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He just can't stop Masturbating
🕑 Added 2023-02-05 15:48:04 +0000 UTCIchigo was currently traveling through the streets of Seireitei at high speed, and the closer he got to the place where he felt Byakuya's Spiritual Pressure, the more panicked he became.
"Shitshitshit, I'm already this close, and I still can't tell who he is fighting. Don't tell me... he killed his opponent? NO! If that were the case, there is no purpose in keeping up the pressure.'
Moments later, Ichigo reached his destination and immediately spotted Byakuya standing inside a giant dome made out of white swords.
'Shit! Is that his Bankai? This is bad! Very bad!'
Ichigo immediately started moving, but before he could reach him, he heard him speak loudly with anger clearly in his voice.
"I will no longer allow you to trample on my pride like this!"
Before Ichigo could react, the swords surrounding Byakuya condensed into a single blade and a pair of wings on his back.
"[Shukei: Hakuteiken] I will make you vanish from this world."
Suddenly Byakuya vanished from his position, almost moving faster than Ichigo could see, and appeared in front of his target, his pure white sword already slashing down.
Seeing Byakuya attack, Ichigo's eyes widened as a dumbfounded expression appeared on his face. He couldn't believe what was currently happening in front of his eyes.
Byakuya swung his blade and hit his intended target: The giant ice penis inside the Kuchiki compound.
Unfortunately, his attack only left a small gash behind that quickly was frozen closed again. Following that, snow shot out of the tip of the ice penis, while Byakuya's Bankai dissipated due to him using too much Spiritual Power.
Moments later, he fell to his knees while looking at the ice sculpture with hatred-filled eyes.
"Someday, I will cut you down! I WON'T ALLOW YOU TO CONTINUE HUMILIATING ME LIKE THIS!!! *COUGH*"
As he was yelling, he coughed out some blood. Moments later, a small team from the 4th Division entered the courtyard and carried Byakuya away to check for any internal wounds caused by using too much Spiritual Power.
While Ichigo was watching the scene, a hand landed on his shoulder, startling him. He was about to instantly slash his blade at the person who had sneaked up on him, but after seeing red and blue hair floating in the wind, he relaxed.
"Well, another lost battle~ Byakuya: Zero, Giant Ice Penis: Four~"
Naturally, Yuna's words dumbfounded Ichigo, and he immediately looked at her in disbelief.
"Are you serious? This was the fourth time this had happened?"
"Technically, it's the fifth, but the first time he didn't cough out any blood, so I, at best, count that one as a draw."
[He didn't collapse either.]
'True. He just walked away that time.'
"Seriously, Yuna, what have you been doing to this city?"
"Mah, the usual. Walking around, meeting a few Captains, playing a few harmless pranks..."
"HARMLESS!?"
"Yes, I already said that. Totally harmless."
Ichigo briefly glanced at the red patch on the floor where Byakuya had previously coughed up some blood and decided to drop the topic. Frankly, he was morbidly curious about what Yuna considered a harmful prank, but in the end, he decided he would rather not know that.
"Anyway, now that this event is over, let's return to the secret cave so you can finally get your Bankai."
Hearing Yuna's words, Ichigo simply nodded his head and followed Yuna back. He had a lot to digest, and moving his body and training to reach Bankai was perfect for digesting the mess he had just seen.
Shortly after, the duo was back. However, Ichigo immediately noticed that Yuna was leading him toward the area where steam was constantly rising, making him a little nervous. He still remembered Ishida rambling on and on about how there were things that shouldn't be seen hidden by the steam.
He got closer and closer and immediately heard a few women giggling together, making him even more nervous.
'Just what am I about to witness?'
Moments later, the duo was close enough for Ichigo to see what was going on, causing him to be dumbfounded.
Currently, five women were...
"Nice, I rolled a six~"
...seated around a table inside a cottage, playing some kind of game while occasionally taking a sip of what Ichigo assumed to be alcohol.
'Although I'm a little confused about where all these women came from, what the hell is Ishida's problem? I knew he was a weirdo, but this is off the charts. Wait a moment; Hinata is still underaged!' Why is she drinking alcohol!?'
As these inane thoughts passed Ichigo's mind, the duo got into speaking range, so Yuna immediately announced that she had returned.
"Yo, I'm back~"
"Welcome back; what happened?"
Hearing Yoruichi's question, Yuna simply shrugged her shoulders indifferently.
"The usual."
"Oh? So Byakuya-boy has been playing with his dick again, huh? *Sigh* he was such a cute little boy. To think he was into public masturbation~"
While Ichigo choked on his own spit when he Yoruichi's words, the others only chuckled in amusement.
"Now, now, no kink-shaming, please."
"Yeah, yeah, miss 'I-have-all-the-kinks'."
While Yuna and Yoruichi were chatting, and the other women were listening with small smiles on their faces, Ichigo coughed a few times and managed to regain his breath.
"*Cough* Sorry to interrupt, but could you tell me who these women are. Well, I obviously know Hinata."
"Oh, right, I totally forgot about the introduction."
First, Yuna pointed at a woman with long black hair and almost purely white eyes.
"13th Division, Fourth Seat, Hisoka Hyuga."
"Nice to meet you."
"Haa?"
Although Ichigo was dumbfounded that people from Seireitei were here, Yuna completely ignored him and pointed at a busty blonde woman with long hair.
"10th Division, Lieutenant, Rangiku Matsumoto."
"Hi~"
"HAAA!?"
Although Ichigo could still somewhat deal with a lower-ranked Shinigami being here for whatever reason, but a Lieutenant being here clearly was too much for Ichigo to fathom. Obviously, Yuna continued the introductions unhindered as she pointed at a woman with long black hair that was braided in front of her chest.
"4th Division, Captain, Retsu Unohana."
"Greetings."
"C-C-CAPTAIN!?"
A Lieutenant being here was already rather hard for Ichigo to digest, but a Captain being present briefly short-circuited his brain.
'S-Should I arm myself? Nonono, that's nonsense. Yuna clearly has no animosity with these three. However, why the hell are they here, making it look like they are on our side? Could somebody explain the situation to me, please?'
Meanwhile, Hisoka saw Ichigo struggling with the current situation and chuckled in amusement.
'Seems like my timing is perfect. I came here, wondering if Ichigo was already here. After all, who wouldn't want to meet the protagonist of a series you enjoyed watching... Okay, that's a lie. Who gives a shit about Ichigo? I'm here to stare at Yoruichi's booty. As expected, she is already in Yuna's harem, but I can still enjoy the view.'
Meanwhile, Ichigo managed to reboot his brain just in time for him to hear Yuna introducing him to the women in front of him.
"Suspiciously-Big-Sword-Wielder, Ichigo Kurosaki."
"Could you stop with the big sword joke!"
"Sure, you just have to take it out."
"I'M NOT TAKING OUT ANYTHING. ESPECIALLY NOT IN FRONT OF MULTIPLE WOMEN!!!"
"*Sigh* With that kind of attitude, you will never have a harem.
"I DON'T WANT ONE!!!"
"You disgust me."
While Yuna was chuckling in amusement and Ichigo's anger was boiling over, Yoruichi decided to intervene.
"Now, now, Yuna, go easy on him. We don't want him to have an aneurysm before he can unlock his Bankai."
"Fine, I leave him to you, Yoruichi."
"WAIT! YORUICHI!?"
Yet again, Ichigo was shocked by a new revelation, causing Yoruichi to chuckle in amusement while showing off her curves.
"Not bad, right? I guess you like this form better, huh?"
Ichigo dumbly nodded his head before awakening from his stupor and blushing a little. Although he now knew who was who, but one question still remained.
"Why in the world are Shinigami from the Gotei 13 here? Aren't we enemies?"
The moment those two questions left his mouth, the atmosphere shifted, making Ichigo nervous. He felt like another bomb was about to be dropped on him.
A smirk appeared on Yuna's face as she crossed her arms under her breasts, pushing them up, while a smug look appeared on her face.
"Everyone here except for Hisoka joined my harem."
"Hey, I'm not part of it either!"
Hearing Yoruichi's complaint, Hinata shook her head, pity clearly visible on her face, and softly patted Yoruichi's shoulder.
"D-Don't look at me like that. I-I still haven't officially joined yet. I could quit at any time."
Hinata continued patting her shoulder and giving her pity-filled looks.
"Yesterday, you were literally purring like a cat. You have already lost."
"I WASN'T PURRING!!!"
As Yoruichi yelled those words, he looked at Rangiku for some support, but she only averted her eyes. Next, her eyes landed on Retsu, who only gave her a kind smile before ignoring her. Finally, her eyes landed on Hisoka, who only looked at her weirdly.
"What do you want from me? I wasn't even there."
Realizing that no one was supporting her, Yoruichi slumped over on the desk with a pout on her face.
Meanwhile, Ichigo looked like someone had just pulled out his soul. Well, technically, he WAS a soul, but that's beside the point. Anyway, the words "joined my harem" were constantly reverberating in his head. Although he knew what all these words meant, somehow, no matter how often he repeated them in his head, they didn't make any sense.
He just stood there, unmoving, as his eyes were constantly wandering around, seemingly looking for a solution to understand what he had just heard, but no matter how much he tried, nothing came.
Multiple minutes passed, and while Ichigo still stood there like a lampost, Yuna and the rest resumed playing, totally ignoring Ichigo's plight. They were already used to Yuna doing this to people.
Another five minutes passed, and Ichigo finally got out of his daze, as his gaze immediately snapped toward Yuna.
"Just to make things clear: You were here for a week, and in that week, you defeated the strongest Captain, seduced a Lieutenant and a Captain to join your harem, and traumatized one Captain to the point where he coughs out blood."
Hearing Ichigo retelling what she had done so far, Yuna briefly pondered the situation before nodding her head.
"Mostly correct, but I also caused two Captains to get so angry that they used their Bankai and destroyed their own places~"
Ichigo's face deadpanned as he simply nodded his head and walked away. He has decided not to think about what he had just heard. Naruto claimed that Yuna being here alone would be rather messy for Seireitei, but he didn't expect it to be this bad.
Seeing Ichigo walk away like a beaten dog as he simply accepted the absurd situation, Hisoka chuckled in amusement.
'As expected of the protagonist: He learns really fast.'
A few hours later, Yuna was squatting on one of Seireitei's buildings, lazily observing the city.
"Well, what should I do next~"
[Haven't these people suffered enough?]
'Was that a rhetoric question?'
[No.]
'I see, so it was.'
[Gahahaha~]
As her gaze was slowly wandering over Seireitei, another presence appeared behind her, pointing their sword at her back.
"You are one of the intruders, right? You are under arrest! Do not resist."
'Mhh, I probably should have paid more attention to my stealth, huh? Oh well, let's see if it is someone interestin~'
Yuna briefly glanced at the person holding the sword, and as soon as she did, she sighed deeply.
"*Sigh* A little boy? Get lost, kid; I don't have time to play with you."
A tick mark appeared on the kid's head as he briefly pondered, just stabbing the person in front of him.
"I'm not a kid! I'm Toshiro Hitsugaya, Captain of the 10th Division!"
Hearing that the little kid was apparently a Captain, Yuna gave him another glance. He had spiky white hair, turquoise eyes and wore the standard black and white Shinigami uniform.
Since a Captain was in front of her, Yuna briefly scanned his Spiritual Power, and as she finished doing so, another sigh escaped her mouth.
'The weakest Captain I have met so far. Well, he is still young, so it probably can't be helped.'
"Look here, kid. I don't want to bully random children, so just leave, and I will let this matter rest."
Being called a kid yet again, Toshiro snapped and stabbed his sword forward, intending to pierce it into Yuna's shoulder. However, Yuna only sighed deeply while leisurely tilting her body to the side, causing Toshiro to miss her.
"*Sigh* since you have attacked me, I'll have no other choice but to bully you a little. Remember, this is your own fault."
For some reason, seeing Yuna's "kind" smile, a chill went through Toshiro's back, but he didn't back down. After all, he was a Captain of the Gotei 13 and in possession of the strongest ice-type Zanpakuto. He was not someone who would back down easily.
Around a minute later, a pair of legs could be seen sticking out of a wall while the underwear of the leg's owner was painfully pulled all the way to their hips.
'Well, that went about as well as I thought it would.'
[Poor kid. If he didn't use ice, he might have at least managed to fight back a little, but that was just sad.]
'Yup, poor guy. I have never seen a Bankai refusing to cooperate. Really interesting stuff.'
[You call him a poor guy, but was that wedgy really necessary?]
'Yes.'
[Wedgy, gahahaha~]
Anyway, as Yuna was leaving the bullied Toshiro behind, she continued leisurely walking through Seireitei, wondering what else she could do.
As she was walking, she picked up another Captain-level presence, immediately drawing her curiosity.
'That someone I haven't met yet. Let's see who it is.'
[May god save his innocent soul.]
'I'm not really someone who saves souls, but sure, I can try.'
A few minutes later, she arrived inside a large courtyard that looked pretty trashed as it was covered with deep holes that looked like they were made by some kind of huge beam attack. Additionally, snow was softly falling from the sky, making it clear that this place was decently close to the hidden cave.
'Oh? Seems like someone recently fought here. Considering the damage left behind, my guess would be on Sado.'
As she was leisurely walking while tossing aside a few random Shinigami that tried to stop her, she reached the middle of the courtyard, where a middle-aged man was lazying around on a blanket that was covered by a huge umbrella.
At first, the middle-aged man didn't even notice Yuna, but as soon as he did, he jerked up into a more guarded position while apparently giving someone a signal.
Seconds later, sakura petals started falling from the sky, and the man started speaking while trying to act cool.
"The name is Shunsui Kyoraku, Capta... hey, hey, that's too much, Nanao-chan. Stop."
Before he could continue speaking, a basket filled with sakura petals smashed onto his head due to the woman, who probably was supposed to slowly spread them, being fed up with her Captain's antics.
"Well, aren't you an interesting Captain? The others I met were either very stiff or crazy. The name's Yuna Uzumaki, by the way."
While Yuna introduced herself, Shunsui managed to dig himself out of the mountain of sakura petals he was buried in and returned to a more relaxed position.
"I see, so Yuna is your name. Honestly, I'm supposed to catch intruders like you, but I don't really like fighting. How about you sit down for a drink?"
"I'm underaged..."
Hearing Yuna deny his offer, Shunsui sighed deeply, but before he could talk further, Yuna continued talking.
"... so, I'll obviously accept the offer."
Shunsui's eyebrow rose, not really understanding Yuna's reasoning, but he didn't mind too much.
"Why is the fact that you are not allowed to do it a factor that makes you do it?"
Yuna chuckled in amusement due to Shunsui's question and simply shrugged her shoulders.
"Isn't that obvious? Crime adds a little bit of spice to something, changing the taste."
Shunsui chuckled in amusement and motioned for Yuna to sit down, but she didn't budge a single centimeter as a frown appeared on her face.
"You don't honestly believe I would drink with you, did you."
A disappointed expression appeared on Shunsui's face after Yuna finished speaking. Honestly, it was rather obvious that Yuna would deny his offer. After all, she was here in Seireitei for a reason and had no time to waste time. Although Shunsui said he didn't like fighting, if there were no other possibilities, he would do it. He was just about to stand up and draw his blade when Yuna pointed at him, anger clearly hearable in her voice.
"You are a middle-aged man; why would I drink with you!?"
Shunsui was slightly dumbfounded by Yuna's reason not to drink with him. He expected that it would have something to do with not wasting time, but apparently, him being a middle-aged man, was the problem. However, Yuna swiftly continued speaking as she pointed her finger at the woman who was initially spreading the sakura petals.
"If you want me to drink with you, at least add another beauty to the mix! Who the hell wants to drink with a middle-aged man!? I want beauties!"
Obviously, Shunsui was dumbfounded by Yuna's words, but moments later, he chuckled in amusement while asking his Lieutenant, Nanao Ise, to come down and sit with them.
'What an interesting personality. However, I have to admit she makes me slightly curious about her. For now, let's chat a little and see what kind of person Yuna Uzumaki is.'
