocent-but-deadly vibe. -> Yeah, Erind can be all cute and giggly. She can even feign innocence too. I had thought of killing him, but that would be against Rule #4—I could bother someone only if they bothered me. To kill Truck Leader within my Rules, I should’ve done it when he pointed his gun at me. That time had already passed. -> Rule #4 has a time limit now? This is a bit weird since it kind of implies that Erind can forgive people. Also, if someone injures Erind and they stop, then that means Erind can't harm them later? If the Truck Leader bothered Erind when he pointed his gun at her, then it makes sense that Erind could still bother him back at any time. Maybe instead Erind could note that she’ll bother him later if you wanted to avoid a fight scene. “There’s the pickup,” I said. “I just destroyed the door. It’ll probably drive just fine.” -> Time to truckjack! Thanks for the chapter!


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