heartdamage
patreon
So Here's The Deal
🕑 Added 2022-12-01 00:59:50 +0000 UTCI genuinely don’t know how to start this but I’m going to try my best.
I’m sorry for not being around this month. I started the month with really bad respiratory issues which affected my voice so I made it my goal to feel better before I tried to work. Then a week became two weeks and then two weeks became three weeks and I only got sicker and my voice only got worse. I’m currently still sick as I type this. I didn’t spend November out living my best life, I spent all month bedridden and unable to breathe. I kept expecting it to get better and it didn’t, which only made my anxiety about letting you all down worse and worse. I know from the outside in, it probably feels like things keep coming up and I can understand why that’s frustrating because I myself am frustrated with how erratic my life has been throughout the last few months.
Last year around this time, I started to get really burned out. Yeah, we’re going to talk about burn out. Burn out happens to everyone who is a creative. I recently got tattooed and even my tattooer told me he’s gotten burnout and how he’s dealt with it. There are a lot of creatives out there who are probably pumping work out left and right and I promise you it will happen to them because it happened to me. When I started Patreon, I recorded about 40 audios a month consistently for about 2 and a half years. I could record 6 audios in one sitting, like seriously, I was on my shit. I didn’t really care about the quality of the work, I just loved recording so much so I recorded a ton. Then suddenly, one day I sat in front of my microphone and the words wouldn’t come out. I felt ashamed and dumb so I tried to power through it, expecting it to just go away, like something I could swallow. But the more I tried to power through it, the worse it got.
I found myself stumbling where I once could run with ease. I decided a shift in quality would make me feel better about the work. I tried to change how I recorded, my equipment, I got an editor. I came back ready and excited to record, with a newfound passion. In fact, I think the audios I released in September and October are some of my very best audios ever. Seriously, if you haven't listened to them, especially the sleep play remaster, you really should. That one in particular is one of my favorite audios I've ever recorded. But, unfortunately, that couldn't last. While my passion for recording came back and my burnout faded, real life made demands on me that I couldn't ignore.
I have someone in my family who is terminally ill and who I help take care of. This person is unable to walk and eat most days so I found myself dedicating most of my time to them and taking care of them as their caretaker but also as their financial support. I love recording audios so much. I get so excited to hear if you guys like the work whenever I post something new. I love making you all feel good. But something else that all of you afford me is being available for my family when they need me. It’s the thing I’m most grateful for because it has allowed me to be the foundation for my family throughout the tough time we are currently going through.
But it feels like when I prioritize IRL M, heartdamage suffers. Then when I prioritize heartdamage, IRL M suffers. It’s become so clear to me that if I don’t prioritize IRL M, heartdamage will probably cease to exist. I feel like things happen in the universe for a reason and I truly believe I got sick this month so I could finally have enough time to myself that I stop swallowing the hard shit and trying to power through them. Right now I’m at a crossroads. It’s a crossroads that has shouted inside my head for months but that I kept shoving down. I either have to take a break, a proper break, and reset or I will quit doing audios all together.
So I will be taking December off. I don’t know what January will look like but if I need to take that off, I will let you all know at the end of December. But I am tired of powering through things and I’m tired of letting you all down. I need to put heartdamage in a box and put that box in the back of a closet because the pressure I feel every single day I am heartdamage just contributes to the burnout, which is a big elephant in the room. And, besties, it's really hard to be sexy with an elephant in the room. Believe me.
I have so many audio ideas I want to do and so many audios I want to publicly post but I just can’t do this right now. I still can’t even breathe properly, my family member is going to need heart surgery so that’s something else that’s going to pull my time and attention away from this for the next few weeks.
So that's where I am right now. I will not be pausing Patreon for December for a few reasons.
First, whenever I've paused in the past, a lot of you have told me you want to help and support me. I can't tell you how much I appreciate that, and rather than have to have people find creative ways to do that, I'm just going to leave Patreon up and running.
Second, I have a HUGE library of audios posted here for you to enjoy, and I think that library is more than worth $5 or $15 dollars a month for you to go back and revisit and enjoy. I'm proud of my work, and I think it stands on its own.
Third, this is my job. It's how I support myself and a big part of how I help to support my family. So consider this me taking a little paid vacation. After almost 4 years of working continuously, I feel ok asking you for that.
If you choose to deactivate your subscription, despite this, I completely understand. Thank you so much for the support you provided me and for even checking out my work. I plan to be back and when I come back, I hope you will be willing to check out the awesome new content I create.
Regardless, though, I want you to all understand how much I love doing this and how much I love being heartdamage and how thankful I am that being heartdamage has allowed me to take care of myself and those I love. I'm taking this time because I want her to come back and be everything I know she can be. And I want to share that with you.
Until then,
M
Comments
Suscitare 69
You are a beautiful soul M. Gorgeous. Without a doubt. Enjoy that. Enjoy being you. You cannot even fathom all of the joy and passion that you have brought into this world. You are incredible. An incredible storyteller. The art of storytelling is as old as humanoids have been malingering on this planet. You are a keeper of that great craft. You are an essential entertainer of our species. I had been a $5 member before, and enjoyed your stories immensely. I had to take a break, for family reasons, but I was recently able to return. I knew that you were taking some time away, but I still subscribed to the $15 level (because I'm in a place that I can cover that now). I'm enjoying so much of your past content that I'm totally cool that you are taking a well-deserved rest. If you decide to return, I will be here (with so many other of your fans). If you decide that you cannot, and move on from this point, I will always hold you in a special place ... so beautiful, so sensuous, so naughty, so passionate, so exhilarating, so amazing. I am a very good listener. I am subtle, low key, and can keep a confidence. If you ever want to talk, reach out to me. If you ever would like some world advice, career advice, or similar, don't hesitate to reach out to me. I know that I don't "know" you, but I feel like you are an old friend. And I am always happy to help out an old friend. (real or imagined). I wish you all the very best! - XOXO Ricky (suscitare69 @ gmail.com)
Manuel
just read this, M we have all been there before. Your body and mind just are regenarating and needs rest and to go out with nature. please prioritize yourself first. take good care and hope you will come back even better and more creative. much love.
NYNERZ
M, I am such a huge fan that I had a double membership. But my family is struggling. Sending you tons of love. This too shall pass.
Suscitare 69
I think you are just amazing. I used to be a $5 guy, but now I'm a $15 guy, and happy to be so during this time for. I'm going to soak up all those old stories I never got to enjoy. I think you are the cat's meow. And I hope you get healthy, happy, and wise. Going forward, I'm most looking forward to helping you with suggestions about the next sultry and naughty story for you to perform. You are THE best! And we all love you.
Martin Murphy
Hope you feel better soon! I've had a very difficult three years myself. Hang in there and be strong cause you know you are! God bless! Peace Love Luck Health ✌️❤️🍀🍻
NYNERZ
Oh, this breaks my heart. You can tell by my name that I am a fan of yours. Dang it you were making me really question a decision I was forced to make earlier in the month and it had nothing to do with your content. Me and the wife are struggling and Patreon, not you had to be put on pause. If you check, you will see that my subscription and a few weeks ago. NOW I AM SECOND GUESSING BECAUSE I WANT YOU TO FEEL SUPPORTED! Of course you are feeling burnt out. Everybody goes through that. Do what is right for you no matter what that is in the rest of us will be fine. You will be hearing from me again soon, don’t you worry. Lots of love!
Grum Reapur
Thank you for the update, I'm an artist and currently studying, trying to balance my brand/online shop, social media engagement and studies has left me with burnout. Then a couple weeks ago I made a sculpture of a guy who is happy one way, but sad the other, I posted it and someone pointed out that it's like the Roman god Janus. I looked into it and it seemed so succinct. I was looking back and looking forward, from where I came from to where I'm going and something had to give. Maybe there's just a huge shift in the world making many of us reconsider our priorities away from the digital? Who knows.
Astrodik
I feel like most people that monetize their creativity hard end up feeling the burnout around quarter 4 too. But that’s one of the great things about professions like this is that you can take breaks whenever you want and even go on hiatus. You’ll always have your loyal fans to support you even through this. Even though you seem guilty for not giving us content, we are a testament to the effort and quality that you put into the work we love so much. And we’ll always love it and you. So just take all the time you need. You deserve it!
Snorlax Shaped Cloud
If anyone’s feeling unsure about the catalog M mentioned. I can attest it’s very friendly to use and has more audios than you can handle while you wait. M I will always continue to support you and I will always wish you and your family the best. Please take a break to focus on you. No matter what happens getting to be here for as long as I have has been amazing.
Tilimo
Hey M, take all the time you need. You deserve it. Of course, I don’t really know you. But from what I read and hear from you, you are really brave and I have a lot of respect for your way of dealing with things and communicating them to us. Thank you. You got my support I hope this December will give you lots of warmth. Take care ^^
Wings
Love you M, I'm more than happy to support you c:
