Zeenon
patreon
Hiruzen Bans Paint Like It’s a Forbidden Jutsu
🕑 Added 2025-08-13 12:10:26 +0000 UTC“Tsuna… how nice to have you back in the village.” Hiruzen’s voice was calm, even warm, but the weight behind his gaze showed he was already bracing himself for what was coming next.
By now, Tsunade had reined herself in. She wasn’t some fresh Genin anymore, she was one of the Sannin, a veteran shinobi. No matter how much her emotions had spiked on seeing the scene earlier, she couldn’t afford to let them run wild here. Her voice was clipped, controlled, but laced with steel.
“I can’t say the same, not when the first thing I saw upon stepping into the room was the council ganging up on my only living relative, pressuring him into swallowing whatever they say just because he’s young.”
Hiruzen smiled faintly at that, but it wasn’t amusement, more the tired acknowledgment of an unspoken truth. “You should know,” he said, “that he isn’t someone who’d be suppressed by anyone here. Even I’m not sure I could make him do something against his will.”
Ren, sprawled comfortably like he owned the place, had made himself perfectly at home. He sat cross-legged right on the council table, his right elbow propped on his thigh, cheek resting against his palm. The lazy posture was deliberate, half-blocking Fugaku’s line of sight, shifting just enough so the Uchiha could see part of his face, but not enough to give him a full view. It was petty but it was also effective.
“I was pressurized, Lord Hokage,” Ren said, dragging his voice out in a slow, almost bored drawl. “So many adults pouncing on little ol’ me… mentally harassed, overwhelmed, traumatized.” He tilted his head, feigning deep injury. “I demand compensation for my emotional well-being.”
The moment Ren had realized Tsunade was the one holding the land deed, his entire tone had shifted. The original plan might’ve gone up in smoke, but he could still milk the situation for entertainment and maybe twist the knife in a little.
Tsunade, sensing the opening, decided she’d rather not open her return to the village with a direct clash against the man she’d called ‘teacher’ for decades. So she slipped right into Ren’s game, expression dead serious as if they were making an actual case.
“He’s right,” she said, “and I’ve done the research to back it up. Decades of it. Kids his age can develop depression if they’re exposed to environments like this.”
She turned her attention to the whole table. “This is why I’ve always said you shouldn’t let kids leave the academy before twelve. Before that age, their minds aren’t developed enough so they get twisted by the bloodshed they’re exposed to.”
She didn’t give anyone a chance to interject before continuing. “Just look at the ones who graduated before twelve. Tell me, who turned out fine?”
She reached out and presented Ren like a rich businessman presents his trophy wife. “Take this brat for example. Menace. He calls me here with a note saying he’s in mortal danger… just so he can pull off some scheme. What sane child thinks of something like that?”
Her gaze cut to one corner of the room. “Then there’s Kakashi.” Her voice sharpened. “Oi, Kakashi, get out here before I beat you up.”
The shadows stirred, and an ANBU figure emerged, mask in place but his hair giving him away.
“Kakashi here,” Tsunade continued, gesturing at him like she was introducing a bad case study, “is the perfect example of why you don’t let a five-year-old graduate. He’s depressed, repressed, stacked with more trauma than half this council combined. It’s a miracle he hasn’t killed himself yet.”
Ren leaned in like this was a casual talk show panel. “Hey now, don’t pin it all on Kakashi. Danzo’s the one who pushed his father into a corner and made him a loner. Like a lot of other village messes, that’s mostly on him. Sure, Kakashi isn’t completely blameless, but still, he’ll be fine in a few years.”
Then, lowering his voice but making sure it carried to Tsunade, Ren gave a wicked little laugh. “I had him seal his Sharingan during the Mist mission,” he murmured. “While it was sealed, his chakra capacity shot up close to mine. I took that moment, when he felt that growth and slipped in a few words.
It was enough to make him pin all the blame on Danzo instead of himself. Now he’s not drowning in self-blame anymore and he’s actually working to get stronger. Gave him a task too, told him if he wants to work with me, he has to solve his Sharingan problem himself.”
Tsunade raised a brow, glancing at Kakashi like she was sizing up a piece of questionable meat. “Really?” she muttered.
Her gaze sharpened, assessing his chakra with the ease of someone who’d been reading battlefields for decades. “Hn. You’re right, his reserves are definitely up. But…” Her eyes narrowed at the chakra signature in his eye. “His Sharingan’s active again. It’s eating through that extra chakra like termites on old wood. If he doesn’t get that under control, he’ll be right back to square one.”
Ren rolled a shoulder lazily, like the problem was miles away from him. “Give him time. It hasn’t even been a week. He’ll figure it out. No matter how bad his mental state is, Kakashi was still one of the village’s greatest prodigies when he was young. And his Fuinjutsu’s no joke either. He’ll think of something.”
Tsunade hummed, noncommittal, but didn’t disagree.
Meanwhile, the rest of the council sat in suffocating silence, watching the two of them trade remarks like they were sipping tea in a private garden rather than in the middle of an official meeting.
The words they wanted to blurt out, “Do you really have the land deed?” sat burning on their tongues, but no one dared speak them aloud. Asking something like that straight-up was suicidal in this room.
One by one, every clan head’s gaze slid toward Hiashi, the unspoken leader of the “Oppose Ren at All Costs” club.
He felt the weight of their stares but didn’t so much as twitch. Instead, he kept his pale eyes fixed on the far wall, studying it like it was hiding a secret mural. His thoughts, however, were much sharper.
‘Yoru told me to oppose Ren at all times in public… not Tsunade-sama. Opposing her would be signing my own death warrant.’
With that simple logic, Hiashi locked himself in silence and refused to be their scapegoat.
Deprived of their usual blunt instrument, the clan heads slowly turned to Koharu. She had been silent since the meeting began, and now she sat glaring openly at Ren and Tsunade like she could cut them down with just a look. No one could tell exactly what she was thinking, but her face was dark enough to suggest a storm was coming.
Homura, sitting beside her, watched her from the corner of his eye. ‘This is it, Koharu. Your last chance. Please, for the love of the Sage, tell me you’ve learned something over the past few days.’
His hope lasted exactly two seconds before she spoke through clenched teeth. “This is the council hall,” she snapped. “If you two want to have a conversation, then you should leave.”
The silence that followed was almost a physical weight. Ren and Tsunade both stopped mid-motion, turning their heads toward Koharu in perfect sync. Across the table, Homura quietly scooted his chair away from her by a full step, as if physical distance might save him from the fallout.
Ren noticed and snickered. Tsunade noticed and snickered too. Then Tsunade, still looking straight at Koharu, elbowed Ren lightly and said, deadpan, “She’s right, you brat. This is the council hall, we shouldn’t be behaving like this.”
Ren broke first, laughing openly. Tsunade’s lips twitched, and within moments she was laughing too, composure thoroughly gone.
Koharu’s face went from red to crimson as she stared not at them but at Homura, who steadfastly avoided her eyes. She knew exactly why he’d put space between them, but there was no way out now. Her thoughts were bitter, almost desperate.
‘Damnit, Danzō… this had better be enough to keep me alive.’
Koharu’s jaw tightened, the tendons in her neck showing for a brief second before she finally spoke through gritted teeth.
“It’s already breaking the rules of the council to have both the Senju clan leader and her… authorized representative present in this room at the same time. And now, the two of them are blatantly ignoring the decorum of the council entirely.”
Her voice cut sharply through the air, stiff with disapproval. “If the council meeting hall is now to serve as a playground for the Senju clan, then what meaning does our presence here even have? Should we all just leave and wait outside until the esteemed Senju clan passes down their orders, and then obediently follow their directives like servants?”
The words hung in the air like an aftertaste nobody wanted. Silence spread through the council hall, cold and heavy.
Ren, unbothered, leaned slightly toward Tsunade, his lips close enough to whisper something only she could hear. Whatever he said, it caught her off guard. Tsunade’s shoulders trembled before a muffled laugh slipped out, forcing her to quickly slap a hand over her mouth before it could explode into something unrestrained.
Still, her body shook as she glanced toward Koharu, a faint smirk threatening to give her away. The older councilwoman’s face turned a deeper shade of red, the kind that was less embarrassment and more pure irritation.
Tsunade wrestled her composure back under control just in time and straightened in her seat, her voice now crisp and formal. “Why is this council meeting called?”
Ren answered without missing a beat. “Danzo is playing tricks, making it look like the Senju clan is acting as if they own the village. It’s stirring up resentment from the other clans and turning them against us.”
Tsunade leaned back in her chair, the movement slow and deliberate, her eyes sweeping the room before settling on him. “Surely these intelligent clan leaders don’t think that’s your doing, especially when it reeks of Danzo from a mile away?”
Ren lifted his hands slightly, palms out, in a helpless shrug. “Well… that’s what they think. If I really wanted to cause chaos, I wouldn’t do something so sloppy. I’d just shut the village gates, seal the whole place down, cover a huge area with hard-to-remove blue paint… then use Fire and Lightning Style to form rain clouds using that paint. Let those clouds rain all over the place until the entire village matches my hair color. A nice, bright blue.”
The silence that followed was absolute. No shuffling of feet. No clearing of throats. No irritated sighs.
Just… stillness.
Every single eye in the room turned to Ren, some wide, some narrowed, some blank but clearly processing. Whatever emotions had been running through the room just a moment ago, anger, pride, nostalgia, they all scattered, replaced by a single, unified thought.
‘He actually thought this through.’
Hiruzen was the first to recover. His voice came quick, decisive, almost urgent.
“I propose that from this moment on, any large-scale paint usage must be reported and approved by the village beforehand. If there is an unusual spike in paint purchases, it must be reported immediately. And… no one can stockpile more than one hundred liters of paint in a single location without prior approval. Any violation will result in punishment.”
The proposal had barely left his lips before the entire council, in eerie perfect unison, responded.
“Agreed.”
Ren turned toward Tsunade, pointing accusingly at her raised hand. “Why are you siding with them? It’s just a harmless prank.”
Without missing a beat, Tsunade shot him a look. “That’s not a prank. Definitely not harmless. That’s the kind of thing that falls under the category of a bloody war crime.”
Hiruzen took the opening and tapped the table lightly. “Then it’s decided. This law is passed as of this moment. The Jonin Commander will handle the paperwork and ensure it’s circulated properly through the village.”
Shikaku gave a short nod, his usual lazy demeanor replaced with something that looked like actual alertness.
Ren slouched forward on the table, muttering just loud enough for the words to reach the wood beneath his legs. “Hmph… you think that’s my only idea? Just wait and see. I’ll have the whole village wearing ‘Ren is the Best’ shirts before you even notice.”
Only one person caught that, Fugaku.
His eyes twitched, darting slightly as a mental image flashed in his head, and to his own horror, it was convincing enough to make his pulse skip.
Before Fugaku could voice any warning, Hiruzen’s tone shifted, the weight of the meeting returning. “Now then,” he began, his gaze sweeping toward Tsunade, “I trust we can turn our attention to the next matter.”
His voice was steady, though faint traces of emotion still lingered in his eyes.
“Tsuna… could you please present the land deed? Now that the Senju clan is officially active again, there are many matters we must address.”
~~~~~
{We’ll be back to serious from next chapter again, I swear.}
{Also, do you guys want a new chapter in the Getting pegged series (The character should be obvious so I won’t write it, otherwise you’d turn it weird)
If you do want it then comment how you think it’d go.}
