Alusion
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Interlude Six: A Conversation Between Kayne and Audrey
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Interlude Six: A Conversation Between Kayne and Audrey
Audrey closes her eyes as she soars far above Shinara on shimmering wings of light, attempting to find peace of mind. Once upon a time, finding that stillness within herself had been easy; with Jessie and the rest of her old sentinel team dead, she didn’t have much left to care about.
That had changed when Serena had come into her life. A new blue sentinel for her to worry about, one that would only die just as Jessie had. Audrey can see that fate clearly — as if it were written in the wisps of cloud far above the city. Serena will die, and Audrey will find herself crushed and alone once more.
It would be better not to care — better if she could look at training Serena as just another part of the job, just another incursion zone to clear out. Audrey knows she shouldn’t get attached; in fact, she’s actively tried not to get attached. The girl is just too earnest; it’s hard to push her away when it feels like kicking a puppy every time.
Audrey lets out a long, weary sigh. How much longer can she suffer this? How much longer can she push away what makes her human? Should she embrace life once more or push away her humanity once and for all?
She remembers what it was like in that incursion zone when she’d lost herself. The world had become so simple, kill and never stop killing. That stillness within her had grown to fill her entire mind until nothing else remained. And now… now she needs to take the final step, to accept that stillness into her more than she ever had before. But can she throw her humanity forever?
When Audrey had woken up after the fight with the mind flayer, she’d received a notification from her soul gem: she was ready to ascend to A Rank. She would be the first sentinel in all of Japan to do so, and the act would finally cleanse her of her title’s side effect — something she’d been avoiding so far due to the risks involved with other methods. Soon now, she will be ready to walk the passages of her Astral Path and discover her fate. A final merging of body and soul.
Audrey knows the choice that will be presented to her when she ascends — the choice that has haunted her for her entire journey. It’s a choice she’s terrified to make. How much of herself will she sacrifice in exchange for power?
Once, that had been an easy choice to make. Without Jessie or her team, there hadn’t been much to live for. She could throw herself away and live in that blissful stillness forever. There would be no emotions at all anymore, just cold logic and a will to kill volcora. Maybe if she took that path, she would be able to do some good in the world for once.
Now, though… Audrey imagines how Serena, the one person who genuinely seems to care for her, would react to her losing herself. Serena would be horrified and would do anything to try and help Audrey find herself once more. But what other path is there? Maybe they could figure out how to revive Jessie, but that’s a long shot.
Still, Audrey finds herself dragging out the moments before going through with the inevitable outcome of her last ascension. For the first time in a long time, emotions had begun to infest her long-dead heart once more. She can feel hope, hope that Jessie can be saved, hope that Serena and her team with their ridiculous name can actually be the change that Shinara needs. Hope that she might not need to throw away the remaining shreds of humanity she still has left.
Audrey opens her eyes once more, again reaching for the stillness that had lay in her heart since her first ascension. This time, she connects with it, allowing it to fill her mind and wash away silly emotions like hope. Her heartbeat slows and her breaths come deeper and more even. In this state, Audrey knows exactly the best way to help both Serena and Shinara. To be the weapon they need to survive the coming storm.
With stillness in her heart, Audrey begins to descend out of the clouds and down towards her home. Night is beginning to fall over Shinara now, the last remnants of sunlight glittering across the windows of the buildings. However, in her emotionless state, Audrey doesn’t enjoy the sunset; she can’t. She doesn’t feel anything at all.
Instead, Audrey scans the room tops much like a drone might gather data on what it passes. All the information she collects gets filed away for later use and only the oddities pass into her conscious mind to be remarked upon. The skyway traffic is less then it usually is, the smog seems to be rising slightly higher than usual, and there is a man atop one of the tallest rooftops.
Audrey’s eyes move to the man in passing curiosity; he’s on the Sanctum Collective building — his gaze locked on something in the smog far below. Getting up there really shouldn’t be possible for a normal person. The winds and lack of a railing make it far too dangerous for all but the suicidal. Which means this person is either suicidal or a sentinel.
For a moment, Audrey is about to continue flying straight to the GDF Headquarters so she can complete her ascension and never have to leave this state of stillness again. However, the familiarity of the figure on the building is enough to jolt her from her empty-minded state. That looks like… yes, why is Kayne on the roof of the Sanctum Collective?
Audrey shakes her head, attempting to banish the moment of confusion leaving her emotionless state had caused. Then, with a mental shrug, she flies down toward Kayne.
Kayne sits on the edge of the building in his full assault state regalia, dangling his legs over the side as he looks over the city; his face is serene as he takes in the sight.
Audrey lands beside him, dismissing her wings from her back. “Fed up with training Team Picnic already?” she asks, moving to sit beside him.
Kayne shrugs, “The soldiers they’re with can manage them for now. They’re rather hopeless.”
Audrey settles herself carefully on the edge of the building beside Kayne. Despite being able to fly, there is an innate respect for heights that she hadn’t quite managed to break yet. If she fell, she’d be fine — it would still be pretty embarrassing, though.
“You see the potential, though. Don’t you?” Audrey asks.
Kayne huffs, “You’d have to be blind not to. Still, this plan of forcing them through incursion after incursion in hopes that they’ll save us all isn’t a great one. Even if they do survive, there’s no way they’ll get to a high enough rank to make a difference in just a year. I wish I knew what Karma is planning.”
Audrey laughs piteously, “Find a shred of compassion, did you?”
Kayne scowls, a common expression for him — especially when dealing with Audrey. “They’re sentinels; their lives matter.”
Audrey clenches her hands into fists by her side but restrains herself from starting the old argument up again. Kayne believes that only the lives of sentinels truly matter and that everyone else is lesser. He’d once compared the difference between humans and sentinels like the difference between apes and humans — you can have empathy for an ape, but you don’t really care. The only reason Kayne follows the orders of humans at all is because they’re above him in the chain of command, and even then, he mostly considers it beneath him.
The thing that bothers Audrey the most about that argument is that, while in her place of stillness, she agrees with him. Sentinels just seem more… real to Audrey — their eyes more vibrant, their bodies more beautiful, their personalities bigger. It’s only when she’s managed to go back to normal again that she realizes how horrifying those thoughts are.
After Audrey sits in silence for a long moment, Kayne finally turns to look at her. “I thought you’d be ascending right now. Getting ready to gloat that you beat me to A Rank.”
Audrey sighs, finally enjoying the sunset now that she’s free of the stillness. “If I’d ascended, I’d feel no need to gloat.”
Kayne winces, “Right, your whole, losing your humanity, thing. I thought you said you could ascend without needing to go all the way.”
“If I do, I’ll be weaker. Right now, we need all the strength we can get. We need a fully powered A Rank sentinel, not one that skipped out on her Astral Path right at the last moment,” Audrey explains.
“We’ve been over this, again and again, Audrey,” Kayne groans. “Why won’t you just see reason? There’s still plenty of time to save anyone you really like. I don’t get the point of throwing away your heart to save these… ants!” Kayne says, gesturing to the people streaming through the transparent bridges of the skyway.
Audrey scoffs, “They aren’t ants, Kayne. Stars, you’re acting like we’re still dating. I don’t need your protection.”
Kayne doesn’t respond to that, and anger flashes in his eyes as well. For a moment, both sentinels sit, angrily stewing in their emotions.
Finally, Kayne speaks up once more. “Audrey, dating or not… you shouldn’t go through with this. Even if you want to try and fight to the death for this city, do it as you. Not as some emotionless automaton. You know your little mentee would agree with me.”
Audrey clenches her hands once more, firming the resolve in her heart. “It’s for Serena that I need to do this. I have to be strong enough to protect her.”
Kayne slams his fist down on the roof hard enough to crack part of the ledge. “Damn it, Audrey! Get out of your own fucking head! If you go through with this, you won’t care a shred about that little girl! Even if you remember your reasoning, shouldn’t you at least talk to her about it first?! Fucking hell, Audrey, stop being so selfish!”
Audrey’s eyes blaze with rage, “Oh! So, I’m the selfish one! Not the one who thinks every human alive is worth less than dirt!”
Kayne takes a deep breath, raising his hands defensively. “I’m sorry; I don’t want to fight about this again. Please, just… talk to your little apprentice. She’ll tell you the same thing I am. Talk to Karma. Hell, talk to your fucking parents for once, and they’ll tell it to you too. No one wants you to throw yourself away for power.”
Audrey’s eyes fall, “And what else can I do?” she asks, her voice soft and vulnerable. “Do I just let them all die?”
Kayne takes a deep breath, and for a moment, Audrey is certain he’s going to tell her what he’d said before. That she has time to save anyone she really likes and take them to the States.
“Audrey… if you have to save them, save them as you. Not as some drone. Save them with love in your heart and passion in your veins.”
A shiver runs down Audrey’s entire body as she stares off into the middle distance. Long suppressed pain building inside her again. In her mind, she can see it all too clearly: Jessie is lying in a pool of blood that just grows and grows. She hadn’t been awake to see Serena injured, but suddenly she sees Serena there, where Jessie’s body had lay — a piece of rebar jutting from the girl’s stomach as she lay motionless on the rain-soaked street.
Wouldn’t it be easier to just let go? To stop having to feel? Serena had survived this incursion zone, but what about the next hundred? She’s just too soft — soon, she’ll end up just like Jessie. Wouldn’t it be so much better to just take it all away — to not have to feel anymore? Maybe then her heart, ragged with holes, will finally heal.
Audrey blinks tears from her eyes with frustration. This is not the time to be crying, and Kayne is not someone to cry in front of. Still, she wants to let go. She wants the release of not seeing Jessie’s corpse every time she closes her eyes. She wants to finally be free of her pain.
“Kayne,” Audrey breathes, her voice breaking. “What if I’m not enough? What if the drone would be better? What if… what if I just want this nightmare to be over?”
And Audrey finds that she does want that. She wants to fly back to the GDF Headquarters right now and start her ascension just to finally be free of the pain, the guilt, the worry. This is her Astral Path, after all… it had been designed by her own soul.
Kayne rests his massive hand on Audrey’s slim, trembling shoulder. “Audrey… right now, all you can see is the darkness. You look forward, and all you see is more pain. You’ve pushed everyone away for years to stop us from getting close to you. But the darkness isn’t all that’s out there. There are people in this world who love you and who want to help you. If you’d only give them a chance.”
Audrey’s lips tremble as she tries to form the words, “But… the Volcora… they’re-”
“Fuck them,” Kayne says, cutting her off. “Narrow your focus, Audrey; stop thinking about trying to save all of Japan. We’ll try, sure, but if things look bad, we pull back and just protect this city. If that looks bad, then we just protect the people we love within the city. If even that’s going to shit, we say fuck the city and fly them to the States — you know they’d throw down the red carpet for either of us coming over.”
Kayne spreads his palms wide, “We have options, Audrey. We’re the strongest sentinels in the fucking country, and you’re about to get even stronger. You need to stop thinking like a human. If you want something, you fucking take it, and nothing can stand in your way.”
Audrey lets out a piteous laugh, “That’s not a healthy mindset.”
“Well then fuck that, too,” Kayne says, his eyes wide and fierce. “We’re the closest thing this world has to gods. Let’s act like it.”
Audrey’s smile becomes more genuine, “You really suck at this, you know,” Audrey says, thinking about how Serena had said something similar to her just yesterday.
“Well, I gave you a list of people more qualified to try and convince you, but you’re still here so I had to try something,” Kayne says, a smile on his lips too.
Taking in a deep breath, Audrey stands. “Thanks for the talk… I needed that.”
“Did I convince you?” Kayne asks, leaning back to look up at her.
Audrey pauses, considering for a moment. “I guess we’ll have to see,” she says softly before stepping lightly off the roof, pink light flaring behind her.
Comments
Alusion
Glad you liked it! Thanks for pointing out those mistakes; they should be fixed now. ❤️
Syrahl
"Audrey scans the room tops much like a done might gather data on what it passes. All the information she collects gets filed away for later use and only the oddities pass into her contentious mind to be remarked upon." 'done' should be 'drone' and 'contentious' should be 'conscious'. Thanks for the chapter, nice to get confirmation that Serena's title's side effect should go away once she advances enough.
