Lillene
patreon
Bonus Chapter - Chapter 15 - Rissa and Thomas (Day 3) (Redux)
🕑 Added 2022-07-13 00:04:00 +0000 UTCI've been meaning to rewrite part of Chapter 15 for a long time; it was my most controversial early chapter, and I was never quite happy with it. There's a lot going on there, and much of it is stuff Serenity doesn't know.
When I wrote chapter 15, I was trying to keep it to Serenity's POV only. I have clearly long since given up on it.
So here's the same scene from Rissa's POV.
---------
Moving to Chapter 14 -
Echo scampered off immediately, and Lancaster quickly said “I’d better keep an eye on her” as he hurried off in her wake.
Chapter 15 - Rissa and Thomas (Day 3) (Redux)
Rissa watched them go. She couldn’t put this off any longer, could she? However much she wanted to, it wasn’t right to lead Thomas on. No, he was going by Serenity now, wasn’t he? It shouldn’t be that hard to remember; they felt like completely different people. It didn’t help any; she thought she might be even more attracted to Serenity than she was to Thomas.
Which only made her feel guilty about abandoning Thomas. He could say that he was still Thomas all he wanted, but he wasn’t. She could tell. He wasn’t her Thomas, and that meant that staying with him without breaking up with Thomas was wrong.
She knew he cared about her. That was obvious. But maybe it would be better if he didn’t. She’d be dead soon; sure, he’d averted her original death, and maybe the Tutorial’s weird Time compression would put it off until they returned to Earth, but either way, she was a dead girl walking.
No, she had to. Better he hate her than turn against the world the way he said he had in the past only he remembered. She could believe it; there was a strong feeling of Time about him now.
As they walked towards the trading area, Rissa gripped her fragile courage and spoke up. She was almost crying, but she had to push that down. She had to be strong; it was better for Thomas if she made this clean. “I wanted to talk to you alone anyway, Thomas … Serenity.”
“You’ve seemed down since lunch.” Thomas - no, Serenity - obviously had no idea where she was going. That was so Thomas of him!
Where to start? “Since breakfast, really. I - you know I have Time and Mind affinities, right?”
Serenity nodded.
“Well … they’re not new. I’ve always had a sense about people, and sometimes I dream of the future. It’s clearer now, but … it’s still the same thing.” Rissa stopped. Was that the right place to start? Serenity felt confused, but not upset; it seemed like he was following.
After a moment, Serenity stated, “That means you’re a Talent. It’s unusual, but … it’s a good thing. Talents adapt faster, you have a better chance.”
Rissa froze. That wasn’t Thomas talking. Even though he looked like Thomas and sometimes felt like Thomas, that wasn’t Thomas. He’d never have said that. Rissa grabbed for him, wishing she could have her Thomas back even though she knew it was impossible. “That. THAT is the problem. That’s exactly the problem!”
Serenity hugged her back. He didn’t understand, but sometimes a hug is more important than words. She could almost imagine him saying that; he’d … no. Thomas had said it more than once, with almost exactly that same sort of puzzled worried fondness.
Eventually, Rissa continued. “I - I loved Thomas. He wasn’t always reliable, and he could be lazy, but … he was kind and cheerful and loving. We had our things. Our - little rituals. I knew something was wrong - really wrong - after that dream. It wasn’t just that you had trouble remembering. No. That was coming back. You felt a long way away, almost an entirely different person, when you woke up - but you were starting to come back. “
She’d hoped it meant nothing. Just a bad dream. Bad dreams happen. Nothing to worry about.
“Only … at breakfast you ate the scrambled eggs. No complaining, no exaggerated faces. Thomas hated scrambled eggs, or at least he pretended to. It was fun. But - I could pretend. You looked like Thomas, you sounded like Thomas, you cared about me. Maybe not quite the way Thomas did, but it was close. I thought it was close enough.” She’d thought she could make it work.
“Then the doorbell rang. And an entirely different person was standing where Thomas was - where you were. I knew you were protecting me, but - I’d never felt that from Thomas before. It was over so quick … but you felt a little less like Thomas and a little more like that stranger.”
Worse than that, she knew she was dead. The man at the door was the one who would kill her. Yes, he’d been stopped; that didn’t matter. Fate couldn’t be changed. She’d tried so many times; trying to change it only made it worse. It would be better for Thomas … for Serenity … if she weren’t there.
“You look like Thomas. Well, actually you look better than Thomas. You sound like Thomas. You joke around like Thomas. But you don’t react to shared memories quite the same way. You don’t … you’re polished where Thomas was clumsy. Skilled where he was endearing.”
She hated this almost as much as she hated what she had to say next. But it was better this way.
“I really like you and … and if you weren’t in Thomas’s body I think … I think things might be different. But every time you speak, every time I see you … I know you’re Thomas. But … you aren’t Thomas. They say … they say that our future self kills our past self every day. I know that’s true. But .. I was in love with Thomas. I didn’t see you change. So to me … it’s like you killed Thomas and took over his body. I know that’s not what happened. I know I’d be dead if you hadn’t. But - that’s what it feels like. And … I think I’m coming to hate you for not being Thomas.”
Serenity just held her as she cried in his arms. How could he let her just be there after what she’d just said?
When she finally cried herself out, he was still holding her. “So. Do you have any idea how we can manage this so that you don’t come to hate me? I assume you’re breaking up with me, but - past that. I - I don’t want you to just … run away.”
“I don’t know. I just … I need you to not remind me so much of Thomas and that you … should be him.” Rissa couldn’t let him know this was for his sake. She couldn’t; that would make things worse, not better.
“Maybe I can do something about that.” Serenity frowned and she felt intense concentration and focus coming from him.
He let go of her. “Can you think of me as … Thomas’s older, handsomer, and more fit brother?”
His voice sounded different. Rissa let go of him and leaned back. He looked quite a bit more muscular than Thomas ever had and he sounded different, too. Suddenly it really was easier to think of him as a different person.
She didn’t feel right holding him anymore. This was definitely not Thomas. “Maybe. You .. I can see the resemblance, but … suddenly you don’t really look like Thomas.”
Even if she kind of wished he were.
“It’s several small changes. That’s why I’m suggesting you think of me as Thomas’s brother, because … if you saw ... us together, that’s what you would probably think.”
--------------------------------------------------------------
For reference, here's the original scene:
Chapter 15 - Rissa and Thomas (Day 3)
Echo scampered off immediately, and Lancaster quickly said “I’d better keep an eye on her” as he hurried off in her wake.
Rissa and Serenity headed that way as well, slower. “I wanted to talk to you alone anyway, Thomas - Serenity.”
“You’ve seemed down since lunch.”
“Since breakfast, really. I - you know I have Time and Mind affinities, right?”
Serenity nodded.
“Well … they’re not new. I’ve always had a sense about people, and sometimes I dream of the future. It’s clearer now, but … it’s still the same thing.” Rissa stopped.
After a moment, Serenity stated, “That means you’re a Talent. It’s unusual, but … it’s a good thing. Talents adapt faster, you have a better chance.”
Rissa suddenly stopped, turned, and hugged Serenity, crying. “That. THAT is the problem. That’s exactly the problem!”
Serenity hugged her back. He didn’t understand, but sometimes a hug is more important than words.
Eventually, Rissa continued. “I - I loved Thomas. He wasn’t always reliable, and he could be lazy, but … he was kind and cheerful and loving. We had our things. Our - little rituals. I knew something was wrong - really wrong - after that dream. It wasn’t just that you had trouble remembering. No. That was coming back. You felt a long way away, almost an entirely different person, when you woke up - but you were starting to come back. “
“Only … at breakfast you ate the scrambled eggs. No complaining, no exaggerated faces. Thomas hated scrambled eggs, or at least he pretended to. It was fun. But - I could pretend. You looked like Thomas, you sounded like Thomas, you cared about me. Maybe not quite the way Thomas did, but it was close. I thought it was close enough.”
“Then the doorbell rang. And an entirely different person was standing where Thomas was - where you were. I knew you were protecting me, but - I’d never felt that from Thomas before. It was over so quick … but you felt a little less like Thomas and a little more like that stranger.”
“You look like Thomas. Well, actually you look better than Thomas. You sound like Thomas. You joke around like Thomas. But you don’t react to shared memories quite the same way. You don’t … you’re polished where Thomas was clumsy. Skilled where he was endearing.”
“I really like you and … and if you weren’t in Thomas’s body I think … I think things might be different. But every time you speak, every time I see you … I know you’re Thomas. But … you aren’t Thomas. They say … they say that our future self kills our past self every day. I know that’s true. But .. I was in love with Thomas. I didn’t see you change. So to me … it’s like you killed Thomas and took over his body. I know that’s not what happened. I know I’d be dead if you hadn’t. But - that’s what it feels like. And … I think I’m coming to hate you for not being Thomas.”
Serenity just held her as she cried in his arms.
When she finally cried herself out, he was still holding her. “So. Do you have any idea how we can manage this so that you don’t come to hate me? I assume you’re breaking up with me, but - past that. I - I don’t want you to just … run away.”
“I don’t know. I just … I need you to not remind me so much of Thomas and that you … should be him.”
“Maybe I can do something about that.” Serenity concentrated. Deepening the pitch of his voice a little … he didn’t even have to change anything when he thought the problem through. His throat was flexible enough he could just make the pitch deeper. It would take a little concentration at first, but he suspected it would be like learning Sterath. Getting all the dialects right at the right time had been terrible at first, but eventually it had become habit. This was easier than that.
His general appearance was harder, but … he’d already lost weight and gained muscle quickly over the past few days. That should help, even though she’d seen it happen. Hair, skin, and maybe eye color, then? He tugged his Life affinity and told it what he wanted. It was fairly simple to sun-bleach his hair a little and trigger his skin to tan. Eyes would be more difficult, so he left them alone for the moment. He wasn’t sure if his Life affinity was really high enough, anyway.
He let go of her. “Can you think of me as … Thomas’s older, handsomer, and more fit brother?”
His voice sounded different even to himself.
Rissa looked at him, stepped back a couple steps, and seemed to consider the question. “Maybe. You .. I can see the resemblance, but … suddenly you don’t really look like Thomas.”
“It’s several small changes. That’s why I’m suggesting you think of me as Thomas’s brother, because … if you saw ... us together, that’s what you would probably think.” It was the best solution Serenity could think of. It was going to hurt to lose Rissa, but - he’d already lost her just by not being her Thomas. But her Thomas had lost her by letting her get killed, and -
No. He wasn’t going back to that. He had chosen to be Serenity, and Serenity could survive this loss. Rissa was still alive, after all.
And maybe someday he could win her back?
Serenity watched Rissa walk away, before he slowly followed. He was also headed to the craft area, after all. He needed to think about shopping and the demonstration.
-----------------------------------------
So. Any thoughts? If you want, you can tell me if I should use the new scene or not.
