Patrefans
Temple_GD_ from patreon
Temple_GD_ patreon

[REND] B2. 1.1 - Home Sweet Aloneness Again

🕑 Added 2025-09-05 14:39:10 +0000 UTC

Comments

Temple (REND)

Thank you very much for the help proofreading, as well as the additions. They're great!

Karp Paul

But I adore familiarity - I think "prefer" is a better word here. I ended up looking like a pig, eating it on my lonesome. - I suggest adding: Somehow I was still hungry after all of what happened. “Let me explain first,” I said - I suggest using another phrase: "Let me make my case" - Since they are law students and have to pick up legal jargon, at least bits of it. “There’s also location sharing, so we can easily find you in case of an emergency. You don’t have to use it beyond that. Stay off social media if you want. But it never hurts to check what’s going on.” - Deen should berate Erind a little for no knowing such things. Like, "How come you don't know this?" To which Erind could reply "I didn't have many friends at school, so I never needed it." I bet they must be going up to the pool. I hadn’t even been up there. - Don't these people have jobs? It's Monday. “We’re in our twenties,” I said. - Who talks like this? She should say "You are 23" or smth similar. “Oh…” - I suggest adding: I sighed as if I understood what she was talking about. My mom is chill and doesn't mind me doing whatever, as long as I stay safe.

Temple (REND)

Thank you for your support!

Neko-chan

Thanks for the chappies!!! :3


More Creators