TheSystematicSlut
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Age Play + Regression: What's the Difference?
🕑 Added 2022-02-06 16:41:18 +0000 UTCIn my last post I talked about keeping aspects of little space to myself, because I need them and they are an integral part of my self-care and actually what I am currently working on with my therapist. I didn't really get to be a kid, for a lot of different reasons, and so allowing my grown-up self to let go, and letting my inner child come through to be seen, and explore and play has been a necessary part of self-reconciliation. It's a process, and sometimes it is effing hard but it is so, extremely needed.
Thing is, when I started playing in this world I didn't really truly know what all these terms meant because, well, they were brand spankin' new. And, people play in very different ways so defining them based on observed behaviour or even how one individual was using the terms did not quite work.
I didn't know what slipped me into sub-space, versus little space, versus age regression space and how to feel out the differences within myself to know which part of me was giving consent, and what level of consent they were capable of giving. I made mistakes (safely, and ultimately they led to growth and I am grateful they happened, but mistakes nonetheless) and this is why I think it is so important to talk about this, whether you're the little in your situation or the CG etc.
Bottom Line: My inner child cannot ever make sxl decisions. Period.
Has she though? That is a different story.
And I suppose this is the piece that makes it extra complicated: For me, this (DDLG/ABDL) is a sxl k!nk. I remember the first time I ever realized it was a trn-on for me my play partner had decided to wear a dip while we hungout. We had a night planned of watching movies, and I held him as he curled up between my legs with his head on my chest. I instantly felt that spark inside me, and my curiosity peaked at a grown man who I had only experienced as a dominant in our dynamic showing this vulnerability. I liked the contrast, and I liked seeing him embrace this side of himself.
The next morning I remember laying in the bed in protest against getting up (we had plans to go grab coffee before I headed home). He rolled over and nuzzled in against me, then gently he began to suck my npple. I felt that same spark move quickly through my entire body as my back arched and I let out a subtle moan. Then as my body settled and he started to move away I ran my fingers through his hair, teasing him for forcing me to wake-up.
I remember upon first reflection of our interaction thinking "Oh lord, did that happen because of the momma thing? Was that like mock ANR/ABF?" Then not much later I was like, well I liked it so what if it was.
In this instance though, there was also a clear delineation between the spark I got from being the CG for the evening and having someone regress (possibly, this is me speculating that that was happening) and the play that happened the next morning. Other times, it is much more subtle. Before I knew what it felt like to regress, I had first experienced this as play and being sxl.
My first experience, I wore a diaper around the house with my play partner here. It stayed dry, I played with feeling cute and coy and performed that persona for him. I know we had sxl play that evening but I cannot remember exactly what we did. What I do know is at that time, it was clear I was age playing and not regressing.
Then, he left some with me and suggested I play by myself. He's been pretty wonderful at encouraging me to explore on my own in a safe way throughout all of this. I think this is where I began to experiment with wetting and another time I told him I had and he came over to play.
Gradually as I began to play more on my own, I started to slip further into the regression piece of things. I don't remember exactly when it happened but what I remember was very retrospective. I was chatting with a coach I worked with at the time and I remember her saying "Babe, your inner child is not meant to make sxl decisions" and it hit me. I had done just that. This was absolutely not to anyone's fault, and I want to also make it very clear this person I was playing with is amazing at checking in on consent, letting me lead in terms of what I am comfortable with, and also like the rest of us working to keep this community safe is adamant about NMIK and also providing education to minors and others so that when they get here, they can explore safely.
What this was, was an example of me not reconciling myself prior to giving consent.
What it also led to was a realization that that is what I had been doing my entire life (more on that in a later post).
Now, I should also add Age Regression is a legit tool used in therapy etc. I am also not a mental health professional so I cannot fully comment on the differences. What I can do is share my experience and tools that have worked for me. So, what are they?
- Pause for play: Make time to play and explore on your own, take note of if and when that headspace changes for you and you move beyond performative play and into regression.
- Notice What Gets You There: Are there certain activities, movies etc. that get you into that space? These are things you can communicate to a partner so you have an extra check-in etc. before potentially moving to something sxl or you can set agreements that if these activities have happened, we are not having a sxl evening.
- What Gets You Out: What activities, tools, items get you out of regression and usually how long does that take? Is there any "aftercare" you need to help you transition back to a place where your adult self is making your decisions and you can give proper consent?
- Talk it Out: If you are ever unsure, talk to someone before acting. The play and sxy time can always come later and the main thing is that you and your partner(s) be safe and prioritize consent and each others well-being, always. A partner deserving of your play will absolutely value and make space for these conversations. My friend I mentioned and I are no longer in a sxl dynamic and he still makes time if I ever have questions or feel weird about something.
- Share With a Professional: Any therapist I get (I've landed on a good one now, thankfully), I have some key things I ask them before I decide if I will work with them and knowing they are k!nk positive is a huge one. I need to be able to talk about these things, and I need someone who can help me navigate it as a method for healing (whether it be the play/sxl stuff or the regression stuff more specifically).
Do you have any experiences with this you are up for sharing? Did you learn anything from this or does anything stand out to you that you would like to hear more about in a future post?
