Bubblyzelda
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A 2023 update about my wellbeing and health #ifmywoundswerevisable
🕑 Added 2023-06-02 03:07:30 +0000 UTCHi everyone 2023 has been an... extremely overwhelming year for me so far. I don't even know where to start.....this year I finally had the courage to flee my toxic domestic relationship. I've been processing alot of deep complex emotions now that I'm finally free and have been going to therapy to help me... i was going through narcissistic abuse for 4 years... i didnt want to believe it, but thats exactly what was happening.... it was so debilitating that i developed narcissistic abuse syndrome....ive never opened up about the abuse I've went through, so I want to start now.
I met him fresh out of highschool.. i was 18...he was charming and even helped me move into my first apartment. But now I realized I was groomed and used.... he wouldn't help me with any bills or anything at my apartment and would get upset when I asked for the bare minimum. Being with him left me in debt and has literally traumatized me... he used me for my body and was feeding off of my emotional energy. I would feel hollow and empty all the time...
Despite all of the red flags, i still decided to moved in with him in 2019.... that's when I started really noticing the narcissistic abuse...everytime I would bring up something he would gaslight me, lie, or play the victim. I would be as open as possible about the love and care I needed to receive but he didn't care.. i would plead to be respected and loved. But after years of the same cycle..I found it difficult to speak up and stand up for myself, and hold boundaries with this particular person..
I feel sick sometimes.. when I think about the abuse I went through.. the relationship was not kind, caring, or sane....i didnt deserve all the pain and suffering ive went through. he used and took advantage of me. He's hurt me in so many ways and I still tried to be patient and understanding and loving. But this person continued to manipulate me and use me. He's hurt me and caused so much pain and shame in my life.. and its going to take a long time for me to process and heal from what I've went through.
The relationship made me feel hopeless stuck and physically sick at times. I was constantly afraid restless anxious and depressed. I questioned reality and self isolated myself out of shame. I felt disoriented and out of control, angry and lonely.. he made me compromise myself and my soul.... I should never have to do that for love..
My mania and PTSD was so bad because of the abuse i literally only felt safe if I left the state to get away from him.. I told myself living in the woods homeless in another state is better than another day experiencing this narcissistic abuse.... I needed to get away from him because he was quite literally driving me insane..
Now im back in my city, in a safe environment, getting the care and help I need to recover. I decided to abandon all of my things at my abusers place because I didn't feel safe going back there. I feel sick even thinking about the address, and honestly just want to move on and focus on healing...
Due to my living situation I won't be able to make content anytime soon, and honestly I truly want to focus on healing this year.
It feels.. like a weight had been lifted to finally tell my story. I must remember that i have so many people that love and care about me. I don't have to go through these things alone. I deserve to tell my story and to be heard. I'm so happy im finally free from that situation and getting the love and care that I need.
I want to say thank you again to every last person that has shown me continuous love and support. You have no idea how much it means to me.. thank you for believing me
Comments
Julia Milf
❤️❤️
Gabii Linda (JOIN FREE)
💜
I am truly sorry that this has happened to you. One of my best friends has a similar situation. She has a horrible living condition and mainly stays at my house because her family is super mean to her. Truly, I wish you the best of healing. You're one of the most unique people in this world. I would love to see what you can sow and make in the future.
Dice
Continue to heal 🖤✊🏾
Laughingskull
If I was able I'd offer to get your stuff back, bit tricky on the other side of the planet tho. I'm glad you're healing and getting better
