Eneasz Brodski
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Steven's Notes, Ch 221-223
🕑 Added 2022-06-05 17:37:27 +0000 UTCNOTES FROM
Worth the Candle
Alexander Wales
May 17, 2022
Targets of Opportunity
Quest Progress: Slayer of Horrors (1/12) Grak and I returned from the fleshsmith exclusion zone four days after we’d touched down there.
Woah. I absolutely wasn’t expecting this extermination to happen off camera. I guess it wasn’t the moral emergency I was thinking it was going to be.
May 17, 2022
Targets of Opportunity
“They suggested that we go to a place called Sulid Isle to speak with an elf named Fallatehr,” said Grak. “I’m starting to think that’s less in the way of bread crumbs leading back to something important and more a running joke,” I said.
Haha. Lol. I can’t remember if they got this list of horrors before or after Fallatehr, but either way it’s funny.
May 17, 2022
Targets of Opportunity
We also met a man who claimed to be dream skewered.” “Which he wasn’t,” I said quickly. “He was, however, quite off his rocker. He had a very detailed fanfic version of Earth which bore pretty much no resemblance to the real thing. I made a few notes about his rambling, if anyone wants to look, and I’m sure that he would talk to you, but I don’t think that there was really a point to him.”
I wonder how this random dude even got a crazy fanfic of Earth. Well, I guess Amaryllis knew it was a blue sphere with 7 continents. The rough idea of it must be available to people.
May 17, 2022
Targets of Opportunity
“Second generation of tuung should be done now, right?” I asked. “It is,” said Amaryllis. “So far as I’ve been able to tell, it was a complete success.
Well fuck me I guess my pessimistic predictions turned out to be false! I’m glad I was wrong, but honestly a bit confused. I feel like we’re winding up for a gut punch.
May 17, 2022
Targets of Opportunity
“The Captain’s been behaving?” I asked. “So far,” replied Amaryllis. “If we didn’t have Valencia … well, we do have her, and she’s been a godsend.” I was fairly sure that she meant that literally.
Lol. Praise be! I’ll see if I can think of any little platitudes that sound absolutely stupid with the DM as the focus.
May 17, 2022
Targets of Opportunity
“Heated discussion about him?” I asked, raising an eyebrow. “No, lower stakes than that,” said Amaryllis. “About his non-anima. But again, I just want you to be aware, because she’ll bring it up, and I don’t want to treat it as a non-issue.”
Oooh. That’s how he was communicating with the hells! It’s obvious in hindsight and I’m bummed I didn’t guess it. The dragons said they also confirmed Uther wasn’t in hell. Is that how they checked too?
May 17, 2022
Targets of Opportunity
“Juniper is of the opinion that we should make a run at Fel Seed as soon as possible,” said Grak. “And depend on the gold magic?” asked Amaryllis. “That’s dangerous.”
I’m glad she’s pointing the danger out. It’s flatly suicidal to have their plan there hinge on him being a good mage.
May 18, 2022
Targets of Opportunity
“Ah,” I said. “How has she, uh, been? You’ve talked?” “She’s making the right noises,” said Amaryllis. “It’s apparent that Valencia has been putting in some work.” She frowned. “I have my concerns, but they’re rooted in the past, not in the present.
Amaryllis is so goddamn articulate. I sure hope Homecoming 2 goes smoothly.
May 18, 2022
Targets of Opportunity
“It’s foolish,” said Grak. “We should wait. There is more to do across Aerb before we finally embark. Another level would be preferable.” “Grak doesn’t want to die,” I said. “And seems to think that we won’t all make it through Fel Seed’s zone alive.”
Joon says this almost dismissively. “This nerd is worried he’ll get savagely killed by the scariest thing on the fucking plane(t).”
May 18, 2022
Targets of Opportunity
“It’s unlikely that only one of us would die,” I said. “Much more likely that if something in our defenses fails, it fails for everyone.” “This is true,” said Grak. “It is also not comforting.”
Fuck. It seems like it will be just Grak who dies. Of course, this story seems like it’ll be all about usurping expectations. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
May 18, 2022
Targets of Opportunity
“But it doesn’t matter, because Fel Seed can do anything,” I said. “There would just be some bullshit to justify it.”
If the dude can cheat then he can just Shia Surprise them and eat their brains without crossing wards. I guess I don’t know what the bounds are on his cheating ability.
May 18, 2022
Targets of Opportunity
“If there’s always going to be some bullshit, then there’s no amount of power we can attain that will make us safe. Therefore, we shouldn’t worry about trying to stack up as many buffs and abilities as we possibly can.” It was pretty clear that Amaryllis and Grak didn’t find this terribly convincing,
Ah… I don’t know if I buy his reasoning either. It sounds like either they should avoid him at all costs (not really an option) or not even try to buff or prep at all because it’s pointless.
May 18, 2022
Targets of Opportunity
“Fuck,” said Amaryllis. “You just got back.” “Yeah, but the gains in gold haven’t been realized yet, there’s been nothing for me to mark.” “I meant in terms of missions,” said Amaryllis. “It’s one of the reasons that we can’t depend on the power against Fel Seed, it’s going to ask for things at bad times.”
She’s exactly right. The smart thing to do would be to ditch gold magic before they enter the FSEZ, or at the very least pre-commit to telling it to fuck off if it asks for the time of day or a single sliver of gold while they’re in there.
May 18, 2022
Targets of Opportunity
Quest Completed: Everything Eater - The corpse he left behind was small, but the crypt is immense and dangerous, a countryside shaped into a messy ball that will remain his tomb for as long as it takes the scavengers to remove everything of worth. Quest Progress: Slayer of Horrors (2/12)
Another horror tackled off screen? Is he really gonna murder hobo his way through all of them before they go after Uther?
May 18, 2022
Targets of Opportunity
I felt bad about killing him, especially with profit as the primary motive. I had little doubt that he would have killed me, since that was what he usually did to people who came into his zone, but still, it probably would have been possible to leave him alone. I did my best to shake off the feeling.
Uh oh. The Call is desensitizing him to murder. But at least he’s a murder hobo again. 👍
May 18, 2022
Targets of Opportunity
The obvious solution was to go in really, really blisteringly fast, so fast that he wouldn’t have a chance to relocate. That left only the problem of finding him the first time, but I knew a couple women named Doris Finch who could pinpoint him fairly easily. We came crashing down at several thousand miles an hour from straight above, and killed Caldwell Gatesmith on impact.
Baller af.
May 18, 2022
Targets of Opportunity
“Not how I would do it,” said Reimer. “Right, sure,” I said. “But that said, no matter how you decide to do it, as soon as you decided that you were going to do it, it was basically always going to happen. Belivus is too careful, too sneaky, and more to the point, has too much in the way of magical power, especially compared with these guys.” “It also would have meant splitting the party,” said Arthur.
Aw, hi Arthur. They’re splitting the party non stop here (and have been split since The Incident). The forgone conclusion thing is clearly angling toward what’s happening now.
May 19, 2022
Targets of Opportunity
We don’t know the precise nature of the changes that you’ve made to them, but we know that they offer you something of a second chance, if you were to die.” The face of the zombie he was speaking through fell. “Ah,” he said. “And I suppose this is the precursor to my death, is it? I had hoped there was too much utility in the zombies, but you are moralists, aren’t you?”
He’s been so chill in the face of Joon and Friends because he had so many backup plans. He’s this chill even after his super double secret backup backup plan was discovered? I don’t think so. He must have an ace up his sleeve.
May 19, 2022
Targets of Opportunity
“Tell me, how did you find the backups?” “It was a combination of things,” I said. “Methods that you’d have no way of foreseeing. It probably doesn’t feel good to be beaten in that way.” “Not particularly, no,” replied Blue.
Haha. How’s it feel to know I secretly knew secret shit and fucked you over? Not awesome.
May 19, 2022
Targets of Opportunity
that you’ll actually work with us. Can you guarantee that?” “I can,” replied Blue. “I said, the second time you came to me, that I conceded without preconditions.” I nodded, then glanced at Valencia. She hesitated for a moment, then gave a very slight shake of her head.
Yeah… but you also didn’t tell us about the backups. We can’t just trust your assurance.
May 19, 2022
Targets of Opportunity
“My guess is that your remaining contingency is to set up a new laboratory away from our prying eyes, but it might also involve contact with your infernal allies.” “You,” he said, looking her over. “How do you know such things?” “Entads and a long life,” said Valencia. “No,” said Blue. “No, you’re something else, not a person at all. You’re a curiously proficient liar.” Valencia shrugged. “Well, I don’t mind what you think of me, because you’ll be dead in roughly a half hour.”
Stone cold. But if he wasn’t going to play ball after the several chances they gave him, well ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
May 19, 2022
Targets of Opportunity
“Oh,” said Valencia. “He was planning to kill himself and go to the hells, I think. Maybe.” “Fucker,” I said
I wonder what she saw, or how he planned to do it. I mean… they could just let him. He clearly sides with the “eternal torture is better than oblivion” camp.
May 19, 2022
Targets of Opportunity
Quest Completed: The Z-word - With Captain Blue-in-the-Bottle dead, his zombies will linger on, going through their rote actions until someone comes through to put them out of their misery. The human workforce will be a bigger issue, one that will linger for much longer, a trauma that will never fully be made right, not without godlike power.
Huh. Straight up saying that he needs to hurry up and become god. Are the gonna pit stop and Bother a God before they leave forever?
May 19, 2022
Targets of Opportunity
“We don’t have time manipulation,” said Valencia. “Do we?” “Technically,” I said, trying to think things through. “I’m not sure how the call of the gold would work with the time loop exclusion, but we could maybe do something workable that way.”
No… they’re gonna kill Zorian??
May 19, 2022
Targets of Opportunity
“I might not have gold magic in two weeks,” I said. “We have reserves, and I’ve been liquidating assets that we don’t need,” said Amaryllis. “We might be able to swing it.
Really dumb of her to say this. The Call already doesn’t trust her and it’ll just tell her to fork it over now.
May 19, 2022
Targets of Opportunity
I’ll need to work on you too.” “Work on me how?” I asked. “Work on helping you through it, on preparing for the reconciliation,” said Valencia. “Oh,” I replied. “Well, sure, makes sense. So … how do we do that?” “It’s something that you need to talk about and work through,” said Valencia. “You’ve been shying away from it, which is understandable, but when you have to face her, it shouldn’t be with no mental and social preparation.”
I love how on board he is with it. He’s like “sure, setting aside some time to face my trauma makes perfect sense.” 👍
May 19, 2022
Targets of Opportunity
“It’s a suicide mission either way,” said Grak. “Yes, it is,” replied Valencia. “But if we’re all going to die, then I don’t want it to be because of something that I personally could have prevented.” “Likewise, the wards will be as sound as they can be,” replied Grak, with a bit more of a grumble than usual.
Damn homies! Y’all are so negative (and probably realistic) yet steadfast in the face of certain doom and determined to do your best! 👍
May 17, 2022
Targets of Opportunity
but the actual benefits of being there were rather marginal, with just a few upgrades to my physical body thanks to a sympathetic group of resistance fighters, which was a whole thing.
I wonder if we’ll get any explanation of this. They smithed his flesh into a more sculpted Superman? And he didn’t have to exterminate them, just topple the evil overlords…?
May 17, 2022
Targets of Opportunity
things got serious enough for me to unleash the full power of gold magic. Back when we’d been wee little adventurers in Barren Jewel, I had been pretty worried about Aumann, because he could fire off little bits of metal as fast as bullets
Yeah, they were so little back then!
May 17, 2022
Targets of Opportunity
Once, I did a blood attack, spraying my blood around a room and then using the blood as a conduit for gold magic, tearing apart a building in the process and killing everyone but Grak and myself.
Pretty fuckin metal!
May 17, 2022
Targets of Opportunity
The fleshsmiths were, for the most part, not actually that bad. If all of the Thirteen Horrors were meant to be some kind of reflection of me, then the fleshsmiths probably had something to say about my relationship with my body. I was a transhumanist, and one of the things that had always attracted me about transhumanism was the idea that I was my own self, a person that happened to run on meat rather than silicon, though that was something that might some day change. The lesson of the fleshsmiths, if there was one, was that bodies weren’t just some inert, neutral hardware that the mind ran on, they were part and parcel of thinking and being itself. As lessons went, it wasn’t something that I thought that I needed, which made it hard to decide whether or not it actually was a lesson.
That’s really interesting and I’m glad he second guessed the moral because that’s exactly how paranoid/confused I’d be in his shoes. Maybe he needed that lesson more back when he first got this quest. I hope he didn’t have to kill them all.
May 17, 2022
Targets of Opportunity
Maybe I had always felt a little uncomfortable in my own skin, in ways that were kind of normal, and maybe the transhumanist stuff was a way of saying ‘fuck that noise’ when it came to bodies.
Hell yeah bro! Fuck that noise!
May 17, 2022
Targets of Opportunity
Pustule mages had come to me during a bad case of acne, I was pretty sure, and as such, represented one aspect of the general idea that Pendleham seemed to be pointing at.
Pendleham?
May 17, 2022
Targets of Opportunity
Given a few days (or a swing of Grak’s axe) I could have had a full beard, rather than something wispy and disappointing. My body had given me almost no trouble, and because of that, there was a bit of a disconnect when I looked at the fleshsmiths, and what I thought they were trying to ‘say’.
I forgot about the axe. ;) Needless to say, I totally identify with all the stuff Joon’s laying out as problems he used to have. I think it’s basically universal, which is why it’s a great inclusion in the story.
May 17, 2022
Targets of Opportunity
As I believe I predicted, we’ve seen two separate incidents where major soul mages were uncovered, but both were fairly minor in the scheme of things
You sure did. Here’s your 🍪 👍
May 17, 2022
Targets of Opportunity
“So what you’re saying is that I can be gone for a handful of days and the world will be fine?” I asked. “Sounds good to me. That might mean that there’s time to bang out a few of these other quests, right? We’re netting a ton of money off closing the exclusion in Pendleham.” Flesh magic had been removed from everyone there, though a good number of them had been left alive, and many people who lived in the zone hadn’t been practitioners.
Ooh. Pendleham was the name of the place and he only had to kill the fleshsmiths (or most of them), not exterminate the entire city or whatever.
May 18, 2022
Targets of Opportunity
“If we were on Earth, and this was all mundane, I would give it more time, and I certainly wouldn’t put myself in a situation where we had to interact, let alone trust each other,” I said. “Given the circumstances, I think that I need to race through my misgivings and get this done.”
WIS score is showing. I’m hopeful. 🤞
May 18, 2022
Targets of Opportunity
“Twenty-five million for Celestar, ten million for Rove,” said Amaryllis. “The former comes through ongoing discussion with the elves, which would probably go better if I felt like I were able to negotiate in terms of in-kind exchanges, rather than just money.
I forgot why the elves left Celestar. I thought they just bailed. It’s an EZ? Ooh, right. I just remembered the elves for fucked over by the skin magic exclusion more than anyone.
May 18, 2022
Targets of Opportunity
I didn’t know how one was supposed to go about killing Rove, but the way I did it was to crash right into the enormous mound of junk as fast as I could go without killing myself
“Everything Eater - More monster than man, no one has seen Rove's face in four hundred years and lived to tell the tale. He sits at the center of a half mile of dirt, flesh, and garbage. If you slay him, you will be the first to have survived contact with him.”
May 18, 2022
Targets of Opportunity
.
I found the Celestar one too.
“Finger of the Sun - When the elves broke Celestar, there were a small few who continued on with their research. The product of their effort brought nothing but pain.”
Thanks Cakoluchiam!
May 18, 2022
Targets of Opportunity
I started burning a second one exactly as soon as the first was done, wanting to have extra chances to escape, or to react to whatever shenanigans he had waiting for me. There was nothing though, just his death and my own presence. I spiked and bottled that soul, just as quickly as I could, because without him there, his roving ball of stuff was starting to collapse, its coherence lost.
That’s thoughtful of him. Poor garbage monster dude. What was the name of the trashcan muppet? And I’m assuming the story mentioned the second unicorn bone because they’re running low and will either have very few or zero left for Fel Seed.
May 18, 2022
Targets of Opportunity
Rove was a hoarder, I was pretty sure, in addition to taking some inspiration from Katamari.
That game where you roll a ball that collects anything smaller than it and grows to the size of a planet?? How fun!
May 18, 2022
Targets of Opportunity
Quest Completed: A Door Into The Soul - The Gatesmith is dead, but his magic lives on without him, the portals with their infinitely sharp edges making the exclusion zone uninhabitable, except for those whose lives are worth the risk.
“ A Door Into the Soul - Caldwell Gatesmith has the dubious distinction of being responsible for two exclusions. Through his portals, he keeps watch over his domain. If he spies you, and you do not meet with his satisfaction, his portals will cut with an edge designed to cleave time and space.”
May 18, 2022
Targets of Opportunity
Thankfully, there was a trump card when it came to magic, and that trump card's name was warding. Normal wards wouldn’t have helped that much, unless you wanted to try to creep forward with them, for which Gatesmith was likely to find some kind of answer, like drowning you in a sea’s worth of water, or shooting you with hundreds of hypersonic rocks. I had a secret weapon though, and his name was Grak. So long as he was with me, we had portal immunity, which was the only reason that I was willing to make a run at Gatesmith at all.
Grak the MVP!
May 18, 2022
Targets of Opportunity
Even if he couldn’t somehow win by thinking with portals,
❤️ Now you’re thinking with portals
May 18, 2022
Targets of Opportunity
if you want to do something that you’re almost certainly not going to fail at, I don’t see why we should go through the motions.”
Ah, that’s why we’re getting drive by highlights of these EZ knock outs. :)
May 18, 2022
Targets of Opportunity
“If you guys want to do a heist, we can do a heist,” I said. “But this is not that. The stakes are low, the defenses are minimal. Look, if this is what the party wants, we can make a retcon that this unassuming company is like … a front for some larger organization that has the means and motive for keeping their stuff under a heavier lock and key.
Ooh, schloss alert!
May 18, 2022
Targets of Opportunity
Two full weeks and a number of trivialized quests after I’d killed Perisev, I walked into Captain Blue-in-the-Bottle’s throne room, hoping that it was the last time.
We can skip em because we know what happened. He either soloed it Superman style or brought Grak for backup and Supermanned it.
May 19, 2022
Targets of Opportunity
You, I want alive, mostly to signal to other people that I’m willing to make concessions.” This was a lie. I didn’t want him alive at all, and I was perfectly prepared to murder him at the drop of a hat, if only someone could convince me that it would be a good thing to do.
Hey, it’s a win-win.
May 19, 2022
Targets of Opportunity
It was a tense five minutes as we got reports in from the rest of the exclusion zone, most of them through entads. When they came back clean, I pulled my sword from its interdimensional pocket and sliced cleanly through Captain Blue-in-the-Bottle, separating his head from his neck, then cutting him further, dissecting his body. For good measure, Grak finished a necromancy ward, just in case he had a way to come back to life that didn’t involve taking over those seven we’d identified.
No ceremony at all. Dope.
“And then Mister Grimm will smash his head with the tombstone, and as many of you as can will hit him with a killing curse, guns, fiend fire, etc” ;)
May 19, 2022
Targets of Opportunity
“We’re not going to die,” I said. “We’re not going against him, just passing through his territory.”
You can’t really believe the scary cheater Fel Seed will just let you waltz through his turf, right?
May 19, 2022
Targets of Opportunity
“I need to be there,” said Valencia. “Not for Fel Seed, but for the meeting with Uther. There’s a strong chance that Bethel will attempt to kill him the moment it’s clear that it’s him.”
Then she can taste Uther’s sword. I understand her beef, but she can’t just kill the dude before all of her friends get closure.
May 19, 2022
Targets of Opportunity
I left the conversation feeling off-kilter. Raven hadn’t been there, and neither had Solace, but we’d need their input too. Two weeks wasn’t a lot of time, but it would mean more to keep the gold bug sated, and more in the way of preparation.
So they’re really going for it in just a couple of weeks. Eneasz, make sure you as I brainstorm about what I think the Fel Seed Incident was and what I think we should expect to see when we get there.
May 20, 2022
Clerical Errors
“When you speak to him, be very respectful,” said Amaryllis. “I will be,” I replied. “I can’t promise that my acting will be good enough to fool a god, but I can try.”
You can’t keep it together for a few minutes? I think they don’t realize they’re walking into a probably trap/mistake. The quest is ‘God Botherer’, not ‘God Befriender’.
May 20, 2022
Clerical Errors
I froze for a moment as my brain made the connection, and it was noticeable enough that Amaryllis shifted her stance slightly, preparing herself to take some drastic action. “So,” I said, my eyes not leaving the god’s form. “When you become a cleric of Invreizen, you might say that you’re called to serve a higher porpoise?” I grinned at him, and Amaryllis shot me a scowl.
(☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞ Joon doesn’t disappoint!
May 20, 2022
Clerical Errors
I’ve personally been in attendance at conversations with all five gods.” “All … five?” asked our escort.
Your weekly reminder that Raven’s a badass.
May 20, 2022
Clerical Errors
“Juniper Smith,” he said, then gave me a low bow. I stared at him, and Amaryllis yanked at my arm, pulling me down to my knees, prostrate in front of the god. In response, Invreizen bowed lower, until his nose was pressed against the floor.
Hot damn! Give this dude a high five and a bottle of your finest whiskey! Why’s he like Joon so much? Did Joon do something nice for the air or water or something?
May 20, 2022
Clerical Errors
“Water you waiting for?” I thought but didn’t say. “Is there a reason you wanted to sea me?” I didn’t ask him. “It seems a little bit fishy that you know my name,” I didn’t reply.
Joon’s my hero. ᕕ(ᐛ)ᕗ
May 20, 2022
Clerical Errors
“I am the ultimate master of my domains,” replied Invreizen. “Okay,” I said, when it was clear he wasn’t going to continue. “And?” “Where you go, the water does not speak,” said Invreizen. “Where you go, the water continues along on its own, with no shepherd to guide it if it goes astray.” “Uh,” I said. Fucking cryptic god bullshit. “You’re saying that your powers … don’t work on me?” He nodded, slowly.
The combination of tension and humor is awesome. And apparently Aquaman’s power doesn’t work on Joon… maybe Joon can kill him and sell pieces of him for gold.
May 20, 2022
Clerical Errors
Unfortunately, someone took the silence as their moment to interject. “Your worship,” said a man who was standing near me, dressed in clerical blues. “Is communion with other gods —” Invreizen raised his hand, a very casual gesture, and the man’s water was blasted backward, out of his body.
Jesus Christ! Rude.
May 20, 2022
Clerical Errors
I could see the magic that infused much of my body, and the color of my soul. I could even see into my soul itself, through Invreizen’s eyes, and I thought to warn him about looking at the meme there, but if a god could be brought low by a meme … well I had to imagine that if it were possible, it would have already happened.
He’d be easier to chop up and sell for parts if he was catatonic from being brain melted by the spiral o’ doom.
May 20, 2022
Clerical Errors
The locus was standing beside me. As seen through her eyes, Invreizen was distinctly lacking in grandeur. He was large, true, but rather than any of the awe-inspiring or larger-than-life forms he’d taken so far, he was a fish, one that lay on the ground, breathing heavily with dull eyes.
Hey, what up deer? Love it. The animal companion is unimpressed by the fish lord.
May 20, 2022
Clerical Errors
“When did your blindness to me start?” I asked Invreizen. “When did the gods first notice it?” “Not long ago,” he replied. “No more than a moon, though it wasn’t obvious, at first.” “I see,” I replied. “Then it was probably the locus, protecting me.”
It’s both cool to have an explanation and a little dull as far as explanations go. Deer magic isn’t as cool as DM fuckery.
May 20, 2022
Clerical Errors
Ask for gold from him, said the call of the gold. What the actual fuck, I thought back. I am not going to risk my life to beg for gold that he wouldn’t even give me. Do it now, replied the call of the gold. Trade on your relationship with the locus. Fuck you, man, first off, no way that works, second, that’s a betrayal of the locus. I was getting more upset the more I ‘talked’ to the call. Of all the fucking things that it could have asked for, this was one of the most irritating.
The Call is the best troll in the world. Is this he tells gold magic to suck his taint?
May 20, 2022
Clerical Errors
You need me, said the call of the gold. I grit my teeth, trying my best to keep my face perfectly expressionless.
Don’t do it man. You don’t need that asshole piggybacking in your brain and bossing you around.
May 20, 2022
Clerical Errors
“Fel Seed is guarding against invasion, after a sort, but he doesn’t have our mutual interests at heart. The tunnel is a pathway to a world filled with heresies, and likewise, an avenue for those heresies to spill out into Aerb. Not long ago, we found the remains of a soldier who had made it through.” He watched me for a moment. “You’re telling the truth,” he said. “Yes,” I nodded. Technically. I wasn’t willing to lie to him, but I was willing to stretch the truth a bit.
Yeah, I can see how this all fits a certain definition of truth. It’s a bold move, let’s see if it pays off.
May 20, 2022
Clerical Errors
“You’ve looked into the zone with your godly vision?” I asked. “And?” “There are truths that are not truths, and truths that mortal minds are not to know,” said Invreizen, giving me a sagely nod of the head, as though that were wise.
Fucking inscrutable god-talk.
May 20, 2022
Clerical Errors
Now, or lose the power forever. The locus will protect you. He has no recourse. I needed gold magic. I needed it, it was the only way I could see that we could get through Fel Seed without it being grossly reckless.
No, no you don’t. Come on dude. You said yourself that Fel Seed cheats and will circumnavigate any defenses you have. I know being Superman is Superfun, but you’ve gotta make the right call now. It’s not the boss of you.
May 20, 2022
Clerical Errors
But this, if this wasn’t the line, then I didn’t know where the line would ever be. It wasn’t just the threat, it was the dependence on the locus to ensure that I couldn’t be eliminated, and the locus and I were — almost, kind of, friends, I guessed. Even if we weren’t, she didn’t deserve being used like that. “Nevermind,” I said. “Forget that I asked.”
Yay Joon!!! 🎉 You’re my hero! I’m so proud of you. I really didn’t want to complain about you making bad decisions next episode.
May 20, 2022
Clerical Errors
Fuck,” I said as I walked away. “Fuck fuck.” “Gold magic?” asked Amaryllis, taking up a place at my side as I moved.
You know, I forgot to wonder earlier if Amaryllis got half his skill in Gold Magic. I’m assuming no, but I’m not sure why. Is it only skills they have in common that they get symbiosis?
May 20, 2022
Clerical Errors
debating getting into the elevator car with us, but after a moment, she elected to evaporate instead, with us in spirit only.
Peace out, homie! 👋
May 20, 2022
Clerical Errors
“Not a tragedy then,” said Grak, the first to give his input after a moment of silence. “Were you not listening?” I asked. “Gold magic is gone. It’s a huge setback.” “Of all the ways that it might have failed us, to fail in defense of a friend was good,” said Grak. I blinked at him. “I guess,” I said.
You’re damn right, Grak! Great take. 👍
May 20, 2022
Clerical Errors
“I doubt it,” said Raven. “The dragons left Uther alone, once he proved their equal.” “If he kills a dragon, shame on Uther, if he kills a second dragon, shame on the dragon?” I asked. “Something like that,” she said, giving me a little smile.
Lol :)
May 20, 2022
Clerical Errors
“No hints on what you might need in order to further resolve the locus’ situation?” asked Amaryllis. “There’s one thing I haven’t tried,” I said. “But that’s going to have to wait until after we get back.” “Our plans haven’t changed?” asked Amaryllis. “So far as I’m concerned, the god was a distraction,” I replied. “The real work lies ahead of us.”
What?? Hype!! What plans? The EZ errand they’re near? Fuck that. Probably not worth it. Hacking P-Space to change the locus and make it a hot harem chick?
May 19, 2022
Clerical Errors
The gods of Aerb were, in some respects, extremely important, but in most others, could be ignored entirely.
Ooooh shit! (Heh, “cleric”al errors) He is going to bother some gods!! I love how we’re closing all these loops!
May 19, 2022
Clerical Errors
The big problem was that gods had a real presence in the world, namely through clerics and paladins. They, in turn, provided real and true powers that no one could ever contest.
We’ve yet to hear a whisper of a cleric or paladin on Aerb though. These gods must be different.
May 20, 2022
Clerical Errors
Put simply, four of the five gods of Aerb didn’t really give a shit about people, and while they all had their domains, and granted limited powers within those domains to people who were recognizably clerics (and called such by the people of Aerb), their interests in those domains hewed very closely to the status quo.
Huh. So we haven’t heard much about em because they don’t give a shit (I’m pretty sure we either talked about that or I would have guessed it) but also they do grant powers in their own little locales.
May 20, 2022
Clerical Errors
Invreizen was the god of good weather and bad weather, and so far as he was concerned, weather was based on the fundamentals of high and low pressure systems, moisture and dryness, winds and evaporation and all that stuff. To change the weather would mean to make the weather go against the fundamentals that drove the weather, and thus make the weather unlike itself.
Like the laziest Deist god. I can dig it. Unclear how Joon could join their ranks. These beings don’t seem like they have the minds of ordinary people.
May 20, 2022
Clerical Errors
A cleric of Invreizen couldn’t cast a spell like create water, a D&D mainstay, but what they could do instead was to heighten certain aspects of water. This was, to be plain, incredibly weak
They can make it extra wet.
May 20, 2022
Clerical Errors
When I’d created Invreizen, he’d been one of seven gods, an attempt to create an extremely broad pantheon. Aerb only had five gods, and I had no idea what had happened to the other two.
ಠ_ಠ You made these gods? No wonder you weren’t interested in prioritizing meeting them. I’m surprised he didn’t mention this before.
May 20, 2022
Clerical Errors
(The names of the gods were all Afrikaans. I want to be clear that I wasn’t at the level of being lazy by naming gods using Google Translate: I was at the level of naming gods using Google Translate, and picking Afrikaans because it was alphabetically first.)
My kind of lazy. 👍
May 20, 2022
Clerical Errors
The God Botherer quest I’d gotten ages ago could have, for all I was concerned, been put off indefinitely. I had personally named and designed all of the gods of Aerb. I knew their deal. From everything that I had read, they’d barely changed in their translation to Aerb, and that meant that they were, in a word, worthless
I’m a little bummed he didn’t mention this 200 chapters ago. Feels like a kind of flop on the reveal. But at least it explains retroactively why he didn’t give a shit about chasing down this quest earlier.
May 20, 2022
Clerical Errors
The last time Invreizen had acted was one hundred and twenty-six years prior. Someone had invented something that they called ‘dry water’, and the following month, the edge of the sea had lifted up and then slammed down on his coastal city, killing roughly one hundred and fifty thousand people.
What a dick. I can respect his style though. “Hey! Don’t fuck with water! It’s fine as is!”
May 20, 2022
Clerical Errors
Amaryllis had actually ‘met’ him once, which amounted to little more than a brief conversation at a dinner, which she assured me was more face time with a god than almost anyone got, and was much more impressive than I understood it to be.
How is that not impressive?? This dude just comes to dinner? What do you serve a god? Fish? Absolutely no fish??
May 20, 2022
Clerical Errors
as if it were a way of saying, ‘Yes, gods exist in this world, and they are Important, so don’t you go forgetting it’. Of course, if the gods really had been all that important, their clergy might not have felt the need to use awe-inspiring architecture in order to reinforce it.
Heh. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. (Religious language intentionally chosen for punny wordplay)
May 20, 2022
Clerical Errors
We came out in the upper area, just beneath one of the giant arms that held up the fish bowl. I could feel the weight of it above me, a catastrophe waiting to happen, and wondered about the brass balls of the people who had conceived this and made it into reality.
Brass balls rather than steel because this is a less dangerous project with magic in the world. 🪩🪩
May 20, 2022
Clerical Errors
Invreizen himself was up there, which I’d have known even if I hadn’t been told, because it would have been hard to explain the fifty-foot long dolphin swimming around in there otherwise. The scale of everything was disorienting, which was probably part of what the architects had in mind.
Is the the dolphin? Ok, so fish was definitely on the menu when he had dinner with Amaryllis.
May 20, 2022
Clerical Errors
the rapturous expressions on the faces looking up at Invreizen seemed similar. It was something I’d seen often enough at church, a giddy excitement about the greatness of god that I wasn’t sure I’d ever felt myself.
But the people in churches on Earth are just looking at pictures or sculptures or whatever. There’s a real god, like, right there dude!
May 20, 2022
Clerical Errors
When Invreizen reached us, he changed form again, this time to something humanoid, one of the aquatic species with webbed feet and hands.
I’m just going to picture Jason Momoa.
May 20, 2022
Clerical Errors
(Look, a lot of blame for these thoughts can be laid squarely at Amaryllis’ feet, because she’d had us spend three hours in a meeting trying to think up Fel Seed puns, in case one of them was the key to this whole ordeal and could give us victory in some way by figuring it out ahead of time. It started out fun, but by the time we’d gotten twenty minutes in, I was ready to be done, and by the time the meeting finished, it felt like I’d gone through a whole character arc.)
That’s hilarious and amazing. He went through a whole character arc during a three hour pun brainstorming session.
May 20, 2022
Clerical Errors
There were more murmurs about that. The gods didn’t openly admit to communication very often, as they lived in a state of rather frosty diplomacy (especially frosty in Invreizen’s case (har har)).
👌
May 20, 2022
Clerical Errors
Was it important for some future plot point that I be invisible to the gods? Or was it just to stop them from helping me? If I was hearing Invreizen right, then it was impossible for me to get smacked down by the angry hand of a god, which seemed like a boon, but … well, let’s just say that I always looked gift horses in their mouths where the Dungeon Master seemed to be involved.
Smart call. It could just be what it looks like on the surface - to make the gods interested in you. Or to make the God Botherer quest super easy. You’re bothering them just by existing.
May 20, 2022
Clerical Errors
I glanced nervously at the people near us who were still holding their big, bulky recording devices and worried a bit about how far and wide this conversation would reach.
I didn’t know they had recording equipment!
May 20, 2022
Clerical Errors
He had three mouths and eighteen different eyes of all different shapes and sizes, some of them mounted on tentacles, others set into what passed for his face. It was an utter Cronenberg nightmare creature, asymmetrical and ugly, so much so that I wondered whether it had been selected for exactly that purpose.
Mmm, gross.
May 20, 2022
Clerical Errors
There was something else he saw though, beyond the totality of my earthly existence, and into the metaphysical. There was something on me, almost too bright to look at with whatever biological or magical instrumentation he was staring at it with, bright enough that he seemed to go blind in whatever eye was staring at the metaphysical nexus.
Hmmm… Neo was full of light too. Maybe something like that?
May 20, 2022
Clerical Errors
Push him on the matter of financial assistance.
Get fucked, Goldmember.
May 20, 2022
Clerical Errors
Threaten to go into p-space and alter the fundamental definitions of his domains, said the call of the gold.
Threaten to throw gold coins one by one into a volcano until The Call shuts up.
May 20, 2022
Clerical Errors
Achievement Unlocked: Gold Standards
Ha!
May 20, 2022
Clerical Errors
Quest Completed: God Botherer - You have made it through a conversation with a god without getting yourself obliterated, albeit at some minor cost. This text should not be taken as an implication that you can’t still screw it up somehow.
I love the quest completion texts lately. Also, it’d have been a dope ass flex if he leveled up right now.
May 20, 2022
A Lost Friend
But most of why they clumped so much together was ‘fun’; it probably wouldn’t be that hard to generate vast expanses of featureless land, bereft of anything interesting, but what would that really add? Verisimilitude and a sense of size, mostly. People who played those games didn’t want that though, they wanted a jaw-dropping vista at every turn, they wanted to be able to randomly stumble across cool things rather than trudging through thirty farms in a row that were broken up by small towns that were virtual clones of each other.
You’re damn right! Every inch of Breath of the Wild is crafted with purpose. None of it feels like a waste of space or an accident.
May 21, 2022
A Lost Friend
“We have cars, yeah,” I said. “But they don’t run on souls, they run on something called gasoline, which is derived from a type of oil, which is created by the action of heat and pressure on the corpses of microscopic plants and animals over the course of millions of years.” She crossed her legs. “That sounds made up.”
When you put it that way, it sure does. :)
May 21, 2022
A Lost Friend
“Unicorns,” I said. “It was — Earth doesn’t have unicorns, except in fiction, so I’d put my own version of them into a game, which are, more or less, exactly how they are on Aerb. Why, what was it for you?” “Penqans,” she said. “They’re a legendary and supposedly apocryphal creature. You made up your own version to put into the game.”
Penguins?? 🐧 ❤️
May 21, 2022
A Lost Friend
“At the time, it felt like I didn’t have a choice, like I was going to watch you self-destruct and get caught in the blast no matter what I did. It felt like I was going to suffer wounds. Scars, even. I cut and ran. I was a coward about it. I should have at least formally broken up with you, even if it was just in a letter.” “Huh,” I said. “I guess I never thought you’d have regrets.”
This is a nice view into Tiff’s perspective (bizarro world aside) but it’s not the huge revelation I’m expecting.
May 21, 2022
A Lost Friend
“Can I tell you about the true nature of the universe?” I asked. “Sure,” she replied. “Unless it’s going to melt my brain or something.” “Nah,” I said. “Nothing like that. It’s just not good opsec to do it, so it’s a bit of a burden on you in that way.” “Well, then maybe don’t,” she replied. “But I am curious.”
I wouldn’t let a little opsec burden get between me and a juicy fact either. Proper Ravenclaw. Plus isn’t she going to forget all this? Maybe she’ll put the revision mage business on hold. Maybe she can teach him revision magic in the time chamber! I don’t think we have time for that (accidental pun) but it would be cool.
May 21, 2022
A Lost Friend
Same goes for the dwarves, those are dwarves that I made up. And the stuff on Aerb that I didn’t make up, it either came from stuff you guys created as players, or it’s stuff that seems like I would have come up with.” “If you hadn’t punched a dragon’s eye out, I would probably find that harder to believe,” said Tiff.
Yeah, you get extra credulity points for every dragon you kill. 👍
May 21, 2022
A Lost Friend
“Sorry,” I said. “It’s not your fault, if that’s the way the world is,” she said. “I’m helpless in the face of all this. Just tell me what you need from me, or what I should believe.”
Is she there a stoicism book or something that she and Amaryllis both read? Chill af.
May 21, 2022
A Lost Friend
She stared at me. “You apparently don’t remember helping me with a very long paper about him?” I frowned. “What did I know about Uther Penndraig?” I hoped that I hadn’t been a fanboy.
Nothing wrong with being a fanboy when there are literally god-people. Uther was badass and if every 12 year old wasn’t obsessed with him it’s because they were boring kids. ;)
May 21, 2022
A Lost Friend
“Sorry, Reimer didn’t mention this, it might be important.” “Really?” she asked. “This is actually, seriously important?” “I don’t know,” I said. “Maybe, probably not.”
Oooh boy! This sounds like it might be leading up to the big revelation!
May 21, 2022
A Lost Friend
I was going to ask why that was important.” “Uther was dream-skewered,” I said. “Dream-skewered by my Arthur.” Tiff stared at me. “Nope,” she finally said. “I mean, it’s true,” I replied.
Yep. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ She’s not going to believe the dragon slayer now?
May 21, 2022
A Lost Friend
I gave a brief digression into Vervain, the companion thought by Uther to be a DMPC, and that was where Tiff objected. “He wouldn’t do that,” she said. “It’s not the same Arthur we knew,” I said. “I mean, assuming that your Arthur and my Arthur were close enough proxies to one another. He came to this world at sixteen, and from there — he killed a lot of people, Tiff.
He’d been fucked over by this place for decades and believed he discovered an avatar of the guy responsible. I’d have killed Vervain too.
May 21, 2022
A Lost Friend
He was definitely capable of killing someone in cold blood, especially if he thought they were the architect of his misfortune.”
Exactly!
May 21, 2022
A Lost Friend
we have reason to think that Uther is still alive, and I’m going after him.” “Joon,” she said slowly. “I mean, I don’t know everything you know, you’ve been handed the keys to the kingdom, literally, you’re a prince now for fuck’s sake, but — do you think that’s something you should be doing?”
May 21, 2022
A Lost Friend
And the stories about people obsessed with defeating death, or not being able to bring back loved ones, those only exist as a coping mechanism, they’re not real, there’s no fundamental imperative of the universe that you can’t bring back someone you lost.” “Okay,” she said. “You’re living in a different world from me, and I’ll just have to trust that you know best. It’s just that when you talk about bringing Arthur back from the dead, even in this convoluted way, alarm bells start going off in my head.
Who’s bringing who back from the dead. Arthur’s alive. Joon’s not talking about sacrificing a bunch of people to resurrect his friend - he’s rescuing/joining him!
May 21, 2022
A Lost Friend
“I guess I just want to know if you’re over me,” said Tiff. “And how that worked for you.” “Ah,” I said. “Yeah. I don’t know. There were times, when we were dating, when I felt like you were the love of my life, like I should be moving mountains to make sure that we could stay together.
She still hung up on Joon? I wonder how Earth Tiff is doing and if that’ll impact Joon’s decision to not want to return to Earth.
May 21, 2022
A Lost Friend
like we could have had kids and done a better job raising them than my parents did raising me — hey, don’t cry, it’s okay.” “Sorry,” she said, wiping away a tear. “Fuck, Juniper.” “Anything I can do?” I asked. “Did you — is it okay if I hold you?” She shook her head.
Ah, totes still into him. :(
May 21, 2022
A Lost Friend
all those old feelings for her were still there, somewhere, buried deep … but they were deep, and I felt no desire to dig. That was, on its own, a bit of a revelation for me.
He said he wasn’t expecting a revelation, so I knew I’d be revel-ated but I’m still expecting more.
May 21, 2022
A Lost Friend
I wouldn’t put it past this world to have one last twist in store, and my guess is that I’ll be able to make, uh, a reconstruction of him, bring him back to life.” “If that’s possible, then — I would appreciate that,” said Tiff.
Nice of him to offer and chill af of her to just be like “that’d be cool.”
May 21, 2022
A Lost Friend
“If even half of what they say is true, you’re being too hard on yourself,” she said. “You can’t expect to fix everything forever.” “Yeah, I guess,” I said. But I did, of course, think that was my destiny, unless the Dungeon Master was just yanking my chain.
May 21, 2022
A Lost Friend
“He tried to go back,” I said. “Back to Earth. Something must have happened to him along the way.” I hesitated, biting back the words for a moment, because I didn’t want to worry her. “Fel Seed is sitting on top of the tunnel.” “You’re going against Fel Seed?” asked Tiff, eyes wide.
Does she have some revelation to give us about Fel Seed??
May 21, 2022
A Lost Friend
“I’ll do my best to live a full and happy life,” I said. “And to do what’s best for Aerb and the realms beyond.” “I guess that’s all anyone can ask,” she said. “Hopefully this isn’t goodbye forever?” “Hopefully,” I nodded. We had an awkward hug, and the smell of her brought back strong memories, but after she was out the door, they faded rapidly away.
No huge revelation? Boo on Tiff! I was hoping she’d give us some insight into something. There almost certainly wasn’t a Few Seed Incident on Aerb, but she could have, I don’t know, had a copy of his giant binder of rules or something.
May 20, 2022
A Lost Friend
The Athenaeum of Claw & Clocks seemed like one of those places that probably had a couple of hundred different quest lines running through it, and that was the impression just from looking at it, before you heard its long and impressive history
Oooh. That lost friend. He really is tying up all the loose ends. Oh, and this is her Lost Year, right? She won’t even remember their resolution.
May 20, 2022
A Lost Friend
I had wanted somewhere casual for the meetup, like a coffee shop or a teahouse, or whatever kind of place they had, but Grak had pointed out that this was a rather stupid idea that just wasn’t possible for someone of my stature, nor wise given the sensitive nature of the things that we would likely be discussing.
Prudent and helpful. 👍
May 20, 2022
A Lost Friend
Tiff was a little bit late, so I spent a lot of my time just sitting there, wringing my hands and thinking about how I would approach things, gaming out the conversation to come. None of it mattered, not in the grand scheme of things. Nothing hinged on what we might say to each other, there were no revelations waiting in the wings, fuck it, she wasn’t even really the Tiff I had known back on Earth.
So we can be sure there’s a grand revelation coming!
May 21, 2022
A Lost Friend
She didn’t look much different from how I’d remembered, nor too different from how Bethel had displayed her, which was a little sickening to think about, because it meant that Arthur had spent time getting the illusion right.
It’s not sickening, it’s sad. Give Arthur a break.
May 21, 2022
A Lost Friend
“If I could do it over again, I would probably do the same thing. But there were prices to be paid, harm inflicted on you, and it was shitty for you. This is that kind of apology. Not one where I say that I was wrong, one where I say that I was right.”
Ah, so basically the second-shittiest kind of apology. The shittiest of course being “I’m sorry if your feelings were hurt.”
May 21, 2022
A Lost Friend
“We talk, me and Maddie,” she replied. “I don’t think it left as big an impact on her as you might think. She’s resilient. You coming in — you as you are now, this giant of a man who people are saying might be a few years away from being king, heir to Uther, to have that guy come in and frame it as though it was — I mean, better for her to think that it was a fling, that you were trying to find comfort and it just didn’t work. Better for her to think that Juniper was wholesale replaced.”
I’m sure Eneasz will have something to say on the Maddie thing. I’ll just stir the pot by saying that if she was really resilient and strong then she could handle the truth coming from the titanic god-man who slays dragons and is about to take on Fel Seed and wouldn’t need Tiff to protect her.
May 21, 2022
A Lost Friend
“As opposed to,” I said, almost wanting to let her fill in the blank, just because it would hurt worse coming from her lips. “Victimization
He wants it to hurt more so he still wants to get kicked over it. :-/
May 21, 2022
A Lost Friend
“You know that he was one of my best friends,” she said. “But when people die, we — we try to work past it. We remember them, we mourn, it’s — I know you always hated that kind of story, but there’s a reason we tell them. Obsessing, getting wrapped up in those feelings of loss, I think that’s where you went wrong. You had all this anger and hatred toward everyone because it hurt, and I get that, but — I’m just worried.”
May 21, 2022
A Lost Friend
“I don’t think it’s like that,” I said. “But I’ll keep what you’ve said in mind.”
That’s a generously nice response. I’d have been less patient.
May 21, 2022
A Lost Friend
“I felt it, I didn’t think it,” I said, feeling slightly defensive. “I’m a believer in rehabilitation, in structural solutions to structural problems, in the banality of evil and the ways that incentives drive actions. It’s just that our brains aren’t hooked up like that. We feel like punching problems works.
Precisely.
