Alusion
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Chapter Sixty-Two: Benny’s Got a Problem
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Chapter Sixty-Two: Benny’s Got a Problem
As I walk down the skyway, drawing eyes with my every movement, I find myself feeling lighter than I have in a while. Kiley, as it turns out, might be kind of a disaster, but she’s also a miracle worker. Not only is she able to solve simple problems for me and help with things like organization, but she’s also incredibly good at solving more complex problems as well.
Immediately, she started working to more effectively coordinate people to make sure that Yumi and Nash are looked after using the money I make from being a sentinel. Not to mention that she's already started working to analyze the sponsorship deal from my grandfather to attempt to draw up a version that should be acceptable to both of us and starting to see what she can do about the lawsuit.
In short, while I absolutely wouldn’t trust her not to trip in public, I find that I do trust that she can help with all the small issues I pick up around the way. The power of delegation and making things someone else’s problem really is amazing. It’s like having an independent actor working to clear my way of all kinds of issues before I really even have to notice them.
Or, well, that’s how it’s meant to be. Kiley is already awesome, but there’s only so much she can do in the span of a few hours.
With that done, I find myself wondering what to do with the rest of my day. I’m not supposed to be using magic, but there are still plenty of things to do even without it. I have a surplus of credits now, given all my recent fights, so I could probably get some decent gear by visiting the Mercurials or Ratchet’s shop. Maybe I should go to Ratchet’s shop this time instead of the Mercurials, though, I wouldn’t feel safe there without the benefit of my powers to protect me.
“What do you think about meeting up with Akari and going to Ratchet’s shop?” I ask Celeste, wanting to get her opinion. “I would be interested to hear about how her ascension went. I’m willing to bet everyone had more than a little excitement.”
[Sounds good to me,] Celeste responds, her mental voice cheery — she had a great time bossing around the people at Luminary Partners to get us a good deal. [You’re still low on some supplies that I think could be really useful. We’re still massively underusing our inventory. We should even consider trying to purchase some mana-infused munitions.]
I bite my lip, “I thought that guns and stuff didn’t work well with mana — the inscriptions just don’t apply the effects correctly?” I ask, stepping around a group of teenagers that stopped to stare at Celeste.
How strange that I no longer consider myself a teenager, even though that’s the truth. Despite it all, I’m still only seventeen years old. Funny how I’m not even legally allowed to drink, but I’m very much allowed to risk my life fighting Volcora.
[That’s true,] Celeste responds. [Although I think you should get yourself a normal gun regardless. If you’re caught out of your assault state at a time when you can’t shift, it could save your life. Also, there are last-resort shields you can buy for when you’re still in your rest state. They aren’t nearly so strong but could also save your life. What I’m referring to, though, is mana-infused explosives.]
“Like grenades and stuff?” I ask, surprised. “You know we’re supposed to be the healer, right?”
Celeste sends me a mental shrug. [Sure, there isn’t any rule about healers not being able to fight back. A lot of our skills will be based around utility and support, so we should get equipment to help make up the difference. We’ll never be a red sentinel, but we should still work to make sure that anyone trying to kill us doesn’t have an easy time of it.]
“I like it,” I say, feeling perfectly fine with having more gear to protect both myself and others. “I’ll call Akari and see if she wants to meet us at Ratchet’s shop.”
Producing my phone from my inventory in a swirl of mist — much to the amazement of the people watching — I look down to see dozens of missed messages and phone calls, almost all of which are from Benny.
Mentally, I wince. Right… I won’t hear the phone buzz or ring if it’s in my inventory. I really need to get back in the habit of putting it in my pocket. Anyway, you live, and you learn.
Rather than trying to piece together what’s happening, I click on Benny’s contact to call him.
“Finally!” Benny exclaims, picking up on the first ring.
Wincing from the noise, I move the phone away from my ear and lower the volume a touch. “Hey, sorry. I put my phone in my inventory and kind of forgot about it all morning. What’s wrong? I saw all your messages and decided to call.”
From the other side of the line, Benny lets out a frustrated breath. “Serena… if I didn’t know you so well, I would be pissed at you for ignoring me. What’s wrong is that there is a familiar in my house.”
I blink, not understanding. “What do you mean a familiar? Did someone from my team send theirs over?”
I can practically hear Benny’s exasperation as he replies. “No, Serena. He says his name is Rain and that he wants to offer me the chance to join the Twenty-Eighth Sentinel Generation.”
Oh… oh! I knew that there were more soul gems being shipped to the GDF in an attempt to reinforce us and help us weather the storm until the convergence, but they’re here already!? Benny has the chance to be a sentinel!?
“Wow! You must be so excited!” I exclaim, remembering our previous conversation. From what Benny said earlier, this is the only thing he considers could fix him. I knew he had a high mana tolerance, but I guess he made the list of potential sentinel candidates as well.
“It was an effort of extreme willpower not to just accept the offer right away,” Benny says, sounding a touch sheepish. “But… after what you told me when we talked earlier, I thought that I should at least talk it out with you before I take this last step.”
I instantly stop in place, my mind rushing through the horrific scenes I’ve seen since becoming a sentinel. I won’t have Benny having the same problems I did. If he’s going to do this, he needs to know he wants to, without any shadow of a doubt.
“You’re at your apartment?” I ask, stopping in place from where I was walking down the skyway. “I’m on my way there right now.”
“No!” Benny exclaims, “My parents are here, and I don’t want them to know about this. Can we meet somewhere private, somewhere away from people? I don’t want anyone able to overhear.”
I frown, not liking the idea of Benny keeping things from his parents, but I suppose I’ve been keeping all the mortal danger I’ve been in recently to myself, too.
“I’ll get a transport and come pick you up. We’ll just tell your parents that we’re hanging out. Don’t worry, I know just the place we can go,” I tell Benny.
“Okay, see you soon,” he responds, sounding hesitant.
Hanging up the call, I quickly shoot Kiley a text asking her to help organize a transport. Then, I call Audrey.
Luckily, Audrey apparently knows better than to keep her phone in her inventory as she picks up almost immediately. “Please tell me no one is about to die this time,” she whines upon picking up the call.
I blink, “No, no dying involved, hopefully. I was just calling to ask if you would mind if I booked out your coffee shop for a few hours.”
Audrey laughs, “Private meeting?” she asks.
“Yeah, something like that,” I agree, already mentally adding it to Kiley’s to-do list to see if I can afford something like a small shop. Admittedly, it does sound super helpful.
“No worries; just don’t bang on my tables — those are expensive,” Audrey says before hanging up the phone.
For a moment, I just stare at my phone, wondering just what kind of “private meetings” Audrey is having in her coffee shop. On second thought, I really don’t want to know.\
***
Benny looks rough when he opens the door to his apartment building — he’s eyes are bloodshot, and his hair mussed. He looks like... well, someone about to make a decision that will irreversibly change his life forever. So, I suppose he looks exactly as expected.
Standing beside Benny is a small swan-looking creature. It has a long neck, a beak, and shimmering pink-white feathers across its body and wings. Really, that’s the only thing I see that immediately flags this as a familiar, other than the odd shape of the feathers. A small, immature part of me wants to joke that Benny’s potential familiar just looks like a normal swan got hit by some pink spray paint, but I wisely keep my mouth shut.
Benny, seeing me looking at the familiar, shuffles awkwardly on his feet. Luckily for him, Celeste decided to make herself invisible for our journey to Audrey’s café as to not out him immediately by having him walk with a sentinel. She does seem to enjoy being seen, but I am glad she’s considerate, as I really don’t ever want to ask her to turn invisible again. It’s one thing for me to agree to endure all the attention; it’s another to put it all on poor Benny.
“Can we go?” Benny asks, his eyes down as he continues to shift from foot to foot.
I nod, “Follow me,” I tell him, turning to make my way back toward the elevator.
Admittedly, Benny gives me an odd look when we pile into the elevator, and I press the button to take us to the roof instead of the skyway, but I just give him a smile. Really, it is hard not to smile at him with the pink swan making a nest in his hair — but I do my best to stay serious.
Surprising me, Benny doesn’t even comment on the transport waiting for us on the roof, seeming too tense to even tease me, which is very unlike him. Instead, Benny is acting like he did that day at school when we first talked about me being a sentinel: tense, standoffish, and generally anxious.
We ride silently over to the building with Audrey’s café in it, Benny’s silence and attitude slowly infecting me with his nerves. He seems like he’s holding something back, something that he just isn’t willing to talk about with a stranger or even his parents around. Mentally, I accept that a part of me knows what he’s going to tell me; I’ve gotten enough hints over the years to know what’s going on with him, at least in part. Yet, it’s important to me that I don’t treat him any differently or act upon assumptions I’ve made. This is the kind of thing that Benny has to tell; he has to accept himself before I can begin to start helping him with it.
After thanking the driver and giving him a tip, Benny and I make our way down the building and to the skyway level, quickly moving into Audrey’s café — which is hung with a closed sign.
The same worker I saw when I was here with Audrey is behind the register, seeming to just be finishing counting the earnings within it. The young woman, Alex, I think her name was, looks up and gives me a wink as she shoves the register’s drawer back in and locks it with a key.
“Boss said that you two needed this place for yourselves, so I took the liberty of kicking everyone out a few minutes ago. You’re Serena, yeah?” Alex asks, grabbing her purse from behind the counter.
“Yep, that’s me,” I say, smiling. Honestly, I have all the respect in the world for retail workers. My job involves literally fighting monsters, and I still think retail jobs suck.
“Sweet,” Alex says, moving for the door. “Well, we’re closed up for the day now, so stay as long as you need. Remember that the door will lock behind you if you leave, though, so once you’re out, you’re not coming back in.”
I smile at her, thinking it rather cute that she thinks that I can’t just get back in with Mist Step or… actually, that’s Astral Veil now, isn’t it? Stars, I’m going to have to relearn all of my ability names now.
“Thank you!” I call after her as she makes her way out the door.
“Don’t worry about it!” Alex calls over her shoulder, “I get the whole day off paid because of you!” And with that, she’s gone.
Once Alex is gone, I take a moment to look around just to ensure that we’re alone — well, alone save the two familiars. Then, I turn to Benny and gesture at a table by the window, “Shall we sit?”
Nodding without a word, Benny moves to slump in one of the chairs, the same chair I sat in when meeting Audrey for the first time. Commensurately, I take the seat across from him, where Audrey herself sat once upon a time. It honestly amazes me how far I’ve come from that moment, and yet it really wasn’t so long ago in the grand scheme of things.
“So,” I start, feeling the need to start the conversation, given that Benny isn’t in a great frame of mind at the moment. “You have the chance to become a sentinel.”
Glancing to his familiar, I say, “Nice to meet you, by the way. I’m Serena.”
The familiar bobs his head towards me. [Likewise, my name is Rain. It is my understanding that you are a close friend of Benny’s?] Rain asks. His voice is deep and oddly refined — like I’m talking to a British butler from an old TV show.
I smile sadly, “Hopefully, he still considers me a close friend.”
Across the table, Benny winces, closing his eyes for a brief moment. The movement causes Rain and I to turn back to him, and I notice him clenching his fists tightly under the table.
“Benny… are you alright?” I ask hesitantly.
He shakes his head, “No… Serena. I haven’t been alright for a long, long time. But I think you already knew that.”
“Benny… I think it’s time we talked about what’s been bugging you for so long,” I offer gently. “I know I can be… dense at times, but… well, I think you just need to say it. I know it’s hard, but I think we need to take this step before we can go any further.”
Benny takes in a shuddering breath and lets it out, seeming to be trying to summon the willpower to speak. “Serena… I… I’m… Stars. I’m transgender, Serena. I hate my body because I wasn’t born a girl. And… becoming a sentinel will change me to look how I feel on the inside, but I don’t know if I even deserve that.”
I close my eyes. And there it is, the topic we’ve been dancing around for years. I’ve wondered, of course. When Benny spoke of hating his… no, her body. I can’t say that this is entirely surprising to me; it’s more or less what I’ve been suspecting on and off for years, but I’ve been waiting for Benny to finally have the courage to confront it, to do something about her situation. I just needed her to know that when she’s ready, I’m here to help.
“Benny,” I say, opening my eyes and smiling, “of course you deserve that. Everyone deserves to be happy in their own body. I’m just happy that you’re ready to start trying to overcome this.”
Benny scowls, looking down angrily, although she doesn’t seem angry at me. “You don’t understand… you don’t get how disguising I feel. Every time I look at someone… look at you and feel so incredibly jealous that you got to be born looking how you do when I…” He lets out a heavy breath, “I don’t deserve this, Serena. I’m stuck between accepting Rain’s offer immediately and leaping off the top of my apartment building.”
My eyes widen, I knew the situation was bad, but I didn’t know that it was suicidal bad. Immediately, I surge to my feet and wrap my arms around Benny as best I can. This isn’t something that anyone should have to deal with alone.
“I’m sorry,” I say softly, “I should have been there for you these past few weeks. I’ve been so caught up in my own issues that… I’m sorry, Benny. But it’s okay, we’ll get through this, we’ll figure this out. Okay? I promise you that I support you no matter what you do. If you want to become a sentinel, I’ll walk you into the GDF myself. If you choose to try to transition in a different way, I’ll support you in that, too. Just… no thinking about suicide, Benny. That’s not the right answer, and you know that. There’s a way forward; stars, there are several. All we need to do is find out which one is the right one and follow it.”
Benny’s eyes are still firmly planted on the tiled floor below the table as she speaks, “I… my parents, everything. This is what I’ve dreamt of for so long; why can’t I just accept it? This should be an easy choice, right? Accept the bond, and I can have the body I want. That’s a chance most people like me would kill for.”
I shake my head, “Of course, it’s not an easy choice, even if it wasn’t all tied up with your dysphoria; becoming a sentinel is a terrifying prospect. Choosing to go through with it will change you forever, and you will see far more death than anyone should ever have to see. Taking time to think about it is absolutely the right choice.”
“I-I…” Benny starts, but suddenly, Rain cuts in.
“I’m very sorry to interrupt,” he says abruptly, “but I think something is happening in the soul gem housing room in the GDF. I can still vaguely sense my gemstone there, and there is an alarm going off.”
I frown, “The GDF is under attack? Any idea what an alarm means?”
Hesitantly, I produce my phone. I don’t see any-
My phone blares a sharp, high-pitched warning sound, vibrating in my hand. As it does so, a message appears on the screen.
Emergency Alert! Calling all sentinels! Thieves have been detected within the soul gem housing rooms! Lethal force is authorized!
I look at the screen wide-eyed. Thieves? Who would? No… no fucking way.
“It’s Adrian and his people!” I exclaim, turning to Celeste. “You told me that they were buying equipment from the Mercurials to perform a robbery. They’re trying to steal the soul gems!”
Suddenly, I can understand. People who conduct twisted experiments using Stygian Mana. People with absolutely no qualms imprisoning and killing innocent people — even children. Why wouldn’t they want soul gems containing the souls of centurions? They could try to force them to bond with their own people or attempt to use them in experiments! Maybe even try to make some kind of dark sentinel.
I run a hand through my hair, staring at the notification with horror. It will take me nearly half an hour or more to get back to the GDF Headquarters from here, and that would be going as fast as I possibly could. There’s no way I can get there in time to help. Kayne or Audrey would be much better able to stop the thieves, but who knows if they’re on assignment right now or not. I would guess Audrey isn’t, but still!
“Rain,” I ask urgently, “What will happen if they remove your gem from its housing?”
[My projection will instantly disappear,] Rain responds quickly, [I can only maintain it using the mana the housing provides me. Without a sentinel, I don’t have any other method of gaining mana.]
“And if you formed a bond?” I question.
[My gem would teleport inside whoever I made the bond with,] Rain says. [But without my projection I can’t form one.]
I grit my teeth, knowing where all this is going. “Do you sense anyone in the room with you? Do you know if your gem is about to be taken?”
[It’s hard to say, but… yes, a group just entered the room!] Rain exclaims, suddenly sounding terrified. I can’t say that I blame him.
I turn to Benny, hating that I have to ask this, but I have no choice. She needs to bond Rain now, or we will need to depend on Audrey or another sentinel to retrieve the gem before it’s too late. I start to say something, but-
“Rain, how do we start the bond?” Benny demands, face hardened by resolve.
[All you need to do is say, two become one,] Rain says hurriedly, [But Benny, you need to think things throu-]
“Two become one,” Benny repeats instantly, not giving anyone time to second guess.
A moment later, Benny slumps in his seat, and Rain vanishes, forcing me to catch Benny before she crumples to the ground.
I turn to Celeste with wide, horrified eyes as I do my best to support Benny’s weight. “What the fuck just happened?”
Comments
Ria Corvidiva
> he’s eyes are bloodshot, and his hair mussed. he's -> his > You don’t understand… you don’t get how disguising I feel disguising -> disgusting, I think. Although I guess 'disguising' in the sense of 'masking', but I don't think that's what she means by this. Also, too real. (Which I mean in the best way.)
Alusion
Benny still has a long road ahead of her, as do we all. Hopefully, her bond with Rain will be a step in the right direction. I just wish all other trans people could have the same option. If I could send a familiar to all of them, I would. ❤️ Thanks for your comment, and I hope you have a wonderful day!
Metal(Liz)ard🏳️⚧️
What an afternoon for benny. What i would give for that opportunity i hope she finally feels at peace.
