Kallie Tell
patreon
The Straight and (not so) Narrow: Part 2
🕑 Added 2025-12-18 00:26:06 +0000 UTCShane awoke the next morning much later than he anticipated, thrilled that he’d gotten such a good night's rest but irritated that he’d thrown off his schedule by missing his early morning gym session. After rolling over to check the time he flew out of bed and logged on to his work computer in his pajamas, astounded he’d slept until 8:58. He switched his status to online with a second to spare, just enough to evade attention from his manager, and sighed.
His job, a remote marketing position at a firm owned by his frat brother's uncle, was as undeserved a position as it was underwhelming, and Shane did little more than attend meeting after mind numbing meeting and occasionally compose an email about circling back. He could mute the meetings, and often did, but the company's remote work software required a movement of the mouse every 30 minutes, a time frame just long enough to exploit but not quite abuse. Shane accomplished what tasks he could, but leaving his apartment to run any real errands was off the table.
As of late, he often paced during this time, his hands antsy for a vape pen he had chucked down the garbage shoot months ago. That morning, however, Shane sat calmly, an ease he hadn't experienced in months smoothing over him as he settled into his chair. He realized he hadn't been well rested in ages, and that rest gave him an entirely different energy. It was as if his brain got a reset. Shane smiled. It was all working. The abstaining, the church. It was giving him the peace that he’d been looking for.
He let the meeting play in the background at a low volume as he scrolled his phone, and after ten minutes of ignoring rumbles technically related to his livelihood, realized he needed to eat breakfast.
He normally picked up a protein smoothie from the gym after his 5am session, but with the extra sleep he’d missed both his lift and his sustenance, and substitutes would have to be made. He scoured the menu of Deliveri-Bee, reasoning that he didn't have enough time to cook a proper meal in the 30 minute intervals provided, and selected a breakfast sandwich from a nearby cafe, adding extra bacon and three fried eggs after some quick mental calculations about the meal’s approximate protein total. Just under his daily shake, but with no workout, the meal would suffice.
The massive sandwich, its greasy customizations spilling out of the sides, arrived at his door shortly, accompanied by an orange juice he assumed must be complimentary. He ate it slowly, finding himself full well before halfway through the behemoth but talking himself through the rest in order to make up for the day’s lost protein.
It took two swipes of his mouse, over an hour, but he finally finished his breakfast groaning with fullness, entirely unprepared for the tight pressure of an overfull gut after months of his accidentally strict diet.
That's what I get for being so predictable, Shane thought, stifling an overfull burp. One meal that's not chicken and rice or a grainy shake and I need a nap.
Shane blinked. He really did need a nap. Where was all the energy he’d felt after his miraculous 6 hours of sleep?
Shane rolled his eyes at himself, realizing. His protein shake contained caffeine. Of course he was feeling a slump, he’d usually had both preworkout before his lifts and creatine powder in his shake afterwards. He reached for his phone again.
While Deliveri-Bee was certainly a waste of money, with added fees, small cart charges, and the like increasing the price of the item being delivered by 20-30%, Shane had been such a homebody lately that he had money to spare. No spending on drinks, dates, nights out, and the rest of the life that Shane had given up left him with more disposable cash than he knew what to do with, and for the first time in his life he was saving a good amount, another life improvement he attributed to the church.
Spending a little extra on Delivery-Bee after sacrificing so much seemed like nothing and committed no sin that Shane could call to mind, so he ordered himself an iced caramel mocha, hoping to select a sugar free option but choosing to treat himself regardless when he discovered none were available.
The coffee was delivered and Shane downed it, instantly perking back up, and he continued the rest of the workday as he had, watching Youtube videos of basketball highlights and moving his mouse to feign his rapt attention. He warmed up his meal prep for lunch, finally back on track with his day, and finished his workday with a sigh of relief, as if ignoring his job had been particularly strenuous. He changed out of his pajamas and into his gym clothes for an extra long session, one where he planned to double his slated cardio.
Shane was on his way out the door, his gym bag slung over his left shoulder, when his phone rang. He stopped, pulling out of his pocket with a twinge of irritation, then froze.
Assistant Pastor Morgan.
She was the head of the small group ministry, the ministry he’d been fretting about his involvement in since she’d asked him to lead a group, and any communication with her still made Shane incredibly nervous. He felt like he was in trouble, like she knew everything about his past, and while Pastor Morgan had never been anything but kind, she still struck more than a bit of fear in Shane's heart.
He fumbled with his phone, pressing accept and bringing it to his ear so quickly he almost dropped everything he was holding.
“Hello?”
“Hey Shane, how are you?” Pastor Morgan’s cool, even voice came through the speaker. “You doing well?”
“Hi, Pastor Morgan,” Shane replied a bit too loudly, ignoring her questions and leaving the pair in an awkward silence that she chuckled good-naturedly to bridge.
“It was great to see you yesterday in service,” she went on. “Would be great to see you afterwards too, you know.”
Shane hung his head. He knew he should be staying after service ended, Pastor Morgan spoke about the importance of fellowship with other church members, but he still didn't quite feel like he belonged, and his awkwardness left him rushing for the parking lot at the last amen.
“I know,” he apologized. “I’m sorry, I just-”
“No, no,” Pastor Morgan cut him off gently. “Don't apologize Shane, it's ok. These things take time, I get it. I just want you to know that you're welcome. That we’d all love to see you. To get to know you better.”
Shane nodded, realizing Morgan couldn't see him.
“Yea,” he corrected. “I mean, thank you. I want to. I- I will,” he promised. “It’ll be good practice for the group in a few weeks.”
“About that..” Pastor Morgan began.
Shane's heart dropped. Of course she wasn't just calling about staying to eat refreshments and chit chat after Sunday service, she was calling to tell him he’d been removed. That she’d changed her mind, or worse, discovered his past. That she didn't want someone like him leading a small group.
“I understand,” Shane blurted preemptively.
“Sorry, huh?” Morgan asked. “Someone told you we’re moving up the schedule? But you're only the third leader I’ve called, I didn't think news would get around that-
“What?” Shane clarified, lost.
“The schedule,” Pastor Morgan emphasized. “We’re moving everything up by a few weeks to accommodate for the church conference this year, so small groups are starting this week.”
“This week?” Shane repeated, with light terror.
As bad as it would've been to be removed from the position, this acceleration of its timeline was almost worst.
“But I'm not done prepping!” he protested, panic rising in his throat. “This Sunday?”
“Shane, Shane,” Pastor Morgan calmed. “It's completely all right. We can provide all the lesson plans and materials you’ll need, it's really ok.”
She lowered her voice, the gentle lilt becoming almost musical.
“Shane, really, you’re the only teacher that's prepared this much by a long shot. You’re gonna do amazing, all right? No stress.”
Shane nodded again, the knot of stress forming in his chest begging to differ.
“Shane?” Pastor Morgan asked.
“No stress,” Shane repeated.
“Alright,” Pastor Morgan confirmed, relieved. “I’ll see you Sunday.”
“Right,” Shane agreed. “See you Sunday.”
Shane immediately dropped his bag, leaving it at the front door, and headed straight for his collected notes and laptop. Despite his attempts to avoid sin, Shane had lied. He was very, very stressed.
He dedicated the entire evening to prep, barely leaving his desk after a full day of doing so, and warmed his meal prep for dinner halfway through his efforts, bummed to miss the gym entirely that day but intent on finishing the proper work for the course that he was certain he would fail without.
At 10pm, eager to put the previous night's sleep-inducing discovery to the test, Shane got ready for bed and placed another order at Can't Sleep Cookies, this time selecting the s’mores cookie, a sugar cookie, and a chocolate chunk after finding himself unable to decide between the three. He also selected a large for the size of the glass of milk he’d be delivered, positive that it had been the magic factor in his amazing night’s sleep.
The order arrived quickly and Shane devoured it with the same speed as he had the previous night, gulping down the remaining milk after wolfing down all three cookies and stifling a burp. He immediately felt the desired effect, a calm, nostalgic kind of tiredness that led him straight to his duvet, and Shane was asleep earlier than he’d been in a long time, his worries eased from his mind and his stomach pleasantly full.
He was surprised to awake the next morning at 8:30am, earlier than the previous day, but nowhere near early enough for a quick gym session.
I’ll have to start setting an alarm now that I'm actually getting decent sleep, he thought absently, opening his phone and scrolling to the Deliveri-Bee app before even sitting up in bed. With another missed morning smoothie, he’d have to order another breakfast sandwich.
Shane finished his sandwich, stuffing himself silly in the name of protein consumption once more, and was so distracted by the tightness in his middle he almost missed a mouse swipe. He ordered the same coffee as he had the day before and had another productive work day by his standards, logging off at 5 on the dot. He then got straight to work on his prep for group, prep he’d been thinking about all day, and finished his healthy, pre-prepared dinner more quickly than he’d anticipated.
It was the last of the fridge’s prepared tupperwares, an expected development considering Tuesdays were typically the day that Shane shopped for groceries and cooked his monotonous meals, but he was far too busy to concern himself with sautéing chicken breasts and roasting broccoli this week. The gym hardly crossed his mind as he worked, and he was surprised to look up and find it was past eleven. Shane sighed, stretched, and opened his phone. After the amount of work he’d put in, he deserved a distraction.
One chocolate chunk, one chocolate chip, one s'more, and one sugar cookie arrived in short order and Shane inhaled them as if he hadn't eaten all day, draining the glass of milk with the intensity of a man dying of thirst. This time, perhaps due to the extra cookie, Shane wasn’t able to stifle the burp that chugging the sweetened, creamy milk produced, and his hand flew to cover his mouth at the unexpected noise. He drifted off to sleep that night with his hand unconsciously resting on the slight bloat in his midsection, his body as impressive as ever, but his abdomen curving outward, stuffed with the amount he’d recently begun to put away.
Things continued like that for the next week, with Shane sleeping through his morning gym session, ordering a meal from Deliveri-Bee for breakfast, lunch, and dinner in place of his unreplenished meal prep, working through his evening gym session, and ordering an increasingly large midnight snack from Can't Sleep Cookies. He was ending each night stuffed and happy, and his sleep had never been better. He swore his new routine was helping him be more creative with his lessons, and as Sunday approached, he felt prepared.
Intent on facilitating the best sleep possible the Saturday night before his small group, Shane knew he’d have to lean into his secret weapon. He ordered 6 cookies and two large glasses of milk, the largest order he’d ever placed at Can't Sleep Cookies. When it arrived he all but attacked the mass of calories and polished off the first cookie in two enormous bites, his cheeks bulging with the sugary dough as he reached for the first glass of milk. He forced down a swallow with his mouth still full then reached for the next cookie, barely registering his gluttonous actions.
He crammed that cookie into his mouth the second free space was made available, then grabbed the partially consumed glass of milk and began to chug, upending it in just a few moments and leaving him with just one to go. He crammed two cookies in his mouth at once, chewing a bite of each aggressively and washing it down with a swig of his second milk, then finished each one in a few bites, burping mid chew but continuing as if he hadn't noticed. He finished the cookies so messy he left his face smeared with chocolate, then grabbed the remainder of the second glass of milk and chugged it even more quickly than the first, producing a loud, deep burp the moment he came up for air.
He groaned, his middle sore after the glut of sugary calories and thick, heavy dairy, and he burped again, making his way to bed. For the first time since discovering his little insomnia hack, Shane felt as if he could stand to drink a little bit more, peculiar considering two large glasses was the most he’d had thus far.
Just one more and I'd be perfectly tired, he thought, drifting into sleep the moment the idea was formed.
