heartdamage
patreon
Whoa! [UPDATE]
🕑 Added 2023-06-06 20:48:49 +0000 UTCPatreon has changed since the last time I logged in~
Also, hello!
Thank you to all of you who have stuck with me through these last few months. I don't know how many of you are in my Discord server so I'm not sure how many of you are really up to date with my situation. I've been putting off making this post for a month because this last month has truly been the worst of my entire life.
When I took time off from Patreon, I did it with the intention of taking care of my brother and unfortunately, my brother died last month.
My brother was only a baby. He was in his early 20s, truly only beginning his life. At an age when most seem to find their wings and soar, my brother was sick and found himself unable to walk or eat. He had moved in with me before he passed so I was lucky enough to be with him every single day. Beyond his illness, my brother was my best friend. We spent every day together while I took care of him and I really have to thank all of you, from the bottom of my heart, for allowing me to be with him when he most needed me. Your generosity and kindness is not lost on me. I am beside myself in gratitude for all of your kind messages and those of you who still take the time to say hello to me in my server or ask how I am.
The hole that has been left in my life is insurmountable. It's ugly and it hurts more than I can ever begin to explain. Nobody made me laugh or understood me the way my brother did. I was with him the day he was born and I held him as he died. On top of the grief, I sit in bed at night and replay his last moments over and over in my head, wishing I had some sort of indication of his impending death. Watching his face as his soul left this plane is the hardest thing I've ever had to go through.
I know that I make porn and lets be honest- this update is the last thing you're thinking about. Where are the audios? How come M isn't in the server?
I am only posting this to express my gratitude and be transparent about what is going on in my life. My brother did not know I was a sex worker. When I got home from the hospital after he passed, I laid in his bed and whispered "sorry I didn't tell you I made porn." Despite never understanding what I did or what my role on the internet was, he always supported this endeavor and my self expression.
So, I know I've already asked for a lot from y'all but I hope you are able to understand that I am grieving. I do plan to come back to all of this when I am feeling better because I am still passionate about sharing my intimacy with my audience, maybe more so now than before. I don't know when I will be ready, I am taking all of this day by day and I hope you can all respect that.
If you want to send some love my way, I can seriously really use it so my DMs and inbox are open. I may not always answer but I promise I always see and appreciate your messages. Additionally, my cashapp is $cabbageheart and my throne is here. Absolutely no pressure, obviously, I am just adding them in case anyone needs them or is curious enough, I guess.
Anyway, that's it. I appreciate you all so much. Thank you for providing me the opportunity to be with the most important person of my life throughout what turned out to be the end of his life. I miss him every single day and have no idea how I am supposed to continue my life without him.
Hug your loved ones tight. Don't let petty shit keep you from being with those who matter to you. There are a lot of people who are grieving my brother who have been left with the heaviest regret and I do not envy them at all. Please be kind to the people you love.
Your friendly neighborhood sex worker,
heartdamage ✨
(I haven't called myself heartdamage in so long so that sign off was a lil weird haha. Also, this post will most likely be deleted along with it's previous counterpart for my privacy once I've returned. It wont all be sad stuff from here on out, I promise.)
Comments
Folad Mal
So sorry to hear that. Believe that time do heal our wounds.
Martin Murphy
How did you come up with the name?!?!
FlexLuthor22
I am so sorry for your loss. Take all the time you need to heal. I hope you and everyone else who are effected by this can heal.
m
thank you very much. this comment made me cry 😭
Coryn Silver
I’m so sorry to hear of your loss, I hope you take as much time as you need for everything.
Ella
I’m so very sorry to hear about this. I’m not part of the discord group, but I maintained my subscription here because I figured you needed some time to deal with Real Life. And you’re entitled to all the time you need—you work for you, you don’t work for us, we aren’t your employers or your keepers. The most important thing in dealing with grief is to take every step in your own time. And of course you’ll need a lot of time for this. Siblings are so special; in some sense they’re really the only ones who can know us from beginning to end. Our parents might be with us at the beginning of our lives, but the hope is that they pass before we do. And the people we meet along the way, like friends and partners, can be with us until the end but aren’t there from the beginning. Losing a sibling is such a unique type of pain in that way. I imagine it’s too sharp a grief to recover from in the same way we might grieve other relationships. You have all my sympathy. And all of my understanding for how long this road might be and how long it might take to get back on your feet. You owe nothing to anybody but yourself—please be gentle and loving with yourself and don’t worry about the rest of us. Sending some good vibes your way. I’m glad you were able to dedicate the time you needed to being with him until the end. And I hope you dedicate to yourself the time you need to experience your grief. Much love.
Snorlax Shaped Cloud
Always gonna be here to support you, M, in anyway possible. Take all the time you need to handle this your way. I hope that everyone who is dealing with this loss can heal in due time.
Steve
So sorry to hear of your tragic loss. We love you Heartdamage and will wait as long as you need. Endless love and respect 💕
Bear Bri
So, so sorry for your loss and pain. I am, though, so very proud of and inspired by you, for having the maturity and the wisdom to have the right priorities and live according to them. I hope that will be a great comfort to you in the days to come. I am sure that your brother would have understood why you what you do and loved you all the more for it. You create the amazing art that you do out of genuine love and generosity and THAT is why it is the BEST audio out there, full stop. Take good care and know that you are appreciated and that my wife and I will stay with you and remain your loyal fans and supporters. Take whatever time you need to heal.
